What does everyone think about getting married?

I don't like the idea of marriage, not from fear of commitment, but(however shallow this sounds) possesions. Some possesions I could care less about, but some are very valuable to me and I would not want to have to split during divorce. Also, divorce is a long process that is really expensive. half of marriages end in divorce anyways. too many people get married to young and for the wrong reasons. The only way I would ever get married is if I was absolutley sur it was the right person, but even then I'm not so sure. My parents are divorced which could cause most of my views, but I know many peoplke who are "happily" married and it still seems like hell to me.

Sounds like you have other priorities and things on your mind besides love, like material objects and worries about what might happen if you get involved with someone.

If you like the idea of marriage only if you are absolutely sure about the person, then take the time to get to know them first, well.

Befriend them first and try to get to know them very well personally; this doesn't always happen during common dating.

Actually love is always on my mind, and I believe love does not need to be consimated with marriage. The love itself should be enough.

Ok, then forget the idea of "marriage" Not wedding gowns or tuxedo's, cakes, lots of people, churches, contracts, priest being the ones to establish your relationship, or any of that foolishness. Just have your feelings for your mate. Kind of makes me wonder why you posted this thread though, just trying to get people's opinions?

Originally posted by Clarentavious
Kind of makes me wonder why you posted this thread though, just trying to get people's opinions?

Yes exactly, I just want to know how everyone else feels about it.

Incream,

Since 50%+ of all marriages end in divorce and that value likely to increase, then there is a good chance yours will end in divorce as well.

But why get married?

You can easily share a life with someone and then when the differences become unacceptable then simply split up. Although breaking up is never easy.

I was married for 18 years and my X and I are now very good friends, although we never quarreled even when married, we just drifted in different directions. That was 10 years ago. I’ve dated a few times since that time but really I much prefer my independence and freedom and no longer actively date. There are simply other more interesting things to do than chase after the opposite sex and deal with all the associated emotions.

I doubt you will take my advice which would be to stay single and ignore the other sex, since I suspect you have the urge of your hormones and millions of years of evolutionary instincts to overcome as well as pressure from society and the advertising industry.

Marriages tended to last longer when women were not so ‘liberated’. As women increasingly move into the arena usually dominated by men and find they can be independent and support themselves, then they have little need for those past archaic practices of subservience to their husbands. This trend is still increasing.

So stay single, enjoy any relationships that come your way, but otherwise find self-sufficiency and independence, and freedom to do anything you wish without any need to depend on anyone else.

Enjoy love when it occurs, and return true love if it is genuine, but don’t hold onto relationships when they have clearly failed. Move on and enjoy the next experience. With each event comes learning and wisdom, and fun.

Have fun
Cris

Originally posted by Cris
Incream,

Since 50%+ of all marriages end in divorce and that value likely to increase, then there is a good chance yours will end in divorce as well.

Ok Cris, 1. Did you not read my correction from Incream to Increan. And 2. I never said I was married.

I don't agree with Cris. Without a woman to be with I am a wreck. I already lack emotions and human company, and spend too much time on this PC as is.

Cris, if you want to prove you are strong enough to overcome your natural desires, then good for you, you are very powerful and have much a will, and I have no amount of respect or think highly of you for doing that.

Cris is obviously quite old. You can tell by looking at his photo in the picture thread, and the fact that he was married 18 years and divorced for 10 now (that in itself is 28, and it is highly unlikely he was married prior to 18, so that's at minimum 18+28=46)

With increasing age these desires usually fall. The looks are gone by then. Wrinkles, gray or balding hair, rough skin, and all the like which make elderly people physically unattractive.

I don't plan on living past age 50 for 2 reasons, one of which is that I don't want my body falling apart and looking like that.

At any rate, if Cris' plan, or prediction based on current world strucuture (that women have equal rights and can support themselves - this is a good thing IMO BTW, but you are just stating it as a fact to back your argument), is unravel a woman and man's desire to love and care about each other, I don't agree with that.

Increan,

Ok Cris, 1. Did you not read my correction from Incream to Increan. And 2. I never said I was married.1. No, still haven't seen one. Have I been spelling your name incorrectly? Sorry if that is so, purely an accident.

2. The context was if you were to marry, then your marriage would likely end in divorce.

Does your name have a meaning?

Cris

Originally posted by Cris
Does your name have a meaning?

You don't know how many times I've been asked that, but the answer is no, I made it up along with Increi. I used to have a completely made up world called Increi and the inhabitants were Increan (Hense Earth=Earthlings) but that was a long time ago but i still like the name.

Clarent....,

Without a woman to be with I am a wreck.Then that places an unfair responsibility on the woman on whom you will become dependent. What happens when she becomes ill or disabled, or when old becomes senile or has Alzheimer’s, would you then desert her because you would not be able to look after yourself?

A successful marriage is a partnership of equals, with each side being able to support the other in terms of crisis or need. If you are so weak that you cannot cope on your own then you have no chance in a real crisis, and your partner will soon detect that and reject you for your weakness.

My birth date is in my profile; I’ll be 50 in September. My father died at 92, mainly because of complications from injuries sustained in WWII, and my mother is a very healthy 86 year-old. If there are no breakthroughs in anti-aging research then my current state of health gives me an expected lifespan of around 120. I expect medical science to push that out much further.

With increasing age these desires usually fall. The looks are gone by then. Wrinkles, gray or balding hair, rough skin, and all the like which make elderly people physically unattractive.Ha ha, very funny. But many people my age are fully capable of seeing past the animal instincts and look for the real qualities that make for successful relationships.

I don't plan on living past age 50 for 2 reasons, one of which is that I don't want my body falling apart and looking like that. Then take care of it. But what do you plan to do, kill yourself? And for what, vanity, and sex? Your life values are really screwed up if that is really your perspective.

Take care
Cris

Then that places an unfair responsibility on the woman on whom you will become dependent. What happens when she becomes ill or disabled, or when old becomes senile or has Alzheimer’s, would you then desert her because you would not be able to look after yourself?

A successful marriage is a partnership of equals, with each side being able to support the other in terms of crisis or need. If you are so weak that you cannot cope on your own then you have no chance in a real crisis, and your partner will soon detect that and reject you for your weakness.

My birth date is in my profile; I’ll be 50 in September. My father died at 92, mainly because of complications from injuries sustained in WWII, and my mother is a very healthy 86 year-old. If there are no breakthroughs in anti-aging research then my current state of health gives me an expected lifespan of around 120. I expect medical science to push that out much further.

Oh I function without a woman - barely. This is not the position I want to be in however. She could die after I have been in a relationship, I am aware of this. Then I would have to go back to the current state that I am in. Which is somewhat miserable, but tolerable, and livable.

Ha ha, very funny. But many people my age are fully capable of seeing past the animal instincts and look for the real qualities that make for successful relationships.

Perhaps. But some elderly people barely function at all. They are dependant on wheel chairs for "walking", and forget what they had for dinner yesterday. Even if you do find them nice, or intelligent, or whatever qualities you desire. IMO you'd have trouble having a good relationship, especially when you want to hold your mate's hand and it feels as brittle as a dinosaur bone

Then take care of it. But what do you plan to do, kill yourself? And for what, vanity, and sex? Your life values are really screwed up if that is really your perspective.

I said 2 reasons. My body being only one of them. And I might kill myself yes. The other reason I will not share on this board.

And what's your say on marriage if you terminated your's and don't think it should exist anymore? Maybe not all people feel the way you do. And, if you scroll up, I called current marriage foolishness. I don't plan to marry. And I guess we'll just have to see where my feelings, and someone else's, lead me.

In general i've seen so much more unhappiness than happiness created in our society due to legal marriage, that i don't really feel happy or glad when someone i know gets married.

Marriage of the heart means everything to me, and legal marriage means very little. To say "Yes, i will spend the rest of my life with you no matter what" seems very silly and overly idealistic to me, because you never know how both of you will change down the road, so that such a previous contract can become quite a hindrance in one or more ways.

And yet girls are programmed by our society to view their imagined wedding as being a golden highlight of their life, something to aim for -- as if when you get legally married, happiness is guaranteed to follow. Same with having a baby. So many people i know get married or have a baby because they think that it will fill that empty place they feel deep inside. But as it turns out, it doesn't. It may distract them from it, but it's a temporary distraction, and they'll still have to deal with it sooner or later.

I recommend that if a couple is going to get legally married, that they wait at least 2-3 years before doing so.

You really have to know someone before commiting to marriage. I don't know that you can section it into 'at least 2-3 years.' Some people are made for eachother and know it.

For me marriage is a declaration of trust. I can respect that.

If 2 people are "made for each other" then waiting 2-3 years before getting legally married should be no problem. I've been in 10 mate relationships of various sorts, and 2 of them were so deep and knowing -- where we instantly felt like we knew each other already -- that we knew that we were "made for each other." Soulmates, as some people would call it. And yet neither relationship lasted for longer than 2 years. One could say, "well then evidently you weren't made for each other," but we knew that we were. And i've known other people who've told me similar stories. Waiting 2-3 years to get married will give you more of an idea if things will work in the longrun, regardless of how compatible you are. That's just my opinion based on my own experiences.

I don't consider marriage to be a declaration of trust not only because of the high rate of divorce in our society, but the high rate of infidelity. If a person is going to be trustworthy, then they're going to be trustworthy regardless of whether or not they've declared it to everyone.

When you're ready for kids, get married.

When the kids are old enough to be on their own, get divorced.


Works reasonably well.

Take care ;)

Welcome back, Chagur...http://www.clicksmilie.de/sammlung/aktion/aktion030.gif

Marriage is good or bad all depending on the person.

People marry for possessions, or because they feel they are too old and 'want to settle' down before it's too late. Things like that blah blah, don't want to go on and on. It's in a way like natural selection, what's best for that person. What they think is best, an experience maybe, some love in it too, some lust. Then they get divorced. If you wanted marriage just to share moments with someone and for support in money, that is what some people do. You can do that then divorce, nothing wrong with it.

I personally think that instead of getting married so fast so that people won't divorce so much, couples should live together for 6 months to a maximum of 3 years. Then that would basically work out all the problems living together, this...that...and prove if marriage would flow good or if it's worth it.

But for me, I would want to marry someone I truly love and want to spend my life and precious moments with. If you're like me, never let other reasons such as money and all that other stuff to bother you too much or control your decision over marriage too much.

Haven't been gone, just haven't been posting too much.

Things should be changing soon and I'll be sticking my 2¢ in a bit more often.

Take care ;)

Your claim that 50% + f all marriages end in divorce is extremely inaccurate outside the US. There is tons more to the world that the US.

Inside the US, I would say that people have a fear of commiting themselves to married life and responsibility. I wonder if thsi is not due to the fact that US teens are sexually promiscuous, and this habit may carry on, reducing the chances of a successful marriage, and loyalty within it. Just my personal opinion, I'm sure people would think otherwise.

wow! 2 people with ying yang avatars!:rolleyes:

On Marriage, by Kent Nerburn


Sometimes marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives. When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake.

I saw my friends getting married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fervor, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other.

I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering days and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate.

On rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other's presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other's foibles. It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the other's habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other?


The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset.

Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages of a relationship. Sexual attraction blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming physical fascination.

Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side. This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.

Truly fortunate partners manage to become longtime friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadnesses, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality.


Laughter is one clue to compatibility. It tells you how much you will enjoy each other's company over the long term. If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world.

Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. If you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.

Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn dour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.


Look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing blinds them to the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can't accept, you will inevitably come to grief. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.


Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides within the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and practical, you must take care that the distance does not become an unbridgeable chasm that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood.


Take the time to choose a partner carefully and well. Then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your life. Miracle is a powerful word, and I choose it carefully. But there is a miracle in marriage -- the miracle of transformation.

Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child.

Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will bloom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come. If we have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If we have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, or we do not tend our marriage with care, then the bloom will be flawed.


If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience.

Pretty, pretty sop!

Marry a decent brood mare with good genes, have kids.

If if you luck out, great!

Otherwise, dump her when the kids are on their own.

That is, unless she can support you in the style you prefer.

Take care ;)

Marriage is good. It fuels the divorce lawyer industry.

Of course, a sensible and loyal person needs not marry, but since most people are neither sensible nor loyal, marriage serves a purpose.

Basically, marriage is for the weak minded and weak hearted. Since the majority of humans are weak minded and hearted, marriage serves a purpose.

Originally posted by Xev
Marriage is good. It fuels the divorce lawyer industry.

Of course, a sensible and loyal person needs not marry, but since most people are neither sensible nor loyal, marriage serves a purpose.

Basically, marriage is for the weak minded and weak hearted. Since the majority of humans are weak minded and hearted, marriage serves a purpose.

i agree completely:D

marriage helps with the bills if you have kids, too!:D

Originally posted by Lykan
On Marriage, by Kent Nerburn

we do not tend our marriage with care, then the bloom will be flawed.




Right u r. Adaptation and acceptance can only make any partnership survive, especially so for marriage. Impatience, unrealistic expectations, purposive miscommunication, upmanship, etc. are the qualities that seem to get good marks in society but these are the very ingredients of failed partnerships.

marriage is holy, please respect it, don't divorce to hurt children.