Monogamy...

In popular culture this most widely practiced of sexual behaviors is often perceived as boring, unfulfilling or otherwise "blah." Why? India is very sensitive to respecting the practice, to the point where Western encroachment on their rather conservative limits on public expression have had eye-popping results a la Richard Gere.

:eek:

Yet this is the same culture that gave us the Kama Sutra, and is often portrayed as a highly sensual culture in which yoga and a variety of stimulating sensations are applied to the arousal and practice of sexuality. Interestingly, too, their divorce rate is astoundingly low - while ours (in our "sexually liberated" society) is incredibly high.

There are cultural and religious reasons for this, but what about interpersonal ones? Is there something about the relationship between a married Indian couple, and their activities in private quarters that also contributes to the apparent strength of their married bonds?

Having one partner does not mean you have to be bored to tears with your sex life. Also, since sex is used by many primate species including man to establish and maintain relationships, it is clearly a means of strengthening and rejuvinating marital relations - or on the flipside of bringing ruin and heartbreak upon those you might otherwise want to keep around.

It makes a lot of sense psychologically, ecologically (in terms of the health of our populations, our communities, our cultures...)

So why is it something people feel is shameful or at best quaint and old-fashioned?

I find it quite a bit of fun myself. :)


Edit: this is just the first topic. If it's no good, that's alright. I was just giving an example of the kind of thing we can discuss here, and the kinds of information/opinions we can share.

Reasons for monogamy part 3: Or why do some people stay married to the same person all their life.

Love. Habitual Familiarity. Society culture pressure. Habitual Familiarity. Religious pressure. Habitual Familiarity. Children. Habitual Familiarity. Joint debts. Habitual Familiarity. Joint wealth. Habitual Familiarity. Mutual friends. Habitual Familiarity.

Marriage may be hard, but divorce is harder and not always beneficial.

There are of course problems inherent in any cultural practice.

I wasn't saying it's perfect, just challenging the usual perception that it has to be unfulfilling.

The wise man/woman, realizing that his/her sex life is becoming regimented, unsatisfying, etc. will consult research and literature to learn more.

Sex is very important and should be practiced often, as long as it's possible. However, it is not the most important aspect of a long term relationship. You can research all you like, but certain realities catch up with us, sometimes sooner than later.

Many women dry up and experience painful intercourse, mood swings, hot flushes and cramps after reaching menopause, HRT is a dangerous option to alleviate those symptoms but is not recommended for women with history of breast, womb and cervical cancer. Sometimes, there is so much effort required to 'have sex' that it becomes undesirable and it is easier to treat it as an enjoyable, yet distant memoy.

Couples can still enjoy togetherness, companionship and friendship and be happy with all their habitual familiar things that they built up over a lifetime of marriage, it is just a matter of compromise and a change in mind state.

Did you know that one of the places we most often find statistically significant outbreaks of STDs is in retirement communities? Herpes, especially. We've even seen this is nursing homes.

Old folks who are in good health still engage in sex - otherwise how would this happen?

Menopause is a relatively brief period of life. My mother went through it, the symptoms resolve after a year or two (sometimes less, depending.) I haven't asked, but....

Personally I think they are still...well you get the idea. I hope so, I mean you are right it is not the end-all, but there is nothing wrong with it. It's a wonderful thing to share and it may as well be enjoyed as long as possible.

With old age, though, comes a different lifestyle. Retirement means more time spent together, and you've had decades to establish the relationship bonds.

When a couple is young, and especially when both partners work, the mutual satisfaction and rush of endorphines is a wonderful way to get back on track.

It's not the only way, but it's the old-fashioned way. :)

Some people have no arms and learn to write with their feet.

Agreed...I'm probably not talking about the majority.

Basically the issue I was calling into question was the fact that monogamy and the idea of commiting yourself to one person in that respect seems inevitably to invoke some kind of cultural stigma, what generalized street vernacular might call "not cool."

What I am proposing is that what is often said of the practice, that it is the result of religious of family pressure, that it may be a simple matter of "habitual familiarity" as you put it, is simply not entirely true. This criticism is merely the downside, as is the assertion that older women "dry up" and sex inevitably becomes "an enjoyable, yet distant memoy."

To address dryness: reputable gynecologists recommend AstroGlide personal lubricant. It costs about $7 usd over the counter. Ask your pharmacist.

As for getting too old, well you get too old to ride a bike, too, or go mountain climbing, run a marathon, eventually you can hardly even walk anymore, you might go blind, deaf, suffer Alzheimers, etc.

We can discuss geriatric sexuality if you like, that's also a hot topic as 80+ is the fastest growing segment of the population. I have serious doubts that this huge segment of the population is just going to stop having sex, simply because of age, a few wrinkles and a generous variety of prescription medicines in the cupboard. Some will, sure, but then some older folks keep on doing amazingly well up until the end in many areas - even athleticism.

Athletic excellence is probably going to be expressed in different areas like flexibility, balance and control rather than speed or raw power, but I'm not messing with a 90 year-old kung fu master. Would you?

Also, as with any complex skill, sex is not wholly dependent on youth, condition, stamina or strength. These are important factors to be sure, but as in Kung Fu, painting a pretty picture, or with any true art form experience, discipline and skill play an even greater role sometimes.

If a 40 year-old woman can rock you, just imagine what a 70 year-old can do, lacking any of the aforementioned major health conditions.

There are different ways to skin a cat and there are different ways to harness the energy of sex, tantra for example. Ever had tantric sex?

It can blow your mind - that's kind of the point. ;)

Moving on, then. How about the concept of masturbation?

Do you think it's okay/normal?

And within a sexual relationship, i.e. dating or marriage, what do you think - should it continue (assuming it's okay), should it be private, is doing it in front of or even with your partner okay?

My feelings are this: Masturbation is the first and most innocent form of sex. We also tend to get pretty good at it.

In front of a partner/with a partner doesn't hurt, but it's a matter of opinion. If it offends someone, then don't. But say sex is just not possible - have her rub your nipples or something...