I'm posting here in hopes of getting a serious reply instead of a series of jokes mixed with ads for herbal remedies. Not that I discount herbal remedies; I just have a healthy skepticism unless I can see verifiable scientific studies. I am a 32 year old male, with a wife who is 35. We've been married for over a decade, but since we had children (7 years ago), my wife's libido has decreased dramatically. Mine, however, has not. She is interested, occasionally... but I find that when something does happen, it satisfies her and just increases my desire for more. This often leads to arguments and hurt feelings the next morning or the following night. I don't have what I would call an extreme drive. I'm not constantly turned on, or constantly thinking about it. I don't indulge in pornography or fantasies about other women - though I do sometimes indulge in fantasies about my wife. But, I often am turned on when I look at my wife - especially if she's wearing something particularly attractive or nothing at all. I used to consider this a good thing, but now it seems to be causing problems for us. So my question is two fold. First, is trying to find a way to reduce my libido a wise idea? And second, if it is worth pursuing, what are the safest ways to go about it? Our marriage is great other than this one problem (and the occasional money problems - but that's life, not marriage). -Needy
i wouldn't think it would be the first option to take, interfering with what is a sign of health and vitality rarely is. if you haven't already done so it is worth having a chat with your wife and basically working to increase her libido there are courses for this sort of stuff, after kids women sometimes need a bit of a shakeup...she's still young and hopefully it will work out Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Thanks for the advice, Lux. That was the first thing I thought of too... but she took it as me just blaming her for the problem. She's not open to trying anything for this, or at least she's not open to discussing any options along those lines. So, I'm going back to the first rule of relationships - you can't change the other person, you can only change yourself. Mikenostic, while I think focusing too much on that aspect of a relationship is even more dangerous than ignoring it, I agree that it is important (otherwise I wouldn't be posting this). However, before we had children, the situation was drastically different. If anything, she had more libido than I did. And there's no way to know these changes are coming ahead of time, that I know of.
The best way to reduce your sex drive is just simply to ejaculate as soon as you feel any stimulation, regardless of your wife's involvement. Nothing erases the male libido as quickly as an ejaculation.
For what it's worth, it sounds like you two need some sort of therapy. Sex is a very important part of any relationship, and if she cares about you (the way you obviously care about her), then the two of you should work together to find a solution. I do know that Zinc deficiencies can lead to a lower libido, and vegetarians typically have diets lower in zinc. So, you could go vegetarian and stop taking vitamins. (In other words, PETA is full of shit.) But this hardly seems healthy for you. You might as well gain 50 pounds, too. Outside of sitting down and honestly talking to her about the problem, or building an impressive pornography collection, I don't know what else you can actually do. I can't imagine that she's as inflexible as you say she is---after all, you two DID pledge to work together to solve the problems in your relationship, and this is probably not the first problem you've had.
Needy, nothing gets me in the mood faster than my husband doing a load of laundry, doing the dishes, or putting the kids to bed. Take a few things off my to do list and he finds himself on my will do list.
Find a nice mistress on the side. I'm serious, your wife has accomplished her goals, and so has no further need for... companionship. Men are different.
A couple of things; Some women need a little more enticement to get into bed, and a little less pressure sexually. It's a kid glove kind of thing, and you'll have to find out what works for your wife because women are all different. You may try to find something she likes to do, and do it with her no matter if you enjoy it or not and show her that you love and respect her. If she's a stay at home mom, you might try taking the weight off her for a few hours and that might help. If she works all day, try making her a nice lunch before she goes off to work and she might like that as well. Intimacy for men and women is vastly different in my experience. Women tend to need more time, and petting and to have their emotional needs met as well as their physical needs. Masturbation might help you a little as well, as you may or may not know how much pressure you are putting on her. Pressure is a big turn off for a lot of women, because it feels like objectification even if that is not how you mean it. It's easy to misinterpret men, and even if you say that she turns you on she may not understand why and just thinks you need to get laid. Woo her a bit, with her favourite meal you've cooked, or lots of kisses on the neck and shoulders and you may just score more bases. But don't tell her how much you want her, tell her how much you love her then show her. Men and women think differently, in general. It's not that women are more work or less sexual, it's just that a lot of the time they are turned on in different ways. Being patient and reducing pressure helps, if that doesn't work you may think about seeing a counsellor to help open up lines of communication.
agreed!! Much better advise that 'divorce her', 'get a mistress' or 'don't let her make you jump through hoops!' Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Mod note: The member in the OP wanted serious replies, of which there have not been many. This isn’t Free Thoughts or the Cesspool, it’s one of the science subforums, so I’ve removed all the silly and smutty posts. The ‘mikenostic vs Orleander on dating’ debate can be continued in Free Thoughts. Sensible or scientific replies only, please. :thumbsup:
