Who got the worst mother of the year award?

Duh, SHAFT, the BADDEST MOTHER


Why couldn't Helen Keller drive a car?


She was a damn WOMAN


Why do Catholic priests have it easier with the vows than Catholic Nuns?


Cause they got the Altar boys!!


Why shouldn't we Americans make war on those damned Canadians, always mocking us?


COme on dude, give em a break, it's hard living in a cold cold igloo


What's the differnce between a gay man and the fridge?

The meat's clean when you take it out of a fridge!


What do you call a gay dinosaur?

A MEGA-SOUR-ASS


What do you call a Lesbian dinosaur?

A LICK-A-LOT-AH-PUSS


What do you call a transvestite cow?

A DAIRY QUEEN


What do you calll nine or more blondes standing in a row?

A WIND TUNNEL

Whay are blonde's ankles never cold?


Their underwear's always around 'em!

How do blonde braincells die?

ALONE!

What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?

PREGNANT


What does a blonde's left leg say to her right leg?

Nothing. Would you speak to a stranger?


Why do blonde's not eat bananas?

They can't find the zipper.


Why do blonde's always get fired by M&M factories?

They throw out too many "W's."

Why don't blondes go to Disneyland?

Because the sign said that "Disneyland Left."

Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?


To see what was on the other side.


Why do blondes like lightning?


Because they think some one is taking their picture.


How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?


Tell her a joke on Wednesday.


You know your a redneck if you tihnk hard when?

You read an Orange Juice Label (it said 'Concentrate')


What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?


Run, she's got a grenade in her hand


How many men does it take to open a can of beer?


None, it should be open by the time she brings it.


What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?


DIVORCED


I married Miss Right, I just didn't know her first name was Always


I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I wouldn't want to
interrupt her.


Why does the bride always wear white?

Cause it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator

Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

Ask your Mom!!!!!!!!

What's the difference between a Southern zoo, and a Northern zoo?


A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the cage, along with a recipe.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?


Nacho Cheese

What do you call Santa's helpers?

Subordinate Clauses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Short Story Joke:

A Woman goes to a doctor complaining about her husband's troublesome impotence.

He prescribes expermental pills that are believed to promote sexual activity in males. He tells her to give him a pill a day.

She returns, stating that the remedy works, but she still wants more sex. So he recommends that she give her husband 2 pills a day instead of 1.

She returns again, and says it worked once more. However, she wants even more sex. So the doctor tells her to try more and more pills until she is satisfied.

A month later a small boy comes to the doctor asking "Did you give my mommy those pills for my dad?"

The doctor says "yes" and the Little boy says, "Well, sir, my dad has fucked my mom to death, my sister is pregnant, my asshole hurts, the dog ran away yelping, and my dad is prowling around the house saying 'Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty'."

Um