ok guys heres the rules, im gonna put down one of my essays for school every time im done writing them, and i want you to tel lme what i did wrong, what i did right, and how i can improve myself, so ill upday this thread every time i write a new essay. The essay im giving you today the question i had to answer is as follows "Why was the wrold plunged into world war twoin 1939? What is them ost effective response to aggresion-appeasment or collective security? the essay>>>Based on the information provided to me, the world was plunged into world war two for several reasons. One of the reasons was that Hitler had started to persecute the Jews in 1939. Another reason why the world was plunged into word war two was because Hitler would not stop being aggressive towards other nations. Hitler had started to persecute the Jews in 1939, this was one of the reasons why world war two to had started, the documents made me realize this because the British empire did not need to fight for small issues, but whenever the Jews starting getting persecuted, the British empire believed that it was a larger issue, otherwise they would not have gotten involved in the war. Another reason why world war two began, was that Hitler was very aggressive towards other nations, and he had taken one step to far. The first thing he did was, take German solders into Rhineland. From the documents i read, i understand that Germany had signed a agreement not to move troops into this land. The name of the treaty was the treaty of Versailles. Hitler had made a great motivational speech on how they would be equal, and return to the European collective corporation. Germany may have been rejoicing for breaking the treaty of Versailles, but Paris, was very unhappy. On march 7th Paris appeals to the league of nations, later to become reformed and change there name to the united nations, for diplomatic pressure to be pressed upon Germany, other wise, France, would have to use a stronger pressure to move every single German troop out of Rhineland. There were two ways to confront the aggression Germany was pushing upon everybody. appeasement, and collective security were the two options everybody had. Both were tried, and collective security seemed to be the best option, it would appear that a world war would have to start for the collective security of all the countries though.. France, and Britain wanted to avoid starting a European war, practically at all cost. Whenever Germany had conquered Czechoslovakia instead of Europe raising there weapons and helping there fellow Europeans, they agreed to let Hitler have it, Europe was happy. Czechoslovakia was not happy at all. That was one try at appeasement. Appeasement did not work because Hitler just kept trying to get more and more, but, for collective security, a world war would have ot be fought, but it was the only way to stop Hitler from pushing for more and more. In conclusion, two reasons why world war two started was whenever Hitler starting to persecute the Jews in 1939, and pushing for more and more till Europe and other countries could not take anymore. Also collective security is better then appeasement because it was the only way Hitler could be stopped. have fun shooting down all my ideas Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
I can't say anything about the actual content, because I've never been good with history. The concepts just never stuck with me for some reason. As to the writing style and presentation, I can point out a few things. A few that stand out to me: First of all, you mention yourself (the author) in the first person. This is generally considered bad style. Take these for example: ... You get the point. Another huge no-no: NEVER start your concluding paragraph with "In conclusion..." Just don't do it. Also, never start a paper with "Webster's dictionary defines ... as ..." (not that you did that here, but you might in the future).
First, Turn in your essay and wait until the teacher comments first, then post if you have any questions that he/she didn't answer or respond to. Second, Don't post until you learn how to spell correctly. So many careless numerous spelling errors sends out a sign to others that says: Why should we bother replying to this jerk if he doesn't even take the time to post respectably with the reader in mind. Third, What's your purpose? Do we look like a substitute for you to do your homework assignments? Maybe you would like us all to post our assigned writing assignments? However, there are other websites that you can find these on, and this is not what Sciforum is for. Geez!
I think many of us will be glad to help you, but the above points are valid. 1. It's very discouraging to attempt to help someone with a writing assignment when it doesn't look like they're putting very much of their own effort into it. Your post of full of grammatical errors: World War Two had to started should be: ...had to start or be started. Punctuation errors: The names of wars and organizations are always capitalized: World War Two, League of Nations. So is the pronoun I. Typographical errors: Word War Two sounds like a videogame. Syntax errors: Another reason why the world was plunged into World War Two was because Hitler would not... should be: Another reason that the world was plunged into World War Two was that Hitler would not... Errors in word usage: Troops means the same thing as soldiers in everyday language, but one troop is not one soldier; it is a small unit of soldiers or, more commonly, a group of Boy Scouts. Whenever Hitler started to persecute the Jews in 1939... should be When Hitler started... Errors in parallel construction: Germany was happy but France was not, or Berlin was happy but Paris was not. You can't compare one entire country to another country's capital city. Errors in verb agreement: Throughout the essay you speak of these events as though they occurred in the past--Hitler was aggressive..., Britain wanted to avoid..., but then you slip into the present tense with--On March 7th, Paris appeals. 2. We don't want to end up doing your homework for you. You can ask for a little bit of help with something difficult before you turn it in, or you can ask for a complete review of the whole assignment once it's been graded and given back to you. (Although we probably won't want to spend the time to actually do a complete review, you'll have to pay a tutor for that.) But please don't ask us to cover the whole thing, correct all your errors, and make it an A+ paper before the teacher sees it. 3. We can't give you an awful lot of help with the actual substance of your essay because we don't have access to the source material your teacher gave you. We can't tell whether you understand it, are analyzing it properly, have identified the contrasting positions, and have arrived at a logical conclusion. We can't very well inject our own knowledge of the subject because what you are given has been drastically oversimplified so you can do the assignment in less than half a month. For example, the persecution of the Jews did not begin in 1939; that was when the war started. The beginning of the persecution is generally dated to 1933, when official Nazi policy suddenly banned Jews from government jobs and urged Germans to boycott them in all professional occupations from surgery to shopkeeping. By 1939 the Jewish business community was ruined, the people were impoverished and segregated, violence against them was rampant, and half of them had already fled the country. 1939 was hardly the beginning of the persecution, it was the beginning of the Holocaust, when the persecution reached maximum proportion and Jews (and others called "enemies of the state" like Gypsies and gay people) were being killed by the thousands in concentration camps.
You haven't addressed the question of WHY. Why did Hitler persecute the Jews? Why did Hitler call for German expansionism? Hitler and the Jews were two facets of the same civilisation - Europe. Hitler - Nazi/Racist/Tribalist/Aryan Supremacy Jews - Capitalist/Merchants/Acquisitive/Economically exploitative Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
What about communism? Fascism and communism were social reactions in the same era and were rather opponents of each other. (yes, even despite the agreement between hitler and stalin).
Nope: I heard (could be wrong) that the germans were so badly sanctioned in world one, they were desperate for someone to come along and make it all better. Hitler did that. He improved things considerably for the german people before he became inetrested in war and he gave them hope that they had lost, that a better future could be theirs. Thus they trusted him and allowed him to pursue his war endeavours. Britain is thus largely responsible for world war two. Hitler expected the Britts to back him when he wanted to expand his territory he was surprised when we did not.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_War_II It says this in wikipedia "Commonly held general causes for WWII are the rise of nationalism, the rise of militarism and the presence of unresolved territorial issues. Fascist movements emerged in Italy and Germany during the global economic instability of the 1920s, and consolidated power during the Great Depression of the 1930s. In Germany, resentment of the Treaty of Versailles — specifically article 231 (the "Guilt Clause") —, the belief in the Dolchstosslegende, and the onset of the Great Depression fueled the rise to power of the militarist National Socialist German Workers Party (the Nazi party) of which Adolf Hitler was the leader. Meanwhile, the Treaty's provisions were laxly enforced from fear of another war. Closely related is the failure of the UK and French policy of appeasement, which sought to avoid or postpone another war but actually encouraged Hitler to become bolder. The Soviet Union's signing of the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact freed Germany of fear of reprisal from the Soviet Union when Germany invaded Poland. The League of Nations, despite its efforts to prevent the war, relied on the Great Powers to enforce its resolutions and was unable to prevent the start of The Second World War. Japan was a close and militarily powerful ally to Nazi Germany. Here they are (Yosuke Matsuoka in front) toasting the Tripartite Pact in Tokyo, Japan.Japan in the 1930s was ruled by a militarist clique devoted to becoming a world power. Japan invaded China in 1937 to bolster its meager stock of natural resources. The United States and the United Kingdom reacted by making loans to China, providing covert military assistance, and instituting increasingly broad embargoes of raw materials against Japan. These embargoes would have eventually forced Japan to give up its newly conquered possession in China because the Japanese would not have enough fuel to run their war machine. Japan was faced with the choice of withdrawing from China or going to war with the United States in order to conquer the oil resources of the Dutch East Indies. It chose the latter, and went ahead with plans for the Greater East Asia War in the Pacific. "
-----In a formal essay, you should avoid colloquialisms like, germany "pushing" their aggression on everyone. Don't say Paris was "unhappy". I am "unhappy" when i spill my iced tea. The effects of a war are a bit more intense. ---- the previous comment about saying," from what I understand" and "from what I have read"... you are not supposed to write an informative essay with guesses - if you are supposed to provide your opinions you could say, "I think hitler made a mistake here, blahblahblah", but not, "I think hitler invaded poland in 1939". ---- using lots of very specific names and places, that someone who hasn't read the history book might not know, makes it look like you are informed. ---- is this for an english learning class? You couldn't have been asked to write a quarter page essay on how world war II started for a history class, right? Also, longer paragraphs - this isn't ablog, it is an essay. If I was a teacher and you brought me a paper with two line paragraphs, I would not like it.
We expected everyone to back us in our desire to establish control over the middle east, and ya'll europeans didn't rally round the flag like you were supposed ta'. What is wrong with you? Don't you know we need more territory? We are running out of cheese balls.
its really two pages thank you, and i turned in the essay today, i put this thread up because, ( as you can all see) I am a terrible writer. its for model United Nations one also ill put the next essay up, its your own choice not to post your thoughts, but ill come back here whenever i write the next essay, to fix more of my gramtical problems. thanks for your thoughts guys! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
You don't say what grade you're in, or at least I haven't seen it. We're all being pretty hard on you, but I'm not sure what would be considered satisfactory at your level. I promise to respond to your next essay. If I happen to not notice it, just PM me. I tend to concentrate on the writing because that's my specialty. I do a lot of writing and editing, teaching business writing, and even tutoring English as a second language. However, I can't help playing my role as Village Elder and attempting to enhance your understanding of recent world history. ToR is absolutely right about one of the widely acknowledged deeper causes of Germany's militancy. Your source material obviously touched on it at least briefly because you mention it: The Treaty of Versailles, which formally ended World War One. The Germans were a proud people--their enemies would say "arrogant"--with a long history of accomplishments. Bach, Beethoven, Luther, Goethe, von Braun, I'm sure many of these names are as famliar to you as Shakespeare and Edison. Even in consumer culture... almost every major brewery in America bears the name of its German immigrant founder: Anhaeuser-Busch, Blitz, Pabst, Schlitz, Coors (Kurz). The Germans of a hundred years ago thought they were the spiritual, artistic, scientific, commercial, and political leaders of Europe; even their traditional anti-Semitism seemed on the verge of disappearing. How World War One started is a topic for another essay which you will perhaps write in the future, and personally I find it a far more perplexing question than WWII. Suffice it to say that Germany and its hapless shadow province of Austria found themselves fighting against almost all of the other powerful European nations. Americans had so much respect for Germany that public opinion was quite divided over whom to root for, but our instinctive love for Mother England triumphed as it always will. We entered the war on the side of the Allies and although they might well have won without us, the industrial and political maturity brought about by the effort and the goodwill it engendered are what transformed us into the world power you were privileged to be born into. The victorious European peoples were so eager to curb the very real threat of German hegemony and to avenge the perhaps exaggerated threat of German haughtiness, that the terms of the Treaty of Versailles were in effect the total humiliation of the German people. US President Woodrow Wilson, himself the essence of American haughtiness and an architect of American hegemony, could have used his new-found respect to argue for reason and diplomacy, but instead he chose to let England and France kick their opponent when he was down. You must put this into perspective when you imagine what life was like for the German people, already embarrassed and impoverished by the terms of the treaty, when the Great Depression settled over Europe in the early 1930s. If you're a stamp collector you've seen the German postage stamps overprinted with denominations in millions of marks, wiping out the entire population's life savings. Hitler promised to make them strong and prosperous again and blamed Europe's economic problems on the Jews--whom the Christians had always happily put in charge of their banking systems because of their unsophisticated misunderstanding of their bible's admonishment not to practice "usury." The Germans were ready to be strong and prosperous again, and a decade of humiliation had made them irrational when it came to compassion for others. One of the wisest old sayings you will ever hear is, "You can never do just one thing." I have no idea who said that, and the words are so simple that it's impossible to Google. Many of us look at history and say it's obvious that one of the most important causes of World War Two was the way that World War One was ended. When you digest that, I'll regale you with the equally well-reasoned analysis that one of the most important causes of the Cold War and the current chaos in the Middle East was the way that World War Two was ended. You can never do just one thing.
riku my suggestion is to take a brief look at the wiemar republic on wikipedia, look at what the treaty of versaille meant for germans in the 1920s and you will see why hitler was able to gain power. you will see why the germans were so bitter, look at the french invasion of the rhineland which is a reason why the far rights hatred for france suddenly resurfaced
we cannot use wikipeadia for reserch in the class because its " not reliable" but i will check it out at home when i get a spare moment.
It's spelled "Weimar." That should expedite the search greatly. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! That's where Weimaraner dogs originated.
woops im actually doing the weimar republic at school atm Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
German spelling is much more phonetic than English. If it were Wiemar it would be pronounced VEE-mahr, instead of VI-mahr.
