This poem got me into the international library as a VIP member......

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by ULTRA, Dec 5, 2010.

  1. ULTRA Realistically Surreal Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,555
    Alas, our love is broken now,
    The pieces gone astray,
    Haunted, lonely is the wreck,
    Beneath the salty waves.
    A blackened hulk where light once played,
    On merriment and song,
    That plays no more,
    In dark Abides,
    Deep currents rolling on.

    Alas, if I could salvage now,
    The pieces gone astray,
    A slim'd and rotted gruesome thing,
    Beneath the salty waves.
    I fear no solace waits for me,
    In dark and lonely deeps,
    But a salty grave,
    Beneath the waves,
    Where love eternal sleeps

    Copyright res. LJB1992
     
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  3. GeoffP Caput gerat lupinum Valued Senior Member

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    This poem got me kicked out of English class, 11th grade:

    Listen, listen
    The cat is pissin'
    Where? Where?
    He's under the chair!
    Quick quick,
    Get the gun!
    Never mind -
    He's done.
     
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  5. Gremmie "Happiness is a warm gun" Valued Senior Member

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    Kicked out of class?...That fine piece of work, should've earned you the title of poet laureate. :worship:
     
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  7. GeoffP Caput gerat lupinum Valued Senior Member

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    I've had preferred the title of Poet That Laurie 'Et.
     
  8. Gremmie "Happiness is a warm gun" Valued Senior Member

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    2,593

    Can't have everything, dude..Besides, I heard Laurie used to be Larry.

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  9. GeoffP Caput gerat lupinum Valued Senior Member

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    Not the Laurie I knew.

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  10. jmpet Valued Senior Member

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    Wrote half a poem once-

    "Here I sit, broken hearted"

    But could never finish it.
     
  11. AlexG Like nailing Jello to a tree Valued Senior Member

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    4,304
    My son's poem, thirteen years ago.

     
  12. GeoffP Caput gerat lupinum Valued Senior Member

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    22,087
    Nice.
     
  13. Captain Kremmen All aboard, me Hearties! Valued Senior Member

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    What' s eleventh grade?

    If you had said Pishin' instead of Pissin' I think you'd have got away with it.

    Plus you have had more rhymes available.
    Nuclear Fission.
    Fishin'
    A painting by Titian.
    War of attrition.
    If you really want to achieve something in life , you've got to work hard and plan ahead, it's no use just Wishin'
    etc


    Too late now.
     
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2010
  14. Captain Kremmen All aboard, me Hearties! Valued Senior Member

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    12,738
    I knew someone who wrote on the school lavatory door
    The angle of the dangle = The Throb of the nob

    Oh, and I've just remembered.
    He illustrated it, graphically.

    He wasn't expelled, because they didn't know who it was.

    It was a scandal that got the priests very excited indeed,
    and the subject was raised in morning assembly.
    Boys, and girls, a very bad thing has happened in our school..............
    They didn't read out the poem

    He was really bad.
    Later, he threw hydrochloric acid over a boy's clothes and melted them.
    No teacher ever found out about that,

    We had a code of silence you see.
     
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2010
  15. visceral_instinct Monkey see, monkey denigrate Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    7,913
    Here I sit, broken hearted
    Tried to shit but only farted
    Later on I tried to fart
    Crapped my pants and broke my heart.

    Sorry, couldn't resist.
     
  16. visceral_instinct Monkey see, monkey denigrate Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    7,913
    Btw Ultra, that is indeed a beautiful poem.
     
  17. Captain Kremmen All aboard, me Hearties! Valued Senior Member

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    12,738
    What does it mean to get into the international library as a VIP member?
    Does that give you some advantages?

    And where and what is the international Library?

    I think your poem has good imagery.
    I hope you don't mind me giving a criticism though.
    Use of words like lonely and haunted.


    This is from Thomas Hardy's "The Going", about the death of his wife, which covers the same themes of being haunted and lonely, plus despair,the familiar become strange, regret, the feeling of anger towards a close person who has died, and a whole lot else, but doesn't mention the words themselves.

    Why do you make me leave the house
    And think for a breath it is you I see
    At the end of the alley of bending boughs
    Where so often at dusk you used to be;
    Till in darkening dankness
    The yawning blankness
    Of the perspective sickens me!


    I do realise you aren't claiming to be a Thomas Hardy.
     
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2010
  18. ULTRA Realistically Surreal Registered Senior Member

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    1,555
    Thanks for the feedback, and don't worry your criticism is not so harsh!
    By the way, good effort folks..good stuff.

    I write what comes naturally, but I read a lot of poetry too so if i've picked up influences, well, that's not so bad. There's worse things in life than being compared to the great Hardy!

    Here's a brand-new one, not even edited yet.

    Bitter Alkaloid

    Steam in my streaming eyes,
    Oh my God, it's cold outside,
    Got my coffee sweet and black,
    My reflection staring back,
    Christmas shoppers crowd the streets,
    Heaped with parcels bearing treats,
    I find myself in my own void,
    With my bitter alkaloid.

    Shadows dance across my cup,
    Someone sits as I look up,
    It's the girl with long blonde hair,
    I look away so not to stare,
    I risk a smile, but to myself;
    Such fantasies can damage health,
    I do not venture from my void,
    Just sip my bitter alkaloid.
     
  19. GeoffP Caput gerat lupinum Valued Senior Member

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    Lucky for you.
     
  20. Captain Kremmen All aboard, me Hearties! Valued Senior Member

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    No, not me. Not me.

    If I was ever rich enough to be a Scientologist I'd have to pay a pretty penny to rid myself of that memory.

    He threw concentrated acid over a boy's back.
    I knew what he was going to do, and I was filled with horror.
    By whatever lucky chance, the boy must have been twisting away and wasn't injured. It melted straight through his clothes.
    I thought it had turned them pink, but it was his bare skin showing through.
    Thankfully still perfect, and not horribly blistered and scarred.


    @Ultra.
    Your poems are not awful.
    And they are entertaining to read.
    That puts you in the top 1% of all the poets that have ever lived.

    I remember reading some of the poems of a famous Politician who was a classics scholar.
    His poems were incredibly bad.
    I wonder why poetry is so hard.
     
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2010
  21. Kennyc Registered Senior Member

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    993
    And how many copies of the book are you required to buy?

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  22. Captain Kremmen All aboard, me Hearties! Valued Senior Member

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    Come on Kenny.
    I challenge you.
    One of your early poems please.
    A real one.
    If you do so, I will provide one of my own.

    The poet's craft is the hardest.
    For every ten would-be Engineers, one becomes an engineer, but only one in a million poets make their money from it.
     
  23. Kennyc Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    993
    I'm fully aware of the International Library. It's a scam. I've gotten many of those "acceptances"

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poetry.com

    Sorry.

    I've also had numerous poems published and yes for money....not much money in it though.

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    I do agree with you about the difficulty of poetry, much more so than the novelist and non-fiction usually as well.
    Also there are some truly awful poets out there -- mostly in the academic area, but some truly amazing ones as well.
    Check out some Ted Koozer (former poet laureate) and Li-Young Lee and...

    P.S. Ultra. No offense intended to your work. It's a much better poem than may I see. Well Done!
     
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2010

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