After a recent arguement with a loved one. Ive decided to formulate some ideas on the topic of insults and i ask for all of your help and input on the subject.
I have never understood why everyone has this innate desire to hurl insults at me? Maybe because im "different"

What really irritates me is that i try not to associate myself with people who belittle and insult others, yet my girlfriend constantly says that they(the insulters) are just "joking".
Even if they are joking, what kind of person jokes like that?
Ive never liked people who try to raise thier self esteem by crushing others.

For the record: It doesnt bother me one bit because i couldnt care less what they think, the fact my girlfriend defends them is what really pisses me off. She thinks im "insecure" becuase i take them as insults, and not as jokes. (but who knows what they are is the question? how do you determine that?)


The following is a very priliminary analysis,please bear with me...

Here are my ideas on the matter:



Why do people insult one another? First, lets look at the definition of an insult.


Definition of an “insult”

1.To treat with gross insensitivity, insolence, or contemptuous rudeness.
2. To affront or demean:
3. To make an attack on.
4.To treat with abuse, insolence, indignity, or contempt, by word or action; to abuse; as, to call a man a coward or a liar, or to sneer at him, is to insult him.



(for this section I will make reference to the criminal code for judgement purposes.)

In any criminal offence, one must prove the actus reas and mens rea for a conviction.

What would constitute an insult?

Actus reas and mens rea, or just actus reas ?


1. The insult itself. Or the Actus reas, or “ act”
2. The intent to insult. Or the mens rea “Guilty mind”


Eg: If one were to say something jokingly … then the mens rea, or criminal mind is not present in such a speech because the INTENT was not to cause damage or insult. However, what would be the judge to determine whether or not the individual had the guilty mind or not?
If the guilty mind is not immediately thrown out, then the fact still remains, and the insult is received as such.

Hence,
An insult is classified as an insult (and will be offensive and malicious) unless reasonable grounds suggest that the intent was not to be delivered as such.

However, if the recipient views the wording itself as offensive, then the act has taken place. This constitutes an “insult” as defined in the terminology.

Typically, An insult must be interpreted as entirely subjective.
No objective reality can really come into play when someone’s feelings are entirely subjective.

Why does one make a joke or insult another? :

1.It is the need for praise by the nearby onlookers. Ever notice that insults are rarely thrown in 1 on 1 situations?, except when used to intimidate or try to instill anger on the recipient?

An insult can either be:

1.to deliberately attack and humiliate, hence allowing the attacker to extol his power and fortitude over the other.
2. To jokingly say something that will allow others nearby to raise their opinion of the attacker and demoralize the recipient. When the attacker receives a laugh or affirmation, it gives him or her a rush of strength, power, and self-affirmation.



Thank you for your time, and I hope to hear your ideas on the matter.

There is something that confuses me...

You said:
For the record: It doesnt bother me one bit
but...
What really irritates me is that i try not to associate myself with people who belittle and insult others

If it doesn't bother you, then why not associate with "thm"?

You said:
i couldnt care less what they think
but...
i take them as insults, and not as jokes. (but who knows what they are is the question? how do you determine that?)

If you don't care what they think, then why do you care what the intention of the person was?

If insults don't bother you, why are you worked up over it?

If you don't care what people think of you, what is the intention of this post?

Sorry, maybe I didn't understand you well.

Squashbuckler:
Why do people insult one another?

One either thinks that the other is an idiot, or one is fucking around with mates. In the first case, the reason is obvious - in the second, it's a way of showing off how tough you are, expressing affection and having little power struggles all combined.

1.to deliberately attack and humiliate, hence allowing the attacker to extol his power and fortitude over the other.

This is more or less the case when you're hanging out with mates - when someone is or is percieved to be an idiot, it's simply an expression of contempt.

You're making a rather big issue of a normal social interaction - not that I'm one to talk . :)

Ah, lighten up! It's called DARK HUMOR! Very funny. You should try it. Suckerrrrrrrrrrrrrr......
Now, You can't accuse of crime that wasnt committed, so throw out the INTENT.:D

Originally posted by Squashbuckler
An insult can either be:

1.to deliberately attack and humiliate, hence allowing the attacker to extol his power and fortitude over the other.
2. To jokingly say something that will allow others nearby to raise their opinion of the attacker and demoralize the recipient. When the attacker receives a laugh or affirmation, it gives him or her a rush of strength, power, and self-affirmation.

3.) An expressed valid complaint and negative opinion of another person's words or actions. (for example, if I think you are a jerk, and let you know that).
4.) An expression of the insulter's own insecurity. Attacking, not to extol power, but an attempt to hide powerlessness.
5.) An attempt at constructive criticism either ineffectively worded by the insulter or taken the wrong way by the insulted (or both).
6.) An attempt to attack a person at a point of vulnerability due to the invulnerability of the desired point of attack (insult someone because you can't out-smart them, beat them up or some other desired plan of attack).
7.) The insulter is a person that doesn't care about social graces or your personal feelings, and it is fun for that person to expose your weaknesses.
8.) The person simply does not like you (warranted or not) and insults you as an attept to make that known.

I am sure there are more reasons, just drawing a blank right now.

Squashbuckler build up your armor. Sometimes one is insulted by a verbal attack because they actually see some truth in it and find that frightening. Sometimes one is insulted because they do not have the readiness at the particular point in time to respond affectively. To ignore a verbal attack is to disarm the attacker. If it is not something you can ignore then take lessons from Xev and attack precisely and boldly. People often get off on nibbling the flesh off of one another. Acquire indifference.

Squashbuckler build up your armor
Surround yourself with people who like you and dont be afraid to kick people out of your life if you think they've crossed the line; The world is large enough!
Be a wall. Even if on the inside you tremble, dont let it show, just keep going on.
Dont be afraid to admit your faults, take them as pointers to work on self.
Finally work up a way to insult back; not name-calling, but pick up people's weaknesses (body size?) and poke there. Common weaknesses happen to be most painful spots.

How old are you dude, get over it they are not insulting you they are joking that’s why you should not use the definition of insult to describe what these people are doing to you. I am a huge fan of the friendly jokingly payouts. It is everywhere even in the workplace. You will get beaten if you don’t join them. You would get further past your computer screen if you cant get over this tiny speed hump in life.

The actual insult itself does not bother me. It actually makes me feel good because it shows they are jealous. In a selfish way, that raises my self esteem. Of course some do pick a nerve. Normally the ones related to age or maturity when they arent making sense anymore...
An intelligent discussion soon turns to..
"Your young, you dont know anyhitng, or , Your immature."
Expecially when they cannot formulate a rational response.
Thats a bit irritating because i cannot respond to such a comment.
Im young, and maturity is entirely subjective.

Its the fact that my girlfriend defends such people and sometimes even idolizes them. She likes them.. wheras i dont think much of them. She says that they "really like me", but i think they are jealous and trying to bring me down and show off that they are better than me for the crowd. I dont mind if they do that. But i dont like it when my girlfriend expects me to be nice to such people.
I treat them as indifferent.

But some people just dont stop.....one after another....after another...
All i do is sit there and smile.

P.S. Thanks for all the great replies.
:D

Originally posted by Squashbuckler

What really irritates me is that i try not to associate myself with people who belittle and insult others, yet my girlfriend constantly says that they(the insulters) are just "joking".
It doesnt bother me one bit because i couldnt care less what they think, the fact my girlfriend defends them is what really pisses me off.



She thinks they are "great people" while i think they are stupid for not choosing better words before they said anything.

Originally posted by Jolly Rodger
How old are you dude,

There is the test of time arguement again.
There is nothing wrong with joking around.
However, how can a complete stranger justify such an action?

Besides, insulting one another sounds like a ridiculas way to spend time,and its rather unintelligent. (unless done very nicely)

I believe that it is mainly a power struggle , and nothing more.

I mean, why even tell jokes? You tell jokes to be "popular" and for people to like you. Insults are thrown for power.

Why befriend someone who wants to overpower you and is in a constant competition with you?
Ive done it before and its very irritating.

I guess the bottomline is..

1.Why should i like, or go out of my way to be friendly with such people?Even if they are joking, its stupid.

2. How can you tell if the intent was malicious or not?
I would say its malicious unless proven otherwise.


The whole arguement was based over whether it was malicious or not.
I said it was. girlfriend said it wasnt.
?
:confused:

When friends insult eachother, in a way it is a sign of affection. I can call my friend a cock gobbler all day and it will not cause any real conflict. It demonstrates our good will towards one another in that we can accept it. On the other hand if a stranger said the same thing there would be a problem between them.

Let me get this straight. You make friends with people who insult you, and go out with a girl who thinks that's OK. This sounds more like your problem than theirs.

Do you accidently do anything to attract those insults I wonder. Like be oversensitive to them?

It's when your friends stop insulting you that you need to watch out.

Originally posted by Squashbuckler
But some people just dont stop.....one after another....after another...

Originally posted by Squashbuckler
She thinks they are "great people"

Originally posted by Squashbuckler
However, how can a complete stranger justify such an action?


.....................................

Originally posted by Canute
Do you accidently do anything to attract those insults I wonder.

I am starting to wonder the same thing.


Complete strangers?
Do they just walk up to you on the street and start digging at you?
Are they friends of hers?
If so, maybe she thinks it's funny when her friends rip on you and make you look foolish?
How long have you two been together?

Ive come to a very important conclusion regarding insults.
From now on, whenever someone says something that is insulting ill just say :

" I find that very insulting, was that your intent? "



If two people love eachother, i doubt that their intent is to harm oneanother, it is most likely a misunderstanding with wording.
I think that one sentence should solve many "lovers quarrels"

Ive come to a very important conclusion regarding insults.
From now on, whenever someone says something that is insulting ill just say :

" I find that very insulting, was that your intent? "



If two people love eachother, i doubt that their intent is to harm oneanother, it is most likely a misunderstanding with wording.
I think that one sentence should solve many "lovers quarrels"

how's about you answer canute's post?

Ive come to a very important conclusion regarding insults.
From now on, whenever someone says something that is insulting ill just say :

" I find that very insulting, was that your intent? "

Just so long as there are no tears when you say this. Otherwise it could just ruin the whole effect of your words. You'd come out sounding a tad whiny. Or you could just say 'fuck off' and smile if it is said to a loved one so that they think you're being well... lovable.. or errr frown if it's said to someone who's being mean to you.. maybe even give them the finger, I'm sure that'd get your point across. But then hey that's just me.

What I'd like to know though is what would you say or do in reply if they answer 'yes that was my intent'?

If two people love eachother, i doubt that their intent is to harm oneanother, it is most likely a misunderstanding with wording.
I think that one sentence should solve many "lovers quarrels"

Ah to be so innocent again...

What I'd like to know though is what would you say or do in reply if they answer 'yes that was my intent'?

That's hilarious. Bells, you've given me the perfect answer if someone was ever so inclined to reply to an insult I had thrown them with, "I find that very insulting, was that your intent?". I'm going to tell them with candour, *in his best David Chapelle white guy voice* " :bugeye: Yes... it... WAS!! " I can already see it now... I'll tell them it was my intent and that I am a glutton for throwing insults, my greed for doing so is instaiable. At which point, I will follow it up with another insult.

Whatever they come with after being told the intent of the comment spewed was to be insulting would be funnier than the insult itself.

Squashbuckler, I know you made this thread with the intent to let us know your theories on insults and maybe, just maybe, to get us to stop insulting others so much... way to fuel the fire! :D

Heh Chal...

I mean honestly, and no offence Squash, but who actually asks that question when they've been insulted? The answer will always be yes it is, even if it wasn't meant to be taken as an insult. I'd say yes just to see the reaction. It's the same kind of thing as when parents give silly advice to their kids who may be bullied. You know the 'tell them that they've hurt your feelings' crap. The result usually ends up with the child having their heads flushed down the toilet or teased even more. Squash, I'd suggest you grow a thicker skin and learn to give it back as is given to you. By asking " I find that very insulting, was that your intent? " , you're just going to end up in tears as the insulter ends up in absolute hysterics.

Insults =
1. A way to relieve and express anger towards a person through verbal but not physical violence.
2. Intensifying one words with the use of vulgar language.
3. To show power over someone else by embarresing them infront of others.
4. Stupidity.
5. Fun.

These are reasons for insulting others. It's human nature and everyone will do it many times in their life. Since no one is genuinly good they must do something relatively evil. yet when you think about it insults aren't that bad at all.

Insults are a way of expressing anger (frustration). It is usually a form of displacing anger (the person's subconscious is angry about some other event, but releases the anger through another event). In some cases, people just have the habit of insulting people. Someone who constantly insults people/things obviously has anger issues, or is trying to get attention. Try this, the more someone insults you, the more kindly you treat them.