I seek opinions on a female I've been getting to know recently, below is the story of it all. I work performing shipping for various clients. I've never had many friends even since my younger years in school. Now that I've gotten out of schooling I find meeting woman to be more or less impossible. Honestly I haven't dated since High School. Some time ago I began noticing the security officers the building had hired to keep things operational. It was then I first saw Carmen. She was amazingly pretty, her hair was dyed an she seemed very attractive to me. I knew the person training her in her assigned duties (since she'd been recently hired) an took it upon myself to have him introduce us (during his rounds of the building). So there I am, basically a virgin that sees almost any woman as sexy (provided they are not whales). For some unusual reason Carmen began coming into our branch during the time she was checking the buildings. She started talking to me, then it progressively became more visits, more talk, until finally we began just playfully touching eachother. It's been months since then and I've failed to see the actual motives for her visits, nor the real girl herself. She may present a facade to me but I am uncertain. My contact with her has been limited to the work environment except for those few instances she has: 1. Asked that I help her move some things to a new apartment 2. Asked for some money (100 dollars) to help her move Now being a nice fellow and seeing that I live at home I felt it wouldn't be so terribly difficult to loan her the money, also I did help her move. This is really where my contact ends outside of work with her. Since that time she's not inquired as to whether I'd like to get together, she's not really ever called me (except once when she needed directions, during which I tried hanging up but she said "oh what you don't wanna talk to me?"). You can see my confusion here right? If she truly enjoyed spending time with me wouldn't she be seeking it after work hours? Am I just a thing to take up her time, an amusing fellow? Now to help me understand this situation I must give you a little background on the woman herself. She recently got divorced, her an her husband were seperated for around 5 months. She's been nice, an been somewhat physical with me (touching, etc) but now I've come to find out she also has 3 kids (1 living with his father) and that some other guy is spending time with her during work. This confuses me greatly since her behavior seemed to me to be genuine, now I am starting to believe she may just enjoy risk an not being alone. What do you guys think of this situation, I know having so many kids in her mid-twenties is not exactly ideal but I'm lonely, an I don't wanna be a virgin anymore :-( Also she's asked me when the last time I had sex was, pretty odd.
No. If you like her, it's your job to make the move. You have to ask her out. Possibly. But you won't know until you ask her out. It could be just that she is timid and expects you to do something to move the relationship. Well that changes things a bit. You could always just go with what you have already, and try to get at least a one night stand out of it. That way you won't be a virgin anymore, and it will probably boost your confidence quite a bit. But, I don't know, it's kind of a complicated situation, and obviously you are a better judge of her character than I am, because you know her. You are probably the person who best knows what to do.
Question one: did she pay back the money? If not, she's playing you for a sucker. Forget her. Question two: She asked directions and you tried to hang up? Why? Question three: Are you waiting for her to make the first move in this direction? Why aren't you doing it? Ask her out for afternoon coffee or something. It doesn't have to be a full-fledged "date", just a little coffee, or tea, or whatever she'd like. She's spending time with another guy? How intimate? Are they just friends? Do you think you stand a chance against this guy in the romantic battlefield? Do you really want to deal with it? Honestly, she sounds like she's got a bit of baggage. You say you don't want to be a virgin anymore. You can take care of that with a prostitute and not have any of the emotional minefield you may be pointed at right now. (Don't know if it's legal where you're at.) But enough about her, what about you? Are you looking for a long-term emotional investment? I'd advise against any pursuit of her at this time. She's back on the field after some down-time and now she wants to play. She's probably not looking for another anchor right now. With kids, she's got plenty to keep her busy and may be just looking for a sugar-daddy. But if you want to test the waters, ask her to that afternoon coffee. If she makes some excuse, forget about it.
Question one: did she pay back the money? If not, she's playing you for a sucker. Forget her. Answer: No she hasn't paid me back yet, although she claims she will in September when she has paid some other people back. In all honesty the very fact she asked if she could have some time shows trust, but perhaps I'm just being overly silly here maybe she is playing me for a sucker. Question two: She asked directions and you tried to hang up? Why? Answer: I tried hanging up after I got her directions because I was interested in seeing her reaction, did she only call for directions or actually want to talk awhile? Appearantly she wanted to chat, but I still have no idea if she cared that much. Are you waiting for her to make the first move in this direction? Why aren't you doing it? Answer: I know she's having a hard time emotionally right now and I didn't want to take advantage of that or push myself on her as more then a friend, see I really am a nice guy. She's spending time with another guy? Answer: Yes, she also brought him some lunch one day last week, then she came to see me. Confusing huh LOL How intimate? Answer: Considering she asked "when's the last time you had sex" when I was texting her I would assume she's interested in having it, LOL Maybe she has already with this fellow! Are they just friends? Answer: He went to see her on Sunday, would you go on your off day to see only a friend at work? I know I won't, it's inconvient to me now, I'm tired of seeing her at work. Do you think you stand a chance against this guy in the romantic battlefield? Answer: Not really, this guy seems to have more money an more experience. But enough about her, what about you? Are you looking for a long-term emotional investment? Answer: I'm just looking for a nice girl that I can get to know, maybe spend time with, an have some fun fooling around with. I wouldn't be against a real relationship but it would also take time so it's not like that's a bad thing. I just doubt her actual motives, I mean what was her reason for having 3 kids in her mid-twenties anyway? Then of course the second day I knew her I suggested I stop by her desk after work, then she began telling me about alot of things, mostly though she said I was: Weird for living at home, strange I didn't have a girlfriend, probably good I didn't have a girlfriend because they're only bills, girls are drama queens (yet she has so much it's insane), an mostly I felt like she was trying to convince me to stay away from seeking a relationship. Then I wrote a nice letter saying thanks for your company but goodbye (in a nicer more eloquent way) an she called up seemingly upset. We talked awhile an she was like "I don't understand the letter" I was like "oh really". After a cute conversation in which she tried convincing me she didn't know I was pursing her I agreed things were good. Since then she's not really mentioned it.. I guess I'm just in a confusing situation. I know it's not just about me, but I also know that it is. I want a relationship, even if it's not permanent.
as far as i can see, this is the operative statement. you arent ready for a relationship, if you dont care whether it turns into something larger or longer than just "dating". i dont mean to be harsh, but that is my experience. i would recommend asking her out, and if she turns you down, just chuckle, and do something silly in response. or even beyond asking her out, just have some flowers sent to her apartment to gauge her reaction the next time she sees you. you will find out one way or the other. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! in any case, good luck man!!
sderenzi EDIT : the woman is on the prowl. she asked you when was the last time you had sex, hm. i think she's looking to have some fun, you need to stop being a pussy and ask her out.
Classic fuck up situation. If you're lucky she might let you support her and her kids. Do as the previous guy said stop acting like a pussy, only find someone better. Think of the best case scenario, you will get some pussy but be in a loving relationship with a money extracting bitch plus 3 little versions of her, do you really want that?
No I guess you're right man, I wouldn't want to get involved with a woman that had so many kids so early on in life. You are likely accurate that she extracts money from people, I mean she's really already asked me for that 100 bucks I loaned to her, then also helping her move Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! (she didn't pay for my gas LOL) God, you see guys, I will never get into a real honest, good relationship, I only get eyed by screw up woman that want to use me.
Yeah join life. You can find someone better though, if you think about it though any girl that is easy in all likelyhood has been and will continue to be easy.
Then just get out there and try harder. The reason you only get women who want to use you is because you let them make the first move, and essentially control the relationship. Us nice guys have to actually make an effort. It can be hard, but just keep trying and practicing, and eventually you'll end up in a relationship and lose your virginity.
They can smell it. It's like a lion going for the wildebeest with a bad leg. A lot easier to catch and you don't need to put much in. I think it'll end in tears, but what the hey. Go for it. Few bits of advice though - 1) Don't give her any money. If she asks, make your own excuse up. 2) If you're going out for dinner/drinks, go dutch. If she gets hissy: you're not a couple. 3) Don't get involved with her kids in any way, shape or form. 4) Do things on your terms. Forget the bullshit that she's going through a rough time, you don't want to hurt her feelings, etc. She's been married and divorced, has 3 kids and probably has been through a lot more 'life lessons' than you. She can handle herself. You, on the other hand, need to be careful. It sounds fucking messy. I just wouldn't.. You might get laid as a result, but there's easier ways to skin a badger. Be aware she might hold it against you, too. How painful could she make your work life, etc? Anyway. Good luck.
No way spidergoat! Although I like your nickname it's not gonna get me to be that bold, LOL She can't make my work life painful, I would just quit if she did that (I live at home remember) but aside from this you are right, it is messy. The fact she can handle herself is just theory, I see no actual fact she is able to take care of her business. In fact she's already asked me for that 100 bucks, to help her move, an she even brought those kids by once because she couldn't find a babysitter! I'll admitt she has guts, to bring her kids on over here because she had no babysitter was gutsy, an this was only for a few hours while I finished working, she took them with her to the other building afterwards. I admitt to being shocked initially that she'd bring them here, but ehh I kinda understand why she did. I don't hate kids, I just don't think it's logical to screw myself over so soon in life. So I guess I must just try ignoring her, although she's making it terribly difficult because she comes by during work hours an basically drives me insane (hormonely)
Just tell her the truth, but spice it up with a little bs. You think it's best not to hang around so much, because you like her, but the situation isn't really conducive to how things should be: she's just gone through a divorce (you're strong, i know that, but personally i'm not willing to get involved so soon), she has kids (maybe best not mention that one), you work in the same place (could be messy). If you want to nail the lid on the coffin, tell her you're sexually confused. You've talked to your priest about it and decided that a course might be best, to make you 'better' again. In fact, pretend to be this guy - http://www.anotherway.com/pages/joe_d.html
Bingo. Face it, you're gonna get rejected...I get rejected all the time too but once in a while I dupe some woman into thinking im charming. Learn to make humor your best friend, works way better during awkward moments than crying or running away.
ok, so whatever is the reason that you havent been laid yet, is in the past or forget about that fact, and dont be fucking concious of the fact ( i am using the "F" word on purpose to emphasize on the fact that it would only bog you down with women). Let me tell you a simple fact: if you dont ask straightforward and simple questions as to what is in your mind, women will never answer or say anything to imply otherwise (i have had tomboy type girls shying away from asking guys out simply because they couldnt, you know what i mean?) Women like confidence (oh god, isnt that a hackneyed expression? well may be so; but honestly, think of it this way : women are like children, they want to be taken care of ... and lets admit women are very soft or at least some part of their psyche is, i am not being sexist btw, i just love women for what they are), so when you meet her next time, just say/ ask her as what is in her mind and what are you thinking of the relationship. The reason i am saying so is, because way back in HS when i got started my first crush was with a girl (she was the hottest in class and i was a fat prick and no i am not bragging or making it up) we were very very good friends, and she knew and i knew what we had back then (we discuss now when meet sometimes) but i never said anything to imply that and she never said anything to imply the same to me, women are passive in nature and you have to respect that. There are other factors at large: if you think that you like her as a friend and dont wanna loose her friendship, then forget it, you are in neutral friends zone. women are brutally honest about that, if you form a non sex orientated but yet passionate relationship with them, they would love you as a friend, oh and btw, i have a lot of female friends whom i kiss and hug (so is that what you are implying by touching then forget that it was close to sexual encounter of any kind....hmmmph strange that rhymes with spookyness Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! ) anyways, dont take things VERY seriously, what happens let it be so and by any means you cannot think that you are a looser etc etc etc, if you think or start thinking that way, theres no end to it, so be a party guy (by this i mean go to clubs or bars often and hit on things that you have liked, in my case i like to discuss politics and world affair or philosophy with women, but find someone who really likes what you like, otherwise it"ll be like you have a one night stand and then in the monring you notice that you dont like each other anymore... if ya need advice, catch me on my AIM id : xxfmulderxx PS: where are you from? i am right in bensalem,pa, but will move out to NY in couple of weeks... Rick
