American Football: It's time!

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by Tiassa, Sep 3, 2010.

  1. Tiassa Let us not launch the boat ... Valued Senior Member

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    Goddamn, I can tell it's football season. It took me ... um—how long?—to start my usual autumn growl?

    I mean, I know the Seattle Seahawks aren't helping themselves much ... okay, they're back into the game and playing better after the first quarter. But, really, did anyone see the officials manufacture that first touchdown for Oakland?

    (There was a questionable pass interference call to extend the Oakland drive; in the middle of the regular season, that call would have been ridiculed. The same official, the left-side line judge, then utterly missed a blatant holding call on the Oakland touchdown. Talk about a gift ....)

    We have a saying in the States: It's pre-season for the refs, too.

    Quite obviously.

    Still, that was just ridiculous.

    It's football season!
     
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  3. Gremmie "Happiness is a warm gun" Valued Senior Member

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    I assume you're watching the game also.

    Hawks only down by 4, with 5 mins to go.

    And like you said, only preseason, rather lose now than later.
     
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  5. Tiassa Let us not launch the boat ... Valued Senior Member

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    Ayuh

    Yeah. I was looking forward to it. First game I saw a few minutes of from the bar at Boundary Bay brewery. Missed one. Got cable, missed another because I wasn't paying attention to the odd schedule. Knew this one was coming; despise the Raiders from our AFC West days.

    Went out, got a pizza, bought some beer. Thanks to that opening drive for Oakland I'm drinking more than I probably should. Dragonstooth is good stuff. So is Inversion.

    Fuckin' football season!

    Goddamn fucking Raiders. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!

    (24-16)
     
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  7. Gremmie "Happiness is a warm gun" Valued Senior Member

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    I have hated the Raiders, and Al Davis as long as I can remember.

    Whenever someone I don't really know, asks who's your favorite team?

    I always say, whoever plays the Raiders this week.:bugeye:
     
  8. Kat9Lives Registered Senior Member

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    394
    yay for footy season!!
    AFL for me!!
    GO the Cats!!
     
  9. Tiassa Let us not launch the boat ... Valued Senior Member

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    Er ... um ... yeah. Right.

    Yeah. I would say, "Fuck Al Davis!" but the image in my mind is just disgusting.

    Oh.

    Right.

    Damn.

    (Did you see that personal foul against Roy Lewis? I mean, sure, it was close, but come on. What, did the National Football League become the American Pussy Association this year? Why didn't I get the fucking memo?)
     
  10. Tiassa Let us not launch the boat ... Valued Senior Member

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    F@ck yeah!

    Fuck yeah!

    Fourth down stand!

    (Seventy ounces of beer—a 22 and four twelver bottles—and I'm not drunk enough.)

    What is it ... what is it?

    Defensive PI?

    Fuck yeah!

    That makes up for the earlier PI call.
     
  11. superstring01 Moderator

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    12,110
    Ugh.

    Fooooootball.

    The same bliss you're feeling now is what I feel when the season ends and I no longer have to suffer through insane questions, "Did ya' see the game last night!?" and "Boy, wonder if them Browns will ever get their act together." and "Go Bucks!" and "Something-something-something ALCS blah-blah-blah safety yada-yada-yada ten yard penalty." All while I glaze over and, sometimes knee-jerkishly, reply, "I hate football. It sucks." More often than not, though, I say, "Oh, yeah. . . um. . . [insert diversionary statement here]"

    ~String
     
  12. Tiassa Let us not launch the boat ... Valued Senior Member

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    A sad truth

    Well, yeah. But you're from Ohio. I mean, sure, you can expect the Buckeyes to have a winning season more often than not, but still ....

    Fuck, man, if the Buckeyes were all I had to go with, I'd hate football, too.
     
  13. superstring01 Moderator

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    12,110
    In truth, sir, I actually enjoy college football. I enjoy it like I enjoy owning a Kimber Custom Stainless II, 1911. I don't usually admit it to people, because the type of people who enjoy these things tend to enjoy them so overwhelmingly that it's all they can talk about once I mention them, so I usually don't.

    I really do love the Bucks. In fact, I have an affinity for college sports that professional sports cannot touch. I just don't get talking about them, though. I get in the car, drive to C-bus and get lucky and scalp a ticket to the Horseshoe (as you may well know, actually getting tickets in advance is--well--it's more difficult than some really difficult thing I can't think of because I'm stuffed full of Chicken Divan, it's 3:53am, I just finished reading Starship Troopers which was WAY better than the movie [go figure] and have nothing else to read, and I really want to go to sleep and am waiting for the Lunesta to kick in. . . but you otherwise get what I'm driving at). Where was I? Yeah. Well, sports and stuff.

    Funny this topic should come up, because every year my dad et famille implore me to join their Fantasy Football League to no avail. Just today, I had to listen to my step mother ramble on and on about Colt McCoy, who--besides having the SINGLE coolest name on earth--also has performance anxiety reminiscent of my first sexual experience when I was fourteen. Poor lad. He should have known better than to play for the Browns.

    Why are you still up? Wait. It's only like 1am there. Nevermind.

    ~String
     
  14. Tiassa Let us not launch the boat ... Valued Senior Member

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    37,884
    For our international neighbors

    For Our International Neighbors

    American football brings out, frankly, the worst in people. Tailgate parties are good fun, as long as you're part of them. Otherwise, they're a public nuisance.

    I. Professional Football (NFL)

    There is only one professional football team I care about: the Seattle Seahawks. They're the hometown team. End of story.

    Beyond that, I'll root against any number of teams. The Oakland Raiders, for instance. Or the Denver Broncos. They are former conference rivals of the Seahawks, who have since moved from the AFC West to the NFC West. This is important only in the context of a championship (Super Bowl) run, but makes all the difference in the world. Presently, we are inclined to despise the Arizona Cardinals, but Kurt "God Boy" Warner has retired, the Cards are in turmoil, and our perennial whipping boys, the St. Louis Rams, are actually showing a pulse this year; it will be an interesting season.​

    II. College Football (NCAA)

    Personally, I have several affinities. The Pacific 10 (Pac 10) conference consists of schools from Washington, Oregon, California, and Arizona. There are several I will back for various reasons:

    University of Washington Huskies — I live in the Seattle area; it's mandatory.
    Washington State Cougars — The Huskies' cross-state rivals. The annual game is called Apple Cup. A family friend formerly coached the Cougars, and even took them to the Rose Bowl. I prefer them to the Huskies, but, let's face it, they suck.
    University of Oregon Ducks — I dropped out of UO.
    Oregon State Beavers — The Ducks' state rivals. No particular reason to cheer for them, except that they're from Oregon. And I hate California.
    Stanford University Cardinal — My brother graduated Stanford. And so did "The Pone", a family friend.​

    Beyond that, there are five more teams: University of California-Berkley Golden Bears, Stanford's rival; the annual game is called, simply, "Big Game". University of California-Los Angeles Bruins, presently coached by Rick Neuheisal, who ruined the UW Huskies' program beyond all measure, though that's only added incentive to hate them. University of Southern California Trojans, a perennial favorite and worthy of ridicule just for having the same name as a condom. University of Arizona Wildcats, who are not worth hating, but are still a conference rival. Arizona State University Sun Devils; same thing.

    Then there is the Big Ten conference, which includes eleven schools altogether; there will be twelve next season, when the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers join the conference. The Big Ten teams are the rivals to the Pac 10 in the annual Rose Bowl game, except when the Bowl Championship Series rotates to hold the national championship game in Pasadena every fourth year (Orange, Sugar, Fiesta, and Rose Bowls). The BCS, incidentally, is one of the biggest frauds in American sports, as every other year or so it becomes embroiled in such rhetorical controversy according to its selection process that the national champion is doubted.

    This is the basis of my underlying animosity toward the Ohio State University Buckeyes, who are usually a contender for the conference championship. There is also the University of Michigan Wolverines, the classic OSU rival; I don't know what their annual game is called, and I don't care. It's quite easy to root against OSU on any given Saturday, unless they're playing Michigan. I despise Michigan even more, but as a friend backs OSU unconditionally for no good reason (he graduated Western Washington University), I can't back them in the Michigan game. The best solution is to just ignore the game and catch the highlights on ESPN.

    III. Other Collegiate Teams

    The NCAA isn't the only college football organization in the country, but it's the only one that matters. Beyond the several teams I listed above, there are a few I have sentimental attachments to. The Northwestern University Wildcats, for instance, I appreciate because, as a kid, I happened to see their victory over the Northern Illinois University Huskies, which ended a record-setting losing streak; I have a thing for underdogs.

    But there are the Boise State University Broncos, presently of the Western Athletic Conference. To the one, any team that competes against the Brigham Young University Cougars gets my vote. To the other, my father coached at Boise State in the '70s. And they have the now legendary "smurf-turf", a bright blue astroturf field that annoys the hell out of everyone, and is the result of a contribution from Joe Albertson, of Albertson's supermarkets. (Yes, that blue.) There is also the University of Texas-El Paso Miners, coached by Mike Price, the same family friend who once led the Washington State Cougars to the Rose Bowl. There are also teams like the University of Puget Sound Loggers, where my father coached, but who don't matter in the greater scheme of college football; life goes on.

    I also have an affinity for the University of North Carolina Tar Heels, for reasons I won't explain, but go back to when I was in second grade.

    Additionally, I'll give props to the Penn State University Nittany Lions. My high school football team, the Bellarmine Lions, modeled their uniforms after Penn State. We took our fight song, though, from University of Notre Dame, which was also a Catholic school. More on them in a moment. But, as far as Penn State is concerned, one word will suffice: JoePa. Or, to be more specific, forty-four years leading one school to one of the best records in college football deserves a certain amount of respect. Joe Paterno is eighty-four years old, and probably starting his final season in the NCAA. That deserves a certain amount of respect, which I am more than happy to give.

    In addition to the Big Ten there, are a number of teams I generally root against. The University of Florida Gators and University of Miami Hurricanes, for instance. These were longtime powerhouses of collegiate football, and largely for reasons of corruption. It feels good to hate the Florida schools. There is also the University of Alabama Crimson Tide, a storied program that fired Mike Price over a bogus scandal; 'nuff said. The University of Nebraska Cornhuskers; don't ask. The University of Notre Dame Fighting Irish. There are many reasons to hate them, and I encourage them all. A Catholic school from Indiana, ND has an eternal contract with NBC, so that we have to suffer through their games on national television no matter how bad a season they might have. Plus, one end of the stadium looks onto a mural on the Hesburgh Library, which is known as ... "Touchdown Jesus". Notre Dame is the only time you'll ever hear me utter the phrase, "Fuck the Irish". Really, those freaks believe in Touchdown Jesus. What more can I say?

    Plus, the nature of college football is such that you're supposed to hate any team that fucks with a team you like. So if some school I don't care about, say, the Syracuse University Orangemen, happen to beat a team I like, I'm supposed to hate them.

    And, yes, I mean hate. Sure, we don't have the kind of football riots Europe entertains, but once you've tailgated, you'll understand what I mean.

    IV. Now Here's the Tricky Part

    As things go, I'm not much of a football fan. Don't get me wrong; it's part of my family, and part of my life. But my outlook on the game is complex compared to many, if not most. Ask anyone from Texas. No, seriously. Ever see Dazed and Confused? Remember the scene at the baseball game, where Pink is walking out of the bleachers, and an old man is quizzing him about the upcoming high school football season? Ever hear the phrase, "Friday Night Lights"? Yeah. That's Texas football.

    The University of Georgia Bulldogs have a live mascot, as many teams do. Their mascot is, naturally, a bulldog. Its name is Uga. That is, U of GA. (The postal code for Georgia is GA.) When one passes or retires, it is replaced by one of its offspring. (Read John Berendt's Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil if you'd like a glimpse into Uga culture. It's a good enough book, otherwise, but since I'm on the subject, I thought to mention it.) Presently, they are on Uga VIII—I don't know its real name, as Uga VII was Uga VI's Loran's Best", named after Loran Smith, a 36-year sideline reporter for Bulldog radio broadcasts), a tradition dating to 1956, and ties back to Georgia's 1942 national championship (Uga I, of 1956, was the grandson of the dog that accompanied the team to the Rose Bowl—which was prior to the Big Ten-Pac 10 rivalry.) Uga VII passed last year, but was replace by Russ, his half-brother, who presided over two victories.

    Professional football fanatics are generally rowdy drunks, but college fans are downright insane. In the early '90s, I believe, California Bears fans—and UCB students—infiltrated the Stanford football stadium and seeded the Bears' logo on the field in California poppy (Eschscholzia californica), which is the state flower, and therefore could not be cut out; Stanford groundskeepers had to transplant a large section of the field. The Stanford University Marching Band (the LSJUMB is not actually a marching band, but a scramble or scatter band) was permanently expelled from the University of Notre Dame after a 1991 incident in which the drum major dressed up as a nun, which prompted a fan to assault him; they've been in trouble a lot over the years, including the infamous "NCUT" episode in 1986. (They are also the inventors of the reputed worst drink ever conceived, the "Tuna Colada".)

    Beyond such episodes, college football fans defy accurate description. Where else would you see a thirty-foot helium baloon shaped like a penis floating over the stadium? And why else would a magazine blow its budget on such a prank?

    Compared to all this, I'm a lightweight. That is, watching the 'Hawks game tonight, I didn't recognize the team. Sure, there were some familar names, but most real fans have adjusted to the lineups already. If Jake Locker isn't starting for the UW Huskies this year, I couldn't tell you who is.

    But, yeah. It's football season, goddammit. Fuckin' football!
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2010
  15. MacGyver1968 Fixin' Shit that Ain't Broke Valued Senior Member

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    Hehe...String likes "Tight Ends"!

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    j/k

    Hell...if they ain't got a blue star on the side of their helmet...I don't give a shit.
     
  16. domesticated om Stickler for details Valued Senior Member

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    3,277
    My two 'junk TV' vices are MMA and football. I'm not much of a fan of the NFL, but I love NCAA.

    My favorite teams are the UT Volunteers and Vanderbilt Commodores...... although I'm not much of a hardcore fan. I don't care if my teams lose, and simply enjoy seeing exciting games between top ranked teams.
     
  17. superstring01 Moderator

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    12,110
    Nope. I'm so huge that I need a loose end.

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    I was a right tackle/guard when I played football. I was rather big for my age back when I played.

    See, football in my family--for a guy--is a de facto requirement. My dad was still learning to be a good dad when I was a boy (eventually he got there). My older brother loved football so for him, the "requirement" wasn't really a requirement. But for me it was harsh and agonizing.

    I was also a rare kid. Besides the "gay" thing, I was a social and ideological rebel. Whereas my brother was just a typical teenager in his confrontational attitude, I resisted by other--more creative--ways. Like, walking off the field and quitting football (which my dad coached) just to embarrass him. Being forced to be there made me hate the sport for eons and hate him for almost as long.

    Even to this day, when I brings the sport up, there's a whole ganglia bundle somewhere in my head that flares up in all sorts of negative ways.

    ~String
     
  18. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

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    I just hope there are no carrier ending injuries or life threatening ones either. To me the "game" has become more of a business than anything else. College still has a little air of sport about it but it too has been hijacked by big business. College coaches making millions of dollars while the athletes earn little more than a free stay at school for their "education".
     
  19. pjdude1219 The biscuit has risen Valued Senior Member

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    there are a couple of players who I wouldn't be displeased if they suffered carrear ending injuries.
     
  20. pjdude1219 The biscuit has risen Valued Senior Member

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    don't worry about the broncos they are spending all their cash on QB's
     
  21. Killjoy Propelling The Farce!! Valued Senior Member

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    Why not ?

    I mean - it's about as boring as NASCAR racing... ...a thundering hit or a leg getting snapped in half are almost the only things that break the monotony, same as some cracker splattering himself all over the pavement makes putting up with that endless droning & series of left hand turns sort kinda worth it !


    At least it ain't baseball.

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    Quite.
     
  22. clusteringflux Version 1. OH! Valued Senior Member

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    Well the U of M has had some absolutely horrible years since bringing on the controversial coach RichRod, but showed promise in the season opener against U of Connecticut .
    Sophomore QB, Denard Robinson passed for 186 yards and rushed for a school record 197 yards. In fact he ran right out of his shoes in one highlight, which isn't all that uncommon. However, as I look at the picture of him I can't help but notice. Hmmmm. Is it coincidence that this picture show his shoe untied?

    ....Or, does this kid go on the field with his shoes untied regularly?.Perhaps as a last defense measure, like the lizard that drops it's tail when nearly caught by the assailant?

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    At any rate, it won't much matter if the defense continues to stay in the locker room like they did at this game. Then they won't even win the seven games expected for the coaches 3rd (and final?) year leading a proud, and other wise historically winning ball club.
     
  23. Tiassa Let us not launch the boat ... Valued Senior Member

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    37,884
    Go Tree!

    Oh, dear heaven. Stanford-Wake Forest ... 41-7 Tree, heading into the half. It's ... I think the word "evisceration" fits. I mean, I'm not sure how Stanford can lighten up in the second half. Luck has a 52-yard touchdown run. The Deacons have given up four sacks. It's a thrilling horror show. But, really, it's not a matter of no mercy. I just don't see how Stanford can take it easy on Wake Forest without simply taking a knee in the second half.

    And this on top of the beating Tree gave UCLA last weekend? Yikes. I'm more than impressed.
     

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