I love lightbulb jokes!
Know any good ones?

I heard a bunch today on NPR, here are a few of them (as I remember them, anyway)...


How many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three- one to change it and two to write a song about it.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nine- one to change it and eight to form a "Survivors of the Darkness" support group.

How many members of the Bush Administration does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nobody needs to change anything! We decided on this light bulb, it was the right choice to make and we are staying the course.

How many gays does it take to change a lightbulb?
The lightbulb shouldn't HAVE to change for society to accept it.

(typo)

Q: How many male chauvinist pigs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Let the bitch cook in the dark.

How many CIA agents does it take to change a lightbulb?
I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

How many boring people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One.

How many lesbians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three- one to change it and two to write a song about it.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Nine- one to change it and eight to form a "Survivors of the Darkness" support group.



You owe me a new keyboard and a can of Pepsi.

How many dumb sciforumers do it take to change a lightbulb?
one_raven.

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement:
Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.
2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self- same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.
NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm".

How many Klan members does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. That's nigger work.

How many Liberals does it take to change a lightbulb?
Where's the environmental impact study?

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two– one to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with clocks

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One– and it's not funny!

How many engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three, one to put it in the socket, and two to argue about which way to rotate it this side of the equator.
Credit to Scott Adams

How many state/city workers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

20. 16 to have a committe on the issues related to screwing in a lightbulb/than the planning and proposed execution date.

One supervisor to oversee the operation. One employee to screw in the lightbulb...an extra employee on hand in case the first one does not show up and one more employee to come along after the bulb has been screwed in to check the results.

how many aggies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

5. one to hold the bulb and 4 to turn the ladder.

How many racists does it take to change a lightbulb?
- Racists have always been in the dark.

How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
- Bill Gates to give the order;
- 3 executives to countersign, lose, copy, redraft and pass on the order;
- a dozen or so middle managers to decide which lightbulb needs changing, and the best time to do it;
- 4 technicians to isolate the affected socket from the mains, set up a ladder, harness, first aid kit, glass breakage kit and other equipment in accordance with the safety laws, then clear it all up afterwards;
- 2 corporate lawyers to advise the executives and middle managers on a possible defence, in case one or more technicians is injured on the job and sues Microsoft;
- 1 more technician to actually climb the ladder and perform the momentous act of unscrewing one bulb, followed by securing a new one in its place;
- untold thousands of software designers, to devise and perfect a new utilities management system which will locate and identify faulty bulbs anywhere in a large office building (whilst surreptituously feeding all lightbulbs an excess of current, to hasten their failure and force the customer into purchasing more bulbs from Bill Gates' new lightbulb manufacturing division..)

Q: How many Christians does it take to change a dead light bulb?

A: None. They wait for three days and it comes back on by itself!

Q: How many technical writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Just one, provided there's a programmer around to explain how to do
it.

Oh how true :D

How many time travellers does it take to change 1000 lightbulbs?

- Just one: he can go back to the same moment 999 times over, and change them all simultaneously.

How many PMT 'ing women does it take to change a lightbulb?

17 . Why? BECAUSE IT JUST FUCKING DOES!!!