cosmictraveler
11-25-03, 07:21 PM
At New York's JFK airport today, an individual, later discovered to be
a public school math teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while
in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule and a
calculator.
Attorney general John Ashcroft believes the man is a member of the
notorious al-Gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying Weapons of
Math Instruction (WMI).
"al-Gebra is a very fearsome cult, indeed", Ashcroft said. "They desire
average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on a tangent
in a search of absolute values. They consist of quite shadowy figures, with
names like, "x", "y" and "z", and, although they are frequently referred to
as "unknowns", we know they really belong to a common denominator and are
part of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country." "As the
great Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every
angle'" he added.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "Make no
mistake, if God had wanted US to have better weapons of math instruction,
He would have given us more fingers and toes."
A member of the Presidential group, who spoke without attribution said,
"I'm extremely grateful that our government has given us a sine that it is
intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are so willing to
disintegrate us with calculus disregard. These statistic &%$#@!s love to
inflict plane on every sphere of influence. Under the circumferences, it's
time we differentiated their root, made our point, and drew the line."
President Bush said, "these weapons of math instruction have the
potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen
unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random
facts of vertex."
Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, 'Read
My Ellipse'. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of---though they continue
to multiply --- their days are numbered and the hypotenuse will tighten
around their necks."
a public school math teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while
in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule and a
calculator.
Attorney general John Ashcroft believes the man is a member of the
notorious al-Gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying Weapons of
Math Instruction (WMI).
"al-Gebra is a very fearsome cult, indeed", Ashcroft said. "They desire
average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on a tangent
in a search of absolute values. They consist of quite shadowy figures, with
names like, "x", "y" and "z", and, although they are frequently referred to
as "unknowns", we know they really belong to a common denominator and are
part of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country." "As the
great Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every
angle'" he added.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "Make no
mistake, if God had wanted US to have better weapons of math instruction,
He would have given us more fingers and toes."
A member of the Presidential group, who spoke without attribution said,
"I'm extremely grateful that our government has given us a sine that it is
intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are so willing to
disintegrate us with calculus disregard. These statistic &%$#@!s love to
inflict plane on every sphere of influence. Under the circumferences, it's
time we differentiated their root, made our point, and drew the line."
President Bush said, "these weapons of math instruction have the
potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen
unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random
facts of vertex."
Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, 'Read
My Ellipse'. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of---though they continue
to multiply --- their days are numbered and the hypotenuse will tighten
around their necks."