How many partners one should have in one lifetime

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by ProCop, Jun 23, 2003.

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  1. ProCop

    ProCop Valued Senior Member

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    Well I think the really optimal number is one. But unfortunately I 've passed that optimal point, and I wonder where is the next one (next optimal number (don't tell me two, because I've passed that too...)). And further, can having many partners damage you in any way (mentally/physically)?
     
    ProCop, Jun 23, 2003
    #1

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  3. Thor

    Thor "Pfft, Rebel scum!" Valued Senior Member

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    Well I'm sorta at the Optimal number

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    But it really doesn't matter does it? I would think if you're nearing quad-digits you've gone too far
     
    Thor, Jun 23, 2003
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  5. Flores

    Flores Registered Senior Member

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    As you said, one is best, but there is a lot of situations that necessitate that we find other parteners. Sometimes we loose our partners, other time, there is no good match or compatability. I'm sure no one in their right mind would advocate that a couple should stay together even though they hate each other and are plotting each other murder everyday. In those cases, it's good to move on and start fresh. Nothing wrong with it, and I don't see a limit or cap on the number of parteners you can have as long as they are one at a time.
     
    Flores, Jun 23, 2003
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  7. theonlyguyever

    theonlyguyever omg met's lake out!!1 Registered Senior Member

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    I'm at the "optimal number" as well, but I'm past that relationship now. I'm sure I'll pass the optimal number sometime... Anyways, yeah, one at a time is the only rule for me, because that's just proper, but situations do lend themselves to moving on sometimes.
     
    theonlyguyever, Jun 23, 2003
    #4
  8. spuriousmonkey

    spuriousmonkey Banned Banned

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    the answer is as always 42...
     
    spuriousmonkey, Jun 23, 2003
    #5
  9. Thor

    Thor "Pfft, Rebel scum!" Valued Senior Member

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    ...unless you live outside of a book

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    Thor, Jun 23, 2003
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  10. PacingYourName

    PacingYourName Registered Senior Member

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    one
     
    PacingYourName, Jun 23, 2003
    #7
  11. Flores

    Flores Registered Senior Member

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    So if you're one died while you are only 20, you are condemned to a marrigeless childless life?

    And if your one cheated on you, robbed you, plotted to kill you, you are still determined to stay in that relationship.
     
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2003
    Flores, Jun 23, 2003
    #8
  12. sargentlard

    sargentlard Save the whales motherfucker Valued Senior Member

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    Flores don't hate me for doing this...i do this because i like you....In that post above it should be "your" not "You're"...that is it.

    To the original poster..... Love and life don't work by numbers. It depends from person to person and like Flores mentioned life can throw things at your way that don't care about your morals or you "limitations". If you have lost a former partner then i am sure you feel alone but many don't give their heart away to another because they feel they are betraying their first and, or, former lover no matter how much time has passed. I would want my wife to love again if my sexy ass passed away early.

    There is no specific amount of number. The amount of lovers you have doesn't make you a good person.....what matters is how faithful and special you were to them...

    *sigh*..i sound like a after school special
     
    sargentlard, Jun 23, 2003
    #9
  13. everneo

    everneo Re-searcher Registered Senior Member

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    53 to 87.
     
    everneo, Jun 23, 2003
    #10
  14. Mephura

    Mephura Applesauce, bitch... Valued Senior Member

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    As many as it takes. I'm not sugesting to screw everyone you come across, But rather that there is no sense in beating yourself up over something you can't change. Live life with out constantly worrying over whether or not you are making a mistake. If you do, you might wind up missing the veauty of the moment and 'that one' might slip away.

    In short, the lower the better, but don't beat yourself up over it.

    As for physical/mental damage; It could happen (mental mainly) if you aren't prepared for the consequences of your actions. If you are worried about physical damage, just wrap the thing.
     
    Mephura, Jun 23, 2003
    #11
  15. siledre

    siledre Registered Senior Member

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    heh, I have a cousin that was married 9 times, and in one of them, one I was invited to, lasted less than 24 hours.
     
    siledre, Jun 23, 2003
    #12
  16. ProCop

    ProCop Valued Senior Member

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    Well what I meant was that (as a girlfriend of me told me: one has a limited amount of love in her/himself, like a basket of flowers, you give a flower here and there and --- basket is empty. I was suprised her basket was still pretty full - it seemed - though she was giving a lot of flowers around) that as the quantity of relationships encreases the quality goes down. Fredx asked here once "can one get his innocence back?" Possibly, if you would go en enlist in a kloster and spend there a year for every cheat or so. But if that is the solution, it would take me a lot of years...Anyway If I could begin again I would try to keep the first one. (All women are basically the same, knowing more of them, doesn't really enhance your knowledge...and sexing a lot causes prostate problems later, I was told)
     
    ProCop, Jun 23, 2003
    #13
  17. Fraggle Rocker

    Fraggle Rocker Staff Member

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    Depends on what you ultimately want to do.

    If you think you're the kind of person who's never going to settle down into a domestic life and grow old with somebody, then do whatever makes you happy as long as you don't hurt anybody else. Marriage isn't for everybody. A lot of people try it and it doesn't work out, over and over again. So if you want to be a free spirit, go for it, hang out with as many free spirits as you can find.

    But if you do see yourself eventually finding one right person and staying with them, then it would be advantageous if some of the experiences leading up to that one helped prepare to make it successful. You won't get that from a series of short relationships, particularly if they're not even monogamous.

    Staying with somebody for a couple of years, living together, making decisions, going through the parts of life that aren't fun like car accidents and illnesses and pets dying and being laid off from work and arguing over whose turn it is to do the hoovering and simply taking care of the laundry and the grocery shopping. That's what a big chunk of real life is, and that's what tests relationships. Get some practice with that stuff.

    Any two people that get along halfway decently can have a wonderful time on a vacation or a summer fling or casual dating. It's the other stuff that's hard.

    So if your relationships last a couple of years or even longer, then you're practicing for real life when it comes along. And that pretty well puts a limit on the number of relationships you can fit into one lifetime.

    Me? Married once while we were both in college, lasted three years. (Don't get married while you're in college, you're still growing up. The chances of working out are one in a million.) Then three girlfriends that lasted just about two years apiece, two of them cohabitating. A few short flings that fizzled out very fast in between. Then I met my "real" wife in 1975. We got married in 1977. We've had our share of fights and arguments but all in all it's been a wonderful life so far. And what I learned from trying to make it work with those other girls had a lot to do with making it work with this one.

    Good luck!
     
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2003
    Fraggle Rocker, Jun 23, 2003
    #14
  18. ProCop

    ProCop Valued Senior Member

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    RE:Fraggle Rocker

    Thomas Hardy (I believe) was married twice. When he died he ordered his body to be burried next to his second wife and he let his hart to be cut out and burried with the first one. His books, relationships he descibes, have the depth you suggest. (Me? a girl compared me to Hardy's character Fry(?) /an attractive but supperficial fellow - I had no clue then what she was talking about/ .....it can be that I grew in a family of boys, girls were sort of unknown element, I admired them (their beauty) but never understood them really...)
     
    ProCop, Jun 24, 2003
    #15
  19. otheadp

    otheadp Banned Banned

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    ideally, 1 is enough.

    if ppl go "exploring" too much they'll have difficulties choosing a partner or staying faithful.

    also, ppl become jaded. remember how the 1st love is so memorable? the rest u go thru with a feeling of "been there, done that"... it loses its excitement
     
    otheadp, Jun 24, 2003
    #16
  20. Drakkon

    Drakkon Registered Member

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    As many as you can handle

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    Drakkon, Jun 24, 2003
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  21. Fraggle Rocker

    Fraggle Rocker Staff Member

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    Yeah well okay sure. But that's kind of a dispiriting thing to say to some of these really young people who may already be on their third or fourth. 'Tis better to offer counsel of a more uplifting nature. Restate the question as, "How many partners, assuming you've already exceeded one?"
    I personally have not observed that. It could be argued just as reasonably that those who have not explored "enough" before marriage will always be wistfully wondering what they missed. As for choosing a partner, I don't really see how having gotten to know a wider variety of people of the opposite sex can be anything but an advantage.
    No actually I don't remember her that way at all! We sort of fell together because of geography, hormones, and our parents figuring we could do worse. She looked me up a mere fifteen years later and geeze was I glad she was somebody else's wife and those were somebody else's five kids.
    Hmmm. In my case each one was a lovely new adventure. With the one I married every day is a lovely new adventure. Perhaps I didn't have enough to qualify as "jaded," but at the time it seemed that I was gettin' more than any other geeky math major in America.
     
    Fraggle Rocker, Jun 24, 2003
    #18
  22. Clockwood

    Clockwood You Forgot Poland Registered Senior Member

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    As many as you are comfortable with. Just try to keep it down to one at a time, make sure to support any offspring, and don't contract any STDs.
     
    Clockwood, Jun 24, 2003
    #19
  23. The Duke

    The Duke Registered Senior Member

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    Was that the whole relationship, including the marriage, or just the marriage? Your cousin sounds very selective about partners! Then again, perhaps he (I'm pressuming it's a he) just hates money.

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    The Duke, Jun 24, 2003
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