View Full Version : The Dilapidated Housewives of Douchebag County


GeoffP
06-05-12, 09:35 PM
My God. Is there, possibly, a less redeeming television show, anywhere? Or has there been at any time? Or is value redefined to some common neutrality, with each show being essentially amoral? I suppose I'd go for the last one, generally, but adding that these douchebags - of whatever county of collected idiots they hail from - seem to have made the amoral actually antimoral. Beverly Hills, New York, Orange County, Atlanta (may Neptune sink it into the sea once more) - it gets worse and worse and dumber and dumber with each series. In this most recent episode of the ***bags of Orange County, the idiots have invited their friend with them to Costa Rica, alienated her for some unfathomable reason, and bitch endlessly as they prepare to dice with elaborately preventable death (curse you, Bravo TV) on a river rafting run. One particularly loathsome cow actually has the temerity to say that one of them dying would be the worst thing ever.

Oh really? Really? Because I can probably think of ten thousand things worse than that, with the 10,000th thing being "stubbing my own toe". Without getting into another nauseating discussion of the FSM - please, please God. Now? If You're there, now would be the time. Significantly higher average IQ for the planet. More oxygen for everyone. And, if the body were lost, biodegradable materials injected back into the ecosystem, minus the silicon and hot pink synthetic fibers.

Now, I'm all for vicious repressing of many of the candidates who want to see the repression of culture - well, not all of them, as this rant shows. But seriously - why not now? Imagine the cultural healing spreading over the nation via the repression of the whims and whinings of a collection of spoiled, ignorant, self-important idiots. You might argue Jackass in return, and you might even be right - but in no way could the deliberate exploration of dunderheads for the purposes of generating cheap physical laughs be in any way comparable to the societal damage accruing from these overindulged, rich, boneheaded binge-bot scum. Imagine them being shut down. Imagine the tremor of fear that would sweep the ranks of the morally unwashable: Jersey Whores (I think that's the title), Top Chef with its hateful ex-Salman Rushdie-armchair-girl host, any of several designer shows...all right, primarily the one with the insufferable asshole... Bethenny (arguable the only actual non-cyborg out of one of the collections of ignoramuses... the one with the laughable Contessa and the model so passive-aggressive that even the French would want to burn her), but still contaminated by association, Kathy whats-her-relevance, America's Next Semi-Human, Chef Chef Chef, Fashion Fashion Fashion and whatever Tyra Banks is throwing phones at this year. So nearly everything on Bravo's line: let's be honest, here. Blame where blame is due.

(And this, by the by, is a network that, without the vaguest hint of irony, labels itself... Bravo. Something to keep in mind.)

There's even a video game based on one or another set of Housewives...what a boon and joy to young minds and the hardcore fringe of thirty-year-old basement dwellers that must be. Intrigued by the deliberate vapidity of a lowest-common-denominator moral minefield? Well now you can pretend to be part of it! It could be argued that at least it might keep the truly evil from practicing their warped interests on the rest of humanity - or at least the rest of the morons in Orange County, say - but it's my justifiably pessimistic suspicion that it would act more like a scratching post for particularly skanky cats.

I would ask, in general, whether there would be any recourse to shitting - excuse me, shutting them down. I know this will meet with collective antioutrage - how dare you even suggest putting a tap on our garbage valve! - but by paraphrasing Winston Churchill, I think that if Satan himself had decided to make war on them I could at least do him the benefit of a few kind words to the FCC.

Epictetus
06-05-12, 10:00 PM
Nice rant, Geoff. :splat:

spidergoat
06-05-12, 10:06 PM
I'm glad I never tried to watch it then.

Gustav
06-05-12, 10:52 PM
me too
nor have i seen shit like lost and its ilk
i did catch a few episodes of some shit on mtv long time ago when the genre was kinda new and whatnot

shit like that simply does not register
i am so glad i am me...................and not geoff
he sounds like a fish fag no?

gmilam
06-05-12, 11:59 PM
Never even heard of it... Then again, I unplugged the cable years ago - and have not missed it.

NightFall
06-06-12, 12:46 AM
gustav - lost was soapy. great start, disappointing ending..
are you thinking of survivor? reality show with with lots of leathery old people trying to win enough money to file bankruptcy in a year by outsmarting the other idiots in their camp?

either way, I agree with OP on these shows and the other reality shows like them. My friend's sister in law produces real housewives new york, so i've had to sit and bite my tongue a few times when she carries on about it, so geoff you can know that I extra-enjoyed your rant. tv has gone to shit in general. There are few things I watch on tv anymore, and I'm excited to say that our contract is finally up this month (two years ugh!) and can't wait for it to be gone for good :)

Stoniphi
06-06-12, 06:27 AM
...tv has gone to shit in general...

Agreed. :puke:

davekm
06-07-12, 04:39 AM
I only use my TV for games and sports now. I find very few programs worth viewing. I do like myth busters, though

davekm
06-07-12, 04:57 AM
Lost is probably the best TV show of the 21st century that I have seen

NightFall
06-07-12, 10:14 PM
I only use my TV for games and sports now. I find very few programs worth viewing. I do like myth busters, though
The sport of choice in our house is hockey. baseball some (although I can't stand it myself). Since hockey is hit or miss depending on your provider, we usually end up streaming it or watching at the bar, and for the rest, netflix is perfect. In fact, the biggest drawback to netflix is that you discover great shows you didn't know existed (nor did anyone else) and have already been cancelled as soon as you fall in love with them. Stargate Universe was this way, at least they ended it in such a way that a Who-esque revival in 10 years would be not only possible, but accurate.

Bells
06-07-12, 11:34 PM
me too
nor have i seen shit like lost and its ilk
i did catch a few episodes of some shit on mtv long time ago when the genre was kinda new and whatnot

shit like that simply does not register
i am so glad i am me...................and not geoff
he sounds like a fish fag no?

I have never heard of half of the shows he is talking about, let alone watched it, and it seems with the first one he's talking about, series upon series?...

Maybe Jackass because there was a movie, but the other ones?

I don't know whether to feel proud that I have never watched and/or heard of the reality shows he is discussing or feel somewhat depressed that I am so far behind what appears to be the times..


My God. Is there, possibly, a less redeeming television show, anywhere? Or has there been at any time? Or is value redefined to some common neutrality, with each show being essentially amoral? I suppose I'd go for the last one, generally, but adding that these douchebags - of whatever county of collected idiots they hail from - seem to have made the amoral actually antimoral. Beverly Hills, New York, Orange County, Atlanta (may Neptune sink it into the sea once more) - it gets worse and worse and dumber and dumber with each series. In this most recent episode of the ***bags of Orange County, the idiots have invited their friend with them to Costa Rica, alienated her for some unfathomable reason, and bitch endlessly as they prepare to dice with elaborately preventable death (curse you, Bravo TV) on a river rafting run. One particularly loathsome cow actually has the temerity to say that one of them dying would be the worst thing ever.

Oh really? Really? Because I can probably think of ten thousand things worse than that, with the 10,000th thing being "stubbing my own toe". Without getting into another nauseating discussion of the FSM - please, please God. Now? If You're there, now would be the time. Significantly higher average IQ for the planet. More oxygen for everyone. And, if the body were lost, biodegradable materials injected back into the ecosystem, minus the silicon and hot pink synthetic fibers.

Now, I'm all for vicious repressing of many of the candidates who want to see the repression of culture - well, not all of them, as this rant shows. But seriously - why not now? Imagine the cultural healing spreading over the nation via the repression of the whims and whinings of a collection of spoiled, ignorant, self-important idiots. You might argue Jackass in return, and you might even be right - but in no way could the deliberate exploration of dunderheads for the purposes of generating cheap physical laughs be in any way comparable to the societal damage accruing from these overindulged, rich, boneheaded binge-bot scum. Imagine them being shut down. Imagine the tremor of fear that would sweep the ranks of the morally unwashable: Jersey Whores (I think that's the title), Top Chef with its hateful ex-Salman Rushdie-armchair-girl host, any of several designer shows...all right, primarily the one with the insufferable asshole... Bethenny (arguable the only actual non-cyborg out of one of the collections of ignoramuses... the one with the laughable Contessa and the model so passive-aggressive that even the French would want to burn her), but still contaminated by association, Kathy whats-her-relevance, America's Next Semi-Human, Chef Chef Chef, Fashion Fashion Fashion and whatever Tyra Banks is throwing phones at this year. So nearly everything on Bravo's line: let's be honest, here. Blame where blame is due.
You are to blame and others like you who sit there and watch these shows with each series you seem to be tuning in to.

You obviously watch these shows and thus, feed the network's beliefs that these shows are somehow worthwhile viewing.

If you want to send a message. Resist temptation and don't turn it on. It is that simple. Watch something else.. Read a book. Watch a movie. Cable also has great documentary channels. Watch those instead..

Gustav
06-08-12, 01:03 AM
yeah
be a cultured npr fucker like me, geoff


I have never heard of half of the shows he is talking about, let alone watched it, and it seems with the first one he's talking about, series upon series?...


oh really
here is the wiki page on geoff's fave show....


http://i.imgur.com/l8aUe.jpg

Epictetus
06-08-12, 03:22 AM
I thought Geoff had made that title up based on some Desperate Housewives-type show I was unfamiliar with! Surely, it's a parody???

My friends and I used to watch Batman (starring Adam Wes). Being wise-ass pre-pubes we did not realize it was a spoof. Years and years later when we finally learned that, we smiled and said,'Ohhhh!' Brilliant show!


This was our favorite bit:http://www.oakcliff.com/OCPICS/index_files/image037.jpg

Michael
06-08-12, 04:22 AM
Never heard of it....

GeoffP
06-08-12, 06:39 AM
I have never heard of half of the shows he is talking about, let alone watched it, and it seems with the first one he's talking about, series upon series?...

Maybe Jackass because there was a movie, but the other ones?

I don't know whether to feel proud that I have never watched and/or heard of the reality shows he is discussing or feel somewhat depressed that I am so far behind what appears to be the times..

They're American series.


You are to blame and others like you who sit there and watch these shows with each series you seem to be tuning in to.

Ho ho! Not I, lass. It's my other. I don't get to say 'no' to it.


You obviously watch these shows and thus, feed the network's beliefs that these shows are somehow worthwhile viewing.

As above. I'm sure that's what the networks feel too. But that's no moral excuse.


If you want to send a message. Resist temptation and don't turn it on. It is that simple. Watch something else.. Read a book. Watch a movie. Cable also has great documentary channels. Watch those instead..

Unfortunately in TV decisions it takes but one to tango. I read-a the book. I write-a the book. I watch-a the something else on my computer. But it persists in the background. It's not about me or my household specifically, because clowns the breadth of the Western world are watching this idiocy. I can avoid damage - other than a carefully bridled rage - but others are absorbing it. Imagine children even catching a blast of the advertising for these spoiled idiots. It's psychological poison.

It's like sugar, fat and salt: there's no genetic predisposition to avoid or restrict one's immersion to those. Similarly, these abominations probably stimulate some deplorable psychological void that I can't be bothered to investigate. You'd limit a man's crack cocaine consumption, wouldn't you? I wonder just how extreme a stimulus these things might invoke, and what kind of damage they're causing. I'd hate for uncontrolled consumerism and a shrug to help along the crumbling of society.


gustav: "fish fag"?

Bells
06-08-12, 10:00 AM
They're American series.


Okay..


Ho ho! Not I, lass. It's my other. I don't get to say 'no' to it.

You could move the TV into a room with a door so that no one else has to hear it.


Unfortunately in TV decisions it takes but one to tango. I read-a the book. I write-a the book. I watch-a the something else on my computer. But it persists in the background. It's not about me or my household specifically, because clowns the breadth of the Western world are watching this idiocy. I can avoid damage - other than a carefully bridled rage - but others are absorbing it. Imagine children even catching a blast of the advertising for these spoiled idiots. It's psychological poison.
Hmmm yes.. the only time the TV is on in the house is when the children want to watch their kids show on ABC kids, which is a station designed specifically for small children, no advertisement of adult content.. and they watch very little of it as it is.

Your alternative is to walk around in fluffy ear muffs and sit next to her with a book wearing said ear muffs until she can no longer focus on the TV. Certainly, you would look like a bit of a twit for a while, but it might work.

It would entertain the children and keep them from looking at the TV at least. Or invest in a very good set of headphones, the big chunky ones that block out all external noise and listen to music or watch something else on another TV or computer..

Alternatively, move the TV into the shed with a reclining chair and call it "her space".

Final option is to eat beans and sit in the room with her and fart.. repeatedly..


It's like sugar, fat and salt: there's no genetic predisposition to avoid or restrict one's immersion to those. Similarly, these abominations probably stimulate some deplorable psychological void that I can't be bothered to investigate. You'd limit a man's crack cocaine consumption, wouldn't you? I wonder just how extreme a stimulus these things might invoke, and what kind of damage they're causing. I'd hate for uncontrolled consumerism and a shrug to help along the crumbling of society.

Yeah, we don't watch much TV in my household..

GeoffP
06-08-12, 10:09 AM
Hmmm yes.. the only time the TV is on in the house is when the children want to watch their kids show on ABC kids, which is a station designed specifically for small children, no advertisement of adult content.. and they watch very little of it as it is.

I suspect TV is much more tranquil in NZ than elsewhere; it's not too prevalent during the mid-day hours here... I think. But it does encroach well prior to 9 PM. All of a sudden bang! a flash of one of these fools springs up like a Republican with a flyer, hoping to enthrall you into the meme-clan by catching you off-guard.

But in reference to the general population, teenagers, who should not be allowed to do anything except continue to power the homestead battery-cycle, can soak their brains in this for hours at a time. It's a sort of reversal on the Tragedy of the Commons: it's so available that everyone can poison themselves on it - where I can control my usage but not that of everyone else. And, where the currency of their use could conceivably be points in Stupid, I think I should have some say. Or is this just the crux of censorship?

MacGyver1968
06-08-12, 10:59 AM
If nothing else, Geoff, you can take solace in knowing these types of shows have a very short half-life. Basic cable LOVES shows that are cheap to produce and get decent ratings. If one of them comes out with a formula that works...immediately, all of the other channels will hop on the bandwagon and create their own clones of the show...until they over-flood the market, and viewers get tired of it all....then they move on to something else.

GeoffP
06-08-12, 11:16 AM
If nothing else, Geoff, you can take solace in knowing these types of shows have a very short half-life. Basic cable LOVES shows that are cheap to produce and get decent ratings. If one of them comes out with a formula that works...immediately, all of the other channels will hop on the bandwagon and create their own clones of the show...until they over-flood the market, and viewers get tired of it all....then they move on to something else.

Sure.

Something worse.

On the up side, that means the transition to an actual Survivor show - with all the mortal implications that such a name supplies - is that much closer.

Let the Games begin.

Bells
06-08-12, 11:56 AM
I suspect TV is much more tranquil in NZ than elsewhere; it's not too prevalent during the mid-day hours here... I think. But it does encroach well prior to 9 PM. All of a sudden bang! a flash of one of these fools springs up like a Republican with a flyer, hoping to enthrall you into the meme-clan by catching you off-guard.


I wouldn't know about NZ TV. But Australian TV has cable as well as free to air and digital stations andn one of them offers child only shows during the day, things like Play School, Sesame Street, The Wot Wots (the current favourite) and then later on in the evenings shows like the new Staw Wars animated series, which is what my children also like to watch when they remember it's on - they are obsessed with everything Star Wars.

But that is it. Other times, the TV stays off. I think the only time they would be allowed to watch more or be interested in watching more would be when it is raining non-stop and when they are sick - so they vegetate in front of the TV and watch a movie or something if they have the flu or a fever. Like my eldest most of this week... Ugh.. Granted, they had done drawing and playing with lego and toys inside until their fingers were nearly worn down to the bone...

I don't even have Cable TV in my house.

And my kids are in bed before 8pm anyway, so they never get to watch or see adult type of content. And I don't watch TV after that.. maybe a documentary or something if it is good.. but no actual shows.

The ear muff idea might work..:shrug:


But in reference to the general population, teenagers, who should not be allowed to do anything except continue to power the homestead battery-cycle, can soak their brains in this for hours at a time. It's a sort of reversal on the Tragedy of the Commons: it's so available that everyone can poison themselves on it - where I can control my usage but not that of everyone else. And, where the currency of their use could conceivably be points in Stupid, I think I should have some say. Or is this just the crux of censorship?

Some say over what your children watch or are exposed to?

See, if I answer this truthfully, you can come back and say 'don't you speak about my family..'...

But honestly? Yes, if you think it is inappropriate, be the parent and not the friend. Don't you censor their time online, etc? Why should TV be any different? You can always see if your other half could record the shows instead and possibly watch them to her hearts content when no one is home? Sell it as she could watch it in sheer silence and bliss with no one (*cough* you in ear muffs *cough*) to bother or annoy her.

MacGyver1968
06-08-12, 12:51 PM
Sure.

Something worse.

On the up side, that means the transition to an actual Survivor show - with all the mortal implications that such a name supplies - is that much closer.

Let the Games begin.

"Last MILF Standing"...or maybe "Cougar Island Deathmatch" I'd watch that show. Twenty four 40-somethings with fake boobs engage in gladiatorial combat to the death. It be a rating boom! Then we could also have the inevitable "celebrity" spinoff version. "C-list", over-the-hill actors get one last chance to revive their career...with chainsaws and battleaxes. It would be awesome.

I can already see the tag line: "On this island, you don't get voted off...you get taken out!"

GeoffP
06-08-12, 01:05 PM
Some say over what your children watch or are exposed to?

The kids wouldn't have seen much more than a commercial here and there.


See, if I answer this truthfully, you can come back and say 'don't you speak about my family..'...

Bells, you can answer it any way you like. I'm actually speaking more to society in general here although, sure, there's a family interest.


But honestly? Yes, if you think it is inappropriate, be the parent and not the friend. Don't you censor their time online, etc? Why should TV be any different?

Let's not read into my comments here. I already said that they don't see this stuff, excepting for sneaky adverts once in a while - and then, only the ten-year old. Of course we censor what they watch.

But here's the problem: the airwaves...or cablewaves... are saturated with it, and other parents are not so discerning. It's like floating in an ocean - I can keep the kids not to drink the salt water, but they're going to absorb some anyway. It emanates. It permeates the culture, saturating people with stupid. The major problem really is endemic, not personal. Ask yourself: can it be of much social benefit if your kids are sane but everyone else is a fool? It's sort of a parody of A Brave New World.

Sure it has a partially personal ring to to. I'm finding examples of phrases and attitudes that I'm not too fond of creeping into my kids' discourse. I prune that out, but what I can't do is cut the whole tree down with it - nor can I prune it entirely; there's always the allure of the wrong or wicked. I think there's a better way, and flushing these idiots and the idiots that promote them would be a useful start.

Bells
06-08-12, 01:14 PM
I do understand what you mean. My children unfortunately pick it up at school. And when they do use that lingo, I correct them straight away and explain why. Like when my 6 year old told me 'no way bub!' when I asked him to pick up his toys. Not only did he pick them up, but he was made to clean his toys off the patio as well. Hasn't said it since in my presence.

But I think it's just the society they are currently growing up in. It is saturated with that kind of content, even when you go shopping.. The fruit and vegetable section is inundated with reality tv cooking type advertisement, where these people I don't even know are plastered everywhere. Granted my children don't need to know the wonderful things this chef or that says you can do with vegetables (the Devil's food apparently), it is still there.

While we can't cut down the stupid tree, we can teach our children that it's only good to pee on instead of being absorbed by it. And can I say, peeing on citrus trees yields amazing results fruit wise.. My kids think it's great..

MacGyver1968
06-08-12, 06:07 PM
While we can't cut down the stupid tree, we can teach our children that it's only good to pee on instead of being absorbed by it.


:bravo:

GeoffP
06-08-12, 08:34 PM
"Last MILF Standing"...or maybe "Cougar Island Deathmatch" I'd watch that show. Twenty four 40-somethings with fake boobs engage in gladiatorial combat to the death. It be a rating boom! Then we could also have the inevitable "celebrity" spinoff version. "C-list", over-the-hill actors get one last chance to revive their career...with chainsaws and battleaxes. It would be awesome.

I can already see the tag line: "On this island, you don't get voted off...you get taken out!"

I fucking love that tagline.

Maybe they could use battleaxes on "MILK: Mother-in-laws I'd Like to see Killed."

GeoffP
06-08-12, 08:38 PM
I do understand what you mean. My children unfortunately pick it up at school. And when they do use that lingo, I correct them straight away and explain why. Like when my 6 year old told me 'no way bub!' when I asked him to pick up his toys. Not only did he pick them up, but he was made to clean his toys off the patio as well. Hasn't said it since in my presence.

"Bub".

Does your child have foot-long adamantium claws that spring out between his knuckles and sport swooping sideburns and a ducktail?


But I think it's just the society they are currently growing up in. It is saturated with that kind of content, even when you go shopping.. The fruit and vegetable section is inundated with reality tv cooking type advertisement, where these people I don't even know are plastered everywhere. Granted my children don't need to know the wonderful things this chef or that says you can do with vegetables (the Devil's food apparently), it is still there.

Precisely. This is the kind of thing that needs to be trimmed at the base. No different than slaying a hydra. Or Hydra, itself, if we stick with our X-Men theme.


While we can't cut down the stupid tree, we can teach our children that it's only good to pee on instead of being absorbed by it. And can I say, peeing on citrus trees yields amazing results fruit wise.. My kids think it's great..

I have always taught my children it is better to pee on than be peed on, or something like that. But why can't we cut down the stupid tree? It's blocking our societal view.

Bells
06-08-12, 11:23 PM
"Bub".

Does your child have foot-long adamantium claws that spring out between his knuckles and sport swooping sideburns and a ducktail?



Thankfully not. Would be a killer on the furniture.

But yes, the whole "Bub" thing made my eyes twitch.. Literally.


Precisely. This is the kind of thing that needs to be trimmed at the base. No different than slaying a hydra. Or Hydra, itself, if we stick with our X-Men theme.

Unfortunately, the only way for it to be trimmed or destroyed entirely is to ban people from watching it.

Would entail many households having the words 'respect mah authoritay' being spoken while cowering in fear behind a locked door. Alternatively, can always say 'reality shows make GeoffP something something' and write 'reality TV make GeoffP go crazy' all over the wall and hope those who watch it in the household get the hint.:D


I have always taught my children it is better to pee on than be peed on, or something like that. But why can't we cut down the stupid tree? It's blocking our societal view.
To cut down the stupid tree would entail getting rid of the stupid people. Society could not function as there would be so few remaining...

Or just get the kids to pee on their feet.

GeoffP
06-09-12, 02:43 PM
Unfortunately, the only way for it to be trimmed or destroyed entirely is to ban people from watching it.

Would entail many households having the words 'respect mah authoritay' being spoken while cowering in fear behind a locked door. Alternatively, can always say 'reality shows make GeoffP something something' and write 'reality TV make GeoffP go crazy' all over the wall and hope those who watch it in the household get the hint.:D

Oh, believe me, I've tried. Typewritten novel, elevator full of blood, the lot. I was thinking at an adminstrative level. FCC, or the Junior Anti-Sex League with their bright red sashes.

I mean, if you have a physical humanitarian disaster, you call in the National Guard. Things get done. Shouldn't there be some recourse to a national moral disaster?

Saturnine Pariah
06-09-12, 04:11 PM
Sigh...i never though within my lifetime i'd see this shit unfold on the plywood box.4599

Bells
06-09-12, 09:12 PM
Oh, believe me, I've tried. Typewritten novel, elevator full of blood, the lot. I was thinking at an adminstrative level. FCC, or the Junior Anti-Sex League with their bright red sashes.

I mean, if you have a physical humanitarian disaster, you call in the National Guard. Things get done. Shouldn't there be some recourse to a national moral disaster?

Tell the kids to pee on the feet of whoever watches it in the house..

:D

MacGyver1968
06-09-12, 09:18 PM
Well...you can't be too mad at the producers of the dilapidated housewifes of douchbag county. The whole theme of watching rich people being miserable dates back to Greek Mythology.

GeoffP
06-10-12, 06:25 AM
Which legend was that then?