Please do not appoint me to be a moderator ....
My credentials : dubious moral, only been a member a short time , few posts........etc.......etc......:m: :p

Sorry - it should have been moderator in option number 3, not : modeartor ....

Yes, on the condition you first task is a perma ban on self

Ok we won't.

you will be a mod, haha!

Hey Kunax be nice he's a fellow landsmann of yours.

your all my landsmen, Denmark is the world everybody just forgot to check there email

Please do not appoint me to be a moderator ....
My credentials : dubious moral, only been a member a short time , few posts........etc.......etc......:m: :p

Sorry - it should have been moderator in option number 3, not : modeartor ....

Good lord...sounds a bit overcredentialed.

Dear Denmark,

something about not having paid taxes. blabla...

yours truly,

your citizen

Spuriousmonkey

I just wrote a letter to denmark!

Inspired by Spurious' stirling example of global citizenship, I have similarly written a letter to Denmark.

Dear Denmark,

How are you? I've missed you. It's been a long time, baby. I remember our Lego tournament in Copenhagen. That was a lot of fun.

I would hereby like to ask for all the social support payments you owe me for our unwitting separation. I would like you to send me a blank cheque, so that I would feel free to fill in the amount you owe me in alimony. I am almost to ashamed to tell you but I never liked Edam as much as I said I did. I would like to get rich from you ASAP.

Yours truly,

Citizen Geoff

Dear Spuriousmonkey, our faithful citizen

Not paying your taxes can bring you into a lot of trouble, but since this is your first offense we will let you get of easy.
All you have to do is have fun for at least an hour and play with your kids for 2, you are of cause allow to combine the 2 also expanding the time frame is much appreciated.

yours truly,

your Country

Denmark

Dear GeoffP,

It is good to hear you had fun in with lego, we would suggest you try out the new mind storm, it's great fun

However we are sorry to tell you that we cannot pay unemployment or social support with out the prober paper work and we cannot refund you for what you might have been entitled to in the past.

So hurry down to your local communal hall and sign in, it should take to long and don't be afraid of the mandatory activation programs you will be joining while unemployed.

Yours truly,

Denmark

THis reminds me of HHGTTG

dam...i fucked up my first letter because i was too lazy.

Dear Denmark,

thank you for your quick reply. I am honoured to be a Dane at last. I feel like crying from happiness and bliss. This is better than any religion and you accepted your new faithful citizen with so much warmth and kindness. I hope I can live up to being a Dane and that I never disappoint my wonderful country

yours truly,

your citizen

Spuriousmonkey

Dear Spuriousmonkey, our newest star.

No need for tears, at heart you have always been a dane we have know this for so long, waiting, waiting for your return. We welcome you with open arms.

Your Country,
Denmark

Ok my turn.

Dear Denmark

I discovered how cheap and good your beer was this past summer when I took Colorline from Oslo to Fredrikshavn. I wish to thank you for the quality inexpensive beer and request permission to visit again.

Sincerely, your friend

Thirsty guy

WHOAAAA .....

What have you done :
No, you HAVE to be a moderator !! : 88.89 %

Oh - the horror ... the horror :m: :p

Dear Sock Puppet Path ,

You are truly a dane in your heart, we are all thirsty guys here in Denmark.
You are given permission to visit again - and do not forget to get drunk and disorderly - Denmark expect you, to do your duty by contributing to our GDP,
and the best way to do that, is to buy beer !!!

Yours truly

Your country,

Denmark

Sputnik: I'll take it for you.

Give me the Cesspool!

Honestly, it's where I belong.

Dear Denmark

Thanks for Peter Schmeicel. The boy done us proud. Send him our very best.

Yours sincerely,

redarmy11

Sputnik: I'll take it for you.
Give me the Cesspool!
Honestly, it's where I belong.

No can do .........

I reluctanly have to accept my destiny and become a mod .......:m: :p

Dear Red Army11,

Thank you for praising Peter Schmeichel , he did great service for our country as well as Manchester United as a goalie. We have decided to give him an honorary knighthood !!

Yours truly

Your country,

Denmark

Dear Denmark

I'm absolutely thrilled to hear that you've decided to knight your greatest sportsman. But can't find anything about it on Google.

Are you sure about this?

Yours sincerely,

redarmy11

Dear redarmy11,

The answer to your question is : No ........I am not sure of it .
Still probably only a question of time before he eventually will get one.

Yours untruly ,

Your country

Denmark

Dear Denmark,

I'm an American man who is disillusioned by his country's leadership. I am considering spending some time away from my native country as soon as practical and gaining some worldly experience in a place where I can indulge in my evil, sinful pleasures, such as practicing witchcraft, smoking lots of weed, and being gay. I've heard good things about you, and you are on my mental list of possible places I would like to live.

Which place inside you would you suggest I live in? Should I just live in København or Århus? Or should I live in the north, close to Norway and Sweden, so I can bask in their dirty left-wing glory? Or should I live close to the Dane-German border so that I can be closer to the Netherlands, the capital of wooden shoes, windmills, and weed?

Any guidance you can offer me in immigrating to you would be highly — in more senses than one! — appreciated.

Yours truly,

Athelwulf

Dear Denmark,
Something is rotten with you. I can smell it.

-Marcellus

Dear People of Sciforums,

It has come to my attention that some of you would like to leave somewhere, well it is up to moderator to decide where you will go. Since I am in no jurisdiction over this matter. Please dial out the atheistic manners and dial in the Godly heavenly prayers for directions. Heaven's blissfull rays and bright azure clouds are the first tourists' destination choice. The ticket to Heaven is sinlessness. All other destinations or should I say a destination are to be inquired from other superiors.

Yours truly,

Messenger Dragon

Dear Finland,

don't cry for me Finland, the truth is I never loved you. I've always been a Dane at heart, loving the flat country, the cows, and lego.

Not yours truly anymore,

Spuriousmonkey

Dear Athelwulf,

I almost get the feeling , that you are serious about this ???
The only problem I see , is that you look like a bald eagle on your picture , and exporting bald eagles out of USA is illegal - however if you can disguise yourself as a human, then I guess it would be allright .......

Denmark is divided into 3 parts :

Greenland in the north - a big chunk of ice only inhabited in the coastal regions - you will only like beeing there in summertimes ....you can drive dogslay and shoot polarbears - and hunt seals from a kayak ...

The Faroe Islands inhabited by a lot of sheep and some people - you might end up saying : " Meh, Meeeh " after hearing the sheeps for a while ......

Then there is southern Denmark - the most interesting cities to spend a longer amount of time in , are indeed Århus and København ......
Århus is a nice city with an old part - looking almost like a museum of old houses .... nice nightlife too ....
København is even better .... relaxed , with many old buildings - since it was only bombed once during WWII .... good nightlife, a lot of things to see in the area , and still with an international atmosphere .....and a good supply of weed - witchcraft is accepted as well as gayness .......
Odense is not a bad city either ......

Good connections with train and air to Amsterdam from both Århus and København .....

Denmark is nicest in spring, summer and early autumn ... in winter it gets cold and dark ...............

If you really decide to go danish for a while , then I can supply you with links to get a cheap place to live as well as links to get a job .........you can PM me....

If you decide to spend some time in Denmark - then you do not need medical insurance , all acute illness as well as accidents are treated free in hospitals from the day you arrive , if you are a tourist , no matter where you come from ....... minor injuries treated by a GP , is however to be paid by yourself ..... however , if you stay for more than 6 weeks and get a social security number - then everything is free after the 6 weeks ........

Yours truly

Your country,

Denmark





http://www.workindenmark.dk

Dear Mystech

We are aware of the problem, unforthently it has become a political issue and as such the politicians and bureaucrats have been pushing paper work around between them for the last few centuries trying to push the blame away from them self, We, Your Country Denmark are truly sorry and apoligize

Your Country
Denmark

Dear Athelwulf

For all your weed needs i suggest you go to Amsterdam in Holland it is this small Danish colony where weed is sold in special coffee shops(i don't know if you actually can get coffee there as well).

Also do not be afraid of there strange incoherent speech, they are still trying to master Danish which for many is a hard language... when speaking they sound like they are talking with a mouth full of hot potatoes, its all good

Your Country
Denmark

Dear Mystech,

After further review of this rotten subject , we have come to the conclusion that either Horatio or perhaps even Marcellus himself , actually did fart in the play of Shakespear. In case you yourself can smell it too , then we strongly recommend you to buy a buttplug .........

Yours truly

Your country,

Denmark

Dear Kunax,


indeed in the Danish colony named the Netherlands you can buy coffee in coffeeshops. Usually you can also buy something to eat, or there is even an extensive menu in some of the coffeeshops.

regards,

a loyal citizen of Denmark

Dear Spuriousmonkey

Al thou i have visited the Netherlands a few times over the years and seen my fair share of tulips, windmills and dams, i have never been to a coffee shop like the ones in Holland, there special theme is not for me.
Al thou this strange local custom has poked my curiosity a little, in it i see many benefits which we might could learn from.

On a second though, we should have more hot chocolate shop, there are to few of those.

Your Friend
Kunax, a loyal Dane

Dear Athelwulf,

I almost get the feeling , that you are serious about this ???

I was serious about wanting to spend time in Denmark, although I am having a little fun with my letter too, as that's what everyone else is doing. :p

Dear Denmark,

I'm pleased to hear that you are so accepting of left-wing, gay weed-smokers who practice witchcraft. Is it alright if I recommend you to my other left-wing, gay, weed-smoking friends, including the ones who worship Satan?

I regretfully acknowledge that I look like a bald eagle in the picture I enclosed in the last letter. It is a birth defect which I got because my father and mother are brother and sister. I hope that doesn't change your welcoming attitude towards me and my kind. I shall take your advice and get plastic surgery, so I can get into Denmark without trouble, and so I don't scare your citizenry once I get there.

As exciting as shooting polar bears, hunting seals from kayaks, and bleeting like a sheep all sound, I believe I would be happiest in København. How can I find people who can hook me up with weed? Also, how much weed can I legally possess, and what's the legal penalty for getting caught with more than this?

I think it's great that you insure so well the health of those who are living in and visiting you. Must I live in you for six weeks to get a social security number, or is it enough to physically be in you for those six weeks?

One last thing: What is your minimum wage? Where I am, I get US$7.80 per hour. Can you guys beat that?

Sincerely yours,

Athelwulf

Dear Denmark,

How exciting! A second response to my first letter! You must really like me.

I've often considered the Netherlands as another potential place I could live, mainly because both weed and gay marriage are legal. It's great that you're willing to let me live there. I think I'll consider it. And if I choose to live there, I'll do my best to get used to the strange tongue.

Thanks for your second letter. It's quite considerate of you. I've never felt so accepted by a country before.

Faithfully yours,

Athelwulf

Dear Denmark!

Could you please introduce me to your good friend Sweden?

I'm crazy about her, but I'm too shy to ask her out.

I love her cheeks, smile and the way she tosses her hair.

I'm crazy about öl, svampsoppa och räka also.

I'm fan of 'Dancing Queen' and Peter Forsberg.

And most of all, I would love to hold her passport, just for a while.

Eternally grateful,

Plazma Inferno!

Dear Plazma Inferno,

Hejsan , I hear, that you are hot about Sweden , I can understand that , since I was married to her from 1389 - 1521 , when we broke up after a small and insignificant incident ( our King beheaded 82 swedish nobilities in Stockholm)..........so you can understand , that she is very touchy .....
Unfortunately, I have now got a restraining order and allways keeps a distance of 4 miles away from her, as you can see on a map ....so I really can´t help you with breaking the ice .......
Still, she is a very warm and hospital Lady with a nice and wild nature.
Excellent in icehockey and beerdrinking - and she sleeps around uninhibited ,
so don´t be shy , just visit her and you will end up with her passport....
I am sure, she has a softspot for masculine Star Wars soldiers like you ...
so just go ahead ...do it .....visit her ......:m: :p

Truly yours

Your country,

Denmark

Dear Athelwulf,

The more the merrier - please send us all your satanic gay weed-smoking leftwing friends , they can contact the Satanic Society of Denmark here:

http://www.sataniskforum.dk

You can either choose to apply for a social security number as well as a residence permit , before you enter Denmark .........and then enter, after you have got it - or you can come as a tourist ( you don´t need a visa for Denmark if you are american or canadian ) and then apply for it in Denmark - sometimes however the ministry for foreign affairs frowns on the last solution :

http://www.nyidanmark.dk/en-us
http://www.um.dk/en

Weed is still considered illegal in Denmark by some people ( including the police ) - I don´t know exactly how much you are allowed to possess - but if it is a small amount for own use and a first time offend , then you only get a warning (and worse : your weed is confiscated ) - if you do it again and are caught, you might get a fine ( it can range from 300 DKK to 3000 DKK ) - if you sell on the street and have a large amount, you might get 2 years in prison . Theoretically you can get 10 years in prison for drugdealing , but that is for hard drugs ......
It is probably illegal to get you into touch with drugdealers here on Scifo -
so I can only say, that " I have heard " , that you sometimes might get it in
Christiania and " I have heard ", that there exist some 40-60 hashclubs in Copenhagen .........

It might surprise you, that there is no minimum wage from the government ......
It all depend on which trade you are in , and how good your tradeunion is to negotiate - however, you only earn really good money, if you have special skills or education ....... if not , you probably can only get manual labour :
Typically, manual labour will have these minimum wages :
Below 18 years old : 62 DKK = 10,7 US $ per hour
18 and above : 101,50 DKK = 17,5 US $ per hour
Ocassionally you hear in the newspapers about shopassistents at the tellers in the supermarkets, that only got 87,5 DKK = 15,1 US $ per hour - such horrorstories do happen .......

Yours truly

Your country,

Denmark

Dear Denmark,

The more you tell me about yourself, the more I like you. I do hope I get to visit you someday, and possibly stay for a bit. I hope that'll be soon too.

Until then!

Yours,

Athelwulf

silly people.

Dear Draqon,

you are hereby summoned to the world court in the Hague for calling Danish citizens silly.

yours truly,

the world court
the Hague.

Dear Draqon,

you are hereby summoned to the world court in the Hague for calling Danish citizens silly.

yours truly,

the world court
the Hague.

silly funny Danish people. :p

Dear Draqon,

you are hereby summoned to the world court in the Hague for calling Danish citizens silly and funny. You are accused of war crimes.

yours truly,

the world court
the Hague.

Dear Draqon,

you are hereby summoned to the world court in the Hague for calling Danish citizens silly and funny. You are accused of war crimes.

yours truly,

the world court
the Hague.

Dwaas, grappig, dunnish mensen :o

dunnish

what's that?

He called you a grappig. Haven't a clue what it means but it sounds awfully insulting.

what's that?

dang...altavista babelfish...worth nothin

He called you a grappig. Haven't a clue what it means but it sounds awfully insulting.

grappig is actually funny, but in a good way.

He should have said: zotte dwaze Deense mensen.

B. bu.. De Deense mensen zijn gek en dwaas... ?

No, they are not.

Hence Draqon is summoned to the world court in the Hague where he will be executed after a swift 'trial'.

No, they are not.

Hence Draqon is summoned to the world court in the Hague where he will be executed after a swift 'trial'.

:eek: ?

:eek: ?

Hate speech against the Danish is a major offense. Everybody knows that. It's similar to calling Jesus gay.

Hence Draqon is summoned to the world court in the Hague where he will be executed after a swift 'trial'.
How do you know he will be executed after his 'trial'? Surely this shows prejudice in a most worryingly literal sense?

Can I pull the lever that opens the trapdoor?

Hate speech against the Danish is a major offense. Everybody knows that. It's similar to calling Jesus gay.

saying silly people has something to do with hate? :cool: now thats a new one...

it was more along the lines ... "silly rabbit...tricks are for kids" ...thing

like...how this lady here...gorgeous...

http://www.80stees.com/images/products/Trix-BaseballT-Model.jpg

You can save your silly defense for your 'swift' trial.

You can save your silly defense for your 'swift' trial.

I appeal...

emm...I am Russian citizen and am not to be trialed by Dannish laws.

and in my defense...I present a danish hottie..?...

http://www.tuxbro.com/PA290063.JPG

I appeal...

emm...I am Russian citizen and am not to be trialed by Dannish laws.
Your rights have been cancelled under the Guantanamo Amendment. Try again.

The world court in the Hague is for everybody, except the US. They already declared to nuke the netherlands if an american was summoned to the world court.

The world court in the Hague is for everybody, except the US. They already declared to nuke the netherlands if an american was summoned to the world court.

...ummm...what sort of punishment are we talking here?...

I appeal...

emm...I am Russian citizen and am not to be trialed by Dannish laws.

and in my defense...I present a danish hottie..?...

http://www.tuxbro.com/PA290063.JPG

Please notice the wooden shoes and the tulips on her hat :
She´s dutch not danish ........ you will be executed twice !!!
:m: :cool:

The world court in the Hague is for everybody, except the US. They already declared to nuke the netherlands if an american was summoned to the world court.

...ummm...what sort of punishment are we talking here?...

Like using russian ICBMS on Netherlands...would be a waste of metal resources...:o

Dear Draqon


emm...I am Russian citizen and am not to be trialed by Dannish laws.


you can be trialed by Danish law at any time and place, please check post number 6 in this thread

Dear Denmark,

Thanks for the advice on mind storm. I'll check that out.

Yet, I'm not one for lineups or standing around or paperwork or activation programs. Can't you just cut a check? I really feel very Danish. My ancestors were Vikings...although from Normandy. But I have a pointy hat and everything, I swear.

Yours truly,

"Red-Handed" Geoff

Dear Denmark,

I was fortunate enough to learn a little about your fine self and life inside you recently. Overhearing a conversation, I learned of a website. I don't know if you're familiar with www.workindenmark.dk ? I stumbled upon a list of requirements should one choose to obtain residency in yourself. I was working my way through the list when I came to this required piece of documentation:

"You must also be able prove the following:
....
Membership of the Danish National Evangelical Lutheran Church or of an evangelical-Lutheran community abroad, if you are a member of such a church or community"

I ask of you, Denmark: What The Fuck?

Yours Sincerely
[sexually]Confused

'if you are a member'


If you are not do not bring it.


And burn at the stake.

Dear Phonetic,

You only have to prove , that you are an evangelic-lutheran , if you indeed are a member of that kind of church - if not, just forget it !!

However , if you are evangelic-lutheran ( the official danish religion) , then you will live to regret, that you said so .... by law, you then have to pay church tax ( it differs from 0,7 - 1,1 % of your income , according to where in Denmark you live ) ......... So you see , there is a reason , why the immigration ask this question ...

If you are an atheist , satanist or have any other religion , than evangelic-lutheran , then you are off the hook - and your stay in Denmark will be cheaper ............... :m: :p

Yours truly

Your country,

Denmark

Dear Dear,
blah blah blah insert here text blah blah blah
Your truly,
draqon

Dear Draqueen

I'm am glad to to inform you that public education is free in Denmark and that you as an adult(if you are) also can get free education.
I'm sure we will be able to teach you something with the prober teachers, if not there is always the protected workshops, you proberly like it there.

Your Country
Denmark

Dear Sciforums,

I'm afraid this is the end, the only end, my friend,

Regards
Nickelodeon.

Dear Geoff

Oh so you think you can get a job by your self, thats fair enough we will help you in the first month, maybe 2 after that your will have to enlist in to the system for more help.

By the way the tone of your letter sounds like you might be trying to cheat the system, is that true, should we start a background check of you and your finances? However I'm sure I'm just mistaking.

Your Country
Denmark

What end, every end is a new beginning

'cept this one.

Dear Denmark,

How you doing, baby? I hear the Kroner's a little flush recently - hope you don't catch an economic chill, they say there's one going around the G7 these days. Take care and insulate that currency.

Hey! Come on, baby - why you gettin' so uppity and all "you got to get a job", like? You know I'd never take advantage of you. Of all the nations in Europe, you're my favourite. I swear, I never even laid eyes on the Nether-lands. That Belgium is a lying ho. I just need a lil' liquid refreshment, you know, like gin an' juice - except here I'm talking about say a couple hundred thou' in liquidity. That's all I'm sayin'. I swear, I get my UN relief cheque next week and I can pay it all back.

All the best,

"Red-Handed" Geoff