most of you willl lol at this i bet.

A girl i like picked me p from my job on monday, i wok at a boy scout camp from june 9th till augaust 16th but we got out early.We spent the whole day tgether, and we were kissing whenever, she sat on the grass, i sat down also, then she layed down and i think i climbed on top of her ( i dont know we didint know it was happning it was complety spontanious.

Well now, she says she cant trust me becasue i told to many poeple, well, now ive told alot of people i bet huh? and that i only think of her as a sex toy.
It was just as much her as me wasent it?

and when im around her, i dont htink about sex, i just think what the fuck does she mean by that? what do i do? what does she want me to say? and i shiver because of the wierdest htings! like when our arms accednetly brush agasnt each other, whenever she leans aganst me my heart moves a little faster. The biggest problem i have is that she isnt good at telling important htings to my face, she eather has to write it down, send it in a text message ( which i cant recive) or write it down in a note!

My question is what do i do to get her to understand i dont only think of her as a sex toy, and that she can trust me, oh, also that i really, trully do care about her? and how can i try to get her to talk to me aobut important things? ive told her we both have problems talknig aobut important things, and i have gotton better, but how do i get her to be able to?

I tried all of my ideas, and 2 other peoples and im just tired of them assive headachs i keep getting.

Please help me, i do care about her, and i just want to be with her, but it seems like its impossible.

Thanks for your ideas everyone

riku_124

Kill her.
No person - no problem.

So how come you told 'too many people'? That does seem to be the issue. Have you explained that to her? Have you apologised to her for that?

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i have aploagized and i promised her i would never tel lanyones secret ever again
i guess i lied about that because i just posted it huh?

and i bet she told at least one person

She trusted you and found out it was more important to you to run back and tell your friends, which is common but learn from it. And what if you end up marrying her...think abbout it! :o

Just keep your mouth shut about these things and and maybe she will trust you again...or move on.

You need to explain to her why you told 'several people'. Be honest. I'm guessing it was because you were so bowled over by the experience you needed to share it with someone. Now you realise the only person you want to share that sort of intimate detail with is her.
How many people she told is irrelevant. She is a female. The rules are different.

i told 3 poeple because i didint know what to do! i was scared, and i assume shes scared also

and i just want to be with her,
why do u want to be with her?

How old are you? It sounds like you're both teenagers. All of this is normal. There is a limit to how much we older people can teach you younger people about how to deal with life. Some of it you can only learn by experience. Getting along with people is a little of both, especially when romance is involved because it's impossible to understand how something is going to feel until you're there, and all the hormones and emotions come into play.

She can't tell you how she feels, she has to write it down. You don't know what to say or how to act around her, you have to ask your friends. I'd say the communication between you is not too good.

Maybe you'll both learn and you'll end up having a good relationship. But there's a limit to how much you can heal in one relationship, the feelings are destroyed before you can fix them. Sometimes it's just one of life's little learning experiences. You take what you learn about this relationship and use it to make the next one better. Hopefully the next girl is having the same experience right now so when you get together you'll both do better than you did this time.

Women like having sex as much as we do, but they don't think about it as much as we do, they don't talk about it as much as we do, and they don't usually build relationships in which it is one of the dominant factors. Sex is playing a dominant role in this relationship and she's not going to like that. You say that there's a lot of other stuff too, so focus on that and stop talking about sex.

Nobody likes to hear the other person tell them about discussing their relationship with their friends. We all do it but we're not supposed to say so. It's a ritual, just follow it, okay? :)

fraggle i dont tal kabout sex with her, i dont even really think about it when im around her, i mean sure at ohme my mind wanders, but then again thats probably a good thing :P all i want is to be with her, because of what happned, shes scared, and i think thats why she says i only think of her as a sex toy i htink that makes it easier for her to say what shes saying in notes, but my main question is how do i get her to talk to me about it i guess, if we could just tlk about whats going on, not me waiting weeks on end til l isee her for a note, we would be able to work things out quicker, maby what happned between us happned a little to soon, maby it didint, but all i want is to work things out


someone asked why i want to be wit hher, the answer is she makes me happy, when im with her i never thin kabout ciggeretts, whe ni mwit hher i get a warm fuzzy feeling in my stomack almost like butterflies, only alot nicer. when were together i love how when our arms brush each otehr accedently it makes me shiver. when me and her are sitting down how i can put my arm aroun her neck and just hold her and feel her warmth aganst me. i care about her, and it hurts me to know we are i nsuch a BAD ARGUMENT THING RIGHT NOW (sorry caps lock was on) i know arguments happen and i know if we can fix this it wil lbe fo the better, but how can we fix it if we cant talk. I will also admit its hard for me to talk to her about these things, but i push through it and hope to god i say it the way i think it in my head, and whenever i do it gets more and more easy to say things to her, how do i get her to start talking to me?

im sorry i kinda ranted and raved a little in that guys, but its nice to be able to tell someone how i feel, or just vent a little.

Thanks for listning to me and if you guys can help me thats great, i could figure something out on my own, but i would like different opinions before i say soemthing.

thanks
riku

In all honesty if she can't deal with other people knowing she's banging you then she's probably not someone to waste time on. In a real relationship everyone knows who you're with, they all understand your having sex, and you want them to know because you enjoy being with that person.

So if you just are worried about not getting pussy from her that's fine, just play her an be whatever she wants.

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sderenzi...
the kid's fourteen. Given that and the tone of his post I don't think there's much 'bangin' going on.

Alright riku, I'll answer. But you won't listen to barely a word I say anyway, so I'm not sure what the purpose of this experiment may be. I wouldn't have listened either at fourteen though, so it's all par for the course.

1. If you must start dating at this age (which I and many did) you have to understand that it's all just a learning experience. With about 99.9% surity you're not falling in love, you're not head-over-heels for the gal and you probably will barely think about her in twelve months. It's hard at this age when you have your first experiences and it seems nothing goes as you want it to -> the highs are high and the lows are very low at fourteen. But this changes with time.

In your position, I would have reacted similar to you and been very distraught by the girl and tried hard to adjust matters. If I fucked a girl tomorrow and two days from now she was pissed off that I told people, I would delete her from my phonebook and not waste my time for another moment. Which leads me to...

2. The best advise is drop the girl. I know you like the fuzzy warm feeling and all, but there are two important subpoints you have to realize. (A) most of that feeling is a result of flirtation and first-crush and the fun of it all ^ (B) about a thousand things go into making a beneficial/fun/long-term relationship and only one of those is the 'warm fuzzy feeling'.

You may not be mature enough for a relationship, I don't know you so I won't comment (not that it would stop you anyway - nor should it, people need to make their own mistakes). She doesn't sound at all ready for it. Her priorities still lie way more with her image and her security is too ingrained in her surroundings to be able to actually be independant and with you. This is not abnormal for fourteen, at all. But ontop of being fourteen she's a bit controlling obviously.

Drop the girl.

I know you won't listen, but you might as well read it. There are noted benefits to dropping the girl I might add.

(i) You look more strong/independant/alpha to everyone around you.
(ii) Well, that would be useless, except that also makes other girls attracted to you.
(iii) The less time you put in, the easier pulling out will be. And you will want to pull out eventually, trust me.
(iv) This is a lesson only experience can teach: if within the first very short while of dating or anything the chick is already causing trouble and throwing hissy-fits and acting like, well, a little girl... stand the fudge up, get the fudge out and don't ever fudging return.


3. If you are truly going to live up to your age and must try and stay with the girl...

(i) Don't act desperate. In fact, don't act like you're bothered by her reaction at all. Just sit down, talk calmly about it and NO MATTER WHAT SHE SAYS don't lose your shit.

(ii) Always act like you're in control. More often than not actually being in control is little more than this.

(iii) Tell her you're sorry and you didn't realize that would be such a problem. You realize it now, so there won't be a problem. If she doesn't listen to reason, she's not worth the effort.

(iv) Tell her there are things that bother you to - like the notes and text messages. Say it in a way that brushes off their importance though. Stress "x and y bother me sometimes. But it's easy enough for us to work on these things; there's no benefit to making them an issue."


4. Never, ever, EVER get your hopes way too high on these things. At this age, 98% of the girls out there are too locked into their own heads, unable to be comfortable with themselves and far too dependant on social status to make any sort of clever decision; or even the decision that will make them happiest. I'm 20 years old and I'd say that number as only reduced to about 94%.


5. My closest friend I've known for eight years. In fact, we've been spending most of our free time together for eight years. I lived in a one room appartment (essentially a prison cell) for a year with him, and until recently I still lived with him.

I know that guy inside fuckin out. I can predict every move he makes and I know all his darkest and worst parts as well as all his best. This took me roughly the first five to six years to get out of him.

My last girlfriend and I were together 2 1/2 years and were good friends for a year before that. I would say I know her extraordinarly well, but not 'inside fuckin out'.

Always remember that you barely know this girl. It's not deep and it's not some big monumental earth-shattering sensation you have for her... it's puppy love. That's not to make you feel unimportant or unwise or anything (like I said, you won't listen anyway), but if this does blow up in your face remember that there are two lines of thought you can take but only one you should take.

You could be miserable about it, think its your fault and that you fucked up and cry for a while before making this whole mess of mistakes again. Or you take it as a learning lesson and accept that it's just a crush and all things pass, blah blah, and just be happy that you got to kiss a babe and have some fun. I vote for number two.

You're fucking dyslexic.

tell her to get the fuck over it. if we didnt talk about girls then what the hell would we do on saturday night? just sit around and get drunk in silence?

:m:

This is a stupid thread, so much for "intelligent community". .
Hire a prostitute if you are in need of a sex-toy so badly you desperate fuck.

Pretty much my thought, too.

Time for a cigg.

This is a stupid thread, so much for intelligent community. .
Hire a prostitute if you are in need of a sex-toy so badly you desperate fuck.
Aren't we a little too new to be throwing down insults? :rolleyes:

unfortunatly it was needed, lets hope only once.

It is harsh and hard to say so but from here it looks like this:
Why doesn't she what anybody else to know?
Why can't she say how she feels?
Quite likely because it would spoil her chances to tell somebody else how she feels for him.
Get real. It is a deal. You can't "fix" it like finding some clever way to force the result you want.
"sex toy" is what a girl says when she feels she's lost her control of you, when she looks around for somebody else to toy with.
You may also encounter "abuse", a variation on the same theme, or "rape" if you push your luck too far.
"picked me p from my job" sounds like she knows how to fix for herself if she wants to.
First fix youself, or overcome by the craving down you'll go, prey to fear and insecurity.

--- Ron.

Ron, its like you can read the girl's mind.

She's made her decsion, she feels used, leave her alone.

How a guy behaves after sex with a girl/woman for the first time is all improtant, if after the act the male immediately distances himself, the female will feel used. Thus regardles of natural hormones to depart/sleep whatever, you have to learn the art of after sex cuddles and reassurance, compliments etc. and of corse a desire to remain in touch and then remian in touch. If you talk about her and the sex and it gets back to her, it will make her feel cheap, not the sex with you but rather the fact everyone talking about her and saying she IS cheap. She is just a kid after all.

She feels emabarrassed and ashamed, which she would not do if everyone did not have her 'spread legged image' in their minds because you told those she knew. Telling people you know and she does not would not been a problem. Telling people she knows is sheer stupidity. But you know better now right?

Discussing this on an internet forum however (as long as you don't have a snail trail that leads back to you and her) is not problematic as it is anonymous unless of course you are merely sharing with us fact you had sex and the rest of the problem you recite is a diversionary tactic to excuse your brazen proclamation.

If the girl is still in touch with you and hints she desires you but is unsure, then she is seeking reassurance, this cycle of needing reassurance CAN last a very long time for some women, as you will learn. It may be easier for you to just move on. The delay in re-establishing sexual contact is also her means of punishing you, another tactic women use when cross with their male counterpart, withdraw sexual favours.

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I prefer to stick to more easier subject matters like the discussion of the absolute truth

ok im 15, shes 17, weve been "dating" or whatever for a year, it wasent banging there were cloths on

i havent talked to her for a few days, i mwaiting for her to cal lme

im fucked over by my parents casue they found my porn, and ciggeretts on me so she is not my #1 concern anymore.

Thanks il lre read al lthe posts hwne my parents leave the room im fucked man, just fucked.

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well im flirting with a few other girls now, and well, il lask her if we cna jsutbe ifrneds next itme i get around to calling her. how does that sound guys?

jesus christ this thread is like a 10 year marriage to divorce and everything in between :S

will somebody please think of the children!!!

lol

May I request http://www.sciforums.com/images/statusicon/thread_lock.gif?

ToR, are you aware that you appear to contradict youself?

On the one had you are saying that a girl needs to be supported, emotionally. On the other you are telling him to do the opposite, to dump her.

--- Ron.

At the start I am commenting specifically re this girl, at the end I am commenting on future relationships and hence what he needs to learn to do, in that next time he fucks a girl in the park, he cuddles her afterwards instead of saying ta ta and go off for game of footie with the boys or whatever he did ;)

ok im 15, shes 17, weve been "dating" or whatever for a year, it wasent banging there were cloths on

i havent talked to her for a few days, i mwaiting for her to cal lme

im fucked over by my parents casue they found my porn, and ciggeretts on me so she is not my #1 concern anymore.

Thanks il lre read al lthe posts hwne my parents leave the room im fucked man, just fucked.

your parents will be 'pretending to be cross' but really they'll be saving your porno stash for their own pleasure when YOU go to bed. They did it, still do it, so relax, it's not a big deal.

well im flirting with a few other girls now, and well, il lask her if we cna jsutbe ifrneds next itme i get around to calling her. how does that sound guys?

it sounds like she was right about you all along, you just used her as a play thing. :mad:

Women are so cute. But don't tell them.

Shhh.

shes the one that i waited 7 months for and tried to fix what happned! now, after 2 weeks ( not alot of time but when it comes to high school time it could be)

i want a rea lrelationship, which is how i got a crush on crystal, but...... shesi possible i tried to fix things and she just said thats what they all said, and she hung up, so i dont know whta to do, im ognna tla kto her tel lher were jsut gonna be ifrneds for a while LIKE SHE WANTED see where thta goes

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Stop attracting attention to yourself.

To perplexity: Stop attracting attention to yourself.

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/41371000/jpg/_41371064_modern2.jpg
"You do Ron Ron, You do Ron Ron"
[Hale & Pace: Image loving leeched from the BBC website.]

He apparrently "stopped"