View Full Version : Happy Halloween!
*stRgrL*
10-31-02, 03:08 PM
Some funny Halloween Jokes:
How do you know if a vampire is sick?
His coffin.
How do you know if the boogieman was in your house?
All your tissues are gone
Who does a ghoul fall in love with?
His ghoulfriend
Why did the vampires lunch give her hearburn?
She had a stake sandwich
Whats the mummys favorite music?
Rap:D
Whats a witchs favorite subject in shcool?
Spelling
shinobi
10-31-02, 03:14 PM
A ghoulish joke.
A guy walks into a pub on the Cornish moores shaking like a leaf and orders a double whisky, which he gulps back and promptly orders another.
The barman gives him his second drink, and seeing that the man is clearly in distress, asks what's wrong. The man orders a third drink and tells his story ....
"I was driving across the moors when my car suddenly stopped. There I was, in the middle of nowhere. I opened up the bonnet and looked around the engine, but there was nothing wrong as far as I can see. Then a voice behind me said, 'The cable from the battery has come loose'. I looked and noticed that it had, I reconnected it and turned to thank the stranger, only to find that it was a silver-grey horse which trotted away, fading into the mist".
The barman sighed knowingly and gave the stranger a fourth drink.
"Aaaah", he said, "that be the White Horse of Upper Bodmoor. He be a spirit that roams the moors, but he be a good spirit who do nought but help those in distress". He then added menacingly, "You're lucky you didn't meet the Black Horse of Lower Bodmoor".
"Why?" asked the poor stricken stranger.
"Well", replied the barman, "he knows sod all about motors".
A black man and his wife were going to a Halloween party in
a couple of days so the husband tells his wife to go to the
store and get costumes for them to wear.
When he comes home that night he goes into the bedroom and
there laid out on the bed is a Superman costume. The husband
yells at his wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever heard
of a black Superman? Take this back and get me something else
I can wear."
The next day the wife, not too happy, returns the costume
and gets a replacement. The husband comes home from work goes
to the bedroom and there, laid out on the bed, is a Batman
costume. He again yells at his poor wife, "What are you
doing? Have you ever heard of a black Batman? Take this back
and get me something I can wear to the costume party!"
The next morning his irate wife goes shopping. When the
husband comes home again from work, there laid out on the bed
are three items: one is a set of three white buttons, the
second is a thick white belt, and the third item is a 2x4 The
husband yells at the wife, "What the hell are these for?"
The wife yells back, "Take your clothes off. You can put the
three white buttons on the front of you and go as a domino.
If you don't like that idea, you can put the white belt on
and go as an Oreo. And if you don't like THAT idea, you can
shove the 2 x 4 up your ass and go as a fudgesicle!"
Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year old white male,
resident of White Plains, NY, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm
Friday. Davidson will be charged with lewd and lascivious
behavior, public indecency,and public intoxication at the
County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated
that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop.
"You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there
was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there
wasn't" he stated in a phone interview from the County
courthouse jail.
Davidson went on to state that he pulled over to the side of
the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate
to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy
his alleged "need".
"I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented
with evident embarrassment.
In the process, Davidson apparently failed to notice the
White Plains police car approaching and was unaware of his
audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was
an unusual situation, that's for sure" said officer Taylor.
"I walked up to (Davidson) and he's...just working away at
this pumpkin."
Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached
Davidson. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do
you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real
surprised, as you'd expect, and then looked me straight in
the face and said, 'A pumpkin!? Damn...is it midnight
already?'"
*stRgrL*
10-31-02, 04:54 PM
HA! I heard that one before. Too too funny!:D
Oh It's Halloween
Every Night To Me Is Halloween
Like An Ancient Scene
You Know Just What I Mean
Halloween You Are My Pride
Halloween Not Just A Dream
The Moon Is Full, Another Perfect Day Has Began
Like A Demon's Eye, That Devil's Eye
Will We Ever Die
Halloween You Are My Pride
Halloween Not Just A Dream
Every Night Will Be Another Evil Scene
Like In Horror Dreams I Want
I Command You To Scream
Halloween You Are My Pride
Halloween Not Just A Dream
Halloween...Halloween...• King Diamond, Halloween (http://music.kulichki.net/txt/king_diamond/halloween.shtml)
Did the witches feel wind in their bed
And reel and dance with devils and the dead?
No!
But that is what they bragged and claimed and said!
Until whole continents, hellbent
Named "witches" of the Innocent,
And did conspire
To burn old women, babes, and virgins in a fire.• Ray Bradbury, The Halloween Tree
With all dark blessings and chilled hopes, may this finest day of the season bring you peace and joy.
blessed be,
Tiassa :cool:
Hear about the two gay ghosts?
They put the willies up each other! :D
*stRgrL*
10-31-02, 06:15 PM
Why did the ghost cross the road?
To get to "THE OTHER SIDE"
Why didnt the skeleton dance at the party?
He had no BODY to dance with:D
What does a vampire fear the most?
Tooth decay
Why didnt the skeleton cross the road?
He had no guts.
Okay guys, have a spooky ookie Halloween!
So tell me star baby...
Are you the trick or the treat ? :D:D
*stRgrL*
10-31-02, 06:22 PM
Hmmmm... Id say a little bit of both:D
And you?
*stRgrL*
10-31-02, 06:30 PM
What happened to the guy who couldnt keep up payments to his exorcist?
He was repossessed:D
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite
What kind of clothes do Zombies wear?
Decay NY:D:D:D
I know some of you can't wait to bring your kids to trick or treat and eat their candies afterwards.
UberDragon
10-31-02, 07:23 PM
Here I am sitting at home with candy for the trick-or-treaters, but I know they won't come here so I have two bags of peppermint patties to myself!!!!
(maniacal laughter followed by a gargle of minty sweetness and then UberDragon falls dead, a York in his throat on his own kitchen floor)
lixluke
10-31-02, 07:49 PM
happy holloween
Star, they were so cheesy.....I loved them :D
Good thing Halloween isn't a big deal here. Only got one knock on the door all night, and that was a guy picking up a catalouge. Now that the madness is over (0153 - 1/11/02 PINCH PUNCH FIRST OF THE MONTH TO EVERYONE!!!) I can get some shut eye
Phrenetic
10-31-02, 08:04 PM
hpayy haaeoweeenl
EvilPoet
10-31-02, 08:30 PM
http://www.plauder-smilies.de/tales/vampy.gif
What do you call a wizard from outer space?
A flying sorcerer
I just realized fireball is really good. I am not giving those away :D
NightFall
10-31-02, 10:21 PM
(maniacal laughter followed by a gargle of minty sweetness and then UberDragon falls dead, a York in his throat on his own kitchen floor)
guess he tasted a little too much of "the sensation". :D but ive got first dibs on the rest!!.
What did the skeleton tell the vampire?
You suck!
Phrenetic
10-31-02, 11:45 PM
nyuk nyuk nyuknyuk nyuk nyuknyuk nyuk nyuknyuk nyuk nyuknyuk nyuk nyuknyuk nyuk nyuknyuk nyuk nyuknyuk nyuk nyuknyuk nyuk nyuknyuk nyuk nyuknyuk nyuk nyuknyuk nyuk nyuknyuk nyuk nyuknyuk nyuk nyuknyuk nyuk nyuknyuk nyuk nyuknyuk nyuk nyuknyuk nyuk nyuk NYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUKNYUK NYUK
CounslerCoffee
11-01-02, 02:03 AM
Halloween is over but me and my cat want you all to know that its never to late (or to early) to get drunk.
"Beer is the proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -Benjamin Franklin.
Woew I did all that without misstyping, im getting purdy good at this being drunk at the keyboard crap.
By drunk i mean i am righ tnow.
Phrenetic
11-01-02, 02:37 AM
i'm not drinking again in a long time. that's what 12 shots of 151 will do to a social and lightweight drinker
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