sex early in relationships become the basis of it?

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by Grey Seal, Jun 30, 2003.

  1. Grey Seal Guest

    the other day i was told not to have sex really early in a relationship (like the 1st date or something) because it'd become the basis of the relationship. and whenever the sex got old the relationship would fall apart. that if you waited (not till marriage, but at least 1 or 2 weeks or something) it'd make things that much better and the relationship would have a better chance of lasting. i was told the same thing went with money. if on the first date you spent a ton of money then you'd always be expected to spend a ton of money. when you didn't it'd seem like it was over.

    is this true? this type of thing happen?
     
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  3. Vortexx Skull & Bones Spokesman Registered Senior Member

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    Makes some sense, food tastes better when you are really hungry. And when it tastes better, you probably keep coming to the same restaurant ?

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  5. Bowser Namaste Valued Senior Member

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    <i>"is this true? this type of thing happen?"</i>



    Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time. The test of time figures in there somewhere.

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  7. Fraggle Rocker Staff Member

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    Interplanetary courtship rituals.

    You're right smack in the middle of a Venus/Mars thing. It's different for women and men.

    A man tends to fall in love with a woman who sleeps with him. It's not a guarantee, but it's very common. Something in the way we're wired. Women know this. The manipulative ones use it against us. Give us sex, we fall in love with them, they've got us wrapped around their finger.

    So for you, the first-order effect on the relationship of having sex right away is that you'll find yourself attracted to the woman just because of pure biology. Your normal discretion and objectivity (I realize I may be talking to a teenager here, but ignore the laughter from the peanut gallery, we all have a certain degree of discretion and objectivity) will be impaired or totally suspended and you might end up with a girlfriend that you wouldn't have chosen under more normal circumstances. If that happens, obviously the long term prognosis is bad. A revelation you try to put off, a discussion you don't know how to start, a lot of tears and anger. If she's a keeper, on the other hand, that's great. But see Plan B. below, you'll get her anyway.

    A woman, on the other hand, tends to feel like sleeping with a man only after she falls in love with him. It's the exact opposite of how men are wired, one of nature's many little jokes at our expense. Not that there aren't plenty of women who do it for the hell of it or to look cool or out of a twisted sense that women's liberation means behaving like men. But in general if a woman sleeps with you before she even gets to know you, she's probably not doing it out of romantic feelings. If you're Sugar Ray, well then okay, women are capable of being overwhelmed by lust just like we are. But if you were Sugar Ray you'd have a different set of problems and you probably wouldn't be here right now.

    Once a woman has slept with a man she doesn't love, it can be a big impediment to building a true loving relationship. She's doing something that may not be natural, for reasons you don't understand, hell, maybe even for reasons she doesn't understand either. This relationship is getting off on the wrong foot. You're quite probably going to start falling in love with her, while she is quite probably going to start wondering what devil made her do it. Or worse, she might have some ulterior motive for seducing you and making you love her, maybe she thinks she can take you for a ride. I don't mean to suggest that this is common, most women are more decent than that. But you do need to wonder why a woman will sleep with a man she doesn't love, now that you know how unnatural that is for them.

    So if you want to give the relationship a chance, you could do worse than following your friend's advice. By all means give it a couple of weeks. Remember that on a woman's calendar all that is is a nice long bout of foreplay anyway!

    But if it happens, it happens. Don't feel like you've ruined your lives. Women are born knowing it's not a good idea, and now that you know that too, if you both end up feeling like doing it in spite of all that collective wisdom, then maybe there's some chemistry there and it will work out all right.

    Or maybe you're Sugar Ray and you just haven't been discovered yet.
     
  8. Zero Banned Banned

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    C'mon! The sooner you get it on the better

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  9. PacingYourName Registered Senior Member

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    Re: Interplanetary courtship rituals.

    I dont think they fall in love. Maybe they become infetuated with them but I dont think its love.
     
  10. Vortexx Skull & Bones Spokesman Registered Senior Member

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    From a male perspective: The relationship might not last after premature sex, but at least you had a good time!

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  11. The Marquis Only want the best for Nigel Valued Senior Member

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    You lot are either virgins, christian, or simply watch too much Oprah.
     
  12. plasticwingsmelting Banned Banned

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    449
    to me, sex is unimportant. the foundation of a relationship must lie in the connectivity of the persons in a non-physical sense. sure, physical attraction is always going to play a part and who can deny feelings of lust towards an attraction? but the thing is, sex should be something that happens at the right time. sex should be something maybe talked about before done if it would be a first time for either partner and maybe even if it isnt for either.


    sex is just not that important to me. sure, i want it. but because of its unimportance, it becomes all that much more important. if she'll sleep with you on the first night, she'll sleep with anyone on the first night. remember that.


    also: waiting at least....AT LEAST a month is almost necessary. relationships form and end all of the time. sex just makes it even more complicated.


    take my advice and WAIT
     
  13. The Marquis Only want the best for Nigel Valued Senior Member

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    Gee, I guess my 6 year relationship is doomed to failure then.

    Thanks for the advice, but I'm sure you'll understand me not taking it.

    How bloody contemptible you people are.
     
  14. plasticwingsmelting Banned Banned

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    so what youre saying is that your six year relationship is based off of sex? because thats the kids question here...
     
  15. plasticwingsmelting Banned Banned

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    449
    and speaking from personal experience...


    sex with someone you barely know is never a good idea. im now shaking my knees constantly as i await the results of an std test for 2 and a half more weeks due to a 2 month mistake.


    we slept together almost initially upon meeting. this 'relationship' was doomed from the start. i knew it wouldnt be more, and it wasnt. i couldnt have made it anything because it was based on nothing. there was no attraction there esxcept that of sexual desire. no more. it was a mistake and i regret it, yes. i learned a valuable lesson, too. one i knew, yet one my little head seemed to have forgotten...
     
  16. fadingCaptain are you a robot? Valued Senior Member

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    1,762
    Having sex early on will probably not influence the relationship so much as to 'doom it'. If you truly like her and she likes you...it will work out.

    There is some risk in early sex however. There is a chance it will freak her out as fragglerocker said. But there is obviously a payout. So it is basically a chance you are taking. It is easy to say the chance isn't worth it but I would be a hypocrite. This chance is definately worth it sometimes.
     
  17. Bowser Namaste Valued Senior Member

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    Sex has more emotional baggage for a woman than it has for a man.
     
  18. ripleofdeath Registered Senior Member

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    2,762
    heyya Grey Seal
    the real facts are more to the point thatmostpeople start to have sex before they are emotionaly ready for it
    so it creates problems on top of problems
    often teenagers think they know more than some adults
    (the ones shouting the loudest mostly and are the stupidist)
    go figure

    so if you build the relationship to a point where you both can stand naked intfront of each other and feel comfortable
    then you will know you will have less issues thatmay cause problems

    i dont dissagre with casual sex
    BUT!!!
    because of the age that most people start having sex they are not emotionaly mature enough to NOT create huge issues that
    take MANY years to get over IF AT ALL

    although once you have had sex in a love relationship with no
    emotional issues you will laugh at all the odd moments and
    uncomfortable things that have hampered your experience
    previousely
    CASUAL SEX SHOULD BE LEFT TO THOSE WHO KNOW LOVE AND CAN ENGAGE IN SUCH THINGS WITHOUT HURTING OTHERS.
    unfortunately this is not the case in most situations
    but its nice to have ideals

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    women and men are equaly hurt from disfunctional relationships
    they just express it in different ways as they have been trained to by thier peers and parents.
    spawning relating disfunction which is miss diagnosed.

    most important point...
    why rush into the situation? IT could result in many huge issues that would takes years to fix
    build it on posatives and try to suggest the idea of planning it
    rather than risking STDs and other issues.
    honest communication is the key

    groove on

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  19. SwedishFish Conspirator Registered Senior Member

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    eeeh not really. the religious people like to tell people that but it's only so men can go about doing whatever they like while the women are safe at home. why? because religions are created by and run by men.
     
  20. ripleofdeath Registered Senior Member

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    SwedishFish
    it is my suspicion that because of the inequality that you have highlighted
    huge issues about sex are created, as much as in the relationship.
    the real question that leads from such knolledge is how to teach those who teach the teenagers before the teenagers create big issues from disfunctional relationships, only to repeat the cycle of
    mental abuse/ inequality of women as independent life forms from
    men and consequenting relative respect and then the counter ballance back to the mothers and fathers raising the sons,
    just as much as the daughters.
    women should have equal rights to men
    and both should be equaly responsible for raising the children.

    groove on

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  21. SwedishFish Conspirator Registered Senior Member

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    a very good point. i say teach by example. children need to see adults of both sexes, although not necessarily limited to their own parents, behaving in a manner they should model themselves after. it's just as important to raise your boys up carefully as it is for girls.
     
  22. The Marquis Only want the best for Nigel Valued Senior Member

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    2,562
    No, you twit. Can't you even read a reply in the context of your own post?

    My wife and I fucked on the first "date" (which, incidentally, can't be really called a "date" seeing as I asked her to come over for the night and she said yes) and have been together ever since. You lot are now playing Agony Aunts, telling everyone that means our relationship (6 years now) is based on nothing but sex and is doomed. I find it contemptible.

    There, does that make it clearer?
     
  23. Xev Registered Senior Member

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    Oh god, such things as this cannot be sufficiantly mocked. Y'all are pathetic.

    FUCK! For the love of the buggerchrist almighty, it's not non-euclidian geometry. It's just sex. Jesus fucking christ, it's not the best thing in the world, the worst thing in the world or the only thing in the world.

    Actually I take that back. If you're too stupid to have any sort of life beyond the purely bestial, you probably do think that sex is the most important thing in the world.

    Fraggle Rocker:
    You're pathetic. Go crawl back into whatever sexist slime-hole you oozed your way out of.
     

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