"Trust no one." Anybody live by this quote?

I find that I really do have a general lack of trust for people, even family members.

I mean, its not like I make conspiracies about people and am always on guard. I just always tend to look for reasons as to why people say things they say rather than just taking it and believing it.

 

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(^^dragon deleted his post, now I look like I was talking to myself.)

Man you're fast.

 

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After years of domestic abuse and strife, I lived by this mantra for a very long time. It was very hard, lonely and depressing and I realised that I was not only shutting out people who could love me, but I was more a robot than I was a human. I literally trudged through every day without emotion, because I didn't trust anyone enough to let them in. Not family, not friends... no one.

Eventually, you realize in having adopted the stance of no trust, you have alienated everyone in your life and you feel very alone. I was fiercely independant to the point of never needing anyone at all, and being alone became all I knew. Comfortable, but sad. I ended up letting one person in and found that even though that person made mistakes from time to time, they also were full of love and emotion and it brightened up the room I had locked myself inside. Eventually I learned to trust others as well, learned to trust family and friends as well, and even to let people help me from time to time which was a huge step.

Shutting yourself off from human emotion is detrimental to your mental health. You need to be able to feel empathy from people and feel like you are not alone in this world. It's important for you to thrive. Start with small things, and eventually you'll realize that you can let people in without them trashing your pad.

My distrust came from a very young age. And usually, it begins there. You feel a valid sense of being abandoned for one reason or another, and that in an of itself makes it hard to adjust. Maybe you were orphaned, maybe your parents ignored you, maybe there was alcoholism or abuse, but the feeling of distrust comes from somewhere. You have to work very hard to overcome it because you are human, and we all do better when we can love and be loved in return. That starts with trust.

 

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I want to let others earn my trust by proving they are worth my time.

 

I tend to agree with James. It's like the old W. C. Fields quote, "Trust everyone... but cut the cards."

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If we all paid attention more we would realize that no one ever lies to us.

 

so if they say you have a nice shirt, you wonder.....what?

 

I also tend to not trust my immediate family. When I come home and the kids have cleaned house, I wonder what they want. When I get flowers out of the blue at work, I wonder if my husband succeeded in burning down the house.

 

Personally, I think your stance here (as described) is perfectly healthy, in fact, above average so. What you are describing here is not truly a "lack of trust" in the same sense that you refuse to believe anyone. A complete lack of trust would in fact constitute paranoia. I don't believe you're paranoid.

I believe you are instinctively curious and wary. These are powerful survival mechanisms.

On the other hand, what James seems to be referring to, is a projection of good will through acceptance. In this sense, James practices the notions of kindness to achieve a better understanding of those that he chooses to interact with and those that choose to interact with him.

I'm not totally sure, and as a figure of speech, lord knows I am not certain enough to read anyone's mind, but I believe that this may be a facilitation of personality. I will give you some basic examples of first impressions and trust concerning what I am thinking and then you can tie into me if you feel it's needed.

An amiable personality might choose to purposefully reserve it's intentions as to make a better or more accurate assessment of the cause of consideration.

An expressive personality may in fact blurt out the first reaction that it has. For example: A beautiful woman walks into the room and he quickly blurts out, wow! You're hot! (turning a bit red and wishing he had exercised a bit more tact before any trust was ever achieved)

An analytical mind may in fact stare you in the eye without so much as an emotional shred of evidence as to their perceptions. You might even be tempted to ask "what's wrong Sir?" to which they would reply with little more emotion, "I just wanted to ask you a question"

All three are "feeling" things out instinctively to achieve trust, but clearly the means by which they are doing so are inherently different. Perhaps you are judging yourself too harshly. Confirmation is a good thing. Just because it's natural for you desire confirmation does not mean you don't exercise a great deal of trust everyday.

 

Huh? Notice that those are two contradictory statements, James?

Yes, I think I know what you're trying to say, but you sure as hell didn't say it right. Wanna' try again? And really, it's damned difficult to actually say what you mean by that without being somewhat conflicting points of view.

Sorta' like saying that we shouldn't be rude and unkind to people, then post a thread ridiculing a whole segment of people, huh?

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Baron Max

 

I don't think there is even one person on this planet that I trust 100%, not even my mom. However, I guess my mom and my aunt Karen would be the two that I trust the most though.
Most acquaintences/friends/relatives I do trust at varying levels but not 100%. For example, I'd trust my cousin Anthony with my firearms, but not to take care of any of my dogs. My friend Kenny is one of only two people I trust to come over and feed my dogs, but I wouldn't trust him behind the wheel of my WRX (as he is a crazier driver than I am).
I also watch how those same people act around other people that I feel they care about as much as they do me. How they act around them and specifically how they act around them behind their back can tell a lot about one's trustworthiness.

 

ah, I see what you mean. I trust my husband with our kids, but not with a credit card.

I was thinking more suspiciously before.

 

I trust people in varying degrees, from 0 until 100%. If I have known the person before, I'll based my faith on experience. Fortunately up to now nobody really have betrayed me (in extreme way). My dad once told me, 'being a good person is not only by doing good to others, but also by not trying to bring the worst in them'. It is very difficult, but I try my best to follow it.

 

I generally trust few new people after years of betrayal conditioning. Of course, when I extend it, it's hard to retract it. Having had another sharp reminder today (two, really, but from the same person so it seems unfair), I realize while I lied to the person because I didn't want her help, her ILLEGAL behavior was motivated by her "sense of right." When choosing to trust, consider whether or not the person cares more about you and your well-being, or "morality" or "being helpful."

 

can yuo give an example? Like smoking a joint?

 

Opening federal mail.

 

stealthy stays healthy

I try to stay open but do not trust peole until they give me good reason to, therefore I trust a very limited number of people (also I am not really a people person)

 

I trust people who are trustworthy.
I also trust people who aren't trustworthy.
This is true trust.

 

But I hope you don't trust them if you know they are untrustworthy..

I don't trust anyone a 100%, it seems to me that it's the most realistic outlook.