Why is it that when someone is single for quite a while, it is automatically assumed by others that they are gay? I never have gotten this. Another forum I post to had a concerned parent posting on it that their 22 year old son had never had a girlfriend. They wanted to know if he could be gay. Come to find out, the mother snooped in his emails and found out that he was so desperate for a girlfriend, he was asking anyone and everyone out. I find it stupid that homosexuality is assumed for being single for extended periods of time.
As someone who hasn't had a date in ten years, and isn't horrible looking, I'm fairly sure there are people who assume that about me. There is still a pretty significant stigma attached (in some social circles), so there are lots of gays in the closet. Assuming a reasonably good looking guy who is single and never has any girlfriends is gay is pretty reasonable. What's silly is being concerned about it.
I've been single for over 35 years now. No one asks me anything about it and I really do not care to look for another woman for once I've been betrayed by one, I have doubts about any others that I might want to get to know better. I do date on rare occasions but usually break it off after a short interlude. I think men have the right to not have a girlfriend just as much as they have the right to choose to have one as well. Sometimes it is just better off that men remain single for their own well being and comfort. Men really do not NEED a woman just as a woman doesn't really need a man either.
I understand what you mean Cosmic but I think men and women who decide to remain alone are a minority. Most people want a partner to share their life with. You indicate that one betrayal has turned into mistrust of women who you may want to date but don't you think this as a fear you've allowed to overtake you?
No, because I chose to remain a single man. I do not fear women, I just do not trust them, there's a difference you know. I help many women where I live who are single as well for one reason or another and am happy that I can do so. But when it comes time to live with them , that's another story.Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
It's like one of my friends. He has a face of a model, but he hasn't had a girlfriend since 1998. He briefly dated back in 2000, but hasn't since. He's not gay, he's just awkward around women. He always says the wrong things at the wrong times and turns women away. He gets it a lot though that because of his good looks, he must be gay.
I'm posting a guess. A more solid sciforum-ish post would be quoting some sort of established legitimate social theory. Having a opposite-sexed partner clearly advertises your preference (or serves as a really good decoy if you're trying to fake it). If you don't have a partner, then it defaults to other observable traits which are more open to interpretation.
Most single (never-married) people are that way by choice. Some of the coolest people on earth are single and not gay: Ann Coulter, Condi Rice, David Souter, Oprah, and Jesus. So were Mother Theresa, Buddha, Florence Nightengale, Queen Elizabeth, Galileo, Susan B. Anthony... Here are more: Ludwig Van Beethoven James Buchanan Joan of Arc J. Edgar Hoover Sir Isaac Newton Henry David Thoreau Voltaire Meriweather Lewis Lewis Carroll Sir John Gielgud Blaise Pascal Cecil Rhodes Henry James Hans Christian Andersen Immanuel Kant Emily Dickinson I have been single my whole life by choice. No one has ever accused me of being gay.
The only real mystery There's no mystery about that. Then again, there is the mystery of putting Hoover and Carroll on that list.
There is significant evidence that I. Newton, J.E. Hoover, J. Buchanon (possibly the worst president, oddly enough) and H.C. Anderson were gay. For a man to NOT be married (or to show serious interest in the opposite sex) in an age where male reproduction was of significant social importance, is a strong indicator of some sexual oddity (dysfunction, deformity or deviance). Nowadays, since reproduction is of less value, it cannot carry the same meaning. ~String
For many of the people on your list, the "not gay" part is a matter of lively historical debate. Anyway, there is a BIG difference between not married vs. never dated, which is what the OP asked about. Most people with a boyfriend or girlfriend would not consider themselves to be "single."
personally I've chosen to remain single because 1, I look at sex as procreation and I don't want kids and 2, I don't like clingy or needy which it invariably becomes, and 3, the fantasy is always ruined by reality.
Of course being only 22 and never having a girlfriend shouldn't really be all that concerning. I know plenty of people who are my age and have never really dated much less been in an intimate relationship, or who have just recently started dating for the first time.
