Greetings!



Posting here since for most of You it should be easier to grasp, having realized the futility of self-pride and indignation, than it is to openly express. Being relatively anonymous, Please take it as self-praise less likely! Regardless of perceived plausibility, one can assume statements.


From early on, you'd patiently ponder instead of throwing aside things not immediately obvious.Drew rather precisely, calculating proportions requiring measurement by eye. ...would have liked ruler intervals <= 0.1 mm. Earlier, I'd attempt drawing inherently irregular organics by rulers. Carefully layered bottom welts of shirts in their respective pants, closing all seals. Disliked consuming things suffered for. Liked dealing with adults, usually they could be learnt from.
Have always loved to think, invent, design and optimize. At first, I used to ponder geared mechanical devices and consistently rightful laws. To facilitate benefiting the world, wanted to be a president before realizing one's just representative, then a scientist. Later, been towards mathematics, physics, philosophy, programming, etc. Biology's interesting like a storybook.

Instead of adequate attention, I was
taken advantage of in kindergarten, forgiving all
I forgive forever.I forgive only once.
Did not retaliate when bullied and if accidentally happened to hurt anyone, I'd apologize times and be incapacitated( especially from competitive action ), feeling pain myself.
Once, 2 boys started burrowing me in the sandbox. Used only my back trying to rise against them pushing down, thinking it'd be unrighteous to lift with hands not to even think about pushing them away. In the end, a kid reported to the nursery school teachers.
beaten and reviled daily at school for ~7 years
The real reason was lack of retaliation and if I could condition myself to, they'd flee and soon I'd not feel like bringing it up. Could only grasp the appendages( not barring spitting ) of a single ferocious attacker and wait for a teacher to notice. After school they had even more freedom so I'd try to get clothes from wardrobe( got wigged by principal for carrying them in my bag ) fast and run or stay till they left. Was sometimes blamed for doing things done to me. It'd count ~2 school-days of peace for ~7 years, didn't miss when healthy.
constantly disparaged by my father
Living apart, he'd visit me ~bi-quarterly. Daily, I'd ask mother, "When will dad come?". Could visit him myself later.
Each time at father's, you returned like a broken-winged bird to be mended for half a year.He's not evil but says that I'm greedy, afraid of work, thinking overly of myself, too self-confident, a sponger, mendacious, etc.
leading to
obsessive compulsive disorder
deep depressiveness
tiredness regardless of rest
each intensifying others.

~2 years before college-age, I discovered one may attend university lectures( good to ask professors, real interest makes them glad ). There I'd feel mixture of bliss, yearning and sadness knowing how much has been lost. Earlier, I could have been there often. For now, travelling the distance abrogates capacity gathered this way.
Been trying to publish scientific papers, having things thought out for years, hindered from writing efficiently.
Trying to affirm myself when judging objectively.


Doctors and medications don't change much. What really has helped is chance to discuss deeper with a teacher( encountered many uninterested in their subject ) or teach something for the former. ...would feel energized and able for hours. Once, even explaining topology for the teacup ~ donut dilemma did good :)

What can be done?


Never disclosed this. ...Complex to seek aid concerning moral dilemmas and chances of being misunderstood. Fun or negative remarks can be made but don't have to be meant, can remove the post if you request. Won't wish vile to anyone.
Tried to minimize 1st-person pronouns, 3rd-person narrative would impede comprehension. I apologize for imperfect writing, learned English later. Feel free to point out ways to improve, always glad to learn.



Wish everyone the best there could ever be!

zilchonymous

I got half way through it.

One question so far.

Are you gay?

Wanted to publish my first paper concerning mathematics and thus philosophy and physics before the age of 18. Having it thought out for over a year but being hindered from writing efficiently, I'm turning 18 soon.
Objectively, I'm trying to affirm myself. Actually, though, often doubt if I really am able or good enough. Maybe my father is right.
If you publish at 19 will it make any difference? No. Don't beat yourself up.


P.S. don't listen to roman if he hassles you, because all he ever thinks about is the penis.

You're 17, all this self-obsession is perfectly normal. Don't worry, you'll grow out of it - probably.

PS I've heard rumours that you're gay. You're not, are you?

PPS It's OK if you are!

You see the situation, it being complex to disclose anything or seek aid especially concerning that the one who knows doesn't talk about it. What would you recommend?

It actually doesn't seem that complicated at all.
You have OCD. And it sounds like you have it pretty good.
You should go to a doctor and find out how to treat it. If I remember right, OCD is one of the few mental disorders which responds well to medication. I could have my wires crossed and be thinking of some other disorder though...

Here's the wikipedia page on OCD:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OCD

Oh, god, the things some people will "volunteer" in perfect anonymity! Geez, it truly amazes me ...makes me want to go blow my brains out with my .44 magnum just to see it the splatter on the walls is like they show on tv!

Baron Max

Oh, god, the things some people will "volunteer" in perfect anonymity! Geez, it truly amazes me ...makes me want to go blow my brains out with my .44 magnum just to see it the splatter on the walls is like they show on tv!

Baron Max

Could you take a picture for me? :)

Get a therapist. We can't even pick out the problem in that mind puke.

BTW, who cares if you publish any math or physics papers anyways???

Greetings, my friends!



Thank you all for your replies, Roman, Cole Grey, Redarmy11, Invert_nexus, Baron Max and Xerxes!


It actually doesn't seem that complicated at all.
You have OCD. And it sounds like you have it pretty good.
...Complicated to openly express that I recently stumbled on this Wikipedia page (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intellectual_giftedness)( additional characteristics stated there seem more important than the definition ) and realized that, like most of You here, I've always had similar characteristics.

You should go to a doctor and find out how to treat it.
Tried doctors and medications. ...Don't seem to change much.

Here's the wikipedia page on OCD:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OCD

Thanks! Have read that one.

Oh, god, the things some people will "volunteer" in perfect anonymity! Geez, it truly amazes me
Thank you!

can't even pick out the problem in that mind puke.
Thought the problem was obvious and the text structured.



All the best!

zilchonymous

Oh, god, the things some people will "volunteer" in perfect anonymity! Geez, it truly amazes me ...makes me want to go blow my brains out with my .44 magnum just to see it the splatter on the walls is like they show on tv!

Baron Max


Your eyes are merely an extension of your brain. If you would look at your brains blow out you would end up with a real close up view.

It is complicated to express having characteristics like those stated at
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intellectual_giftedness

Not really.

One. It would seem that wikipedia expressed it just fine? (I haven't read the link. Nor do I desire to.)

Two. You think being 'intellectually gifted' is unique? Especially here?
Ha!
Come down off your pedestal.
You've already found out that being 'gifted' means little.
Look what you've accomplished with it.

Question: Would you consider Kim Peek (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kim_Peek) to be 'gifted'?



By the way.
You response does nothing to clarify your intention with your thread.
I, personally, took it as a cry for help.
Others took it as an egotistical pandering.
Your response would seem to indicate the latter is the more proper interpretation.

Was this supposed to lead somewhere? Or do you just like talking about yourself?

Hey, Invert_nexus!



It would seem that wikipedia expressed it just fine?
It is not expressing the attributes that is complex but rather expressing having something similar.

(I haven't read the link. Nor do I desire to.)
The additional characteristics stated there seem more important than the definition of that word.

You think being 'intellectually gifted' is unique? Especially here?
Did you notice the line beginning with "Probably like most of you here"?
That's precisely the reason of posting here. ...And to decrease the chance of misinterpretation.

Would you consider Kim Peek to be 'gifted'?
Taken away all the negative aspects, yes. Otherwise, I think I am not enough to decide that.

You response does nothing to clarify your intention with your thread.
I, personally, took it as a cry for help.
Others took it as an egotistical pandering.
I think you were right.

Your response would seem to indicate the latter is the more proper interpretation.
Please tell me which places seemed to indicate that the most?


Was this supposed to lead somewhere? Or do you just like talking about yourself?
Thought it was the 1st one. Actually rarely telling about myself.
Never told this to anyone, being relatively anonymous it should less likely be taken as self-praise.



Good luck with your endeavors :)

zilchonymous

are you zakaryias sock puppet?

Hello, Thedevilsreject!

Who, me? Don't know zakaryias, so I can't give a definite answer.

you politeness is quite alike

turn to God.... bow down to the lord, and promise your repentance for all you have ever done wrong.
say you are sorry, and that you wont do it anymore... and mean it. thats repentance.

and live each day as a repentant man... everyday.. all day...
cleaned.. renewed and meaning it.

you are strong... and suddenly all the little obsticles before you as a mear mortal, are not so challenging... these are things which only require hard work and some level of dedication.

you, simply choose your path, then in faith you move forward,, step by step.

pain, suffering, hardship, and least of all emotional distress, CANNOT avail against your faith which drives you forward.

your faith... is your faith... i cant describe it for you. you must do that.

have faith, in a GOD, and in yourself, as one of Gods children, and you will sudenly find all the strenght you need to over come any personal problem.

have faith.

(JESUS, said... if you have enough faith, you can command an olive tree to undig itself, and walk and replant itself at the sea, and it will do so... or move mountains...
YOU, dont have to do very much in comparison to that, and so you actually, only need just alittle faith... alittle goes a long way.)

-MT

Hi zilchonymous,

I would agree with invert_nexus - it sounds like OCD. I'm no expert, but OCD may just be one comorbidity of something like autism though. Have you read http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome? (If you do, I recommend you also read http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medical_student_syndrome)

It started to affect reading. Even printed letters are noticeably unalike and imperfections in written characters would disturb. Had to mentally cut them to components that's be more symmetric than the whole in order to move on. Would also reread individual words, sentences and whole paragraphs being afraid I'd miss something. It took ~4 hours to read 10 pages of largely known text, in the end being more tired, having to fight myself at the same time, than someone who'd read times as much. It is easier with digital text. When writing on the computer, I'd sometimes delete and retype the same.
Hmm ... symmetry can be useful, but not as an end in itself. If you want to be a scientist and learn about the universe, then accept that the universe is not perfectly symmetric, but that it is nevertheless beautiful and you may find much joy learning about it. But you'll learn better if you don't sacrifice your life trying to find symmetry where it needn't exist.

Perfect symmetry would be rather boring, don't you think?

If the universe were symmetrical, then there would be no universe. All the matter/antimatter would have self-annihilated and we would be left with nothing but radiation.


Might be schizoaffective disorder as well.

If the universe were symmetrical, then there would be no universe. All the matter/antimatter would have self-annihilated and we would be left with nothing but radiation.
Yep, pretty boring :)

The only thing that really has helped is if I could( many ( especially maths- ) teachers I've encountered aren't really interested in their subject and are merely working ) teach something to a teacher or discuss things more in depth. ...would feel energized and able to work for several hours. Once, even explaining my mother the meaning of topology to clarify the teacup-versus-donut dilemma made it a bit better for some time.
So connecting with other people helps ... do you have many friends?

Do you think you'd enjoy teaching at a school or university?

Around 2 years before college-age, I discovered the possibility to attend university lectures( it's nice to ask the professor for permission and they're glad if someone is actually interested in listening to them ). Things taught there are much more interesting than those of normal school. Sitting in the audience I would feel a mixture of bliss, yearning and sadness knowing how much has been lost. Haven't been there much though as travelling the distance is straining so that by the time I've reached home the capacity gathered there has vanished. Would have been there often had I known it some years earlier.

Have you considered self-studying the areas you're interested in? Either with a correspondence university or just borrowing / buying textbooks and reading them. You can also learn a lot from online resources these days, e.g. for physics:

http://www.phys.uu.nl/~thooft/theorist.html
http://ocw.mit.edu/index.html
http://www.physicsforums.com/local_links.php

Or just ask around on forums like this one for other resources.

E.g. in this thread (http://www.sciforums.com/showthread.php?t=54286):

I have found enough stuff out there such that a person could educate himself up to roughly the MS degree level in physics (only coursework, not research). So you can go pretty far with the freebies.

Question: Would you consider Kim Peek (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kim_Peek) to be 'gifted'?

I would - gifted and cursed.

*dustin hoffman voice* Yeah, gifted and cursed, gifted and cursed.

Hey, Mosheh Thezion and Zephyr!



you politeness is quite alike
Thanks!
Or is that a good thing?

Perfect symmetry would be rather boring, don't you think?
If the universe were symmetrical, then there would be no universe. All the matter/antimatter would have self-annihilated and we would be left with nothing but radiation.
You're right.

I would agree with invert_nexus - it sounds like OCD.
It's all of
obsessive compulsive disorder
deep depressiveness
tiredness regardless of any rest
together, each intensifying the others.

Have you read http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome?
Yes.

I recommend you also read http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medical_student_syndrome
Thanks! Done.

So connecting with other people helps ... do you have many friends?
Not sure how much is many but for friends it's never too many.

Do you think you'd enjoy teaching at a school or university?
At least if people want to learn. ...Could also help with lectures to free up time for professors so they could discuss the more esoteric stuff with me.

Have you considered self-studying the areas you're interested in?
Yes. Have learned most on my own, still doing it every day as much as health permits.

Thank you for the links, Zephyr!



Hope to talk to You soon.

zilchonymous

Reading your description, it seems you may be autistic.
It's much more common than most people think, and can be accompanied by higher than normal intelligence which can mask the condition.

http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome

Asperger Syndrome is just another milder form of autism. Sometimes it comes with a degree of OCD, but since it is characterized by stereotypical and repetitive patterns of behavior, it can be misdiagnosed. I had a similar experience in childhood, and only discovered about Asperger Syndrome on my own about two years ago.

Hmmmm... Zilch, I'm very OCD myself, but I think I agree with some of the other informal "diagnoses" some have given here. A lot of the symmetry, retracing of letters, trying to explain "dilemmas" of sorts to parents sound very familiar to me. However, some of your other emotional quirks and feeling that you can sense certain things strikes me as characteristics of maybe a personality disorder like schizotypy.

But I'm not a psych major any more, so what do I know? :rolleyes:

Greetings, Spidergoat and Volpeculus Sagacis!



http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome

Asperger Syndrome is just another milder form of autism. Sometimes it comes with a degree of OCD, but since it is characterized by stereotypical and repetitive patterns of behavior, it can be misdiagnosed.
Psychiatrists have noted that possibility. Some symptoms don't fit, though...
Have no communication problems unless being physically agressive is considered a social skill. Was very conversational when younger. My mother says, "You can talk to everyone, small children and adults alike.".
Adapting to new situations easily.
Am interested in everything that can be thought about creatively, deeply and widely.

However, some of your other emotional quirks
Is not wanting to hurt anyone an illness to be cured?

and feeling that you can sense certain things
What exactly do you mean?

strikes me as characteristics of maybe a personality disorder like schizotypy.
Might be schizoaffective disorder as well.
When asking a psychiatrist about the OCD leading to something involving actual hallucinations I was told, "A potato can grow indeed but it will never become a rutabaga. ...And so it is with obsessive compulsive disorder and schizophrenia.".
...But if one actually has such then could they really know.



Regards

zilchonymous

Psychiatrists have noted that possibility. Although some symptoms don't fit...
Have no communication problems unless physical agressiveness is considered a social skill. Was very conversational when younger. My mother says, "You can talk to everyone, small children and adults alike.".
Adapting to new situations easily.
Am interested in everything that can be thought about creatively, deeply and widely.
Me, too. Every autistic person is different. It's not the ability to communicate exactly, in fact the autistic person may have a great vocabulary, and not know that their communication is not appropriate in every situation. Not knowing how to react to physical aggressiveness could come from not being empathic enough to realize the other person's motivations.

Hey!


Not knowing how to react to physical aggressiveness could come from not being empathic enough to realize the other person's motivations.

Was concerning being physically agressive oneself.

Zilchonymous,
You say you can talk to people with no problem, however autism is sometimes depicted as a problem in explaining things to people, perhaps you perceive something that you might believe to be a complete realisation, however explaining that realisation to "Normal" people you'll find difficult.

for instance how many times do you re-read and re-write your posts before posting? Do you find sometimes if you are posting about a point of view or a response that you are more likely to realise your view is too sophisticated or elaborate that you delete the post before posting it?

No matter what you believe you suffer from just remember that your imagination can be strong in the sense that if you believe the symptoms suggested or even an illness exists then it will be perceived you suffer symptoms or an illness.

Personally I would suggest not to worry about "diagnosing" the "problem" just concentrate with getting on with your life as being happy and having a future is more important than chasing things that "Upset you".

Greetings, Stryder! Thanks for your post!


perhaps you perceive something that you might believe to be a complete realisation, however explaining that realisation to "Normal" people you'll find difficult.
Can be.
Not sure myself but a speech therapist( not received therapy ) has told me, "You can express yourself very well.".

for instance how many times do you re-read and re-write your posts before posting?
Analyzing every detail( phrasing , structure , ambiguities , possible misinterpretations , ... ). Making small modifications to most posts. That's because of perfectionism.

Do you find sometimes if you are posting about a point of view or a response that you are more likely to realise your view is too sophisticated or elaborate that you delete the post before posting it?
Not happened thus far.

your imagination can be strong in the sense that if you believe the symptoms suggested or even an illness exists then it will be perceived you suffer symptoms or an illness.
Yes, you're right. Taking that into account.

Personally I would suggest not to worry about "diagnosing" the "problem"
The problem seems to be known already.

just concentrate with getting on with your life as being happy and having a future is more important than chasing things that "Upset you".
A good idea.

perhaps you perceive something that you might believe to be a complete realisation, however explaining that realisation to "Normal" people you'll find difficult.
I think it's a common human trait occassionally to misjudge another person's level of knowledge in an area and say something they don't understand.