Let me describe my dinner yesterday. I was munching on a nice piece of poached salmon with dill sauce in my comfy kitchen in comfy house, enjoying the breeze blowing in from the my comfy deck. A lovely evening, and I was groovin' to Led Zep. At this moment, the ice cream man decides to pull up with his ice cream truck. I shouldn't have cared, I don't really like sweets, but the kids do, so that's good enough for me. But this fuzz-nuts stays parked in the same location, directly across the street. He was playing, for the ENTIRE time, as loud as it would go, his little ice cream man PA system. Would you like to know what song got played over and over for 45 minutes? Would you like to know what god-awful whore-sucking bitch of a tune I had to listen to (about 3 notches louder than I jam my own system -which is REALLY loud) for just long enough to go insane? It's A Small World. That's right. As if riding that friggin’ ride at Disney World, bringing me within a hair of blowing my own fucking head off so as to end that goddamn song once and for all, wasn't enough… In my own goddamn home I had to listen to the instrumental version of "It's A Small World" damn near 100 times. It ended with a sound effect too. A real loud "Boinngngngigng" like some cartoon spring at the end. What follows did not (unfortunately?) occur, but it is where my normally non-violent mind began to wander after about 15 times through the song: He had the guns for protection, and had hoped to never have to use them: a high-powered hunting rifle, a .45, a .38 and a shotgun. He always imagined using them in case of a burglary at night. Never did he think he would need them for a Sunday brunch. He was having a few neighbors over for Mimosa's, backgammon, and enlightened conversation. All was well until the noise started. Everyone laughed at first - the familiar sound of an ice cream truck brought back memories for them all. The tune was "It's A Small World" and everybody grinned. The first time. By the fifth time it wasn't even mildly amusing. By the tenth time it had grown annoying. By the twentieth time, folks were starting to get angry. Thirty iterations into the repeated playing of this horrendous song brought on raised voices and the sentiment that something must be done. Forty times and the people wanted blood. On the forty-ninth play of this vilest of songs, a strange calm came over the host. He casually walked into the bedroom and retrieved said guns from his closet. When he returned to the deck, guns in hands, his neighbors knew what he had in mind. Silently, they nodded in agreement. The neighbor with the most shooting experience stayed on the deck with the hunting rifle. The host and two other neighbors headed downstairs towards the ice cream truck. When they were in position they signaled to the sniper on the deck. He took aim, thinking how sweet it would be when the noise finally stopped. He chambered the rifle and then fired hitting the speaker dead on. The music stopped briefly, and then started back up. This time it was playing "If Your Happy And You Know It" which was no cure for their problem. The sniper worked the bolt and took aim again, this time shutting down the PA for good. Moments later the door to the ice cream truck swung open and a furious ice cream man stormed out. Big mistake. The first shot that hit him was from the .38. Taking it in the shoulder, he realized he was in trouble and took off running down the street. Then a bullet from the .45 hit him in the leg and he was left crawling on the sidewalk - bleeding heavily. In a final triumph the host advanced on him. He kicked the ice cream man and flipped him over so he could look into his eyes. He realized he recognized the wounded man from a local bar. "Hey! Don't I know you?" he asked of the ice cream vendor, leveling the shotgun at his head. "Yes! Yes! From Griff’s Landing! Please don't kill me." "Huh. I guess it is a small world after all" uttered the host as he pulled the trigger. The ice cream man's head exploded onto the sidewalk in a bloody display of brain and skull. " Boinngngngigng, ya bastard!!!!" the Fish screamed. A crowd of people had gathered and watched what had just happened. For a moment there was silence as the pool of blood grew around the lifeless corpse. Then, suddenly, a cheer louder that any football fans could make erupted from the streets. The ice cream man would never torture anyone again. The Champion Of The People returned to his abode with his neighbors. Much revelry was had - with free ice cream for all. This would never have happened if he had the sense to play Van Halen's Ice Cream Man like any thinking frozen treat vendor.
Sing it with me, Adam - "It's a world of laughter A world of tears It's a world of hopes And a world of fears There's so much that we share That it's time we're aware It's a small world after all There is just one moon And one golden sun And a smile means Friendship to ev'ryone Though the mountains divide And the oceans are wide It's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small world after all It's a small, small world!" Peace. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
I can just see it now ... "Hey, Jake." "Yeah, Billy." "Looks like we're going to have to add another one to the 'Dangerous Profiles' list: Mimosa loving, backgammon playing, conversationalists. This one looks particularly dangerous. Most likely belongs to the NRA." "Jeez, you're right! Sure glad we've got some bite now." Take care Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Yep! We pickup truck-drivin', gun-totin' liberals are the worst! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Peace.
Goofyfish Ahhhh... revenge is sweet. I paid that ice cream guy to sit near your house as long as possible. I'm getting you back for posting the 'Greasy grimy' thread. I still can't get that damn tune out of my head.
Hey, they's a solution to this! Crank the jams. If they can't crank more then you need a replacement stereo. Rock and roll /with THUNDER! I would never suggest earphones
I knew someone who went to Disney and a hurricane hit Florida, there was a technical problem and he had to listen to the song for Eight hours straight. I would end up hacking everyone in the boat to peices...........
Goofyfish, get a thumper. I've a Denon that doesn't do too badly. You can feel the bass coming out of the port at 7-8 foot away at 1/2 volume. (At first I thought it was a bug flying around and landing on my feet when I wasn't looking, no joke) Surely your neighbors enjoy good music...
Please feel free to forward a check. What the hell... make it out for $1500 and I'll get the Acurus ACT3 preamp/processor. Then I'll be boomin! Peace.
Payment is on your end, my man. It depends on how much you dislike it. The Denon is 550 watts rms, with an additional 250 watt bass amp. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Har Har har har That happens over here as well,I like Black Sab ect but have a Paul Robson LP,there were a load of kids that used to play there wog boxes in the park behind my house,so I put Paul on at full Vol that worked they all went some where else!
