Doctor decapitated by elevator doors at Houston hospital. (http://www.chron.com/cs/CDA/ssistory.mpl/metropolitan/2052104)

... ! SCARY DILDOS ! ! ! Carrot sex, Celery fucker, Veggie whore, Cucumber fucker.
Cucumber fucker, Banana banger, Fruit fucker, Food sex. You will be Afraid! ...

:eek:

Dah-ling, (blows smoke from mouth)
Eye -- Eye sah yew -- ovah there -- with... with that foul-mouth wo-mahn...
(blows more smoke from mouth)

Hon-ee -- dah-ling -- mah luv... she -- she means nothing to me! Bah-lieve me!

(Drops cigarette and stamps on it with a dainty designer shoe, red silk, very pretty... such a small foot too...)

YEW KAUNT EXXPECT ME TEW BAH-LIEVE YEW! (Her eye catches a gliter from the over hanging street lamp)

Mah luv -- yew are thee one and only one in mah life! (He gasps)

Yew kaunt exxpect me tew bah-lieve yew! (She suppresses a smile, almost grimacing) Dah-ling -- mah one 'ahn only one!! How... how could yew???

(She pulls out another cigarette and hits it against her wrist -- the tobacco must be quite compact before lighting it. One can sense how excited she is.)

I wahna a drink. Where's the gin?

On the rocks?

Straight.

Oooh!

(She picks up the crystal glass and holds it to the light of the street lamp. It sparkles. She gulps it in one shot.)

Eye sah yew with that... that FOUL BITCH last nite!

(He is speechless)

...

And, and... Oh, Dahral! Come clean with me! She, she is not a she!! She is a HE!!

Mah dah-ling, he, I mean she means nothing to me! Believe me! (He bows his head)

Whaat iz eet?? Her co -- I mean his cock...

Oooh -- you should see it, it's got these nerves that...

DAH-LING -- STOP!!! STOP!!!

Mah luv... (he bows his head -- again)

(She glares at him. Such a whimp. A corporate magnate who sucks dick... how the hell can she compete with that??? She thinks... hard)

Dah-ling... dah-ling... eye -- eye... eye wanna luv yew... yew noe thaht!

Mah-luv... mah -- mah MAH MAH MAH MAH (he transforms into a horrible creature from outer space)

(She grabs her throat and starts to scream)

(He starts to laugh)

(She continues to scream)

(He laughs some more)

(She screams some more)

AAAHHhhhh! Aaahhhhhh! Aaahhhhhh!

(He grabs her by the throat and twists it in a snap. We hear a "snap". Snap)

(He flings her lump body aside. She hits the wall. Plunk. We hear a "plunk".)

"Dear -- dear -- dearprudence!! Where art thou???"

(He advances forth)

(An alluring person steps forward carrying a laptop and wearing head-phones)

Mah monster from outta space!!

(They kiss, the curtain falls, closing credits)

What a dysfunctional thead!

Well -- what do yew expect: I've been drinking beer and ran out so transferred to gin... my head's spinning. must keep my eyes open. AAHhhh!

Originally posted by Dearprudence
Well -- what do yew expect: I've been drinking beer and ran out so transferred to gin... my head's spinning. must keep my eyes open. AAHhhh! That would explain your previous post :D

:D

lol Dearprudence. :D