Questions to ask before traveling to Australia

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are
the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a
sense of humour


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Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain
on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around
watching them die.

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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

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Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send
me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and Hervey Bay ? (
UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?

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Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia
? ( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
.. oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross. Come naked.

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Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get
here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

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Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

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Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is .
oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night
in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?

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Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.

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Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense
rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled
and make good pets.

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Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I
forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop
out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before
you go out walking.

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Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.
Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

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Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female
population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay night clubs.

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Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.

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Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the
Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? ( USA )
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..

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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

 

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i also have some questions about australia.

1. do aussies like being called aussies?
2. where and how did the phrase "down under" originate?
3. where exactly is the "barnaby coast"?
4. why is australia mostly desert?
5. do aussies consider their homeland an island or a continent?
6. what is a tasmanian devil?
7. how is the barrier reef doing?
7a. is it surviving all the man made hell that has been inflicted upon it?
7b. what exactly is it anyway?

 

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I'm going to try and answer just because I can (I'm not Australian and I don't know the answers).

1. not bothered
2. it is in the southern hemisphere
3. next to the sea
4. poor climate
5. island - there is more to the continent than just Australia
6. a mamal
7a. quite well, yourself?
yb. a reef

 

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Been to OZ once for 8 months of Uni. Can't wait to go back again.

I think they like being called Aussies.

 

Got a few:

1. About what proportion of Aussies like Vegimite?
2. Do Aussies trick tourists into thinking New Zealand is part of Australia, and hence they should stay in Sydney, which is "totally part of New Zealand"?

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3. Do Aussies miss Steve Irwin as much as Americans do? We're unbelievably dazzled by TV personalities with foreign English accents! Seriously, it's a tad pathetic really...

 

I'm going to disagree with James on a couple of things.

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Certainly not all of us. Many Australians hate it.

No but that's not a bad idea.

We do occasionally adopt New Zealanders as Australian when we like them. "New Zealand-Australia .. close enough whatever." If we don’t like them we remind ourselves that New Zealand is a different country.

Probably not as much as the Americans but he was a sad loss. There is a tall poppy syndrome here occasionally where someone is so popular that we cringe when we hear about them and that happened with Steve Irwin. However he was a good bloke and very genuine person. His ability to get people interested and educate them about wildlife and wildlife conservation shouldn't be underestimated.

 

Awesome find cosmic!
What site did you find it on exactly?

Never really liked Vegemite myself, but that's just me.

I read somewhere that New Zealand was administered as part of the colony of New South Wales at some point in the nineteenth century but I'm not entirely sure when.

 

that thing...hanging there between the back of the legs...is ummm...what exactly?

 

I'd be more concerned with the teeth and jaws if I were you.
Tasmanian devils have a bite pressure similar to that of a 40kg dog.

 

They do have a different accent to us, but yearh..

Oh, yeah, I HATE VEGEMITE WITH A PASSION!.
That, and the drunkards on Anzac day.

What do you think son?

 

I don't know Holy father, it must be a sign from above

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Here's a close up of what's between his back legs....

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whats with the size of those things?

 

elephantitis of the testies?

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That's a big bull you are looking at, that is why they are large.

 

I thought it was that Tasmanian devil's balls...

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Had to show a close up but couldn't find any devil balls.