I'm going to ask you to pardon me in advance for rambling. Also, I may edit for clarity later. I tend to be rather dour and pessimistic; it's woven into me deeply enough that protracted attempts to extract it have been engaged in. And failed. For a long time I looked to be as happy as television commercials told me I ought to be? But these attempts...made me feel somehow lacking as a person. Bad, because I was rarely ever that happy. Think of sunlight through leaves in a forest...only the occasional bright glint of it...I try to soak it up when it comes. I have long approached things by wondering why I wasn't as________as everyone else, and beating myself up for same. One of those did include happy. The others? all the normal stuff: successful, together, organized. Mainly that. To a great degree that beating of self has been very crippling in its' own right; my desperate, self-defeating desire to be (In some ways) like everybody else. When I profoundly stick out like a sore thumb. I see the power of optimism, yes. You take risks. You open your mind and heart to every new possibility, and sometimes those new possibilities are wonderful. There's a success story born every minute. OTOH, there's a whole industry out there selling "get-rich-quick" schemes to gullible optimists. My thought on those: if they knew how to get rich quick, they wouldn't tell you for any amount of money. But they sure are getting rich selling you this stuff... From my pessimist's perch...optimist often=fool. Now I wonder though...having given up on trying to be as ecstatic as the people on TV game shows, do I wallow in my dour attitude? I don't know. Right now I'm processing a lot of grief. Not by choice. I personally thought I'd been through enough therapy in my twenties for this. But no. Not so much. Still bothering me, despite all the hours I logged on it already. For something that stopped thirty years ago, you'd think I'd be over it by now? All better? I certainly want to be. I'm kind of at the point of accepting I'll never be entirely rid of it, that management is the keyword, and applying myself to same. Is that wallowing? It feels...useful. Basically I just have to accept whatever state I'm in and work with it. Happiness, delight, pain grief, rage, beshatterment, whatever. I have an effect, but I don't pick, really. The trapdoor in the back of my head swings open, and off I go. So I was trying to make a point here...what was it... oh... There's a fine line between acceptance and wallowing, yeah. There's also a fine line between optimism and denial. How can one tell where one is? Other questions: 1.How changeable is your outlook and mood, do you think? 2.How do you decide what is helpful about your personhood and what is hurting you? 3.(For Lori7) Is being happy and being at peace with who you are always the same thing?
Meh, that makes it sound like there's something exalted and special about feeling like dirt. Are you sure you want to subscribe to that? Personally I think how I feel is just the way I happen to feel. Although...I've been avoiding the news for months now, because I want to avoid those rip-hair-out moments that can be so inevitable...
It's only the beginning...when you are ready - pick up the greatest weight a few times. An exercise for the mind...
Basically. Life is actually only about the Errors. As long as you live with honour, you will regret NOTHING.
First of all, here's a book that addresses optimism and pessimism: The Positive Power of Negative Thinking Preview at Amazon This is not a self-help book, it an easy-to-read report of scientific research into pessimism and optimism. It is relatively novel in the sense that it emphasises that pessimism can be constructive and productive - quite contrary to the general belief. A chapter of the book is dedicated also specifically to interactions between pessimists and optimists, and the problems that arise in that. There are also some strategic suggestions for how to navigate these differences. For example, there is evidence that people who are defensive pessimists perform worse on tasks if they try to think like optimists, ie. if they try to take the whole "Just believe in yourself, and everything will be fine". I have the book and I appreciate it and I recommend it.
I think I've heard of this book before... And yes, I absolutely think through the worst-case scenario...such that if I didn't already have my heart set on being a therapist someday, I'd try to get a bachelor's in disaster planning and logistics! I mean, planning for the worst is such a strength of mine, I could go pro!
I think a major problem with online forum discussions is that they are too short, too schematic - and can therefore exacerbate the original problem or the feeling that one should "just get over it". This is why it is good to read some books on the topic at hand. A book will provide a reasonably lengthy context, a discussion, terminology, and most importantly, the visceral experience of going through a topic discussed on 300 pages - so that one gets a better feel for the whole thing.
Given, the topic, the questions to the questions you raise - - could be: Why is the OP asking these questions? Is asking these questions not yet another attempt at self-sabotage? Yet another attempt to solicit comparisons with others, so that then there will be reason to feel lowly? Is this not an example of communicating to others through one's neuroses and wounds (which is a very unhealthy way of communicating)?
My point is - When we are discussing our psych problems, we are also having a meta-discussion on the discussion of psych problems. This meta-discussion is often implicit and we are not necessarily aware of it, but it is there anyway and it is wreaking its own havoc. (Think of reactance, for example.) This is one reason why talking about one's psych problems can be really tricky and unproductive.
Because I want to figure out where holding myself accountable ends and being too hard on myself begins No...at least I don't think so. I'm too content to be myself. But I seem to be told that I'm being too negative a lot when expressing my thoughts. So I'm trying to also find the line between beating myself up...and stating what I feel my internal state to be. Core beshatterment.:shrug: The choice there seems to be being walled up with my suffering or taking it on the road, so to speak. Walling it up makes it worse...in fact makes it so much worse that I can no longer manage it. Hence my exploding head. Perhaps If I clear it I will have something more entertaining to talk about. I certainly did at one point. I certainly would like to again.
I think you are being too hard on yourself. This is where the above book on pessimism could help, as it addresses the problems of communication between pessimists and optimists. That is understandable.
Annoying others isn't to be underestimated, it has effects on others, as well as on oneself. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Each of us has but one responsibility in life, which is stated simply and eloquently below. In a world of constant change, most of which is far beyond our ability to influence, THERE IS ONE THING uniquely our own to effect: our attitude. This can be a significant challenge when we face some of life's trials, and that is one reason that having a social network can aid us getting through and beyond these low times in our lives. However, if we continue to wallow, the best intentioned will eventually have no recourse but to direct their best energies elsewhere because we are somewhat like batteries in that our own energies require repletion on occasion. Ever notice how some people make you want to cross the street when you see them coming? They are 'energy thieves'. Meanwhile, other encounters have entirely the opposite effect and can leave you revitalized, even after a grueling day. 'Become the change that you would see in the world.' Don't expect others to do the work alone. Get involved, at anything, in a good way. Do even the most menial of tasks 'with love in your heart'. It gets easier with practice, like most things. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
I tend to look at these things from the view point of biological evolution. Is there any evolutionary need to be happy? No. Happiness is a reward mechanism for doing something right, meaning giving a competitive advantage in the survival and breeding stakes. It tends to be transitory. That is : we do something that makes us happy. An hour later, the happy feeling is gone and we have to do it again. I think you can see how this mechanism works in the evolutionary sense. For example : if a young person does what needs to be done to establish a good relationship with an attractive member of the opposite sex, it makes them happy. They will have to do it again, and again, and again for repeated doses of happiness. Sound familiar? There is no obligation to be happy. There is no great harm in being unhappy, as long as it does not drive you suicidal, or stuff up your social life. So there is no point making your unhappiness drive you unhappy. If that makes sense. So live your life in whatever way works for you and don't pay any attention to well meaning and bullsh!t advice.
first off, that Nietzsche quote makes me sick. Optimism and deep thinking are not mutually exclusive; what a joke. moving on, my only advice is based on past experience. When I get into a "funk" or a depression, there are usually one or more of the following four things at play: 1. Lack of Social Life- It's nice to think of ourselves as independent and entirely self-sufficient, but we NEED other people. Friends are more potent than any strength of Prozac (this is coming from an introvert with many, many times of solitude). 2. Diet- Body fuels mind. My worst depression was during a time when I ate few fruits/veggies and primarily ate high starch, high calorie meals 2-3 times a day (pasta, sandwiches, pizza). As soon as I started eating healthy, my depression essentially faded. 3. Drugs- I love to drink beer and smoke cannabis. However, when abused (especially cannabis) my love of life fades very quickly. The spark of life, quite literally, gets extinguished. It takes at least a week of sobriety to feel better again. I have no experience with pharmaceutical drugs, but cannabis, in excess, IS depression. 4. Exercise- I don't know anyone who exercises regularly who is depressed. period. you want to feel better? break a sweat, move your legs, be active. exercise is nature's antidepressant, and it's the best one of all.
