Well. Don't just sit there looking blank. Spit-spot! haven't got all day!

Whats your problem, have you got sand in your mangina? :bugeye:

i was going to ask what a mangina was but as i was debating the issue in my head it suddenly dawned on me that i really didn't want to know.

mangina- noun, asshole.

Whats your problem, have you got sand in your mangina?

Pah! If only things were that simple!

mangina- noun, asshole.

Nah! I'm talking vagina's for men. Cut out the middle man. I'm talking Fanny's. Actual Fanny's. On men. Surgically grafted, if necessary. On to living men. Mangina's.

Vagina's for men.

Do you want one?

Mangina - Discuss.
Frightful. And probably British.

http://www.revolutionmagazine.com/news/index.cfm?fuseaction=ViewNewsArticle&newsID=181803

Do you want one?

One?! :bugeye: Why stop there - Good Gravey James, we're Scientists! We can do whatever we like!


Frightful. And probably British.

Pish! It's exactly sexist attitudes like this which give small minded business men and entrepreneurs such as myself reputations - if you were any smaller, sir, I'd pay someone brave to thrash you.

http://www.revolutionmagazine.com/n...e&newsID=181803

Excellent thinking - ones mangina - the perfect place to secrete discretely ones mobile phone. Already I see you're warming to the idea. Forward thinking. Capital stuff. Think big.

And if I had a million manginas, I'd buy your love.

No. That's just being greedy. That's thinking too big. That's thinking too many thoughts. Far too many. Stop it. Stop it at once. I'll alert the authorities!

Would a mangina be manly? Given that the fact that a mangina would be on a man, wouldn't that make it gay to fuck one? I find men disgusting, and they completely lack boobular goodness, which is a big downer. Oh, and they're not soft and sweet. You'll have to come up with a pretty wiz-bang marketing campaign to get your male brethren on board.

Haruhmmmmm.

Mangina, it's what's for dinner?

no...

Oh shit wait.

Is this an aunt-flow free mangina? Psuedo-vagina without the monthly visitor? Hrmmmm.

Mangina, it's better than dealing with bitches.

Hmm. Not quite there yet.

Mangina, hide your sausage behind his sausage?

Ick.

yeah that's a tough sell brother.

Wait..

Mangina, for the man who likes whores who are men with manginas!

Yeah baby!

If I woke up and my manparts were replaced by a mangina I would commit suicide. I would have nothing to play with when I'm bored or stuck on the phone with a dull relative and worst of all: I'd have to WASH IT! :eek: A Stench Trench! Meaning I would have to TOUCH IT! :bugeye: I would mentally break down and kill myself, without question. Death to Manginas!!!

You'll have to come up with a pretty wiz-bang marketing campaign to get your male brethren on board.

Done! I'll sign you up for twenty.

http://img291.imageshack.us/img291/7638/manginaka0.jpg

Is this an aunt-flow free mangina? Psuedo-vagina without the monthly visitor? Hrmmmm.

Yes. Just mangina. Nothing but. Exactly as God intended.

Mangina, for the man who likes whores who are men with manginas!

Yeah baby!

You're very strange and off putting, wes. I could do with a man like you on board.

Death to Manginas!!!

Don't be hysterical. It's not a replacement, y'flibbidy gibbit - it's in addition. Think of all the additional cock you could be getting right now if only you had one. If only! If only! Well, now you can. Just imagine the possibilities. Don't tell me about them though or I may have to kill you.

I would have nothing to play with when I'm bored or stuck on the phone with a dull relative..

You play with your knob when you're speaking to Grandma on the phone?
WTF is wrong with you? :(

Why not keep things simple and try to make armpit sex more popular. Where would the depth needed for a mangina come from? I wouldn't like someone nudging my lung with their bell-end very much. I suppose fat people could get more action and have some of their stomach cut away to make space - they win all round.

How deep is the average mangina and is it self lubricating?

You play with your knob when you're speaking to Grandma on the phone?
WTF is wrong with you?

There's absolutely nothing wrong with him. Have you seen gendi's Grandmother - she's bladdy gorgeous! :bugeye:

You play with your knob when you're speaking to Grandma on the phone?
WTF is wrong with you? :(OMG no! Not Grandma. Grandpa!

Oh, sweet jesus...

I need another drink.

Why not keep things simple and try to make armpit sex more popular.

No! That's quite wrong and I have reported you're post to the Authorities. It's exactly that sort of wishy-washy, liberal minded thinking that got us involved in Vietnam. I won't have it. I'm an entrepreneur.


Oh, sweet jesus...

I need another drink.

Nonsense. You need to give me money. It's a law.

I have painted a vagina on my hand. Does that qualify?

I have painted a vagina on my hand. Does that qualify?Well be sure not to EAT anything with it. :(

I have painted a vagina on my hand. Does that qualify?

If you're planning on becoming a Rotarian, possibly. I'm afraid I'm not a member of any satanic cults so I honestly could say - but I could surmise!

No. If it isn't lining my pockets with you're hard earned Gilder it isn't genuine 100% Mr Anonymous brand Mangina™ - it's wrong. And possibly sick with it. I've a jolly good mind to exploit our countries special relationship with the US and have you thrown in Guantanamo just for simply asking.

I can do it y'know. Don't test me.

Ha! You don't scare me!
You've already thrown our lot into a bloody great big prison.
Now we call it Australia. :)

Do animals have manginas?

Kebabomatic

I used to make the best kebabs in UK; the shop is still there in Parsons Green Fulham and still doing the business!

Trouble with a mangina is that you would need an awfully long and flexible dick to be able to enjoy it properly.

Kebabomatic

I used to make the best kebabs in UK; the shop is still there in Parsons Green Fulham and still doing the business!

ah, you are my hero then. To me there is no nobler man than a man who can make a good kebab. People laugh at me when I say that god made lamb for kebab and nothing else.

I must visit this place one day.

the cesspool
the perfect place for a mangina.

ah, you are my hero then. To me there is no nobler man than a man who can make a good kebab. People laugh at me when I say that god made lamb for kebab and nothing else.

I must visit this place one day.
shouldn't that lamb of yours be wearing socks?

Be quiet please. I took this lamb picture from post in thread on sciforums. I think it might be copyrighted. Do not tell anyone.

Dear Mr. A,
As the leading seller of Manginas, do you think there's any market for vagina flavored lollipops?

Ha! You don't scare me!
You've already thrown our lot into a bloody great big prison.
Now we call it Australia. :)

Pah! Everyone! Everyone listen to me! I'm using my important voice - it would be ill-advised to ignore it. It's very important!

The above are just the ravings of a vagina-hand painted terrorist everyone! Ignore him and look horrified whilst I get about selling the building to an un-wary buyer before he blows the place up.

PS. Right, you. That does it. I'm telling Tony Blair about you. Only a matter of time now Pete..... Oh yus. You wait until Big Tony hears about this!

Do animals have manginas?

Currently? Few if any that have actually survived the test procedures. They could, however. In fact, if one truly loves ones pets, they should. It's only a matter of time and finding the right combination of immuno-suppressants to combat tissue rejection and something to take care of the thrush and it's Thunderbirds Are Go! as far as I'm concerned.

Here at Anonymous Industries™, 'bab's, we pride ourselves as being Businessmen and Scientists first, human beings hardly at all - why, personally, I'd happily slap one on you're favourite goldfish for you right here today, if only you'd have the salty decency to make the down first payment and sign the appropriate disclaimer forms.

Stop being so selfish and give me cash. You owe me a moral obligation and a life debt. Cough up. It's you're duty.

Kebabomatic

I used to make the best kebabs in UK; the shop is still there in Parsons Green Fulham and still doing the business!

Where do y'think we at Anonymous Industries™ first got the idea of the Edible Mangina™....?

http://img146.imageshack.us/img146/2746/ediblemanginagz2.jpg

Mmmmm.... We stole you're original design and never payed you a penny. Delicious!

Trouble with a mangina is that you would need an awfully long and flexible dick to be able to enjoy it properly.

I can assure you sir, that provides no impediment. Why be a slave to the Tzar's of Convention? Mangina™ can be discretely grafted anywhere with a convenient blood supply. And besides, who wants a fine accoutrement like a man-fanny stuffed away down ones musty old pantaloons in the first place?! It's like breast implants - why do people insist on grafting them onto women when all a chap really wants is to have them somewhere actually useful - say palms of ones hands, for example?

All the fun of the real thing without all that unnecessary negotiation business. Just cop a feel, whenever y'like, whether you want to or not.

Simple. Stylish. Elegant. You know it makes sense!

the cesspool
the perfect place for a mangina.

Leo. You're grasp of anatomy frankly shocks me. :eek:

Dear Mr. A,
As the leading seller of Manginas, do you think there's any market for vagina flavored lollipops?

Think?! Mr Roman, let me be the first to assure you. We here at Anonymous Industries™ aren't in the business of thinking - we're bold, dynamic inovators. We haven't got time to think. What others dare to but dream, we do. That's our moto.

I completely forgot you're original question. Leave a memo with my secretary, she's very bendy and on the whole far cheaper to afford than buying in those plug-in air freshener things. Plus, she types. Our R&D Department spent a complete fortune trying to develop an air freshener that could do that with only limited results. Spotty at best. Appalling grammar and you couldn't fuck it no matter how determined. Bad show all around. We had to shoot the entire department.

If you're idea has any merit, rest assured, I'll steal it and be calling it my own within the week. You have my assurance.

Good day to you. Yours sincerely,

Mr Anonymous.

CEO Anonymous Industries™ - a Family Company.

Dear Mr. Anonymous

Today I heard some guys at the gym talking about tearing their labia. It seems your product is already catching on!

I think i dated her for a while. she was no good in bed.

http://img146.imageshack.us/img146/2746/ediblemanginagz2.jpg

Dear Mr. Anonymous

Today I heard some guys at the gym talking about tearing their labia. It seems your product is already catching on!

Yes. Unfortunately there's just something about the design of the Edible Mangina™ - just doesn't get on with the modern zip-fly. I have all my trousers custom tailored. You should recommend the same to your chums. At their own expense. Anonymous Industries™ lamentably don't know what the word "refund" means...

I think i dated her for a while. she was no good in bed.

Nonsense! "In Bed With My Donner" was an international best seller. Thousands of sad, cash paying fashion victims simply can't be wrong! :mad: I'm very angry now. I'm off to find some kittens to stamp on. Bah!

Nonsense! "In Bed With My Donner" was an international best seller. Thousands of sad, cash paying fashion victims simply can't be wrong! :mad: I'm very angry now. I'm off to find some kittens to stamp on. Bah!

I tell you. she moan like cow, not like sheep. Not good in bed. moan like goat i can live with. not cow.

Well, my advice is just stuff a sock in her mouth and hump her anyway. A hump's a hump I always say, irrespective of gender, race, colour, creed, age and brain stem function. Why, if we left important decisions like these to women there wouldn't be a human race - just shoe shops. Planet of The Birkenstock's. Stunning to look at, possibly, but then where would we be? It would be like living in Lemington Spa, everywhere. All at the same time!

No!

It's time descent men like me spoke out about these things! Irrespective of either facts or the original question! :mad:

You've upset me all over again. I need kittens!

hello my British friend. I hear the sun never sets on you. that is nice.

i tried stuffing the mouth with a piece of cloth. i could not find a sock. but she not like it. she called police and i had to pay big bribe. i never do again.

Why, if we left important decisions like these to women there wouldn't be a human race - just shoe shops.

I do not like shoe shops. they do not sell real shoes there. No real boots for real men. just for happy men.

I prefer going to butcher or stripclub. or nascar racing when there are no monstertruck super events. i also like lamb chops. i do not just eat kebab. i am not a fool. i also eat meat because meat has all vitamines a real man needs. too much vegetables and man turns into sheep. or rabbit when you eat too many carrots. science told us this.

Well, of course old man - preaching to the converted! That's why I've developed the new, improved Magina™ - Extra Spicy!

http://img139.imageshack.us/img139/4703/extraspiceymanginaftr8.jpg

Oh, but just look at how that strange, potato-faced young man laps it up - brings a tear to the eyeball I tell you! Marvelous stuff... Makes one proud to be British.

Hello my British friend where sun always shines.

You cannot fool me. That is leadsinger of greatest band ever. Duran duran. I sell a lot of cassette tapes of duran duran in Russia. Russian people love duran duran. they are not manginas. duran duran are real men and all russian women love them and want to have sex with them and then make babies.

I talk to american neighbour. He does not know what duran duran is. I ask him if he got too many electricity treatments in mental hospital or someting. duran duran greatest band in the history of russia and world! he says he doesn't know them. I get really upset with him and i wonder if i should punch him in face till he admits duran duran is greatest band in world. but i am good man nowadays. i can not punch people in face for everything. duran duran is great band but i do not have money enough to bribe american police again. they are too greedy.

i asked for mangina in kebab store. they look at me funny. can you tell me where i can buy edible mangina?

i asked for mangina in kebab store. they look at me funny. can you tell me where i can buy edible mangina?

And hello to, you my eastern European chum. Easy peasey lemon squeezy. Just head straight for The Gusset of Benghal - Croydon.

http://img59.imageshack.us/img59/986/thegussetdg1.jpg

If you're wondering where Croydon is, it's located within the temperate, equatorial zone of our fine sun blessed continent. Just turn left at the Halibut and keep on going until you can't find a parking space.

They also do pet grooming. Very reasonably priced too.

And hello to, you my eastern European chum. Easy peasey lemon squeezy. Just head straight for The Gusset of Benghal - Croydon.


If you're wondering where Croydon is, it's located within the temperate, equatorial zone of our fine sun blessed continent. Just turn left at the Halibut and keep on going until you can't find a parking space.

They also do pet grooming. Very reasonably priced too.


Hello my British friend from lands where sun always shines and never sets,

I am in USA right now but have to leave soon. My friend petrov was arrested by fascist american police for stealing big screen tv. He tried bribing them but he had not enough money on him. american pigs got upset and beat him with sticks. He now in hospital in light coma. i send a card.

I afraid that Petrov my best friend will tell police about my passport. passport is real as is greencard but it is not me. we russians all look alike to americans. petrov has been long time in USA so he is a bit corrupted. I think he will try to get reduced sentence by ratting me out. is ok. he still my friend.

So I fly to hamburg today. Is good because kebab in usa not good. they prefer hamburgers. yuck. I not eat hamburgers. kebab has real meat.

I book ticket on internet and want special meal. but they don't have kebab as option. I get upset. I call airline and ask for special meal. I say i need kebab. they say they not have kebab. I get very angry. i shout i need kebab. it's transatlantic flight. i need kebab. she say no kebab. i want to punch her in face, but is telephone conversation so i cannot. and i want to be good man nowadays so i cannot punch people in face.

I say i bring kebab myself then. she say i cannot. I say this is free country fascist pig. she says she has caller idea. I say what the **** is caller idea? you no speak english. she say she is calling police right now. I want to punch her in face, but i cannot, because i am on telephone conversation. and i want to be good man. cannot punch people in face anymore.

is funny. then i notice i call wrong airline. i hang up and smile. don't want to punch people in face anymore.

then i make call to real airline. they not have kebab either.

Oh, that is jolly appalling. I'm so sorry to hear. This is precisely why I always insist on travelling Business Class - they have roast boar and pheasant shooting y'know. Terribly useful on those long haul flights to Sidney or some such. Bag a pheasant whilst over France, by the time you're over Brisbane it's already hung long enough to be ready to eat by the time you've landed.

Marvellous stuff. Goes maggoty y'know. Extra crispy meat that dances all by itself. Extraordinary what they can do with carcasses these days...

Hello my business class flying British friend,

I have arrived in hamburg. flight was not good in economy class. i sat next to very fat man. he complaint many times about my farting and singing. i not understand. I tell him. drink vodka with me and sing! He not want to drink vodka with me. I tell him, why you not want to drink vodka with me. are you not my friend. he say i should not shout. he calls for flight girl.

Flight girl comes and she ask me to keep it down. I say bring me more vodka and let's sing! she not make happy face. I say you not have happy face. you drink vodka with me and sit on my lap and we will sing together russian song. she tell me to be quiet. I'm starting to get upset and want to punch someone in face. but i try to be good man now so do not punch anyone in face.

I say fine and go to toilet. I drink my own vodka there and sing!

after 5 minutes they bang on door. I tell them to enter and sing with me!

is flight girl again with pilot. he not looking happy. I tell him to drink vodka with me and sing. it will make you happy. not hang around with that bitch. she is not happy girl.

He tell me to go to my seat and hand over my vodka! I say friend we share vodka. not necessary to get greedy. and then we can sing together. he say he convicate vodka. I say what? convicate? what's that? He tell me he is taking away my vodka till we land and I am not allowed to drink anymore.

I ask this boy if i am allowed to sing? He say no.

I not like this boy at all. I feel like I want to punch him in the face, but I am good man nowadays. I do not punch in face anymore.

I say ok.

I sit down next to fat men and make music by farting. I had many bad kebabs before i left.

fat man not look happy.

Kebabomatic, you're the best thing to happen to this forum in years, I love your humour keep it up.

Kebabomatic, you're the best thing to happen to this forum in years, I love your humour keep it up.

Emmm.... Tab? He's not joking. Really. Never accuse a Russian of humour. They take it personally. Trust me.

I have arrived in hamburg.

Oh jolly well done my fine old crumb, I'm pleased you've managed to finally arrive. Indeed, as you were saying only just with you're mouth. Travelling Economy, not the way to go. Now, if you'dve travelled either Business or Club like myself why they wouldn't even let you on the plane unless three sheets to the wind before sitting down. It's mandatory. and the felating that goes with it, absolutely top notch.

I tell you, it's like a different world up there.

Not unlike Hamburg, I think you'll find.

You've have to excuse their taste in music but what those people don't know what to do with a pig carcass simply isn't worth not knowing.

D'you know, for example, in Hamburg - instead of sending the under fives off to day care and pre-school - they send them off to state run Abattoirs to learn for themselves how to slaughter and cure their own meat. Usually with their bare little hands. It's true. Every Hambergian can gut and string their own sausage blind fold by the age of 7, usually using someone else's guts but not necessarily. They're a tough and resourcefully breed.

Do make sure to tip generously when eating out and travelling by Taxi. Could be the last thing you never did otherwise.

Very strong in the thighs the Germans. Awful thing to find out in a bad way. Do take particular care.

Oh, and remember. Over there they call Vodka Schnapps. In fact they call all spirits, Schnapps. They insist upon it. It's not terribly wise to argue. As I say, very strong in the thighs. Horrendously so. And proud of it too. Even the men.

Oh, and if your stuck for somewhere to stay for the night and happen to be passing Geldhoffen Straße, pop into the Käfer und Cribbage Spieler beer keller about half way down and say to the white haired man in the trench coat by the bar the following phrase:

Sie mögen mein hübsches Kleid, freundliche Dame?

It's terribly important you don't giggle. If he says "ja, Jungefrau" you're in. If not, he'll probably gut you like a fish so do be prepared to run terribly fast. Very powerful in the thigh is Clause, even for a German.

Good luck. Keep us posted. Toodles.

A ;)

Hello my British friend from land of fish and chips.


hamburg very good city. many kebab places. kebab place is sign of civilisation! kebab invented by great many scientists and inventors.

I am at train station and walk just one street away. I see many lovely ladies on street sidewalk and many stores with many plastic sausages on display and many leather items and metal rings. I think this is good! very civilized. Ladies look very good. lot of makeup and short skirts. and they all talk to me. they can see i am real man. many cheap hotels in street. very good.

I go into bar and order schnapps! Bartender gives me schnapps! I am very happy. german people have big thighs as you said, and also like singing. Songs are weird because german is not a natural language like russian. German has to be forced out of people. Russian flows from mouth like river of pee flow from sausage after drinking all night.

At airport I ask where bus is to city center to german man. He starts coughing and dying. I ask him are you alright? I hit him on back. He keeps coughing but then louder. Police come. I ask pigs why this man is coughing and dying. Police not smiling. the pig says that the man was not coughing and dying. I say he was. he was coughing and face turn all red. Pig says that man was just speaking german, because man not speak english.

They do not look happy. I say german is not natural way to speak like Russian. They want to see passport. I feel like i could punch pig in face. I just arrived in germany and already they want bribe money. I slip 20 euros in passport and hand it over.

He ask me what is this? I say what? This he says pointing at 20 euro. I grab passport from pig and put another 20 euro in it and give back to pig. Pig also looks very red in face. maybe all germans look red in face.

I say, everything alright now yes? Pig takes 40 euro out of passport and gives to me and says something about german pigs being honest. I prepare to be beaten with police sticks by pigs. Is funny they look at passport and give back and tell me to not cause trouble. I wait till they start hitting me with stick but they not hit me.

They point to sign of busstop.

I not understand german pigs. maybe german pigs really rich and 40 euro is nothing to them.

Then I go to center where trainstation is and have a kebab! And then i walk one street from trainstation and I see many lovely ladies on sidewalk.

oh no. I already tell this story to you.

Police not smiling. the pig says that the man was not coughing and dying. I say he was. he was coughing and face turn all red. Pig says that man was just speaking german, because man not speak english.

Y'know, I once had an almost exactly similar experience in Manchester one time. Extraordinary rum-to-do. I was asking this Mancunian chap for directions and, when he replied, I also automatically assumed that some form of medical attention was required.

Lamentably they don't teach the Heimlich Manoeuvre over here, so somewhat unfortunately I was half way through performing a tracheotomy on the poor fellow with my trusty old fountain pen before realising he had actually just being mealy speaking.

I say. Was my face ever red after that, I can tell you!

Not as red as the other chaps, obviously. His was more sort of a bluey-crimson. Probably my fault. I did somewhat nick his carotid artery at the time. Well, I say nicked. Stabbed it, actually. Blood everywhere. Emergency Tracheotomy's. They don't generally teach them over here. Not my forté, must be said. Poor fellow died before the ambulance could arrive, or so I saw on the reconstruction they showed on Crime Watch a couple of months later.

Awful business. Frightful. M'fountain pen's never worked again after that. Still besides m'self over it. Been in the family for generations.... :(

hello my British friend who is friendly and want to help people in land of rising sun and sin,


I am sorry to hear of your loss of pen. Pens are good. Not as good as kebab of course because kebab tastes better.

Not to worry about man not feeling well after you helped him. my grandmother used to say it is the thought that counts. She always wipe broom clean before hitting us with it. she was very considerate.

Ah, dear 'Babomatic. What would I do without you - always there with a considerate thought. You're a tonic.

Extraordinary, really. I had a grandmother, y'know - marvellous woman. A bit butch but she'd give you the blouse off her back if you happened to be the gamekeeper. I never was, obviously. That was the gamekeepers job. Very fierce, territorial sort of chap. Used to urinate quite freely in public. Loved the smell of heather and toilet water. The taste too, by all accounts. Felled trees bare handed. Very gifted with the wood, according to grand-mama. Used to take her up the woods regularly, or so she'd say. For hours and hours and hours and hours at a time.

How she used to love it, out there up against the trees....

Always used to bring a smile to her dear, wrinkled old face that did, recalling her days as a gel.

Tell me old man. In Russia do they sayings such as: "Don't teach you're Grandmother to sucks eggs", that sort of kidney...?