ARGH!!! Its my oldest sons 16th birthday on friday and i have to let go pf the reigns a bit, and i have no idea how to do it, i worry about him all the time, i know i am a protective mum and i always have been, can anyone give me any suggestions how to let go, and let him run his own life for a while, i dont want him to fall flat on his face and screw his life up, and on the same length i cannot run his life for him, my head is in such a spin about him. do i: let go completley? give him some ground rules? or just be there to guide him and help him when its needed? he seems to think at 16 he should be able to do and say what he wants? what if he gets into trouble? ARGH!!!!
Let go, he will figure out stuff on his own. If not and he gets in trouble, you'll be there to help him.
No need to tell him you've got his back though.. if you know what I mean Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
I'bve gone that route four times already. Sixteen is not some magic age at which you suddenly lose parental control. You should have been relinquishing a bit of control over the years so that his sixteenth birthday will be like any other. He will be a bit older and supposedly a bit wiser so he will have a little more freedom than he did at fifteen. Remember, with freedom comes responsibility. Set ground rules and no matter how hard they are to stick to stick to them. If you have a rule that everyone must be home for dinner make sure he is home for dinner. If you have a rule against riding in friend's cars make sure he obeys that rule. He should know the consequences of breaking rules and you and your husband must stick with those consequences, every time, no exceptions. Once you start making exceptions you have lost the battle, if not the war. It isn't easy giving kids more responsibility over their lives but if we don't do it they will never grow into adults.
one of the hardest things a parent can do is stand by idly while their child is on the ropes. what should have been done by now was to build his confidence in himself. anyway, let him know you are there, and resist the urge to cushion the falls he makes. also be his friend, someone he can talk to without you cleaning up the messes he gets into, offer advice but DO NOT do the work. this is normal. the trick is to mother not smother. no. not rules per se but advice. this is where a parents experience pays it's dividends. bingo!
I agree my son is 11. Every yr I give him a little more freedom. But I only do that "if" he has been following the rules up until then. He is quite responsible for his age and so far I have had no problems. Personally I agree the age 15 16,17,18... doesn't just mean you automatically let them do whatever they want. There are rules and boundaries that should be followed. If they are not those extra freedoms are taken back again. You can't base things solely on an age, some kids are much more responsible then others. Some kids get into more trouble then others. I think you have to decide on the behaviour of your own kid and go from there. My son always gives me the old...........But he can do this or that and his mom doesn't care. I answer "but I do care" that is why you are not doing that. Plus if you think it is so much better over there, why don't you go live there. The discussion is usually ended at that point lol
Luci?? Hasn't he been raised with ground rules? Haven't you always been there to guide him? As soon as he turns 16 are you tossing him out of the house? My son turned 16 this past year, and it was no big deal. He's been gradually growing up for 16 yrs, nothing happened over night.
Go out with him!!! Show him a good time! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Get him really pissed, and you can still keep your beautiful eye on him!
I've heard that handcuffs work pretty well, but get the padded variety so they won't cut into his or your wrist. And they're pretty cheap, too. Baron Max
yes he has always had ground rules. yes i have always been there for him to guide and advise as nessecary, and NO i am DEFINAT|LY NOT kicking him out of the house, but he is so much like me it hurts, he is strong minded and doesnt listen very well to people, which was/is my downfall
I know this is going to sound ... rough. And I know damn well that when it's my turn to let go, I won't want to hear it, either. But the largest portion of your fear is about you. Did you raise him right? (If so, why worry about him getting into trouble?) It is, indeed, hard to compete with television and internet and peer pressure, but a youth well-equipped to examine the decisions put before him will do just fine. Best of luck.
I think you should let go, not completely so he runs all over you, but just so he still knows whos boss. My mum still fusses and stresses over my brother who is 19, and its made him an over sensitive, vein, girly freek. You cant make a single joke about him without mum screaming at me or him running to his room. Its weird. She should have let him be at a way earlier stage.
why do you do that?! Baron mentions handcuffs, but its me you chastise. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
He does date, my mum is desperate for him to find a gf, but bitches about them when he does. He is very handsome and finds it easy to find gf's, but my mum smothers and praises him so much, that he expects top class beautiful women, but if hes rejected, he goes into self loathing and says how ugly he is. I was talking to him the other day and he was asking me if I thought he was ugly and stuff - it was so weird.
and that is what I mean shorty. When you asked how I was raising my son to be a good husband, I'm NOT doing what Fallon's mom is doing.
