Is this normal?

My daughter has just got her first proper Boy Friend, and last night she was kissing him, she is 14 and he is 16yrs old, and he was holding her in ways that frankly i didnt like,

and i had an over whelming urge to kick his head in, and kick him out of the house, is this normal?

also she is babysitting for my friend on saturday and she wants him to go along with her, but i am so affriad, i know 16yr old boys and frankly this boy ahs already admitted to not being a virgin and loosing his verginity at 12yrs old, everytime i see him touch my daughter and even look at her i want to slap his face, i see so many girls who are having babies and all i want to do is protect my daughter from that, she is such a bright thing and she has a lot going for her, i dont want her to do anything stupid with this boy, but i don't like him very much.

is this normal, i feel sick when i see him touch her, (there is nothing sexual about it, that i can tell, but i am so scared)

should i stop her seeing him? should i kick his head in? should i ban him from the house?

My mind say's yes to all three questions but she is such a head stron young girl that i worry that she will go of and meet this boy without me knowing, i know, i know, the chances of this boyfriend being a permanet fixture is rare, but i dont want her to do anything stupid with him before she is ready, and kowing that he lost his virgintity at 12yrs old scares me even more, i did say to him the other night, "be aware, if you did anything with my girl, it is very difficult to stand up in court with your jaw wired up"

i dont want to drive her away but i am affraid he will try somthing with her.

IS FEELING LIKE THIS NORMAL??

 

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As a 14-year-old, I can definitely say this is normal. Every second, I'm either thinking "Thank [something] her parents aren't watching us," or "Thank [something] her dad hasn't threatened to kill me yet." You should get someone trusted thats a mutual friend to talk to her about being careful with him. She definitely needs to know she can fuck up her life really bad, and not just from "Mom" but from someone else. As a teenager, I sometimes(well, most of the time) don't take my parents advise nearly as seriously as I should. Although, I do advise threatening to hurt him, if he tells your daughter that she could end up being really mad at you for being over-protective since she has really good proof, after all threatening to hurt minors doesn't sound too good. Most importantly, you haven't actually said anything about the guy, leading me to believe you don't know him very well either. Don't get me wrong, the fact that he lost his virginity at 12 definitely says SOMETHING about him, but he might be a really nice guy. If he's not the guy you'd like to see your daughter going out with, just tell her that your worried for her. I'd much rather prefer that my parents were looking out for me rather than banning me from doing things.

P.S. I'm a guy; I might be completely wrong on this.

 

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I wanted to select option 1 and 4.. but it's not a multiple choice poll

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As a 14 year old you can say it's definitely normal? :bugeye:

Anyway ... considering your daughter is young and this boy's already done the deed, it's normal yes, for ou to have such a reaction. I would advise against actually kicking his head in or trying to stop her from seeing him.

How about you talk to her sensibly about it? Tell her your concerns, exactly as they are. She'll appreciate you talking to her like an adult, but don't expect her to completely agree with you.

 

Perfectly.
Parents, I've observed, can have varying degrees of protectiveness. Usually it gets easier with age. Think, If your daughter were a bit older, would you be this protective of her ? It's amazing how two years can make a difference in perspective.

I agree with BoH (hey, someone who's started at the same age I did). , The best way is to get to know him better, and to watch out for any rash incidents or clashes of character.

 

LA can i just point out that if you try to interfear in her sex life she will go and have sex just to spite you.

Your better off being surportive of her and giving her a safe enviroment to experiment in when SHE is ready.

That way you can influance her using condoms ect, if you drive her to do it in some back alley the chances of them thinking through protection ect are MUCH lower

 

And if she doesn't interfere she won't have sex? :bugeye: Isn't this a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation?

 

GIVE her a safe environment to experiment in?

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Lord love a duck, I can't wait til you have a daughter.

 

of course because its not her decision as it isnt yours as to when your children become sexually active.

The only thing you can do is TRY to influance HOW they express that. If you give them a safe enviroment to experiment or if you leave them to do it in a risky situation.

If you push them away then you have increase the risk they will either contract an STD or get pregnant because condom use is linked to location. Statistically if a person is drunk and in a car or behind a building they are less likly to use a condom, partually this is due to the lack of power the women MAY feel in those situations.

 

If YOU have taught your daughter what YOU think she should know then why should YOU worry? You should trust your daughters judgments and if you don't then you have failed in bringing her up correctly. She should be able to handle a date if she is taught what she should do already on a date. If you haven't discussed birth control pills or anything else then you shouldn't be that concerned because what you fail to teach her her friends will.

 

Yeah, well, its American tradition to lose your virginity in a car.

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My kids know about sex. They get the physical talk at school, and the emotional/physical talk at home. We gave our son condoms and warned him not to ruin his girlfriends life. I sure as hell didn't provide them a place to experiment.
My daughter will more than likely get the deprovera shot when she gets older. And I will not knowingly provide her a place to experiment.

 

I personally am in favour of the 'place to experiment' school of thought. However, if they're not at the age of consent, -parents- can be jailed. I read of a newspaper article wherein a mother allowed her son to have sex with his girlfriend in her house (I think she was 25, he 16, but I'm not completely sure; was a while ago I read the article). He wasn't at the age of consent, the girlfriend -and- the mother got jail time (though the mother's wasn't for long).

I don't have any kids, but if I did have one below the AoC and they were set on doing the deed, I'd tell them "It's your life; if you do it, be aware that condoms sometimes fail, although perhaps only when not used properly. And if it results in a kid and I can't afford another.. (I don't even know what the procedure is for this). Legally, I can't condone it though."

 

Talk to her. She's 16, not 6, she can use her judgement.

 

I would have to agree, It's perfectly normal, for me if her parents told me not to pull anything I definitely wouldn't start anything unless she did first, however I am dating someone i've known for years and therefore I know there parents well, if you know the boy well enough warn him.

 

It sounds normal on her end and your feeling sound normal on your end. Feelings and not the action.

I mean, for you she is much younger than she is. And she will always feel much younger to you than she really is. At least until she is pushing you around in a wheelchair and spoonfeeding you. Then you may 'catch up' with reality.

 

Agreed.

 

Wow remembering back to my teen days (surprised my memory even works that far back) But I remember being very sexually active and it was very normal, as for your daughter do you even know she is still a virgin? I mean she might tell you that she is or you might assume this but do you really know?

She is 16 and maybe to save face just type her a note and hand it to her and ask her to read it. In the note explain all your concerns in a mature adult manner as if you were talking another adult, but whatever you do, don’t treat her like a child or she will simply shrug you off as being a pesky parent and do it in spite. At 16 most girls and boys know the birds and the bees so don’t be worried about what you say or how you say it just be honest. Once you say your peace leave it at that and don’t make an issue of it.

As for a safe place for teens to practice sex, well parents don’t even have to concern themselves with this as I remember when I was a teen we were always making arraignments with other friends to use their house or even the girls house after school before parents got home from work.

Regardless if a kid is going to have sex they are going to have sex with or without your knowledge or permission or you allowing them a place to do it, but I do suggest if you live in the USA you should never confess to giving them a place to have sex or even telling your daughter it is ok to practice at home as you could be charges with several crimes not including the corruption of a minor, and sexual exploitation as the police don’t see grey there, only black and white.

 

I think a few of you need to re-read Luci's post. Her daughter is 14.

 

As Orleander pointed out, she's 14 (it's her boyfriend who's 16), but I wholeheartedly agree with the note idea. The problem with discussions is that things can get emotional before you're able to say everything you want to say. While it's true that she might get so emotional that she might not want to finish the note, I think it's much easier to bear through a note then a speech.

Yep, I agree with this. Basically, I'd explain exactly this point to my kid, but I'd want to make it clear that I wouldn't go ballistic if I 'caught them in the act', although I think by law I would have to stop it from continuing. As someone said, better in a house then in some alley or car. And I'd definitely ask if protection was used.

 

Give her some condoms. If they want to do it, you cannot stop them.