Okay guys, I have decided to do it again. I am gonna post about what is up with me. I have went through a lot of shit. A whole fucking lot. So much that you guys won't really fathom.

You can feel free to ask me questions and such about whatever things that I say. You can feel free to mock me or laugh at me or do whatever it is in your power that you concieve to do.

So. Instead of talking about my problems on a personal level I am going to describe some of them. That is what I had intended to do, afterall.


Okay. Some dude said that he had to go through some of the same shit a long time ago. The funny thing that I do not get is this: .. oh, but I was gonna say somethin else. He said that he had a stroke. Did I really seem to have a stroke. Afterall, it appears to be something similar to that. You see... i think i'm fucked. I don't exactly wish to have some help or whatnot. All it is that I wish is this. To have somebody talk to me about this shit or whatever it is that I am saying. Because, there are some pretty severe things taking place. I swear to god!!!

Anyway. My writing is probably intense and more than that it is probably insane. You might see how the things have progressed in this writing just by looking at it. Some of the things that I have done to survive my bullshit... First of all, the main problem appears to be that I have this thing where (as no body understands when I say it in the forums they would say instead "do something productive with your change)... "change is bad." Do you guys have any idea what that is like. First of all, change is bad means that my action which is productive or whatnot is entirely unacceptable to everyone elses, but I have some pretty clever ideas about how this can be fucked up and prevented but I am not sure of the outcome or whatnot.

Anyway. I think also that I am entirely debilitated.

I think also that I should just stop typing everything and just try to meditate or relax or whatnot. But what happens when that happens. That is a long story.
Oh. The part about the doctor guys.
I am getting doctors appointments set up and have been for a while.

I am not asking for empathy or any other bullshit I am simply asking for someone to say what it is that they can possibly think about this situation and possibly talk to me because I understand a lot about it. Maybe if one of you guys wants to takl to me about some of this bullshit then you can.

So not only have I returned from all of my problems entirely survived. There are i feel just a few simple and severe problems that remain. The first one is change is bad. The second one is that I have what I call an "action paralysis". or whatever.

... I wouldn't have even concieved to type all of this shit up the other day because at that time I had felt like it was not necessary in the extreme however now it is starting to overwhelm me and it is starting to be unbearable to those around me as well as myself. Such is the case of a person who thinks that he is a psychic or whatever and he effects everyone else when infact it is absolutely true that I am indeed effecting everyone else. The situation is extremely bizare, is what I may be trying to portray.

So. All of this bullshit out of the way.

I have returned to normal but I have some major stepping stones in the way of me.
If you understand where it is that I am comming from when it was that I had said that (of course).

Action paralysis (you guys might think that I am a schizo or whatever... I am not quite).
Debilitation (a.k.a. looking at the screen in itself is debilitating. it may have gotton fairly severe)
Change is bad (there are a lot of elements that I class in with this bullshit. A lot of major perception issues which I am not sure if they tie in or not exactly with the change is bad).

Okay. I just had to type this. Because I feel like shit.
What u guys have to say.

Don't think so much. You're doing very well indeed. The changes just over the past year have been fantastic.

Baby steps, Brent. :)

lol Hi sam I do not see you in the forums much.

I try to think as little as I can... The main problem I feel is is I can't change :/ And I am effecting everyone and it is so weird.

You can't change??? :confused:

Just go back and read last years posts Brent.

You've changed. A LOT. :D

Change is bad (there are a lot of elements that I class in with this bullshit. A lot of major perception issues which I am not sure if they tie in or not exactly with the change is bad).

and in some negitive ways, also.. more postive thou


First of all, the main problem appears to be that I have this thing where (as no body understands when I say it in the forums they would say instead "do something productive with your change)... "change is bad." Do you guys have any idea what that is like. First of all, change is bad means that my action which is productive or whatnot is entirely unacceptable to everyone elses, but I have some pretty clever ideas about how this can be fucked up and prevented but I am not sure of the outcome or whatnot.

So yes I have changed. But I can't really change productively. It is all anti. When I speak I speak as if my voice is distorted to make that "change" in my person twisted, or .. something???

funny thing is when i typed that up i thought u guys was gonna totally make me seem like i am screwed (which I am) but i thought u was gonna be amazed at how fucked up the writing was??
enough of the psychobabble bullshit right..

So what is your problem?

I can't seem to find any thing wrong in your post.

I just read your profile, are you physically disabled?

What would you think about change being bad? If you were to say those two (3)words, how would you percieve things?

It is a similar approach to everything that I say- things are fucked up, .. oh.
Yes. Physically disabled due to action paralysis (described in mild detail in the opening post. The other posts in this thread clarify a few things of intersting detail as well. I suppose that several people are not familar with all too personal problems which is a very good thing.)

Irregardless I seem to be entirely unacceptable and also experience extreme personal encounters when for example riding in the car with my grandmother!!!

She gets out and is shaken by me, however there are many related ills.

What would you think about change being bad? If you were to say those two (3)words, how would you percieve things?

It is a similar approach to everything that I say- things are fucked up, .. oh.
Yes. Physically disabled due to action paralysis (described in mild detail in the opening post. The other posts in this thread clarify a few things of intersting detail as well. I suppose that several people are not familar with all too personal problems which is a very good thing.)

Irregardless I seem to be entirely unacceptable and also experience extreme personal encounters when for example riding in the car with my grandmother!!!

She gets out and is shaken by me, however there are many related ills.


This doesn't really make any sense to me. You think your a psychic and that you affect those around you? But you're not actually physically disabled (i.e. Paraplegic)?

Irregardless I seem to be entirely unacceptable and also experience extreme personal encounters when for example riding in the car with my grandmother!!!

She gets out and is shaken by me, however there are many related ills.


Did you ask her why she was 'shaken'? What are the many related ills?

This doesn't really make any sense to me. You think your a psychic and that you affect those around you? But you're not actually physically disabled (i.e. Paraplegic)?




Did you ask her why she was 'shaken'? What are the many related ills?

Should I be forced to quote some of the stuff I said before to highlight it.

First sentence.

Okay guys, I have decided to do it again

The heck does this sentence mean to YOU?

Does that sentence mean to you?
On to infinity?

Or, was the meaning presented in that first sentence something else. Something entirely normal. Words are words and such.

How do you percieve words?
Or do you percieve them?

Maybe, you percieve them how they should be percieved?
Highly unlikly. That infact should be entirely impossible.
Do you care to elaborate I do not wish to do such.


The first sentence said a lot. If you were in actuallity talking to me then it would be interesting. I suppose that we are infact,... talking to each other. You are talking to someone who, I feel, is very fucked up.


I am not going to re-read what I said instead I am going to go off of what you said only. I feel that this is simple enough:

However more than likly I said a lot more than that. Let me see what I said.


What would you think about change being bad? If you were to say those two (3)words, how would you percieve things?

It is a similar approach to everything that I say- things are fucked up, .. oh.
Yes. Physically disabled due to action paralysis (described in mild detail in the opening post. The other posts in this thread clarify a few things of intersting detail as well. I suppose that several people are not familar with all too personal problems which is a very good thing.)

Irregardless I seem to be entirely unacceptable and also experience extreme personal encounters when for example riding in the car with my grandmother!!!

She gets out and is shaken by me, however there are many related ills.

So that (^) is what I had said.

Let's see what I said.
Without reading it I know that I said something which although possibly difficult to describe or whatever... In the first sentence, my friend, I had asked you a question. I had said what would you think, and it is very "existentail" like-- although the existential perhaps in the bad way- not sure.

Regardless.
What would you think about change being bad? If you were to say those two (3)words, how would you percieve things?

There it is. It's deep. Consider how you would feel were you to say the same thing that I had said in such and such a time? Or is this perhaps totally faulted in terms of the actual person existence or whatever we concieve of it to be.

Change is bad etc. Now let me elaborate a bit on what else it is that I had said that it is that you do not understand.

I am disabled because I have an action paralysis, debilitation, my social interaction is fucked or it is totally flaunted, and, also, because "change is bad." Pretty simple stuff if you ask me. If you want to ask about them fine. Ditto. Do so.


I think that i have what I like to think of as extra sensory abilities. Or whaetver it is the word that YOU yourself would use were you in MY situation........... *SIGH*

So yes. BTW, I have not asked her what it is that she feels about what is happening- as I do not wish for it to be brought to light that I am doing such. There are I feel a lot of things that I do not wish to be brought to light, for example, were I to bring to light that, then she would infact understand what is happening that I am trying to eliminate from my existence.

Pretty complicated stuff. It isn't like you can eliminate something that isn't psychic, but, you can eliminate something that 'is' psychic.

Regardless, such is taking place.


Good question. The many related ills.
What are the many related ills?
I don't know. I forgot. Just talking about this stuff gets my head wrapped up.
I suppose that the many related ills are a lot of things. They are all pretty much highlighted however I feel.

Could I infact be mistaken:p

So what shit have you been going through now Brent?

A lot a shit. One of the big, if not there are a thousand bigs, is that "i feel like i'm being judged and I can't express myself." I think this is pretty strange. It says a lot of things. At least in my opinion does it say a lot of things.

It's tough. I don't know what to do. I'm confused and I think I've got a lot of me back but I don't think that it is all back yet. And I honestly don't know if it will ever be back. Because I can't really go talk to someone in a normal way. Where I think change is good. Because I can't think "change is good." Because........................................ if I do, then it will just be a lie.

And I have tough times feeling my environment as well.

I swear, the other day I lost that ability, to control my thoughts in a productive manner. Now they have been let loose and I feel that my ground that I call my home (this is weird s hit I know), has been changed in an interesting way.

Also I think that I have more problems.
I am not gonna fuckin cry damn you... Rather I'd scream like a monsoon. hehe

When I'd said I have tough times feeling my envionrment I mean on a weird way. Where before I had felt locations more productively. Or something.

When I'd said I have tough times feeling my envionrment I mean on a weird way. Where before I had felt locations more productively. Or something.

If you're taking anti-depressants that could be it.

tends to numb the senses so everything feels normal but in a dissociated sort of way

nah---------- im not.

Just was sort of destroyed.
And everyone is talking real weird like to me now. As if they're fighting for their existence.

nah---------- im not.

Just was sort of destroyed.
And everyone is talking real weird like to me now. As if they're fighting for their existence.

Did you all get together for Christmas?

yeah. But it was similar to how it is now but a less degree. Felt ok though.

yeah. But it was similar to how it is now but a less degree. Felt ok though.

So what happened in between?

Ok. I was fighting what i believe is change is bad. Eventually it just lost haywire. Like now. When you lose that connection with your world all kinds of funky shit appear that sucks I think. And moreover ... well it just started to lose control. I started to keep fighting the same shit. The same shit. The "I can't change but maybe I can" because I didn't have it all figured out. If I did, I feel, I would have not tried to change. But how do you say "okay, change is bad." and that be all there is 'to it.' U can't, u can't say change is bad, and know that you can't change, which is exactly what I was fighting. But the whole connection thing got lost. The debilitation has almost got me even more severe like. And it is terrible.

I don't really understand. I just want to go lie down and try to forgive myself and everyone else like tablaridium was trying to get me to do and I almost did it, but the shit caught me.

Ticks me off i say. I guess. And accepting other peoples ideas is equally tough. I get the feeling that change is bad is preventing me but why, dont u think i'd be able to accept someones presense. Isn't that screwey...

Anger is good. And fear is good too. So is indecision. These are ALL reactions. Which means you're opening up now. Letting people get to you instead of shutting them out. Does that make sense?

Yes. "I am being judged and I can't express myself." Is what the doctor said is my main problem.

Yeah it makes sense.

You know, I don't really want to shut people out or anything. That kind of .. makes me think, honestly.
Maybe I've been doing that all along, for a long long time but i'm not sure. If I was sure i'd be happy :D

Oh well, I suppose things might get better... if I can ever work this stuff out. The only problem is... I don't know if I can... but I think I can. When I go to my swing outside I'll just relax into all this confusion and it will all melt away.

Only the ideas will remain.
What to say? What to do? What to think? What am I anymore. I'm still me. Gone through a lot of shit.......

Confuses me. Appericate talking to you.

Mate, there is no way in hell I would be able to fully comprehend your problem, just as you would most probably be unable to comprehend the problems of others. It’s close to impossible for someone to relate to another person simply because they have not been in their shoes, you cannot know how x,y and z affected them and made them feel. For all I know you could have been to hell and back, but I will never be able to fully appreciate your situation. You sort of know what I’m talking about, right?

That’s the problem with discussing this sort of stuff over the Internet. Those with problems are likely to be greeted by patronising and condescending people that simply do not have a clue. But that is to be expected. Though people are generally sympathetic and helpful when they meet people with problems in real life, it is not like that on the Internet.

I don’t know what to say to you, what can I say to you? I hope you get better, if you find writing about your condition helps then continue doing so. You have my full support.

Take it easy. :)

Cool man.

Read sam and i's discussion.
She started 'talking to me'---- different approach. Btw, i've highlighted several things on those previous posts about what happen-- sort of-- at least when read from this vein.

Appericate it

Yes. "I am being judged and I can't express myself." Is what the doctor said is my main problem.

Yeah it makes sense.

You know, I don't really want to shut people out or anything. That kind of .. makes me think, honestly.
Maybe I've been doing that all along, for a long long time but i'm not sure. If I was sure i'd be happy :D

Oh well, I suppose things might get better... if I can ever work this stuff out. The only problem is... I don't know if I can... but I think I can. When I go to my swing outside I'll just relax into all this confusion and it will all melt away.

Only the ideas will remain.
What to say? What to do? What to think? What am I anymore. I'm still me. Gone through a lot of shit.......

Confuses me. Appericate talking to you.

When you've been your only friend for a long time, its feels scary trusting other people. Especially when you've been let down by people you trusted.

Thats NORMAL.

EVERYONE feels like that.

Isn't it great to rejoin the world, crappy as it sometimes is?:p

Rather just for the hell i think i will go back and highlight several of those things.

They are pretty weird.

When you've been your only friend for a long time, its feels scary trusting other people. Especially when you've been let down by people you trusted.

Thats NORMAL.

EVERYONE feels like that.

Isn't it great to rejoin the world, crappy as it sometimes is?

Cool. I have definately been my own friend for a long time. I have nurtured myself :p bathed myself :p and looked after myself :eek:

But, what's most important to me is comming to an understanding of this true nature.

What u say is true but is it to me? kon-fusing.

Yah thou maybe I have been that way for a long time. Afraid to talk to people kuz I think I am being judged- who knows. I don't wish to self psychoanalise to the utter and litteral extreme.

Have done such for ever.

Yah the world is crappy sometimes but just play a video game. lol. At least thats whawt i do sometimes
confused

Yeah Im kinda know what you mean. You know what is wrong with yourself but you feel as though you cannot change the wrong because the wrong is controlled by something you feel cannot be controlled?

Said perfectly.

Thank you.

Sort of an internal problem I can't fuck with. If such is the case on a permenant level, I am fucked. Adios. Sayanara. Such is why going to talk to a psychologist is one of the scariest things in existence. Either he says "you are screwed." Or, he locks me up because he knows what i am gonna do if such is the case- or or or or or or or or or or or or or...

So yeah. You are 100% correct.

Have you sought out professional help? Some psychological symptoms are the result of a brain tumour or other treatable condition.

Reflections are interesting to me.

Perhaps what you infact are seeing is the way it is that i actually communicate.

Which could spell disaster for my very way of communicating here- or................ at least for this moment

Either way you look at it reflections are interesting to me because they portray some sort of interesting benefit.

It is difficult to find the reason you are interested in mirrors.
I have always liked your posts which sum things up btw...
Whatever that means.

hollieluyah (lol i know the spelling is wrong)

Yes spidergoat i am getting help.

However, it is only with psychologists. I am 'supposed' to go to life mannagement center here in florida. They have an out paitent treatment system which is supposed to support people durring a few hours durring the day............

Could be benficial.
The main difficulty lies in the fact that for me there is some aspect about my way of expressing myself which is fallacious. I am trying to PM Crunchy Cat about this- thought about digging over WES although I know for certain that he would not wish to communicate with me ever again. Someone who is good with words. Someone who can understand.

Such is why I had created this thread with the title that it contains. I'd thought you guys would see the insanity in my words. Apparently they are not so apparent and I wonder why that is so? Or do you see the insanity.

Brain tumor huh. I hope it kills me.

Reflections are interesting to me.

Perhaps what you infact are seeing is the way it is that i actually communicate.

Which could spell disaster for my very way of communicating here- or................ at least for this moment

Either way you look at it reflections are interesting to me because they portray some sort of interesting benefit.

It is difficult to find the reason you are interested in mirrors.
I have always liked your posts which sum things up btw...
Whatever that means.

hollieluyah (lol i know the spelling is wrong)

Okay thanks for clearing things up a bit. The reason why I asked if you found reflections interesting is because I too find them interesting. I don't know what is the relevance to this if any at all except an interesting simularity.

I also want to ask why is it a disaster if I can find meaning in your posts?

Yes spidergoat i am getting help.

However, it is only with psychologists. I am 'supposed' to go to life mannagement center here in florida. They have an out paitent treatment system which is supposed to support people durring a few hours durring the day............

Could be benficial.
The main difficulty lies in the fact that for me there is some aspect about my way of expressing myself which is fallacious. I am trying to PM Crunchy Cat about this- thought about digging over WES although I know for certain that he would not wish to communicate with me ever again. Someone who is good with words. Someone who can understand.

Such is why I had created this thread with the title that it contains. I'd thought you guys would see the insanity in my words. Apparently they are not so apparent and I wonder why that is so? Or do you see the insanity.

Brain tumor huh. I hope it kills me.

Insanity from being too sane maybe. People who are insane do not know they are insane.

I dunno man. You're cool thou


Anyway. It is a disaster to see what terrible things I portray.
I think that I give off a lot of very terrible things to other people. ... Could be serious. If only wes was here :D

And another issue with my writing style. If this matters.

When I go outside.
There. I said it.
I am going to be totally disarranged from whatever it is that I am currently doing. It is weird to even think about it and even weirder to consider this as my reality.

Also I didn't fully clarify the thing about the mirrors. More of a whatever- as you said.


That is afterall the reason I posted this thread. To say alright- fine- i pass out.

I dunno man. You're cool thou


Anyway. It is a disaster to see what terrible things I portray.
I think that I give off a lot of very terrible things to other people. ... Could be serious. If only wes was here :D

And another issue with my writing style. If this matters.

When I go outside.
There. I said it.
I am going to be totally disarranged from whatever it is that I am currently doing. It is weird to even think about it and even weirder to consider this as my reality.

Also I didn't fully clarify the thing about the mirrors. More of a whatever- as you said.


That is afterall the reason I posted this thread. To say alright- fine- i pass out.

So when you talk to someone you bring up a situation that you had made up that would bring out an answer that you would expect to be for the original and actual situation you are talking about?
Your not comfortable speaking on a true level because your afraid of owning up to the situation because then it would prove that if it does go bad then it is actually you they are dissing and not the made up situation you had given?

:D:D:D

I hope you like those smiley faces.


So when you talk to someone you bring up a situation that you had made up that would bring out an answer that you would expect to be for the original and actual situation you are talking about.

That is kind of it.
Thanks, man.
Thing is, I don't make it up... it's just how it goes, it progresses, it doesn't want this and yet it is preoccupied with maintaining (notice how very sharp those words are?) the emotional support or whatever... of course this is just bullshit as well. The fact of the matter is, ... well you have said it very well.


Your not comfortable speaking on a true level because your afraid of owning up to the situation because then it would prove that if it does go bad then it is actually you they are dissing and not the made up situation you had given?

Watch this.
I am gonna own up to the situation.
It is ........ hard as fuck.

The awareness of the other people in the house has been slightly relieved although my head is now aching. There is still that sort of connection with the others. I assure you, you might call it something similar to "self determination in the psychic realm." Although there are more 'psychic' influences or awarenesses/etc that take effect. Keeping the subconscious subconscious is a top priority.
It could infact also be something to do with the fact that I am also debilitated to the screen.

It is tough to find the answer to your question.
I suppose I do not fear them dissing me as I fear that I am not expressing my genuine self.

I suppose I do not fear them dissing me as I fear that I am not expressing my genuine self.

Okay I see it now. Your afraid that your not being the true you because you think about the situations you do before you do them. But when you are the true you which happens sometimes because if it didn;t you wouldn't know the true you. Every once in a while you feel pretty good and your responses to people are snappy and clever without ever a thought because the thought reaches the mouthes just as fast as the brain? Whihc equals to no time for self-censorship.

What about that?

Okay I see it now. Your afraid that your not being the true you because you think about the situations you do before you do them. But when you are the true you which happens sometimes because if it didn;t you wouldn't know the true you. Every once in a while you feel pretty good and your responses to people are snappy and clever without ever a thought because the thought reaches the mouthes just as fast as the brain? Whihc equals to no time for self-censorship.

What about that?

Honest- I have no idea.

There's a lot of crazy things taking place.

I agree with that.
Sorry for the time delay, I was busy reading a thread that now has me speaking the same words that they had spoken.
I get the feeling that I am intensely detoriating...

Honest- I have no idea.

There's a lot of crazy things taking place.

I agree with that.
Sorry for the time delay, I was busy reading a thread that now has me speaking the same words that they had spoken.
I get the feeling that I am intensely detoriating...

What thread?

Is the radiation of light invariant?

A friend of mine.
Quantum Quack....

Reading those words as I do has gotten me even more fucked up i feel.
They are reflecting themselfs into my own behavior.

It's a total shame. I'm trying to be able to change and now i'm being a beliterant asshole ... the source? Where's it located. Who knows. Who will ever know........

Maybe I need to stop what I am doing- go outside- sit- and never do this again.

Yah the world is crappy sometimes but just play a video game. lol. At least thats whawt i do sometimes
confused

Thats fine, but you know its escapism, right? Eventually you're gonna have to leave that game and figure out whats what.

I- KNOW.
That's what I used to do though... meh.

If you can recognise that (and believe me, most people dont), you're already ahead in the game. Be kind to yourself, be nice, not too harsh, no judging. You deserve it. ;)

Wow a wall of text all about you!

Have you noticed any vaginas upon your person lately?

I have not, who knows if it's unfortunate.

The thing is the whole issue is complicated.
I'll get back when I have some time for a decent post.........

I believe one of the issues it this: my body is in a state of severe change and it is fighting torments which it must build itself up to inorder to change...

One of the things I thought about last night- anyway. I feel decent this morning, but something is still wrong.

Wow a wall of text all about you!

Have you noticed any vaginas upon your person lately?

Can you explain what you mean by that please.

Well existabrent I don't know you, even on these forums, but from what I can gather in this thread I'd like to suggest something that maybe you already know. Still it's good to hear from other people.

First the way I understand your situation is this. You are convinced there's something wrong with you, and when you talk to other people you are convinced they sense this flaw and judge you for it. Therefor you're afraid to be yourself around other people, but can't be anything other than yourself which leads to the problem you're having.

If that's how you feel then I can tell you I've felt the same way before. It's a social challenge, I think too much and worry too much about what other people are thinking, usually about me. In doing so I was creating the very problem I thought was there all along. Every time someone did something remotely odd I took it personally, as if they just judged me and secretly thought I was a basket case or something.

This has always been there in the background for me, I've learned to deal with it over time and it's now at the point where I usually ignore it completely. I've never been able to get rid of it, but it doesn't play a role anymore when I go out and socialize. Whatever happens happens. If I meet someone new and they don't like me then so be it, it's just the way life works sometimes. Most people will like you, some will not, it's very important not to get hung up on those who don't.

It's exactly what Klippymitch described, self censorship and self doubt. You create all the problems you worry about having. Just like I did. Made worse by the fact that you approach everything rationally, like me, and think things through before you ever act. Anything you say you think through first "How will they react to this?" "How does this portray me?" "Is that how I want to come across?" "What if...". Most people don't think about these things when they're socializing, which makes it 100x easier to do. That's what you have to try to do.

I've found having a few drinks helps me with this immensely. Not enough to get roaring drunk, just enough to get a buzz. This helps relax inhibitions and makes it easier to just say what you're thinking, without thinking too much. Plus in this sort of environment everyone's likely to be a little tipsy, and that makes the whole situation more comfortable for me.

I hope that helps. It sounds like you know all this already, it's just a matter of accepting it and trying to change it. Remember, you're not trying to change yourself, just the way you approach things.

"All things change in a dynamic environment. Your effort to remain what you are is what limits you." (points for anyone who can name the source of that quote without googling it :D )

Can you explain what you mean by that please.

Well, do you believe that your personal circumstances/thoughts/life is so interesting that absolutely everyone here must be informed?

I was just wondering if you were female, that's all.

Well, do you believe that your personal circumstances/thoughts/life is so interesting that absolutely everyone here must be informed?

I was just wondering if you were female, that's all.

Why do you feel the need to be a dick?

Yeah. Pretty rough shit. It's pretty interesting shit also, but not that I feel that everyone should be informed. If you feel the need to discuss this then I wouldn't mind it being posted... besides,- part of it might tie in with my problem of inability to actually express myself- which I feel fore- and are embarassed that such would be the case.


Regardless. I am leaving all. I had a nice time contemplating what I had contemplated on the day before. You all take it ezy- cheezy- i'll be back sometime, within the next week or so

adios

I wanted to help you as well, but uhm, I can hardly understand your root of problem...
Maybe some other time.

See ya and take care :wave:

Why do you feel the need to be a dick?

I think modesty is a far too rare commodity these days.

Modesty. Who the fuck talks about modesty. I guess if you have some free time. Anyway, the thread welcomes this such, Xeilos that was a fantatic interpretation however, I have not fully read the whole thing. Same damn interpretation other people prescribe, at least in part.

Well, I will get back soon.

Yah Xelios. I emphasise with you. That was tremendous... I really like the style or whatever. The difficult part lies in the deep rooted end of the problem, as you said I think and am sure that I already know this stuff--- feels damn good to talk about it though, I must surely admit... I get drunk, but not often, good idea though.

As I said debilitation,
change is bad;
and action paralysis are some of the most deep problems along with all the other stuff you mentionend,
Such as thinking about the judgement and whatnot. It does create a lot of problems. One of those can be anything who knows what. Maybe it is... self conscious self awareness; subconscious awareness, these things at least according to the golden rule must without doubt be advoided entirely...

Here's to a good time at my parents house... How are you guys doin?>

The th read disappeared from FT?

personally i think you have all the feelings of a normmal person - theyve just been amplified

most people have negative feelings toward change because of nostalga
most people feel like they are being judged

etc etc

but for whatever reasons u feel these to the extent that it is clinically unhealthy :(

Yah... that's a pretty good point NLIDG

I've been told that before.
ya know?

"Amplified consciousness awareness" or sub... conscioius or wahtever right?
I feel the things everyone does but to an extent that it is very self conscious. That's it. Excuse the mild or possibly MAJOR retardation issues.
What reason would I have to at the moment being considering my life to be termintated or terminally ill...?

More than likly it is because of the fact that, ... I have been rendered helpless.
But that should end this thread.
The question under consideration which is the fact that I have some sort of an unsolveable problem, doesn't necessarially need to be answered as was the intent. All the rest of the things people declare, about how I am perfectly fine and acceptable, are not acceptable whatsoever. ... sure, they are acceptable. They are even mildly perfect. But the fact that they are not true, just drives the issue.

Sigh.

Have I not described ........ at least a dozen times.... "change is bad" NLIDG? Change is bad reflecting into the very words mentionend, to where, if for example I was to sing a song my very "change" or "soul" or ability to change "in" the soul or WHATNOT, well then, you, would hear the fact that my "change" is anti-productive to yoru change, they are on a different wave length, they are messed up, or some sort--

Anyway. THe terminal ill problem that I am having is far worse than you guys understand.

My doctor himself says that I struggle every day to just survive. It should eventually pass, but I must make sure that things are able to pass and "pass well"...

Enough of this.
Take of it what you will.
Have a good day...

My doctor himself says that I struggle every day to just survive. It should eventually pass, but I must make sure that things are able to pass and "pass well"...

We all do. Don't feel "alone" with your problems because many of us are in the same condition, some even worse!

Really?... //////////////////confused