I've been bored recently, so I wrote up some episodes for ATHF. There is no copyright infringement intended. These are "Fan Scripts". I am protected by the "fair use" law. :m: Tell me what you think? Construction INT. AQUA TEENS LIVING ROOM - DAY MASTER SHAKE watches TV, sitting in is recliner, and holding a lottery ticket. MEATWAD sits next to him, on the floor. ON TELEVISION A melancholy NEWS ANCHOR sits behind his desk. NEWS ANCHOR Coming up. The winning numbers for the Mega Millions Lotto. BACK TO SHAKE MASTER SHAKE (to himself) It’s about time. I’ve been waiting for like a year and some change. MEATWAD It ain’t like you gonna win. MASTER SHAKE Did I say you could speak? You want my straw in your mouth? MEATWAD Ewww. I don’t wanna taste you. FRYLOCK floats in. MASTER SHAKE (to Meatwad) Are you sure there little buddy? MEATWAD (to Master Shake) I only said. It ain’t like you’re going to win. It’s the truth. MASTER SHAKE Why must you be such a pestmust. FRYLOCK (to Master Shake) It’s pessimist. MASTER SHAKE (to Frylock) No it’s pestmust. Because he must.. (beat) Be a pest.. (beat) Every goddamn minute of the day.. FRYLOCK (to Master Shake) Where did you get the money for that ticket anyway? MASTER SHAKE (to Frylock) Yo Momma. Wait a second. ON THE TELEVISION M.R. HAMMA’S commercial pops onto the screen. He has a red colored toolbox for a head, a fat purple tongue, and tools for fingers. For legs, he has two yellow wooden planks and a long black tube for a third appendage. At the end of the tubing is large black mallot. He walks on the mallot and two planks like a tripod. He has two more smaller yellow planks for arms. Finally, he sports MC Hammer style silver pants, with three legs of course, and a silver short sleeved shirt. M.R. HAMMA It’s Hamma Time! M.R. Hamma dances from left to right. MASTER SHAKE (O.S.) Check him out. He’s got skills. M.R. HAMMA You can trust M.R. Hamma with your. bath, plummin', electrical, carpentry, deck, painting, kitchen, and garage projects. RAPID SERIES OF SHOTS ON TELEVISION A) A bathroom appears. B) Then pipes. C) An electrical outlet. D) A carpeted room. E) A backyard deck. F) A green living room. G) A steel kitchen. E) And finally a shelved garage. BACK TO M.R. HAMMER M.R. HAMMA I’ll add new rooms. I’ll delete old ones. I’ll pimp out your ghetto home. MASTER SHAKE (O.S.) He’s talking to us. The numbers appear below M.R. Hammer: “(555) 555-5555” M.R. HAMMA Call me at five five five... (beat) five five five... (beat) five five five five. Againt that’s five five five... (beat) Five five five... (beat) Five five five five. And M.R. Hammer will assist ya as soon as possible. It’s Hamma time. M.R. Hammer dances back and forth again. BACK TO SHAKE MASTER SHAKE (to no one imparticular) Someone should tell him that those pants played out in the eighties. Hold on here we go. NEWS ANCHOR (O.S.) The winning numbers are. Five. Five. Five. Five. Five. And the mega number is... MASTER SHAKE (to the television) Come on baby. Daddy needs a new toothbrush. NEWS ANCHOR Five. MASTER SHAKE Holy crap!. I won! I won! FRYLOCK You mean to tell me you picked all fives? Master Shake jumps out of his recliner and head butts the television. The TV blows up and inner liquid seeps from a crack in Shake’s forehead. MASTER SHAKE You bet your as* I did. Frylock raises an eyebrow. FRYLOCK Why did you just do that? MASTER SHAKE F*ck that TV. I’ll buy a new one. MEATWAD (to Master Shake) And what are you gonna buy for me? MASTER SHAKE An Assassin. MEATWAD (to himself) Cool. I’ve always wanted an assassin. INTERMISSION AQUA TEEN NARRATOR (O.S.) D*mn Shake. Let me hold onto somethin’. INT. AQUA TEENS LIVING ROOM - THE NEXT DAY Master Shake sits in his leather recliner while two FEMALES fan him with feathers. He watches his new HDTV plasma television. A female message THERAPIST massages the bottom front of his cup. Meatwad stares at the massage therapist with his eyes bucked. MASTER SHAKE What you have to ask yourself Meatwad. Is. Does she have her hands on my feet. Or on my balls. MEATWAD When is it going to be my turn? MASTER SHAKE When you grow some balls. MEATWAD (screaming) Alright! It’s my f*ckin’ turn! MASTER SHAKE Nice try. Frylock floats in sporting nerdy glasses and an accounting calculator strapped on by belts. FRYLOCK If my calculations are correct. You only have $22,925 dollars left of your first annuity payment. MASTER SHAKE So? FRYLOCK You spent $95,000 in one week and you have nothing to show for it. MASTER SHAKE Are you blind. I’ve got a leather recliner. A plasma television. FRYLOCK A tractor. EXT. ON THE STREET A tractor is parked in front of the home. INT. AQUA TEENS LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER MASTER SHAKE Ain’t she beautiful? FRYLOCK What can you possibly do with a tractor? MASTER SHAKE Hall a**! What else? KNOCK! KNOCK! Frylock answers the door. It’s Carl. He’s holding two leashed seals. FRYLOCK Hey Carl. How’s it going? CARL Not so good. In a lot of pain. Nice tracta you got there. Carl comes inside. FRYLOCK Pain? MASTER SHAKE Like the seals I got ya, Carl? CARL No. Actually I don’t. MASTER SHAKE But the catalog said they were good at sucky sucky. CARL No. You misread. They’re good at chompy chompy. The spot where my pee pee was is bleeding. Again. It’s like. Deja Vu. FRYLOCK Ohhh. That su*ks Carl. CARL (quietly) No. It bites. MASTER SHAKE What can we do for you Carl. Because my time is money. CARL I want you to take back these two homos. And I won’t press charges if you buy some syrup of ipecac. A funnel. (screaming) And recover my wang! FRYLOCK We don’t have room for them. Before Frylock finishes his sentence. Carl is gone. MASTER SHAKE Let him go. He’s being a b*tch. We’ll house the homos in Meatwads room. The seals clap their hands together with their lips in an O position. MEATWAD I don’t think... MASTER SHAKE Don’t think what? Meatwad is silent. MASTER SHAKE (CONT’D) That’s what I thought. NEWS ANCHOR (O.S.) We have breaking news. ON TELEVISION NEWS ANCHOR (CONT’D) New Jersey’s Lottery fund was wiped clean in an ingenious tech heist. The perpetrator was Caucasian. And he was dressed in a suit and tie. If you see him, call your local Sherrif’s department. BACK TO FRYLOCK FRYLOCK (to Master Shake) I told your dumb as* to choose the lump sum option. MASTER SHAKE How was I suppose to know that some white guy was going to rob New Jersey? White people don’t usually do that. Frylock raises his eyebrow. The females drop the feathers and stop the massage session, and leave the home. MASTER SHAKE (CONT’D) (to the girls) Where are you going? (to Frylock) At least we have the seals. MEATWAD (to no one imparticular; frowning) The homos sleep outside. The seals clap and make seal noises. INT. FRYLOCK’S ROOM - LATER Master Shake reads porn magazines, while mast*rbating, on Frylock’s bed. Frylock opens the door and floats in. MASTER SHAKE Don’t you knock! FRYLOCK This is my room! Get off my bed before you get creepy crawlies on the sheets. Master Shake stands. MASTER SHAKE Well, where am I suppose to spank my monkey? Meatwad’s room? I would, but you would probably call children services. FRYLOCK Don’t worry. I’ve used our remaining money to add a room for you. MASTER SHAKE Consult! Before you spend. (stretching) My! Lotto money. Frylock doesn’t respond. MASTER SHAKE (CONT’D) So when is it going down? The doorbell rings. FRYLOCK Right now. INT. FRONT DOOR - MOMENTS LATER Meatwad answers the door before Master Shake and Frylock can get there. MEATWAD Can I help you? M.R. Hamma stands in the door. M.R. HAMMA It’s hamma time! M.R. Hamma dances from side to side. MEATWAD You the boy from the TV. Frylock and Master Shake walk up to the door. FRYLOCK Yes. Mr. Hamma. M.R. HAMMA It’s M. R. Hamma. FRYLOCK Okay. M. R. Hamma. M.R. HAMMA So where do you want me to hamma? FRYLOCK In the back. M.R. HAMMA What do you want me to hamma? FRYLOCK A third room. M.R. HAMMA It’s hamma time! M.R. Hamma dances again. MASTER SHAKE (to M.R. Hamma) You sure can glide with those three dorky legs. M.R. HAMMA I only have two. See. M.R. Hamma lifts up one yellow wooden plank. M.R. HAMMA (CONT’D) One. He lifts up the other yellow wooden plank. M.R. HAMMA (CONT’D) Two. MASTER SHAKE And the big mallot? M.R. Hamma doesn’t respond. MASTER SHAKE (CONT’D) Oh. That’s just disgusting. FRYLOCK (to M.R. Hamma) We’ll get out of your way. EXT. CARL’S POOL - LATER Frylock, Meatwad, and Master Shake relax in the pool. Carl comes out. CARL So did you guys. Get. My. You know what? MASTER SHAKE No Carl. Little did we know. Syrup of ipecac works in reverse when it comes to seals. So instead of vomiting. They crapped. They crapped for days, actually. CARL I just dropped em’ off four hours ago. MASTER SHAKE Four Hours. Five Hours. Three days. It’s all the same. CARL (yelling) Go get my pen*s! MASTER SHAKE So. Let me see if I have this right. You want me to sift through homoassbutter. To find your hairy pen*s? Carl stares blankly. MASTER SHAKE (CONT’D) It’s on the front lawn. You get it. Carl turns and walks away. CARL (while leaving) Once I find it. I’m killing you with it. Frylock looks at Master Shake. FRYLOCK Do you think you should have told him. MASTER SHAKE No. EXT. AQUA TEENS FRONT YARD - MOMENTS LATER Carl gazes at a sea of seal crap piles on the lawn. Hundreds of them are scattered. CARL (to himself) F*cking A. EXT. CARL’S POOL - MOMENTS LATER MASTER SHAKE So how long do you think it’s going to take him? FRYLOCK A long time Shake. There’s at least a hundred or so piles of... MASTER SHAKE Not Carl. Geesh. Why are you so infatuated with the fat man. I mean M.R. Hamma. FRYLOCK I don’t know. EXT. AQUA TEENS BACKYARD - MOMENTS LATER M.R. Hamma is nearly complete with Shake’s room. He pushes up the back wall and in a flash, starts nailing it in with his big mallot. M.R. HAMMA It’s Hamma time! INT. MASTER SHAKES NEW ROOM - THE NEXT DAY Meatwad, Master Shake, and Frylock walk into the newly added room. It’s freshly painted. With a glass door closet and nice shutters on the window. Master Shake holds a booty poster. M.R. HAMMA So how do you like it? MEATWAD It’s bigger than my room. I want it. MASTER SHAKE (to Meatwad) Say that again and I’ll kick you in your mouth. MEATWAD I want this room. Master Shake tries to kick Meatwad, but is prevented by Frylock. MASTER SHAKE And the finishing touches. Master Shake walks over to the wall. MASTER SHAKE (CONT’D) Hey. M.R. throw me a hammer. M.R. Hamma walks over and lifts up his mallot on a rope. MASTER SHAKE (CONT’D) No. No way. FRYLOCK Come on Shake. What’s the problem? MASTER SHAKE Why does every one want me to touch their appendage today? M.R. HAMMA (to Master Shake) Precision is my middle name. MASTER SHAKE Okay. Master Shake positions the nail and the booty poster on the wall. M.R. Hammer swings and smashes Master Shakes hand.[/COLOR][/SIZE]