Before I begin:

-All of us change

Agreed?



Ok, So now that we've established that, a question:
What has changed about me?

It used to be that I worried about almost anything. Especially the smallest, most unimportant problems. Since high school began (two years ago), this tendancy has went in the opposite direction.

First I felt a kind of complacency.. not worrying about things like time. If I spent an extra say 5 minutes in bed, it was no big deal. Having a thought for an extra five seconds wasn't going to change my life either. (keep in mind that even though I still have a similar philosophy, I try to make *much* better use of the time than I did back then.)

Grade 11 came by and I had a sort of anger. The idea was that I could do anything, but really -- I couldn't. You have to be in a certain 'condition' which I've been trying to reach for a little while (10km a day and lots of push ups/sit ups...reading).

And now I find myself in grade 12. I'm not a pessimist or an optimist. I make good use of time, but it isn't as important as the things I spend doing (if that makes any sense.)

The bottom line:

I don't care anymore!!

Thats what it's come to. I don't care about anything . I have problems, and I realize how they might influence my life in a negative way. I'll even try to fix those things with 100% of my power. But when something bad happens, I just dont 'care.' I want to, but I simply can't. My reason is probably the constant reminder that, if I'm not satisfied, I could end things easily. And then...nothing. Or..I could just go someplace else. Because I'm unable to care about that either.

In the last two weeks I have become very dissatisfied. I now find myself doing crazier and crazier things..


What has happened to me??

It's called growing up and realizing that you are just a part of the whole community that you revolve in and not that the community revolves around you.

Hmm.. don't think so. I passed the adolescent 'phase' many years ago.

It sounds like you're simply bored. You aren't being challenged by the things you'd like to be. You don't care anymore simply because you may be slowly realizing what you do isn't as important as what you want to do and should be doing.

You're emotionally uninvolved possibly because you're changing as a person. Growing up realizing new things and finding what you held to be significant not so significant anymore.

You're learning new things and may just be confused by this. Your apathy could stem from this?

I got the same thing. Things just haven't been able to bug me lately. It sounds absolutely ridiculous and like bullshit, but I've just found myself really pleased by the most simplistic things.

On top of that, though, I also have the mindset (which more often than not gets me in tough situations) of absolutely not caring what I say. I haven't been polite to someone just because it's expected in ages. I've completely forgotten pleasantries. I've completely forgotten how to act like a functioning part of society.

The other day I was at work and a woman came in, the type who's going to be boring to serve, but not terrible. As soon as she opened her mouth I realized something very entertaining. I could reply saying something like "shooba doobopawoowoo?" And then I was suddenly overtaken with the urge to do it. Yes I would loose a customer. Yes, I would receive the wierdest look in my life. But seriously - that would fuck up the woman for just a moment, eh? I mean she would go home to her regular, run-of-the-mill life and say "guess what some idiot at a store said to me today?"

Besides that, though, I wanted to say it just because I could say it. Just as an experiment in reality.

Fun fun.

Isn't it just called senioritis?

Elbaz, if I follow a similar parallel to what your abridged life, I'd have to say that I'm at the complacent, easily-pleased stage. Maybe I'll go to not-caring, maybe not. I'm at the beginning of an attempt to enhance my average body, and I'm struggling with my grades in school even though I feel like I understand the material being taught to me. I should actually be in hysterics right now, I've been forced through faults of my own to shoot for Cs at the end of the quarter in two of my classes. Then I'll have to get an A the next quarter, in order to average a B for the semester. That's the plan, and I'm not quite sure that I can pull it off, since, at the best, I'm at a D or a D minus in both classes currently, and the term ends in a week and a half. I really have to pull something out of my ass here...

Yet, I'm not hysterical, I'm not hyperventilating. Yeah, it sucks, but life goes on. I have to put my faith in not only myself, and the abilities I know that I have, but also in the idea that things will eventually work themselves out.

shooba doobopawoowoo

Reminds me of a conversational topic that recurs every once in awhile with myself and Cactus Jack. In the XBOX game, Knights of the Old Republic, there are several alien languages used throughout the game, one of which sounds essentially like what I have quoted from your post. Somehow we related that to the sound that George Lucas makes when he molests little children, what he says to them while he's sticking his penis up their asses, something like that...anyway, it's quite funny on this end of the modem, while I realize that it may not sound as funny over yonder.

So you don't care, what's so wrong about that? Society tells us that we should care about alot of things, I say dare to be different. Don't worry about it, someday something will come along that you do care about. Until then it is not possible to create care in you. Have the courage to be who you are.

Well I do care, in a way, I just don't overcare. I have plans for my future, your typical cliche big naive plans, and I'd like to work toward them.

Pfft everyone goes through the not-caring stage, it is the single most common and noticeable of stages.
It sneaks up at a bad time, at least it did for me and a few other people I know, right in the senior years of high school, when you are supposed to care big time, you are supposed to freak out about exams and try and set up your entire life.
If you are in the not caring stage, exams are a joke, you proudly show the teacher that you didn't even write your name on the exam paper in the allotted 2 hours let alone do anything on it.
You know that your life is screwed if you don't do well at school, but in the not-caring frame of mind a successful life or living in the gutter life are equally appealing.
It would be ok if you stayed in the not-caring frame of mind forever, it truely is bliss, but you don't, you ironically come out of it right when school is over, its like a conspiracy or something.

xerxes, my advice to you is don't take your attitude right now too seriously, soon you'll forget what caring feels like, but try to remember that it sucks and all your non-caring-acts will come back to haunt you when you start caring again, which you will do, this is just a phase, as common as puberty.
When it strikes and how hard can have huge affects on your entire life if you aren't ready for it. You now know that its just a phase you will get over so you have an advantage there. I just thought I reached a profound level of understanding.
I was wrong, or maybe I was right, but it went away and the stink of reality punched me in the face pretty hard.

OH MY GOD YOU'RE GROWING UP!!!!!!!

hehe.

Actually, what is happening to you is that:

1) You have a seemingly "normal" balance of chemicals (unless there are problems you're not telling us about :bugeye: :D)
2) You, like emotionally maturing people do, are learning to deal with your emotions via your frontal lobe rather than your amygdala. (a transition that is supposed to happen in healthy humans toward their upper teens and into their twenties)

GO YOU!

It's a great thing really. Based on my experiences with the other humans, emotional balace seems exceedingly difficult to come by.

Of course it may just be that you're a listless bastard who could give a fuck if the world exploded. *shrug*

Originally posted by wesmorris


Of course it may just be that you're a listless bastard who could give a fuck if the world exploded. *shrug*

*cracks open a brewsky*.....yup..darn tootin fella.....i reckon i don't give a darn holler ya hear......im just gonna whistle on ma porch and take the good lords name.

Maybe what you are really asking is why aren't I happy?

And I think I'll go and start a thread just on this subject. Happiness, and what is it?

Are there any keys to happiness that are common to every one?

Learning how to find happiness aint easy.

Xerxes

assuming i am not wasting my text ...
there are 2 basic things you should consider to get a better understanding of your current thinking

one
developmental psychology

two
socio-psychological-dynamic-development

that should give you a few answers if you are seriouse

groove on :)