Tiassa
09-12-04, 09:16 AM
I've seen some scary things recently, courtesy of NBC, in fact. Actually, MSNBC and CNBC.
No, it wasn't Carville and Matalin carrying on--like we know dinner at home looks for them--on Russert's show. Rather, that on both of Russert's shows (one on each network), the makeup man has accomplished the impossible: James Carville's wrinkles and crannies were contained by makeup.
Add to that something I just saw a few minutes ago. Remembering what time it was on the east coast, I chuckled to myself and started cracking Isikoff jokes, of all things: Christ, Mike. What, are you so busy this afternoon you can't manage to pop by for ten minutes at 8:30 in the morning? I mean, Isikoff spends so much time over at MSNBC that one wonders how he ever manages to be an editor or writer.
Nonetheless, Newsweek's senior editor, a guy named Meyers, was in doing analysis on Russian issues. And that's what started me on the Isikoff jokes, because Meyers is obviously not accustomed to being in front of a camera. He wore a grey suit (I didn't notice his shirt), wore no makeup, and spoke haltingly and with what I think was a lisp. He peered out at the world from behind coke-bottle glasses, and with no makeup to offset the effect, he looked something between repulsive and hideous. Yet despite his awful delivery, I realized I'd rather hear his voice in the background any day instead of Isikoff's. Not that Isikoff is dumb, but Meyers is smart. The kind of agonizing smart that comes when you put a guy like Krugman on television, or watch Bill Gates try to talk to a camera. He squirmed and lisped his way through it, but I'll be damned if it wasn't one of the better five minutes of "analysis" I'd seen in a while.
This, of course, means for internationals that the information was extremely basic, but he raised intriguing questions about how three truckloads of armed men could simply drive up to a school and seize it, and went so far in discussing checkpoint bribes as to drop what would be a bombshell coming from Isikoff--he said something along the lines of needing to find out if the Russian government or international terrorism is really to blame. Seriously, he can get away with that sort of stuff because he's a worm on a hook when the red light comes on. (Try the same line on 9/11, and run like hell.)
Really, my hat is off to Meyers. Get a different suit, try some different frames for the glasses, let the makeup man offset the magnification around your eyes, and come back whenever you feel like it: you'll find yourself head and shoulders above your peers. Of course, as you're senior editor of Newsweek, I won't tell you in the same breath to not quit your day job, but rather ask you to please do so at once; the magazine sucks.
In the end, I'm thinking that we ought to ditch the photogenic criterion. In fact, we might want to establish a new one: Chris Matthews is as "handsome" as you can get and be allowed to read news, offer analysis, or host pundits. (And if you sound like Matthews, there ought to be a contract stipulation that you run your voice through a synthesizer, first to smooth it out and then to add some gravel. Or else make them mumble; I have a feeling that when Matthews mumbles, he's actually speaking in a normal voice.)
Simply--ditch the glitz. Even the Meyers McNugget is enough to demonstrate that slicking it up to us is a poor investment.
No, it wasn't Carville and Matalin carrying on--like we know dinner at home looks for them--on Russert's show. Rather, that on both of Russert's shows (one on each network), the makeup man has accomplished the impossible: James Carville's wrinkles and crannies were contained by makeup.
Add to that something I just saw a few minutes ago. Remembering what time it was on the east coast, I chuckled to myself and started cracking Isikoff jokes, of all things: Christ, Mike. What, are you so busy this afternoon you can't manage to pop by for ten minutes at 8:30 in the morning? I mean, Isikoff spends so much time over at MSNBC that one wonders how he ever manages to be an editor or writer.
Nonetheless, Newsweek's senior editor, a guy named Meyers, was in doing analysis on Russian issues. And that's what started me on the Isikoff jokes, because Meyers is obviously not accustomed to being in front of a camera. He wore a grey suit (I didn't notice his shirt), wore no makeup, and spoke haltingly and with what I think was a lisp. He peered out at the world from behind coke-bottle glasses, and with no makeup to offset the effect, he looked something between repulsive and hideous. Yet despite his awful delivery, I realized I'd rather hear his voice in the background any day instead of Isikoff's. Not that Isikoff is dumb, but Meyers is smart. The kind of agonizing smart that comes when you put a guy like Krugman on television, or watch Bill Gates try to talk to a camera. He squirmed and lisped his way through it, but I'll be damned if it wasn't one of the better five minutes of "analysis" I'd seen in a while.
This, of course, means for internationals that the information was extremely basic, but he raised intriguing questions about how three truckloads of armed men could simply drive up to a school and seize it, and went so far in discussing checkpoint bribes as to drop what would be a bombshell coming from Isikoff--he said something along the lines of needing to find out if the Russian government or international terrorism is really to blame. Seriously, he can get away with that sort of stuff because he's a worm on a hook when the red light comes on. (Try the same line on 9/11, and run like hell.)
Really, my hat is off to Meyers. Get a different suit, try some different frames for the glasses, let the makeup man offset the magnification around your eyes, and come back whenever you feel like it: you'll find yourself head and shoulders above your peers. Of course, as you're senior editor of Newsweek, I won't tell you in the same breath to not quit your day job, but rather ask you to please do so at once; the magazine sucks.
In the end, I'm thinking that we ought to ditch the photogenic criterion. In fact, we might want to establish a new one: Chris Matthews is as "handsome" as you can get and be allowed to read news, offer analysis, or host pundits. (And if you sound like Matthews, there ought to be a contract stipulation that you run your voice through a synthesizer, first to smooth it out and then to add some gravel. Or else make them mumble; I have a feeling that when Matthews mumbles, he's actually speaking in a normal voice.)
Simply--ditch the glitz. Even the Meyers McNugget is enough to demonstrate that slicking it up to us is a poor investment.