interacial relationships.

my wife is "black" (carribean) and i am "white" (mixed southern european/russian), and it seems that our interacial relationship amazes people alot of the time, confuses people, annoys people, frustrates people, interests people etc etc,


we get alot of "looks" where ever we go. some people screw faces up at us, some people just stare for ages, some people glance and look away then glance again and keep giving glances. others look very interested. some people look confused trying to figure out why we are together, some people look outright offended by it, some people look at us with a shocked look then whisper to people they are with then they look around at us after.


we live in london this is a very very mixed society. with every creed and colour living side by side, but yet people seem to be amazed by it, shocked or even as far as offended and hurt,

we usualy get laughs out of it we even made up a game called "stupid face" where we spot people looking at us and mark them from 1-10 1 bieng normal faced 10 bieng the most stupid face and reaction to seeing us together.

my wife is shy and wont confront people much unless she is in a bad mood, i on the other hand am very outspoken and if i dont like the look i will say something like "take a picture" or "so whats wrong with your face fix it or i will" or "ok so does the interacial thing bother you bitch" but people never answer back they all of a sudden get very embarressed and tounge tied and dont know where to look and shuffle away.



why do people react this way? what is the big deal and fascination with 2 people of different cultures bieng in a relationship? i dont see the problem howcomes so many people react in this way, is it because deep down most people are actualy racist?


peace.

 

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Well, I've no idea, because I remember seeing only a few african people in my life,
but I don't think it's because of some racism, it may simply be because of rarity. People naturally pay more attention to what stands out of the general picture, it's instinctive.
The first few times I saw an african I also must have looked dumb, but I've never had any racist tendencies.

 

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but why would atleast 20% of the people show a negative reaction to this? i even see people walking with friends who are of different race all together, and 1 or 2 members of the group will give a negative look,

they are hanging ot with people of different race, but dont agree with bieng in a relationship with people of different race?

i usualy find as a general rule (exceptions apply)

white women are more negative white men are more interested,

black women are more negative black men are more interested.

oriental people dont seem to stare or care much atall.

indian and middle eastern people dont seem to care or stare.

black women seem the most offended against me,

white women seem most offended against her,

women seem to be more offended by it in general, and men seem to be more curious of it in general. but they all stare equally as much,


interesting isnt it. and i have observed this for years and it is quite consistant, i would actualy like to do a scientific study of it i am that convinced.

peace.

 

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Interesting. I live in a caucasian society, so what you say is entirely new and unknown to me.

 

whats it like? i grew up in a black community in east london, it is mixed with other races (mostly minority) but mostly black, there are pockets of london all over with different communitys, like for example,

ilford is mostly indian and pakistani, wesp hampstead is mostly white, forest gate is mostly carribean and african, golders green is mostly jewish, whitechapel is mostly muslim,

and all over london it is like that with exceptions as minority in each, but as london is such a small place, we all mingle and mix together into a nice colourful soup! its great i would say white people are the minority in london nowdays, (if you go to the real london and not just in the center like tourists)

and for so much mixed culture im shocked at people for staring so much. but its mostly black and white people that stare and seem to care so much,

peace,

 

Wow. The part of the world you live in must be kinda strange as far as that goes. It seems unusual to have to confront people for staring.

Just out of curiosity, does your family like her? Does her family like you?








.........I should tell you about my marriage/family sometime.

 

I... I guess the right word is "normal", because that's what it always has been.

 

In these parts (Central US) people still stare and whisper about inter racial couples, especially if they have kids. It isn't looked upon favorably in the white community or the black community. Black women with white men pisses them off most, from my experience. White women with black men piss off the whites the most.
Probably Asian to white is the most common mix one sees here.

 

yeah

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but you know what the younger generation dont even look twice at us, our youth are not racist much, loads of little gangs roam the streets and estates of london, and they are all of mixed race and creed, the younger people here dont really look at us or give a damn, (apart from the boys eying up my wife, and the girls eying up me)

its mostly people of about 25+ that seem to have the problem, especially people in there 30's 40's 50's 60's they have the most problems it seems,


peace.

 

yeah she used to live with my family for a couple of years in east london when we were teenagers, my family are not even slightly racist 95% of my friends since early childhood are black middle eastern indian and chinese and we lived in a black area.

her family likes me i get on very well with her older sisters, me and her parents like each other but the only thing they dont like is that i am not baptized

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they are like super strict catholics and i am a daoist so yeah you can imagine the debates haha, ad her family grew up in a white area outside of london,

im the white guy from a black area, she is the black girl from a white area.

everything is cool apart fromt he religion thing.

peace.

 

i guess that makes sense.

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peace.

 

i see tons of white people with asian people, and nobody even stares at them, or pays attention apart from people like 60+,

but when its black and white people seem to care. people arent used to seeing 1 legged people hopping down the road either, but they dont stare because its rude, but they dont seem to think staring at our relationship is rude,



peace.

 

The staring is an old intimidation tactic. A racist will stare to make sure the 'guilty' parties know he disapproves and the object is to sow discomfort in the couple so that they don't go out together anymore or hide their affections.
I had lunch with a black woman a year or so ago at a chain restaurant here in KC and got glares from a few people. An elderly man shook his head and exhaled as we walked by. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to upset her but I'd love to have smashed his face in. Life in the Red states!

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That's awesome. I'm glad to hear everything is OK with her family (I assume yours is OK with it as well). Too bad the rest of society is being a bunch of pricks.

 

EmptyForceOfChi,

I will help you. First people wont care if your both ugly, this i know for a fact...or if one is ugly and the other good looking then the ones on the goodlooking side will care...like 'what you doing with that ugly white boy'

Secondly, you may be very sensitive to this. For example as people get older they just get more pissed off sdo they can be giving you dirty looks for a number of reasons.

My own personal experience was going out with a pretty black woman, i took her to Red Lobster figuring it would be better there but this is what happened at the bar:

It was loaded with black people and this woman was real pretty she was a mixture of PR and black but looked mostly black, she had a great body was tall and thin...so anyway at the bar i got all kinds of bad vibes and one black guy sitting at the end (with gold teeth) kept staring and he wpoulf pull out a big wad of cash every now and then.

 

yeah scroll up and read the whole post you missed the top segmant

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i dont know whats wrong with people, my wife says dont say anything and leave them alone, because they are petty and dont get into a fight with people because i am trained, and if i damage them when it gets physical i could be put in jail,

but i dont think that will happen. i will never hit somebody first i never start the physical fight ever, but i cant just let people get away with anything they like, i always tell my wife if you let people do whatever they want then they will never learn, if they get away with it then they will do it again, if you confront people and let them know you wont stand for any bullshit they will back down most of the time,

she always says yeah i know you would ather fight the world untill you die than let people rule over you, and i know she is making a joke at me but i think its something to be proud of, standing up for yourself and the people you care about is important to me, and i know it will get tiresome but i would fight everybody untillt he end if need be,

i do see her point though, no matter howmany people i confront there are always hundreds more people that take there place and stare at us, and so i guess i will just be constantly confronting people when we are out trying to have a nice time, i would like to actualy be able to go out somewhere without people starring at us though, that would be nice.

it does get to both of us though it does, we cant go anywhere without persecution with evil little looks, bit i wont stand for it, i dont like people getting away with things liek that, i am not a victim to nobody.

its a shame though because we have a baby due to be born in october, and i hope people are not cruel to the kid or our family. i can jsut imagine the kid asking "daddy why do people always look at us in that way" i will just say well walk up and ask them why son.



peace.

 

well i dont want to sound vain, but we are both good looking, she is very sexy, long hair golden skin great dancers body, always dresses very nice, i am very tall muscular, long hair olive skin, martial artist build. i dress quite well also.


wow i dont like doing this i am stopping i feel silly tooting my own horn liek that, so yeah you get the picture. we are both "desireable",

peace.

 

do you see what i mean john, its like constant isnt it i feel like we cant get a break anywhere we go people always stare, and i am getting kinda sick of it,

for her sake i dont get as in peoples faces as i would like to, but i always confront people but ofcourse there are millions of people in london and the world, so i cant make all of them stop looking,

what can i do i really dont know i have no idea, i need some help.


peace.

 

Half of it's probably jealousy. I think most people would like to try having a relationship with other races/skintones, but it isn't 'normal' (it's perfectly normal, but culturally, if you know what I mean?). They're probably hung up on even talking to people of a different race to get to know them, in a bar or whatever. So when they see you two, looking happy and holding hands, they might think - damn, look at that bastard. Wish I could do that.

I could be talking out my arse of course though

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Another thing. Not saying this is the case at all and I'm not saying people don't look at you, but - you say you've made a game and stuff. Do you think you might be a little bit sensitive to people looking at you and you could start to look at people a little too much, then they look at you more and it's a bit of a vicious circle. You see what I'm saying? Seeing as so many people do seem to stare/give you dirty looks, you might think more people are than actually are. That doesn't really help though, does it. Err. I don't know what to say. I think you'll just have to get on with things and deal with it. Confronting people isn't a great idea. I understand your pride and wanting to tell people it isn't on, you could probably take a lot of people in a fight, etc, but with a kid on the way, you don't want to confront the wrong person. There's a lot of nutters out there.