This is how a conversation went with my doc

This is pretty much how a conversation went with my doctor.

Me: "Hi"

Doc: "Yes whats the problem"

Me: "errm I sometimes get bleeding when I go to the toilet"

Doc: "From the front or back passage?"

Me: "back passage"

Doc: "Whats wrong with you? last time it was from your penis"

Me: "I don't know"

Doc: "Do you want to know what it is?"

Me: "yes"

Doc: "Bavaseer (Indian word) its hemorrhoids"

Me: "Its been going on for about 3 months"

Doc: "Did you come to me?"

Me: "no"

Doc: "Then? you hardly come to see me. this year you have only come to see me 3 times, the year before this, you didn't come to me for 2 years. Get on the scale."

*I get on scale*

Doc: "Your weight is not too high a little on the light side"

Me: "How can I put on extra weight I have been trying to put more weight on as I have been doing training"

Doc: "Can you change your parents?"

Me: "No"

Doc: "Its genetic, you have gone on your father I can't give you anything, why do you want to be fat? you have good body weight its OK as it is"

Me: "Also my eye-sight has deteriorated over the past few years"

Doc: "Does is says opticians anywhere around here?"

Me: "No"

Doc: "Then you need to go to the opticians get your eyes checked and tell them to send me the report"


And thats it, it was done, the prescription he gave me says this on it:

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So am going to the chemist later to get it.

My doctor is shit and he is Indian, I don't him. This girl when to him and he told her she was OK and healthy and shit, one day she fainted went to hospital and turns out she had liver cancer! he just sucks and is deaf! and talks so loud the people in the reception can hear, I didn't want everyone in the reception to know I had hemorrhoids you feel me. But fuck it!

 

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You should create a blog for us to not-read.
It would be great to have one conveniently out of the way location to avoid forever.

 

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lol I did that. I got so many complaints blogger deleted my blog for some obscure "violations" wankers.

 

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Your doctor is a quack.
You clearly have aids.




Isn't he supposed to encourage you to attend regular check ups positively instead of making gay comments?
Isn't he supposed to check your eyes, and direct you to the proper specialist?
Is the "does it say optomotrist" remark supposed to be funny?

As for being fat, you are clearly a quack.
Underweight is healthier. In fact, you should be 5lbs-10lbs under what the "healthy" standard says is right for your height. The standards is incorrect.
There is a term for wanting to gain weight: Lunacy.

 

There is also something called healthy weight gain: if you lift weights to gain muscle mass and engage in cardiovascular activity while keeping a proper nutrition, you receive several health benefits. Once again Cool, you generalize and assume too much.

 

I want to gain weight. It makes your things go bigger. Like penis. But I hate eating fiber things, like fruits. I'll rather have a liter of wine or something.

 

Gaining weight doesn't make any penis bigger. It only makes your brain smaller.

 

If you do all the same without putting on more weight, perhaps even lowering your weight, you recieve even more benefits.

 

Yes, because everyone knows gaining weight is bad for you, even if you're 6'5" and 130 lbs with a visible ribcage and an emaciated face. I mean no, very few people know that gaining weight is always bad for you, but Cool Skill, Child Prodigy MD is an expert on everything. Thank God we have him.

'Course, Muslim, if the doctor says you don't need to gain weight, then you don't need to gain weight.

 

Jesus, you're such a fucking troll. Why do you bother with this forum if you can't even post something remotely intelligent? Oh, right... because you're a troll.

 

Last time I saw one of my doctors from my old practice in Birmingham was about ten years ago on an edition of Panorama - about prescription fraud. True story too.

At least your fellow took the trouble to look up from his paperwork and actually look at you....

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You should be a counselor.

Honestly speaking I am just lazy. And about the hemorrhoids, I don't feel anything, am just normal I feel normal. Its not painful or anything. Furthermore about my diet, am really, really picky actually even my mom gets mad at me sometimes. To me all the green stuff tastes like grass. But I am going to start with the healthy diet though and stick through it, as am working really hard on my body lifting weights and making it look sexy. So am going to see a nutritionist about that.

Am just so lazy, I've been saying am going to get a job but its like the whole waking up in the morning. Hell I don't even keep my fasts as I have to wake up earily.

But the thing I don't understand is, if a woman i liked asked me to do something I'd do it. For instance, I was staying in Punjab, and everyone sleeps outside (its soo cool) and in the morning before the sun comes up you have to get up. So this cute girl used to wake me up just before the sun came up, and she would say it once and I'd be up.

At one time, her family had do some cutting of the crops and they were poor and I said "he I will pay some pathans to move all this shit" and her dad was like "No son, its OK you don't need to pay anyone its alot of money, etc" and I told him look its not alot of money why are you going to break your back moving all this shit from one place to another when I can pay some fool to do it. But he didn't agree, and I felt sorry for the girl, and I thought fuck it I'll help them out. Wow did I help them out or what I surprised the whole damn village. I did a job which normally takes a week in 1 day, I started helping them at like 8am and we had finished by 9pm. I was carrying 3X as much as they were carrying. She was so impressed, when they told my mom about it, my mom couldn't believe it.

but my mom was racist, I told my mom I liked her and my mom got my a flight back to England. She still takes the piss out of me saying I was in love with some common village girl.

 

Well you'll be happy to know, due to the current NHS health crisis, there is suggestion from the PM (Prime Minister) that all the Hospitals are going to be run by the Military. They'll be no more of this "So you don't feel well", but more... "You WILL make it over my obstacle course, Private Pile!".

Just remember the next time you see a doctor (who's wearing Combat ready Camo's) to hold your nuts when you cough.

 

Hmmmm am I detecting a tad bit of disappointment that a more thorough examination wasnt performed?

 

You should know by now from the posts in Pseudoscience, the Doctors don't examine people anymore they leave that to the little grey aliens.

 

Yeah but there is only so much you can learn from anal probing.

 

He never anal probed me. I wouldn't allow him. No fucking way dude. I don't care what I have no ones going to probe my ass.

 

Blah blah blah. Do you even know anything?

 

My point exactly.

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Thread starter, hit a gym and get your nutrition checked out: provided you eat well and take one or two weight gainers to help, you should see improvement very rapidly. In case you're a hard-gainer as far as muscle development is concerned, don't give up: it just means that you'll need to work a little hard to gain muscle mass.