View Full Version : Wiping after "Number 2"


one_raven
08-31-04, 02:06 AM
After you take a crap, do you wipe while still sitting on the toilet bowl, or do you stand first and wipe standing up?

I know this sounds stupid, but I am really curious, not just spamming.

buffys
08-31-04, 02:15 AM
yes, it does sound stupid.

I have trained chimps to do my wiping, I usually crumple them up and thow them away after. Oh, to your question I'm neither standing nor sitting. Four of the chimps lift me off the toilet while one wipes using it's own fur (that's the one I throw away).

one_raven
08-31-04, 02:30 AM
Why do you think it sounds stupid?
Because you think the answer is obvious and everyone does it the same?
Because it's too personal of a question to ask?
Because you assume I'm trying to be silly and immature?
Another reason?

invert_nexus
08-31-04, 02:45 AM
Yes it does sound stupid, however I am aware of people who do stand to wipe their ass. Strange but true.

Which do you do, Raven?

I do it while sitting by the way...

And speaking of wiping, another interesting thing about wiping is direction. I've heard that you have to teach girls to wipe front to back to keep any feces away from their hoo-ha's which might cause infection. I never considered that before until a single father friend of mine told me about raising his daughter. That must be awkward pushing backwards rather than pulling forwards. Unless you scooch up on the seat and reach around behind you to wipe. I bet some people do that too.

An infinity of wiping methods abound.

buffys
08-31-04, 03:43 AM
...Because you assume I'm trying to be silly and immature?

combine that choice with a desperate need to get a response and... yup, that sums it up reasonably well.

EDIT:
And speaking of wiping, another interesting thing about wiping is direction.

my chimps are ambidextrous.

one_raven
08-31-04, 03:58 AM
What are you talking about?
Where do I display a "desperate need to get a reponse"?

Regardless of how it comes off, I am not being immature or trying to elicit some kind of reaction.
It is a serious question that I'm geniunely curious about.
Why is that hard to believe?

buffys
08-31-04, 04:04 AM
lol

one_raven
08-31-04, 04:16 AM
Whatever.
Believe what you want to believe.

invert_nexus
08-31-04, 05:04 AM
Wow. Two standup wipers to my one sit-down. Freakin' weirdos. :p I notice they didn't post to admit who they are. I wonder if they look at it in the mirror while they do it?

Edit: Just had a thought. Isn't the bodet popular in Europe? Getting a "pleasing" jet of water shot at your cornhole? Would that count as standing up or sitting down? You'd have to stand to move from toilet to bodet. But, you sit on the bodet right? I've never used one. I'd think it'd be somewhat weird. Then you'd have to spend a lot of time drying your ass afterwards instead of just wiping.

Dr Lou Natic
08-31-04, 05:19 AM
So you wipe back to front invert? I should have known. Wiping back to front is a good way to get your ass kicked around here. Same with wiping while standing up.

I don't see whats so hard to accept about this thread. This same topic came up a few times in high school. And as I alluded to earlier, coming up with the wrong answer could bring devestating consequences. We took it very seriously.

invert_nexus
08-31-04, 08:47 AM
So you wipe front to back, Lou? Now that really figures. You wipe like a girl. :D Don't want to get no shit in your vag, might get a nasty infection. :p

I've never understood the stand-uppers. Freaks, I calls em.

Dreamwalker
08-31-04, 09:56 AM
Wipe my ass? What for? What do you think those spineless asslickers are for?

fadingCaptain
08-31-04, 11:10 AM
I am unaware of ppl that stand to wipe. Has this behavior been observed? It makes no sense to me. Butt cheeks enclose the area needing wiped when standing. Doing it sitting is the obvious way to do it.

Now if I could just get my 2 year old to wipe....(while sitting of course)

mickeyboy
08-31-04, 11:39 AM
i used to stand when i was younger, but now i sit.
I also wipe from my isny to past my sheriffs badge.
Lets make it interesting, how many times do you wipe? how many squres do you use? do you use andrex moist toilet tissue wipes? (they are the business)

fadingCaptain
08-31-04, 01:53 PM
I use a lot of TP. I always double it up even if its double or triple ply. I want to make sure I dont get a tear and have shite on the fingers. I know I also wipe more than other ppl because I take alot longer. I wipe until their is NO trace of brown left. I make sure its clean as a whistle! Its probably the one thing I am anal about (no pun intended).

Dreamwalker
08-31-04, 01:59 PM
I use the cheapest toilet paper I can find. Why? Easy, it is cheap.

fahrenheit 451
09-01-04, 05:19 PM
newspapers, best really scratches your arse, lovely.
it also help you, to leave skidmarks in you pants.

Dreamwalker
09-01-04, 05:25 PM
Well, I do think that the ink of newspapers could leave marks on your ass too.

invert_nexus
09-01-04, 05:36 PM
Yes. Newspaper leaves a black ring around your sphincter. I know all about this. For instance, when poor and resorting to such tactics and then when getting real toilet paper to wipe with the ink comes off. (This of course means you wiped with newspaper then toilet paper with no bath or shower in between. ;))

Do you look at the paper before you drop it in the water? Do you stand up and look at your shit there in the bowl and bask in the warm glow that you really created something special before sending it off to be processed?

You know, I just shit earlier and noticed something that I notice quite often actually. Sometimes you shit out several turds right? Some of these turds sink and some float. All from the same food. Same batch. Yet, their characteristics are different.

And who hasn't marveled at the amount of corn that passes through the digestive tract unscathed? Even if you fully chew your corn before swallowing, it seems that your digestive tract goes through the trouble of reassembling it before sending it out door number two.

Athelwulf
09-01-04, 06:48 PM
Holy shit! This thread is about shit! Fuck, what is everyone doing here talkin' about this?! Aren't there other, more intelligent threads? Don't ya have anything better to do than share with us how ya wipe yer ass?

OMFG!

cckieran
09-02-04, 03:12 AM
What about scrunching or folding toilet paper?

buffys
09-02-04, 03:15 AM
3 of my chimps are double jointed so I can scrunch or fold them.

invert_nexus
09-02-04, 05:58 AM
I see a couple more "standers" join the fray. And once again they are too ashamed to proclaim themselves.

No one has spoken of the bodet.

What about the hole in the floor toilet? I suppose you're neither sitting nor standing when you use it.Squatting would be the term, I guess.

spuriousmonkey
09-02-04, 06:00 AM
In finland you have the added option of showering your ass.

one_raven
09-02-04, 06:03 AM
I'm one of the "standers".

A question for the sitters...
Do you put your hand down between your legs (seems like there would be a leverage issue there, especially if you wipe from front to back) or do you reach around the back (that seems like it could get messy)?

Dreamwalker
09-02-04, 06:04 AM
Those hole in the floor things I have mostly seen in Asia.

I assume you mean these:

http://www.thejapanesepage.com/culture/gif/benjo.jpg

one_raven
09-02-04, 06:06 AM
You're supposed to squat over that thing??
The shit lands where? On the dry "shelf" there?

Dreamwalker
09-02-04, 06:31 AM
Well... yes.

The site where I found that picture also has a kind of instruction.

Look here (http://images.google.de/imgres?imgurl=http://www.thejapanesepage.com/culture/gif/benjo.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.thejapanesepage.com/culture/toilets.htm&h=384&w=404&sz=22&tbnid=0_mheoUz1XAJ:&tbnh=115&tbnw=120&start=4&prev=/images%3Fq%3Djapanese%2Btoilet%26hl%3Dde%26lr%3D%2 6ie%3DUTF-8%26sa%3DG)

invert_nexus
09-02-04, 06:49 AM
I seem to recall a documentary on middle east toilets being even more of a hole in the ground. Just a round pipe about 4 inches or so in diameter. Better be a good shot. I suppose a lot of people crap outside where the height of toilet technology is an open pipe in the floor.

Check this out. (Unrelated to previous discussion, but funny anyway.)


http://mysite.verizon.net/res1arsf/pics/poop.jpg

fadingCaptain
09-02-04, 09:06 AM
Ha! That pic is hilarious!

The corn factor is amazing. Why cant the stomach process it? Peanuts are cool also. Eat a bag of peanuts and you can shit out a payday candybar.

the preacher
09-02-04, 03:41 PM
we are all talking about the arse wipe.( but he's left the forum) but what about the humble finger, you know the one, thats finger licking good.
papers for wimps, wipe yours with your fingers, and then shake hands with your neighbour.
and if you cant find a neighbour, clean under your finger nails, with your teeth.
fuck washing your hands, scratch your plums as well, and then pick your nose.
just like a redneck.
shucss gawd dam, dang blast, shiiite, I is a redneck.
looks like ya'all is needin sum help wit yer shitin, you whana git rida dat stuff, ifin ya needs sum help, wood ya like me ta git sum fer ya?.
Iis awful good at squeezin heads, infin ya'all ar doin da nine nnnns

invert_nexus
09-02-04, 06:04 PM
Preacher,

You're a stander, aren't you? I bet you look at it in the mirror while you wipe too.

By the way, what happened to the apostrophes? Is that phase over now? Enjoy the vacation?

Dr Lou Natic
09-02-04, 10:25 PM
He probably stands and does a back to front between his legs.

fireguy_31
09-02-04, 11:48 PM
Invert


And speaking of wiping, another interesting thing about wiping is direction. I've heard that you have to teach girls to wipe front to back to keep any feces away from their hoo-ha's which might cause infection.
I learned from a lovely lady once that this applies to men as well, for different reasons. She told me, and I'm not kidding, that she hates men who wipe from back to front cause, according to her, residue collects on the pills and when she goes down on them she can smell it...

Ladies, is this true?

invert_nexus
09-03-04, 12:10 AM
Wow. I never considered that. It is certainly a possibility. I've never had a woman complain but... shit. Who knows?

A reason to wipe front to back...

I can't conceive of changing.

It's a matter of leverage. I mean you're pushing instead of pulling. How do you do it? Scootch forward on the seat and reach around behind you? I'm guessing this is where the standing up phenomena comes from.

My god, if this is true this might make shitting uncomfortable for a while. Until I adapt.

Damn. The things I do to have my balls sucked... Or rather, since no woman has complained, just to make it better for the girls. I'm such a fuckin' gentleman. :D


Edit: Then again, if she's a good enough girl, she'd gladly lick the old cornhole anyway. ;) Rusty Trombone anyone?

buffys
09-03-04, 12:22 AM
yeah, I agree. Beyond the "shit-on-balls" factor (as valid as I'm sure that is), it's just a matter of leverage and ease for me. I can't imagine a scenario where wiping back to front would make sense.

spuriousmonkey
09-03-04, 01:30 AM
that she hates men who wipe from back to front cause, according to her, residue collects on the pills and when she goes down on them she can smell it...


You are allowed to shower once in a while.

the preacher
09-03-04, 02:58 AM
Preacher,

You're a stander, aren't you? I bet you look at it in the mirror while you wipe too.

By the way, what happened to the apostrophes? Is that phase over now? Enjoy the vacation?
them there apostrophes is in eavan wit gawd, dats were das is.
yep I is a standa, I has to elsein I falls down the well.
I is yo'sin ma clean hand, to writ with now.

spuriousmonkey
09-03-04, 03:10 AM
No hand is ever clean.

Dr Lou Natic
09-03-04, 05:27 AM
I mean you're pushing instead of pulling.
I was thinking the same thing about back to front. With the standard normal-human technique (front to back), you're pulling upwards. I figured back to fronters would need to push downwards.


How do you do it? Scootch forward on the seat and reach around behind you? I'm guessing this is where the standing up phenomena comes from.
Ahhh so you really go between the legs? Bizarre.
Ofcourse you reach behind yourself, thats where your ass is, I don't see the big deal. My massive package wouldn't allow for a hand between the legs, and it seems so effeminate anyway.
You need to change your ways, not just for girls sucking your balls, but for the sake of your own self worth. How could you feel like a man while reaching between your legs to wipe your ass from back to front? It'd be impossible to maintain your dignity.
Do you bring the shitty toilet paper back out through a gap between your legs?
Ugh, I never thought I knew you as such, but I didn't realise how different you could be as a person. I feel uncomfortable even posting in your direction now I know this.
You're like an alien.

fireguy_31
09-03-04, 06:56 AM
How do you do it? Scootch forward on the seat and reach around behind you?
You betcha. I's hard for me to imagine anyone could 'front to back' by pushing... It just seems.......i don't know.......wrong, just plain wrong... Kinda like a snow plow... Yer not really getting rid of the stuff, just getting it out of the way for business as usual. 'front to Back' by pulling, on the other hand, is like a 'Drag-Line'.. Not not just clearing, but also removing...

fadingCaptain
09-03-04, 08:50 AM
To the standers/back to fronters:

Where your parents growing up???

You stay seated, reach around and pull front to back. Anything else is simply retarded.

Going back to front is like a male dog that doesnt heist is leg. Just plain wrong.

Now get out there and make me proud.

Dr Lou Natic
09-03-04, 09:05 AM
Right on. I find it outrageous that these back to fronting between the legs scrunching and pushing while standing freaks are like "oh, wow, thats how you wipe? wierd". Everyone wipes like that, everyone reaches behind while sitting and pulls front to back.
You are just wrong if you do it any other way and frankly you should be punished.

audible
09-03-04, 09:57 AM
DR: I go round the back, and I wipe my arse from front to back, like any normal person, it would be very strange any other way.

invert_nexus
09-03-04, 10:09 AM
Alright, so I'm the fuckin' freak here who wipes back to front. Not the first time. ;)

At least I'm not a stander. I still say that reaching behind to wipe is one step away from standing up to wipe.

By the way, I tried it earlier just to see what it'd be like. Very odd. Then, when I was done and the toilet paper came away clean, I tried it the normal way and guess what? Wasn't quite done. Maybe it's just inefficiency caused by inexperience at this method but I don't know. I'm thinking you reach around the back front to backers got brown rings around your cornholes.

And as far as wiping residue to your nutsack, you front to backers are just wiping residue up your back. Probably have a shit-trail extending up out of your pants.

I think I'm gonna buy some wiper monkies. Be a lot easier.

fadingCaptain
09-03-04, 10:24 AM
"At least I'm not a stander. "

Classic! Thats like saying "At least I have sex with FEMALE sheep"!

invert_nexus
09-03-04, 10:41 AM
Classic! Thats like saying "At least I have sex with FEMALE sheep"!

KILL YOU!!! I only fuck the male sheep! I like the way my balls and their balls smack together.

You didn't address my points though. Front to back wiping is feminine. Therefore you would likely be fucked BY the male sheep.

Also, next time you wipe your ass, try doing it your way first, then just for shits and giggles try through the legs back to front. See if you're not as clean as you thought.

Or try it my way first then yours. Just to see if it's a matter of efficiency in your chosen method.



You know something? I sure as hell don't rember potty-training. Far too long ago. However, my mother is a nurse in an long term care unit (old folks home), so she's spent a good part of her life wiping other people's asses. Now, old people who can't wipe their own ass are frail and weak. So, it likely has to be a between the legs maneuver rather than a lift the back and expect them to hold themselves upright while you clean them up from behind. Maybe that's where it came from? Rather than teaching me how she herself wipes her own ass, she just did the same to me as she did to the old farts in the nursing home and I picked it up that way.

Or hell, maybe she holds the old bastards up so she can wipe them from behind. I really don't know.


I wonder what the ratio actually is? And if it's split by locale or anything? Obviously, by the statement of the girl who hates back to fronter, I'm not the only one.

invert_nexus
09-03-04, 10:48 AM
By the way, I've never had a skid mark in my shorts in my life. I wonder if skid marks are caused by around the back/front to backers?

fireguy_31
09-03-04, 11:24 AM
I wonder if skid marks are caused by around the back/front to backers?
No, no no.... That's caused by consumption of daught beer the night before, throw in some greezy chicken wings and VOILA! Skid marks you can surely be proud of!


I only fuck the male sheep! I like the way my balls and their balls smack together.
Ahhh yes, sheep fuq'ng... The good ol' days when men were men and sheep were nervous... Boy, I miss those times....some fond memories....

thefountainhed
09-03-04, 11:44 AM
I need to choke all you sitters!

How the hell do you sit and wipe the ass? Not only is there a chnace that you hand might mistakenly touch the toilet water or inside of the seat, you do not get optimal surface area for the clean. It is highly disturbing that the majority of peopke here wipe sitting down. It is bloody outrageous!

thefountainhed
09-03-04, 11:48 AM
Alright, so I'm the fuckin' freak here who wipes back to front.
What in the fucking hell is wrong with you man??? How can you wipe from the back to the front? Your balls are probably covered in miniscule bits of shit. This is utterly disgraceful. Do you also try a circular motion? Perhaps you even do little taps to the ass?

Pathetic.

Dreamwalker
09-03-04, 12:47 PM
I agree with fountainhead, I am also a stand up front to back wiper.

fadingCaptain
09-03-04, 01:03 PM
Jesus christ! Its the standups vs. the backtofronts!!!

"Whoever wins, we lose"

invert_nexus
09-03-04, 01:30 PM
Actually, I'm seriously considering changing my ways. I honestly never considered the encrustation factor of the nutsack. However, I don't wipe from anus to nutsack, so any contamination would be limited to the taint. That's why it's called the taint. I always thought.

And just because you may be a front to backer doesn't mean you don't contaminate yourself. You merely spread it up your ass crack threatening to climb up your back.


It's interesting that two standuppers finally revealed themselves. Fags! (I think Preacher was probably being sarcastic. But one never knows...)



Not only is there a chnace that you hand might mistakenly touch the toilet water or inside of the seat,

Only if you're a clumsy buffoon. In which case, you might stumble and lurch and put your head through the wall.


you do not get optimal surface area for the clean.

That was my thought on scootching forward to wipe from the back. When you reach between your legs, your butt cheeks are still spread from sitting on the toilet with legs spread. Optimal surface area. Plus your sphincter is looser because you're not using your leg muscles to stand. (Assuming the sphincter tightens up when standing.) So you can clean the edges of the sphincter rather than just the outer ring.


How can you wipe from the back to the front? Your balls are probably covered in miniscule bits of shit. This is utterly disgraceful. Do you also try a circular motion?

I don't wipe to my balls. And yes I do incorporate some circular motions from time to time.


Hed and Dreamwalker:

Do you look at it in the mirror while you wipe?

spuriousmonkey
09-03-04, 01:36 PM
I am thinking that the diagonal wipers are discriminated in this thread. Yes. Do it half way. Lift one ass cheek and balance on the other. Get the best of both worlds. You are now half sitting and a bit standing in the sense there is more space. make a diagonal.

invert_nexus
09-03-04, 01:38 PM
Heh heh. Is that your method, Spurious? So that way you extend the smear in a butterfly shape across both cheeks? :D

Sick bastard...

spuriousmonkey
09-03-04, 01:40 PM
you still wipe straight (unless you happen to be drunk), but you make a diagonal with your ass to make space.

Mind you it takes all out of your higher motoric functions and if not done properly you can brake the toilet seat because of the one-sided weight distribution. Start young. I suggested it once to someone and this person immediately broke the seat. haha.

fadingCaptain
09-03-04, 01:48 PM
What about that little nook where yer back and ass crack meet? I guarenfuckintee most retards do not give this area the attention it deserves.

invert_nexus
09-03-04, 01:51 PM
Good point. In fact, some people have a condition where this is actually open into their spine or something. Chance of a nasty infection from front to backing it there.

spuriousmonkey
09-03-04, 01:52 PM
Well, if you wipe back to front you also got a slim chance that you wipe it in your mouth or nose.

invert_nexus
09-03-04, 02:02 PM
Lol. Fucking best point yet. Back to fronters are gonna wipe it in their mouths while the front to backers end up with a trail all the way to the back of the neck.

Good fucking point.

:D

spuriousmonkey
09-03-04, 02:08 PM
That is because I am the scientist. We are trained in logical reasoning.

fireguy_31
09-03-04, 02:16 PM
How the hell do you sit and wipe the ass?

Sure, some may wonder how this is accomplished. I suppose if yer ass is soooo friggen huge that when you sit a perfect seal is created around the seat, you'd wonder, 'how do i get my hand in there to wipe?'.

I don't understand this 'stand and wipe' mentality..Why the hell would you do that in the first place? Surely, it isn't because you know it's a more efficeint method of wiping, how could you possibly know that?

Maybe its some instinctual hangover from days gone by where man (or women) felt severely vulnerable to predators while in the squat position. Only stay squatting while shitting then, when you've pinched off, quickly stand and survey the area for predators.... That's it! You 'stand and wipers' have failed to evolve.... Think about it, there's a lock on the bathroom door, not too often are there windows in there, you're all alone......no predators..... Sit......wipe, enjoy! The saber toothed tiger ain't gonna getcha... Heck, bring a radio in there, play some comforting music or something, maybe that'll help... But please, get help!

Dreamwalker
09-03-04, 02:53 PM
Do you look at it in the mirror while you wipe?

No, I do not.

I think the explanation above is quite good. :D

mustafhakofi
09-03-04, 03:11 PM
By the way, I've never had a skid mark in my shorts in my lifeI think someone should ask your mummy, for her opinion on that.

invert_nexus
09-03-04, 03:36 PM
Ok. Perhaps never is a bit extreme. (Damn you and your uber-rationalism!!) But, in my time of memory a skid mark has never graced my bvd's.

How a'bout you?

Stander? Sit'downer? Front to backer? Back to fronter?

You're a woman, right? So that means for health reasons you're likely a front to backer. So, for leverage reasons your'e likely a reach around the back'er.
So, the only real question is stander or sitter? And do you look at it the mirror? Give it a wink while it winks back at you, perhaps?



I think the explanation above is quite good.

Hmm. That suggests you actually stand fully erect then? I had an image of standing up hunched over. Fully erect means that you're smearing shit all over your ass-crack doesn't it?

Or are you just saying it "sounds" good. Not that it's correct.

Dreamwalker
09-03-04, 03:40 PM
Hmm. That suggests you actually stand fully erect then? I had an image of standing up hunched over. Fully erect means that you're smearing shit all over your ass-crack doesn't it?

No, not really. I am quite able to get my ass clean that way. I have no problems with leftover feces attached to my behind.



Or are you just saying it "sounds" good. Not that it's correct.

No, I do not think that it is correct, but it is a funny explanation. :D
Don´t know why I stand up, but I find wiping while sitting somewhat uncomfortable.

invert_nexus
09-03-04, 03:46 PM
I mean do you actually stand up completely rather than hunched over. I would think a fully erect posture would slam your butt cheeks closed. Along with the sphincter.


You know what's great about this conversation? NO ONE WOULD EVER FUCKING TEACH THIS SHIT IN SCHOOLS OR THE HOME!!! Who ever considered back to front causing stinky ball syndrome? Who ever considered the possibilities of skid marks being caused by front to backers? (Ok that's likely spurious.) And who ever considered the diagonal approach.

The human animal is far too disgusted with itself.

Anyone read my theory on shit, animism, and priestly power in Dr. Lou's thread in Philosophy?

gendanken
09-03-04, 03:47 PM
Oh COME ON Invert.
Addres's this like the goo'd boy you are:


I think someone should ask your mummy, for her opinion on that.

Dreamwalker:

No, not really. I am quite able to get my ass clean that way. I have no problems with leftover feces attached to my behind.

Lies.

Well, now that I have managed to plant myself in what will prove to be the shittiest hole on the forums, literally, I might as well tell you there are bits of feces sprinkled around your hole as we speak, Dreamwalker.

Its a delicassy called "mung", essential in the homosexual diet.

Dreamwalker
09-03-04, 03:51 PM
Invert,

No, I do not stand fully erect. But the reason might be that I need to bow down to reach the toilet paper...
And I did not read your post in Lou´s thread.



Well, now that I have managed to plant myself in what will prove to be the shittiest hole on the forums, literally, I might as well tell you there are bits of feces sprinkled around your whole as we speak, Dreamwalker.

Its a deliacssy called "mung", essential in the homesexual appetite.

NO! I have been exposed. Damn you! I hope you get a vaginal infection from your own faeces, bitch. :D

invert_nexus
09-03-04, 03:52 PM
Oh COME ON Invert.
Addres's this like the goo'd boy you are:

Wh'at are you imp'lying? I did address the issue. I plainly stated that it's only in my memory (which stretch'es back a good'ly number of year's) that there have been no skid mark's.

Although, I had food poisoning a time or two, but that's hardly a skid mark... :eek:


Its a deliacssy called "mung", essential in the homesexual appetite.

How dare you bring mung into this...?

What about hetero's? It's not only the homos that lick ass, Gendy.
Ever heard of a rusty trombone?

By the way. Do you stand? Do you look at it in the mirror?

fireguy_31
09-03-04, 03:54 PM
At the time when relieving yourself was a threat to man, man didn't stand upright.

invert_nexus
09-03-04, 04:03 PM
And he also probably didn't care if he had a shit-encrusted ass either.

Hell, the more encrusted the better. Before shame and disgust was applied, there was no greater joy than grooming. Having the dingleberries plucked from your matted ass-hair.

fireguy_31
09-03-04, 04:21 PM
And he also probably didn't care if he had a shit-encrusted ass either.
Sorry, I thought we were talking about why people stand up to wipe?

No worries.
Thanks.

invert_nexus
09-03-04, 04:29 PM
We were. But, do we need to stay on topic in a thread like this?

But, note that I say "also."

No need to thank me. I don't think...

fireguy_31
09-03-04, 04:48 PM
We were. But, do we need to stay on topic in a thread like this?
Now that's a good point.

invert_nexus
09-03-04, 05:28 PM
And I did not read your post in Lou´s thread.

Well, in that case:


You know. This worldwide phenomena of feces disgust is interesting. Why is it so widespread? As Gendanken says, it must be beaten into the children. And is often forgotten in the elderly. It's not deeply physical. Not entirely. It's a learned behavior. But, it's a learned behavior that is worldwide.

This suggests that the learning of shit disgust was began at a very early stage of human development. Before the cultures diversifed. This disgust was carried with the travelers to every corner of the globe (although, it's possible it might have also been carried by later colonists and/or missionaries, etc...)

So, what might have caused it? It's known that primates take great pride in their shit flinging abilities. Many monkey and ape wars are begun with a shit-flinging extravaganza. Might it be that the disgust of shit was instilled to remove this awesome power of self-created weaponry from the masses? Nothing is as personal as shit. NOTHING. Maybe piss, but it's not as holdable as smearable, as flingable, as shit. Shit is the first thing we create. And often the last. It is the sign of a creative force within each and every one of us. It is power. In an animistic society, shit likely has even more uses than flinging.

So, in removing shit from the people by the instilling of disgust, the leaders (shaman, priest, whatever) took the anima of the shit upon themselves.
--------From here

Basically, this is all based on on Gendy's language theory. How language inspired animism which inspired magic which inspired priestly power. Anima was power in the world. Magic was power in the hands of the people manipulating the anima. And the final step of priestly (shamanistic likely at the beginning) consolidation led to religion.

First man feared the world. The spirits in the world. Then magic manipulated the spirits and man got his first taste of power. However, magic was a general type of power and any in the tribe could wield it. Priests eventually took the authority of magic and anima and transferred the power of magic into himself. Now instead of fearing the anima, the tribe feared the priest. A consolidation of power.

Shit was another form of creative power. As evidenced by shit-flinging apes. When priestly consolidation took place (or possibly even before) this power was removed from the hands of the people. Disgust placed into the realm of the unspeakable. The taboo.

And there it remains to this day.

Only in places like this, where anonymity and a half-joking manner obscure the guilt we feel over talking about, can it be discussed.

Dreamwalker
09-03-04, 05:36 PM
Well, as a matter of fact, I started reading it in the last minutes. I am not yet through the whole text, but I might get back on it tomorrow.

thefountainhed
09-03-04, 06:39 PM
Sure, some may wonder how this is accomplished. I suppose if yer ass is soooo friggen huge that when you sit a perfect seal is created around the seat, you'd wonder, 'how do i get my hand in there to wipe?'.

I don't understand this 'stand and wipe' mentality..Why the hell would you do that in the first place? Surely, it isn't because you know it's a more efficeint method of wiping, how could you possibly know that?

Maybe its some instinctual hangover from days gone by where man (or women) felt severely vulnerable to predators while in the squat position. Only stay squatting while shitting then, when you've pinched off, quickly stand and survey the area for predators.... That's it! You 'stand and wipers' have failed to evolve.... Think about it, there's a lock on the bathroom door, not too often are there windows in there, you're all alone......no predators..... Sit......wipe, enjoy! The saber toothed tiger ain't gonna getcha... Heck, bring a radio in there, play some comforting music or something, maybe that'll help... But please, get help!

You know, you have a bloody good point.

I just took a shit about an hour ago at home after playing tennis and I realized that not only did I wipe my ass sitting down, I took a two front to back swipes with two clean tissues, but had a third back to front with a third one! So, the type of shit has a lot to do with one, what type of swipe and how many swipes you do. This shit was very watery and I was home in the conformt of an air conditioned bathroom reading comics whilst the music played. It was comfortable-- no saber tooths threatening a brother.

It is now apparent to me however that when I take a shit in the public place, I definitely stand, hunch over and then wipe that asshole clean. You have a point there.

Now we need to classify the different types of faeces and the optimal ways of cleaning them.

thefountainhed
09-03-04, 06:44 PM
I don't wipe to my balls. And yes I do incorporate some circular motions from time to time.

Somehow I don't buy that, mate. You seem the type to get too agressive in wiping. Hell, I can see you yelling "bring it on!" as you wipe that sucker clean! It is not too far a stretch to imagine you mistakenly bringing the paper to you balls and even your belly as it hangs over the toilet seat. You aren't fooling anyone!

Dr Lou Natic
09-03-04, 07:13 PM
Circular motions? Now I think you're just having too much fun down there.

Dreamwalker
09-03-04, 07:26 PM
Aye, me things you are too focused on your bunghole...

spuriousmonkey
09-04-04, 02:23 AM
Basically, this is all based on on Gendy's language theory. How language inspired animism which inspired magic which inspired priestly power. Anima was power in the world. Magic was power in the hands of the people manipulating the anima. And the final step of priestly (shamanistic likely at the beginning) consolidation led to religion.

First man feared the world. The spirits in the world. Then magic manipulated the spirits and man got his first taste of power. However, magic was a general type of power and any in the tribe could wield it. Priests eventually took the authority of magic and anima and transferred the power of magic into himself. Now instead of fearing the anima, the tribe feared the priest. A consolidation of power.

Shit was another form of creative power. As evidenced by shit-flinging apes. When priestly consolidation took place (or possibly even before) this power was removed from the hands of the people. Disgust placed into the realm of the unspeakable. The taboo.

And there it remains to this day.

Only in places like this, where anonymity and a half-joking manner obscure the guilt we feel over talking about, can it be discussed.

I think (human) shit was still considered to be holy in places like japan not so long ago, because it was on of the few fertilizers around in poor peasant villages.

invert_nexus
09-04-04, 04:18 AM
Somehow I don't buy that, mate. You seem the type to get too agressive in wiping. Hell, I can see you yelling "bring it on!" as you wipe that sucker clean! It is not too far a stretch to imagine you mistakenly bringing the paper to you balls and even your belly as it hangs over the toilet seat. You aren't fooling anyone!

I prefer, "LET'S GET READY TO RUUUUUMMMMBBBBLLLLEEEE!!!!!" :D

But, you have caught me in a lie. I do use a back to front motion, but instead of toilet paper, I wipe my cornhole with my nutsack and then I wash my balls in a coffee cup by the toilet placed there just for that purpose. I also use a toothbrush to clean my balls. And sometimes to clean my sphincter when the mood is on me.



I think (human) shit was still considered to be holy in places like japan not so long ago, because it was on of the few fertilizers around in poor peasant villages.

Hmm. I'll have to look into that. Japanese culture is one of the most divergent in the world, of course.


I was also going to mention (but forgot) that in older times, (or in poorer places nowadays) shit and urine runs in trickles all over the village. To modern (clean) man the place would stink of a sewage plant, but those who live there think only of the fresh scent of home.

invert_nexus
09-05-04, 07:35 AM
So no one is able to top my confession of wiping with my own scrotum? :D

Cheaper than toilet paper. :p And I only have to replace the tooth brush every couple of months. I soak it in a solution of isopropyl alcohol to keep it sanitary. When I don't wash it well enough before use it really stings. Especially on those rare occasions I take it directly to the cornhole.

spuriousmonkey
09-05-04, 09:16 AM
Guidelines on Agricultural Reuse of Human Excreta (http://www.ecosanres.org/agricultural%20reuse%20of%20human%20excreta.htm)

more on japan




The Chinese civilization is unique when compared to other civilizations in terms of use of human waste for agriculture. The Chinese people used human wastes as fertilizer from their early stages of civilization, while others, such as the Egyptian, Mesopotamian, and Indus civilizations, developed the practice of animal dung use as fertilizer. The use of human waste as fertilizer in northern and southern parts of China helped to increase crop yields. The use of human waste in agriculture provided positive, as well as negative, effects on the environment. While the practice reduced eutrophication of lakes and reservoirs in the past, it contaminated agricultural food with microbes and parasites.

from:
http://www.unep.or.jp/ietc/Publications/TechPublications/TechPub-12/5-2.asp

one_raven
09-12-04, 10:15 PM
That's why it's called the taint
I thought it was because it 'taint the asshole and it 'taint the balls... it's in between.

If you are a sitter/reach behinder/front to backer...
I still can't see how you aviod getting shit on your wrist wrapping your arm around like that.
That's why I stand.
(and, yes, slightly squatted, not fully upright)
Sometimes, if it's a particularly muddy one, I will even put one foot on the edge of the seat to get maximum spread to cover the whole surface area and get it spotless.
So clean you could eat off it (I can't see it getting that clean with any kind of push motion), you gotta pull it.
Crinkle up the paper, get a good grip on it, stand (hunched over), apply firm pressure and pull it all out of there.
Anything else just seems unsanitary.

Athelwulf
09-12-04, 10:18 PM
Who was the genius who started this thread?! It's vomit-inducing! One can go anorexic reading this thread.

one_raven
09-12-04, 10:24 PM
Who was the genius who started this thread?!

The genius would be me.

Athelwulf
09-12-04, 10:29 PM
Oh . . . HI!

I don't mean to be insulting, but . . . I don't get why people bother to talk about this kind of stuff.

one_raven
09-12-04, 10:39 PM
Because no one does (obviously).
I think most people assume everyone else does it like they do, and it's the "right" way.
I was curious.

one_raven
09-12-04, 11:11 PM
Why shouldn't people talk about it?
What is so revolting about talking about such a natural thing that everyone(well, ALMOST everyone) does?

spuriousmonkey
09-13-04, 01:18 AM
I thought it was quite an interesting thread. I even wonder if it is a real cesspool thread, because the thread is actually mostly serious.

one_raven
09-13-04, 05:09 AM
I don't think it belongs in the cesspool (regardless of the coincidental name of the forum :)).
I was going to put it in Human Science (I honestly think it deserves it, as it was started as a serious thread asking a question that pertains to Anthropolgy and Psychology on some level) but I knew it would attract some fun low-brow comments and would be quickly locked (or dropped down here) if I tried that, so I started it in Free Thoughts.
I really would like to know why it was moved here.

Dr Lou Natic
09-13-04, 05:33 AM
Yeah, this thread clearly isn't cesspool material. Someone really dropped the ball there.
If I was cesspool moderator I would have at least moved it to "about the members" by now.

one_raven
09-13-04, 05:35 AM
If I was cesspool moderator I would have at least moved it to "about the members" by now.
:D Good Call! :D

Dr Lou Natic
09-13-04, 05:59 AM
Yeah, that call definately showed good decision making skills. The very same kind that would be perfect for a cesspool moderator.

airavata
09-15-04, 08:36 AM
I agree. Dr. Lou's no bullshit yet sadistic and humorous attitude would be perfect for the Cesspool.

TruthSeeker
09-15-04, 02:25 PM
Edit: Just had a thought. Isn't the bodet popular in Europe? Getting a "pleasing" jet of water shot at your cornhole? Would that count as standing up or sitting down? You'd have to stand to move from toilet to bodet. But, you sit on the bodet right? I've never used one. I'd think it'd be somewhat weird. Then you'd have to spend a lot of time drying your ass afterwards instead of just wiping.
Just as a sidenote about the bodet... it is actually healthier then wiping yourself with toilet paper.. I don't remember why or where I read this, but toilet papers are not really very healthy. But anyways... what I'm, doing here anyways... :D

Oh! And we have them in Brasil too. I've seen some, altough I've never bothered to use them. Maybe I should try it out before I die... I will put that on my list of "things to do before I die".... :D

TruthSeeker
09-15-04, 02:27 PM
Oh! And btw.... I wipe myself while being upside-down.... :D:D

Cyperium
09-15-04, 03:47 PM
I think it's better that you fold the paper before wiping, for best coverage.

I don't know if it matters if you wipe front to back or back to front, but I've allways thought of front to back as more natural, and sitting down.

Of course circular motions around the hole is a must if you want to be clean.

TruthSeeker
09-15-04, 05:38 PM
This whole thread stinks.

Sorry, I couldn't resist... :p :D

:m:

Hypercane
09-15-04, 06:54 PM
I use a sponge to soak it up. ;)

Quigly
09-16-04, 03:53 PM
A friend of mine puts lotion on the toilet paper and wipes away. I don't know why I know this, but that seems pretty weird.

prakrutis
12-24-04, 05:57 AM
Here in India we all use water (lots of it) to clean. I had to use toilet paper while i was traveling to Australia for a couple of months, and I did not feel clean for a single day untill i took a shower. BTW, over here (india) we take a bath everyday mornings & evening. One of my aunts (70 yrs) insists that we all take a bath after visiting the toilet for religous reasons - but i suppose its more for hygiene.

A Canadian
12-25-04, 12:43 AM
After you take a crap, do you wipe while still sitting on the toilet bowl, or do you stand first and wipe standing up?

I know this sounds stupid, but I am really curious, not just spamming.

All of the above. Up And Down too.

Whatever makes me feel cleaner.

And I have even done the "lotion" idea a few times.


Whatever works.
Each to his own.

Lava
12-28-04, 06:58 PM
> I've heard that you have to teach girls to wipe front to back to keep any feces
> away from their hoo-ha's which might cause infection.

This is often said, but its not the best method. Wipping towards the anus leaves a significantly cleaner result than away from it. This means wiping towards the hole from both dirctions, rather than wiping stuff away from hole. Its cleaner and reduces bacterial count, and is healthier for girls ans guys alike, but especially girls.

Lava

gendanken
12-28-04, 08:09 PM
A Canadian:

And I have even done the "lotion" idea a few times.

You're only culturing bacteria and feeding them with shitty epithelial cells.
The anus should be dry at all times.

Jeezus Christ, I'm posting about wiping methods.


This is often said, but its not the best method. Wipping towards the anus leaves a significantly cleaner result than away from it. This means wiping towards the hole from both dirctions, rather than wiping stuff away from hole. Its cleaner and reduces bacterial count, and is healthier for girls ans guys alike, but especially girls.

The best method is a sitz bath, usually reserved for pregnant women.

But you can carry lipstick and tampons in your purse, but not a hose.
Pause.
In my idiocy, just though of a spray bottle filled iwth water- a portable sitz bath.
We girls can spray our anus with water in place of dry toilet paper, which tends to leave smears.
And so, skit marks..

For those stupid enough to wear underwear, of course.

Anyway, trite info: be grateful. Romans, in literal communal bathrooms, would share a bucket of brine with a stick in it. On the end of the stick was a sponge everyone took turns in cleaning themselves with.
Puritan settlers would use corn cobs and Assyrians, Egpytptians, Babylonians, the whole gamut would use papyrus leaves- which are good for writing on, not wiping with.

Imagine sitting with a dozen other people, in public, on the shitter and knowing the bucket of sludge in the middle filled with shit from these other people is what you will be using to wipe yourself.

In other words, all hail toilet paper.

Athelwulf
12-28-04, 08:36 PM
God, this thread is revived?!

. . . Überfuck . . .

gendanken
12-28-04, 08:45 PM
God, this thread is revived?!

. . . Überfuck . . . "
::Drumroll::

No shit.

::punchline::

Now, clean my panties or get flushed down toilet.

vslayer
12-29-04, 07:54 AM
a proud stander over here :D, i dont know how you con wipe sitting, do you reach under or something?

spuriousmonkey
12-29-04, 07:55 AM
We twist our hands into anoher dimension until it exist out from a wormhole close to our asses...and then we wipe.

vslayer
12-29-04, 08:13 AM
sounds fancy

spuriousmonkey
12-29-04, 08:14 AM
It isn't because paper cannot travel through a dimensional port without being obliterated.

Lava
12-29-04, 04:16 PM
This is how standers do such a thorough job:

Lava
12-29-04, 04:17 PM
hmm... the pic didnt show. :cornfused:

Persol
12-29-04, 04:51 PM
I generally use my roomates toothbrush... sitting... standing... whatever mood I'm in.

BrigidE
01-19-05, 12:29 PM
I haven't read the whole discussion. Has anyone posted this URL?

http://www.bathroomsurvey.com/

saltyone
01-24-05, 10:27 PM
I lived in the Philippines for four years. People there wash their butts with soap and water after shitting. The women use water to wash themselves after pissing. The Filipinos I knew thought Americans were nasty for using just paper for wiping. They also were disgusted when viewing an American's dirty laundry and seeing skidmarks in underwear. When I told them some Americans never wash their assholes even in the shower, they thought that was just gross. It's amazing what I found to talk about with too much alcohol in me.

Athelwulf
01-24-05, 10:29 PM
Fuck . . . This thread is still going?!

saltyone
01-24-05, 10:31 PM
Hey, by the way, does anyone know why many Mexicans throw their used shitpaper in the trash can instead of the toilet? Maybe in Mexico some of the commodes get easily clogged, but why do many do it on the American side of the border where the plumbing can handle shitpaper? I mean everywhere you go with lot's of illegal Mexican workers, there are always garbage cans full of used shitpaper in the restrooms.

0scar
01-24-05, 11:46 PM
I too am a stander. Sitting just never seemed like the right thing to do, too uncomfortable. I seriously don’t know how you do it?

thank one_raven for starting this thread, I always knew there were other freaks like me out there, just didn’t know how many. Also, I don’t know why Athelwulf is so bothered by this thread?

0scar
01-24-05, 11:54 PM
http://www.bathroomsurvey.com/

i'm surprised by how many people eat while craping! Eeeeew!

vslayer
01-25-05, 04:24 AM
i pissed wihle drinking last weekend

bizzaroSquirrel
02-05-05, 04:45 AM
How could you feel like a man while reaching between your legs to wipe your ass from back to front? It'd be impossible to maintain your dignity.

Right on. Disgusting.

Jolly Rodger
02-09-05, 11:36 PM
as if you would wipe you own, thats dirty, just jump in the ocean or your next door neibours pool, do you bussiness and your done no mess, for you anyway!

Jolly Rodger
02-14-05, 12:32 AM
but if there is no water around i usually get someone else to do it for me

cadmonkey
04-09-07, 12:37 PM
Firstly, I am a sitter, reach round the back and front to back, although I certainly have to try other methods now I've read this thread. I think maybe a final back to fronter to make sure of total cleanliness, I will have to have a go.

My girlfriend is a stander, reach round the backer and front to backer.

My dog does it by making an amusing circular motion on the ground while sitting down, maybe he can learn something from us as all that does is spreads it all over his arse hair :)

This is such an amazing subject maybe someone of scientific bent should write a paper on this, it would be an interesting read, just like the latest shit book in Finland (trans: Shit book) covering shit history and lore, interesting and funny too.

Maybe an idea would be to create a shit code, like the old geek code or the omni code or rat code?

Hell the possibilities are endless.
T'ra

P.S. What about paper combinations? How many sheets do you take, do you fold them around each other or make them into a zig zag shape? Do you follow the perforations or use your own folding spaces. I personally make 4 zig zags and reuse the same bunch of paper 4 times and I don't stop wiping until nothing at all comes off.

spuriousmonkey
04-09-07, 01:03 PM
In Finland the complexity of wiping your ass even increases seeing that most toilets have a hand 'shower'.

Do you go standard shower? Or only if the first few wipes seem to cause no effect other than to spread the mayhem.

one_raven
04-09-07, 01:05 PM
This is such an amazing subject maybe someone of scientific bent should write a paper on this, it would be an interesting read, just like the latest shit book in Finland (trans: Shit book) covering shit history and lore, interesting and funny too.

Thank you!

I STILL don't know why this was Cesspooled.
This deal with Human Science, Cultural Studies and Psychology...

spuriousmonkey
04-09-07, 01:10 PM
Someone PM Plazma to have it moved. Just say the monkey said it was ok.

iam
04-09-07, 01:25 PM
hmm..it would be more interesting to examine it further to know if the manner you wipe your bum is indicative of personality traits.

For instance, i consider people who wipe their ass sitting down to be lazy though it works fine.

Also, I consider toilet tissue hogs to be inconsiderate, selfish pigs that clog up the toilet. You don't need too much or too little, just the right amount.

one_raven
04-09-07, 01:26 PM
Someone PM Plazma to have it moved. Just say the monkey said it was ok.

I just did.
Thanks.

BenTheMan
04-09-07, 02:04 PM
Also, I consider toilet tissue hogs to be inconsiderate, selfish pigs that clog up the toilet. You don't need too much or too little, just the right amount.

Unless you're from India.

iam
04-09-07, 03:01 PM
http://www.bathroomsurvey.com/

i'm surprised by how many people eat while craping! Eeeeew!

that's gross. I talk on the phone while on the can.

as i thought most people are assholes, most are not folders.

thedevilsreject
04-09-07, 03:27 PM
i stand and then wipe from front to back

BenTheMan
04-09-07, 04:03 PM
It's suprising that 2/3 of the people who took the survey were chicks.

BenTheMan
04-09-07, 04:04 PM
I'm officially not hungry anymore.

redarmy11
04-09-07, 04:18 PM
http://www.bathroomsurvey.com/

i'm surprised by how many people eat while craping! Eeeeew!
I wonder whether, with a limitless supply of food, it would be possible to poo continuously this way?

S.A.M.
04-09-07, 04:20 PM
It is a shock to the average FOTB (fresh off the boat) Indian who comes to the States and discovers there is no way to wash, only to wipe. We can be recognised by the paper cups we smuggle into bathrooms.

invert_nexus
04-09-07, 07:34 PM
Memories.

Update: I've begun shaving my ass crack. Wiping is ever so much more pleasant these days.
Still wiping back to front.

BenTheMan
04-09-07, 07:38 PM
Update: I've begun shaving my ass crack. Wiping is ever so much more pleasant these days.

Like trying to clean peanut butter out of shag carpet?

Genji
04-09-07, 08:43 PM
Memories.

Update: I've begun shaving my ass crack. Wiping is ever so much more pleasant these days.
Still wiping back to front.Wiping back to front is a baaaad move if you possess a vaheena. Bacterial infections are common in women that wipe back to front.
I am pleased to note I have a naturally hairless ass. Praise Cheeses.

Genji
04-09-07, 08:43 PM
Like trying to clean peanut butter out of shag carpet?:eek: :puke: This is nasty.

phonetic
04-09-07, 09:41 PM
Hehe. This thread is great. :D


Memories.

Update: I've begun shaving my ass crack. Wiping is ever so much more pleasant these days.
Still wiping back to front.
I've shaved a couple of times, but it seems quite dangerous. I actually cut my penis shaving last time, which was obviously quite a frightening experience.
Have you tried waxing? I've considered it, but having a red raw bumhole sounds nasty.


Wiping back to front is a baaaad move if you possess a vaheena. Bacterial infections are common in women that wipe back to front.
I am pleased to note I have a naturally hairless ass. Praise Cheeses.
Lucky bastard :p

Genji
04-09-07, 09:48 PM
Hehe. This thread is great. :D


I've shaved a couple of times, but it seems quite dangerous. I actually cut my penis shaving last time, which was obviously quite a frightening experience.
Have you tried waxing? I've considered it, but having a red raw bumhole sounds nasty.


Lucky bastard :pYour injury reminded me of when I nicked my sack while bushwhacking. DAMN that thing bled like a mug. Just a tiny flap opened up. A hard black dot formed there and remained for almost 3 months! Looked like a bloody tick! I didn't dare pull it off. Needless to say all sex during that time was in the dark. No Exceptions!

Luvin my smoooth ass.

fadingCaptain
04-11-07, 01:52 PM
invert:
Very sad to see you are still back to front. You will never fully realize your dreams until you fix this.

On a side note, this is the best thread ever and should be moved out of the cesspool and made sticky.

Oniw17
04-11-07, 02:12 PM
I remember this question from a movie. I can't thinik of which one though.

kwhilborn
04-12-07, 06:04 PM
Its a bad sign if you clicked on this thread. Wipers repent !

p.s. standing/front to back/half roll/and a wet sponge for good measure.

Genji
04-12-07, 08:10 PM
I stand and go front to back. I use old bits of hoof.

outlandish
04-13-07, 11:19 AM
if you don't use water, you're an animal.

PsychoticEpisode
04-13-07, 03:26 PM
Are we the only creature to have ever wiped his ass? Once in a while you might catch a dog pulling himself along with his front legs and dragging its ass across the lawn (carpet if an inside mutt) after a nasty dump. Since this is a science forum I was wondering if other primate post crapping activity has ever been studied?

weed_eater_guy
04-13-07, 04:25 PM
I can see it now... walking down the hall to see on a proffesor's door "Wanted: enthusiastic undergrad student to participate in a research study of primate post-waste-excretion activities, don't miss out on this exciting field of study!"

tablariddim
04-13-07, 04:39 PM
Bend forwards, lifting bum off seat, reach behind and wipe front to back, then stand up a little (not too much) still bending forwards, reach under and wipe back to front, repeat this process until absolutely clean (relatively speaking). Then I call my dog.

PsychoticEpisode
04-13-07, 04:42 PM
Weed Eater Guy...They would probably qualify for a government grant seeing how important that study would be. They've given grants for less.

PsychoticEpisode
04-13-07, 04:49 PM
Bend forwards, lifting bum off seat, reach behind and wipe front to back, then stand up a little (not too much) still bending forwards, reach under and wipe back to front, repeat this process until absolutely clean (relatively speaking). Then I call my dog.

If you are having a bout of diarrhea and its firing out so fast that you can feel a backsplash on your buttocks it will take more than that. A dog's loyalty has limits:D

kwhilborn
04-13-07, 05:43 PM
You need a free hand, so you must stand or your "Kibbles 'n' Bits" might get a soaking when you let go. It is important to keep your "cash n' prizes" free from the water, as we all know this is the ever important oxygen supply to mens brains.

Ragnarok
04-17-07, 12:06 PM
I just scoot on the carpet.....

bdoug268
11-04-10, 11:13 PM
Try using a product called Puro, Hygiene Lotion. It ensures all remnants are off after you wipe. You will be surprised with what was left behind before. Good Puro Lotion as I think the only place you can get the stuff is online.

chaos1956
11-04-10, 11:25 PM
I don't wipe. I let the dingle-berries hang for a couple of days then go to the mall and drop them off the second story onto the unsuspecting people below me. Why was this thread cesspooled I wonder...:bugeye: