It is with heavy heart that I must pass on the following news. > > > > Please join me in remembering a great icon of the Entertainment community. > > The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and > > complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. > > > > Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities > > turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, > > the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain > > Crunch. > > > > The gravesite was piled high with flours. > > > > Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man > > who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show > > business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. > > > > He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on > > half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still, as a > > crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions. > > > > Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and > > Jane Dough; plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his > > elderly father, Pop Tart. > > > > The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes > > A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist said, " Why in the world do you need cyanide"? The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy. I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! They'll throw both of us in jail and I'll lose my license". Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and handed it to the pharmacist. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription."
I heard this story five years ago, except that it was from a ruptured spleen. I suppose a yeast infection fits the bread theme, but I thought the ruptured spleen was more appropriate with the egregious tummy jabs he received at every public appearance. Besides, he's still on TV, telling us all about how Pillsbury is responsible for every good thing in our lives, and without them we'd be nothing.
I hope that fluffy white piece of goop does die. I can't stand looking at him. Everytime i do ifeel like ripping his head off.
id rather eat him. ya' know what mom always said "dont waste good food! their are starving children in china" i dont know what children in china have to do with anything though...
What slays me about the Doughboy What slays me about the Doughboy is actually televangelists. Oh, no, one of the Teletubbies might be gay? Hello?! Have you been eating the puffy bugger's breadstick? I can't believe it took them until the Teletubbies. Is it just because Po doesn't sell tasty phallic breadstuffs? And don't tell me that no men ever poked the Doughboy in the commercials .... Seriously: I grew up with the Pillsbury logo; they make more than bake & eat breadstuffs. I remember big bags of Pillsbury flour, my grandmother's decorated Pillsbury tin (Gran'ma also liked Liberace, what do you know?) and it's actually amazing how much Pillsbury has its name on. So I wonder what the good reverends find more threatening? A goofy androgynous stuffed animal with a triangle on its head running around looking for its handbag, or the lifetime's association to be built between a gay Doughboy and quality baking products? I think they should retool (ha!) the Doughboy commercials. The voice of the Doughboy should be Randy "Macho Man" Savage. And instead of poking him in the belly, to make him less faggy they ought to have people slap his butt like a sports program ... er ... no. At any rate, how about a punch in the stomach? (After all, that's just about everybody's favorite part of baking bread who doesn't do it for a living.) And then, when you punch him in the stomach, instead of that prissy, "Hoo-hoo!" the Doughboy could flex his muscles and growl, "Ooooh, yeahhhhh!" in his Macho Man voice.
The Macho Man was already doing Slim Jim commercials. "Art thou bored? Snap into a Slim Jim!" I guess after a commercial about telling kids to choke on your sausage being the Pillsbury Doughboy would be less sexually loaded. Gentle voice: "It's breakfast time." Extremely rough Randy Savage voice: "HEY KIDS! GET DOWN TO THE KITCHEN! THE DOUGHBOY'S GOT SOMETHIN' FOR YA!" Int. Kitchen. Doughboy holding immense breadstick. Doughboy: "IT'S NOT BREAKFAST UNTIL IT'S IN YA! OOOH YEAAAAH!"
Please forgive me because I don't hardly ever watch TV. What are teletubbies? Is a teletubbie something like Barney, that big dumbass dinosaur?
Warning .... Warning! I hereby absolve myself of any psychological damage you may cause yourself by clicking on the following links. These are Teletubbies: - http://pbskids.org/teletubbies/ - http://www.bbc.co.uk/cbeebies/teletubbies/ - http://www.teletubbies.com/ The purple one, Tinky-Winky, has been accused of subverting children with homosexuality. - "Parents' Alert" - http://www.liberty.edu/chancellor/nlj/feb99/politics2.htm - "Gay Media: 'Falwell Right on Tinky-Winky'" - http://www.conservativenews.org/InDepth/archive/199902/IND19990212a.html - "HRC Blasts Falwell" - http://www.hrc.org/newsreleases/1999/990210.asp Myself, I'm simply unsure if we really need to target-market infants and toddlers for merchandising, but I can say that Emma Grace watches them intently, and is fascinated by that odd babystar. In the end, if you get really, really high, the Teletubbies are kind of cool. However, if you're not accustomed to smoking marijuana or taking hallucinogens, the Teletubbies can only be tolerated if your brain is rapidly scarred to catch up to the damage that permits us drug users to sit around and laugh with our children at these goofy, infantile gumdrops. Personally, I find Jay Jay to be much more disturbing than either the Pillsbury Doughboy or the Teletubbies.
That's because the Jay Jay the Jet Plane show is less good than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.
