For the past four years I have been required to take a drug test as a stipulation of my employment. They send me off to a hospital every year like clock work and I go to the same department with the same people working there. Now, before I go ahead with the story, let me tell you that the department is fully staffed by women. Let me also tell you that two of the women who work in the department know me personally, one is the mother of a long-time female friend and the other is a friend of my mother and father. Their procedure for testing requires that you enter a bathroom and leave the door open, go into a stall, and pee into a cup while a worker stands just outside of the door to make sure no funny stuff happens. Throughout my life I have never had trouble peeing in public, but when you have six women outside of the bathroom talking about soap operas and the superior tampon it becomes difficult for me to get the flow going. So, for the previous four times I had gone to get tested, I could never piss. I would have to sit in the office like a disgraced puppy and drink absurde amounts of water until I absolutely had to go. That all changed today. I entered the department and was recieved by the women working there with the usual: "Oh here he is! He's the one who takes forever! Ha Ha Ha! How do you think you'll do today Matt?? Think you can get it done within the first hour?!" I sheepishly grinned, grabbed the piss cup, and walked into the bathroom with a woman in tow to make an attempt. And of course, as hard as I tried no pee came. So I walked out to get a slew of "HA HA HA's" and took the already waiting glass of water that they filled for me back to the waiting room. At this point I was getting a bit angry, because if anything they shouldn't have been making fun of me. I sat and stewed in the waiting room and began chugging water, nearly making myself sick, for the next half hour. When I couldn't drink anymore I waited a bit then walked over to the women and said, "I'd like MY piss cup." I took the cup to the bathroom and had the same woman follow me there to stand just outside the door to listen to me make, what they expected, another failed attempt. I entered the stall and could hear them giggling and talking about how cute it was that I could never pee. As the time past the volume of their conversation increased and I could now hear nothing other than their jawing about my inability to piss. I was getting really angry at that point and started pushing really hard to get the piss out. After pushing a little I began pushing really hard, probably to the point of making my face a deep shade of purple, yet no piss came. I stopped, took a deep breath, and pushed as hard as I could... no piss came. But... the loudest fart I have ever released from my ass rang forth. It was as if Zeus himself was throwing lightening bolts and screaming thunder out of me. At that point all of the women stopped talking. No more giggling about me peeing, no more talk of the superior tampon or about whose bra held their breasts higher, just silence. Silence... My pee flowed forth like the waters of Niagara Falls and I walked out of that department with my fists pumping in the sky as I declared myself the champion of the world.
Surely, unless you have to strip everything off in front of a supervisor, it shouldn't be too difficult to smuggle in a condom partly filled with urine; yours or otherwise. That way, there's no embarrasment and no risk of being caught using drugs (if you use another trustworthy person's pee).
LMAO!! That is hilarious! That was wrong for them to mock you like that, but I'm glad you triumphed in the end.
LMAO. Great story Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! I am a bit bladder-shy myself.. I don't know why. I cannot piss unless I am in an enclosed room (like a stall or a household bathroom).
