I've been dating this guy for about a year, and now he's changed and I really hate him. I've never hated anyone this much. Well I've tried dumping him FIVE times, and he won't let me. I know that sounds dumb, but he'll just walk off and ignore me. Then the next day he acts as if nothing has happened. He's acting like he's a retard that can't remember anything!!! Anyway I tried breaking up with him last night. I straight out told him I don't want to be your girlfriend anymore and then he just left and said he'd talk to me tomorrow. WTF??? The first relationship I had was with this guy who was cheating on me with my friend so I didn't have much of a problem break it off with him. I didn't even have to really tell him were over. He just got it. I think my boyfriend now is just an idiot or something. Well he's been having problems at home and he's saying I'm being selfish for dumping him. But you see, I don't want to date him. It wouldn't be so bad if maybe we weren't together but while you’re dating someone you’re expected to do things with them. It sucks having someone all on you when you hate their guts.
Try again. Tell him you're through. Then the next day when he acts as if nothing happened, just ignore him and tell him that you're no longer an item and that the breakup doesn't require his consent. Because it does not. It's really your fault the other breakups didn't work because you played his game and he won. Remind him you broke up with him -- or if he simply doesn't get it, ignore him.
We guys can be pretty dense about stuff like this even when we're sane and normal. Having our heart broken, our ego blown, and our social life ruined all at once is pretty heavy. You don't say how he changed to make you hate him but he could be going through some emotional growing pains. You don't say how old he is but something like that can happen to a guy at any age. He's in denial, pretending that you're just in a bad mood or this is just a big fight and it will be all better in a couple of days. That's difficult to cut through since he automatically doesn't hear or doesn't believe anything you say. Something that might work is to have a mutual friend deliver the message, someone he respects and won't diss. And you have to exit his life completely, it sounds like you haven't done that. If you've gotten so close that practical matters impede your ability to do that, like having your things in each other's homes and having regular nights out with the same friends, you'll just have to do whatever it takes to straighten it out quickly and with no drama. Take that respected mutual friend with you when you clean out your stuff. Make your apologies and miss the Friday night get-together for a few weeks--endure the sadness and inconvenience for the sake of your own future and your own emotional health. You say you're still "dating him." You talk about him as if he's still your "boyfriend." You haven't got this clear in your own mind. If you don't want to date him any more, if you don't feel like he's your boyfriend any more, that's your choice and your right. You're not married, you don't have children, you don't own a house together, you haven't been planning your lives together for years. You have no obligation to this man except to try to be civil and amicable about this, and you've already tried that and it didn't work. He has the right to try to change your mind, and given that you've invested a year in this relationship it would be decent of you to hear him out and let him try, but he hasn't made the slightest attempt and apparently he has in fact done things to piss you off and drive you away. You have to walk away. Now. Don't just keep talking to his deaf ears. Before his fantasy that this isn't really happening to a sweet fabulous guy like him gathers any more momentum and he becomes genuinely confused. Get as much help as you need, grab your stuff, say "Goodbye this is really over, Sandy here will vouch for it if you don't believe me," and don't see him again. If you simply can't avoid ever seeing him because it's a small world and you run into each other, then you'll have to be strong and remember that he's not part of your life any more and stop reacting to him like he is. Treat him like somebody you know more or less but don't really like. If he sits down next to you, find a seat that doesn't have vacancies on either side. If he walks up and starts a conversation, turn around and literally ignore him. If he touches you make sure there are witnesses and tell him if he does it again you'll do--well whatever people have the legal right to do where you live. If it's here in America you can make his life absolutely miserable if he doesn't back off and he'd better know that. I get the impression that you don't think you're quite ready to do this stuff. You have to get ready. If you really hate this guy, and he's really this dense, stubborn, and unlikeable, then this is just flat what you're going to have to do. And remember to do it with no drama. No yelling, calling names, dredging up the past. You can't do anything that gives him an opening to respond because that automatically makes it a relationship which is what you absolutely don't want. Be calm, curt, and factual. Say the same simple thing whenever you need to talk to him, something like, "I'm sorry but I'm not happy in this relationship any more so I've ended it. You have to stop talking to me." Good luck!
I'm sorry, but his problems aren't mine. I don't want him to hurt, but he can take this the hard way or not. I'm still going to be nice too him of course. I am sorry that it hurts him, but that's the way it goes. Right?
It's not him its you. I mean usually when I break up with someone and we get back together is because I have softened and willing to try again. If he calls tell him you are busy and hang-up. If he shows up at the door tell him you don't appreciate him coming to youre home uninvited and close the door. You tell everyone (mutual friends etc.) that the relationship is over. If you see him say hello and then go about your business. If he begins to stalk you make a report of each incidence and file it with local authorities. If he's a real freak and won't stop then get an order of protection but you probably won't have to go that far.
Right, sorry. Well it's been a lot of things. All he ever wants to do is his things. He's all the time wanting me to give him blow jobs and I really hate them. He doesn't care. I can't hang out with my friends because when I do he gets mad, but we can hang out with his friends. It sucks. And I don't like him being on me all the time. Sure, he says he loves me , but he's not that nice too me. He doesn't like it when I talk to other guys. You see, I don't have many friends. I have a friend who's a guy and since I can never hang out with him I write him notes. And my boyfriend was demanding that he should be able to read them. My friend and I only talk about what we did over the weekends and so on. He really hates it when my phone line is busy all night, and he says that I was avoiding him and so on. I wasn't. In fact my mom is on the phone alot. You see? He's the same age as me.
You have the power to end the relationship if you dont put him off its a failure on you're part. Why don't you just start dating someone else? That would send the message home.
If he's honestly being really scary and possessive, stop responding to his calls and etc after you've broken up with him. If he continues to bother you, get a restraining order or something heh (or threaten to get one). I dunno, that's kinda drastic, but you don't want to end up with this guy forever, do you?
End it properly. Not seeing perspective at the moment is no reason to stay in a relationship. You never know who you walk into if your life is free from him.
yeah, I don't want to end up with this guy forever. That's a scary thought. I don't want to have kids with him or anything. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! I just talked to him a few minutes ago on the phone. He sounded really mad at me. I just said that I'll talk to him Monday.
indeed, spuriousmonkey. sometimes in a relationship like that, you lose track of who YOU are. i was with the same girl for five years, and she didnt want to move out of the mid-size town we lived in. for years, i asked if she would come with me, and she always refused. well, when i broke it off with her, i decided not to look back. just to take what i could learn from the relationship and move on. 9 months after leaving her, i ended up in europe...with a wonderful lady who actually loves me for who i am. its strange how your life can change if you just change your surroundings. dump the fool, hugatree. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
That's so cool! Well, you know, that you found a nice loving european women. I'm in Europe! I can find a nice loving European man. =) I will, I'll dump him. I have catching up to do and a lot of friends I should apologize too.
Germany, I'm American though. I like it here A LOT. I'm hoping to settle down in Ireland though. My dads from there and all. I liked Belgium. I was there last year. Just visiting though.
There are always other men and women around. The fact that your current one is a real shithead only amplifies this principle. You cannot, let me stress that again, CANNOT lose by dumping a shithead (male or female). Except if he kills you for dumping you (haha...sorry, sick sense of humour)
