I Finally Found a Worthwhile Religion!

http://www-2.cs.cmu.edu/~tilt/principia/body.html

Well im converting: Hail Discordia!

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Edit: I found a better edition (with pictures

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): http://www.principiadiscordia.com/index.html

 

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I've converted. And I'm not kidding.

Grand Old Discordja!

 

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I am now a Priest

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All I can say is, good thing I took the easy way in

 

Woo Hoo!

Ive made a convert.

And remember everybody: King Kong died for your sins!

 

I'm tired right now, but rest assuerd, I am DEFINATELY coming back to read this.

 

"There is serenity in
Chaos. Seek ye the
Eye of the Hurricane."
-Principia Discordia

All Hail Discordia!

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Discordian Catmas

Think For Yourself.

Convictions Cause Convicts.

The Conclusion You Jump To May Be Your Own.

The Pun is Mightier then the Sword.

Truth: If its not one thing its another.

Reality: It all depends on how you look at it.

The Enlightened take things Lightly.

No Two Equals are the Same.

Tis an ill wind that blows no minds.

Is the thought of a Unicorn a Real Thought?

Curb Your Dogma.

"In conclusion, there is no conclusion. Things will go on as
they always have, getting weirder all the time. Hail Eris. All
hail Discordia. Fnord?" -Robert Anton Wilson

 

An Erisian Hymn
by Rev. Dr. Mungojerry Grindlebone, KOB
Episkopos, THE RAYVILLE APPLE PANTHERS

Onwards Christian Soldiers,
Onwards Buddhist Priests.
Onward, Fruits of Islam,
Fight till you're deceased.
Fight your little battles.
Join in thickest fray;
For the Greater Glory,
of Dis-cord-i-a.
Yah, yah, yah,
Yah, yah, yah, yah.
Blfffffffffffft!

 

for all those who wish to join:

Application For Membership
In the Erisian movement of the DISCORDIAN SOCIETY

1. Today's date Yesterday's Date

2. Purpose of this application: --membership in : a. Legion of Dynamic
Discord b. POEE c. Bavarian Illuminati d. All of the Above e. None of
the Above f. Other-- BE SPECIFIC!

3. Name_________________________ Holy Name________________

Address_____________________________________________________________
(If temporary, also give an address from which mail can be forwarded)

4. Description: Born: []Yes []No Eyes:[]2 []other Height:

..... fl. oz. Last time you had a haircut: Reason:

Race: []horse []human I.Q.: 150-200 200-250 250-300 over 300

5. History: Education - highest grade completed 1 2 3 4 5 6 over 6th
Professional: On another ream of paper list every job since 1937 from
which you have been fired. Medical: On a separate sheet labeled
"confidential" list all major psychic psychotic episodes experienced
within the last 24 hours.

6. Sneaky Questions to establish personality traits
I would rather a. live in an outhouse b. play in a rock group c. eat
caterpillars. I wear obscene tattoos because ..........
I have ceased raping little children []yes []no -- reason ..........

7. Self Portrait


WARNING: Please do not use this document as toilet tissue.

 

World Council of Churches Boutique

NOTE TO POEE PRIESTS:

The Polyfather wishes to remind all Erisians
the POEE was concieved not as a commercial
enterprise, and that you are requested to
keep your cool when seeking funds for POEE
Cabals or when spreading the POEE word
via the marketplace.
____________________

May your day be filled with
blessings from Eris.

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EvilPoet

 

What Would Eris Do?

Eris would pretend to be asleep but really be watching through barely open eyes.

Eris would spin around until she fell over.

Eris would tell stories with uncertain morals that would make everybody listening feel oddly violated.

Eris would toss a small sponge against a wall but make it rebound forcefully.

Eris would spend the afternoon on the balcony, pitching cheese puffs at passers-by.

Eris would point and laugh at you.

Eris would lean backwards so far in her chair that you'd be sure she would fall, but she probably won't.

Eris would climb up a tree and yell 'Sausage!' repeatedly.

Eris would invent a holiday and sell it to the greeting card industry for cash money.

Eris would choose a double major in spontaneous combustion and finger painting.

Eris would put secret messages in tubes of toothpaste, where only the pathologically frugal would find them.

Eris would redirect hyperlinks on the homepages of devout southern baptists to point at celebrity nudes.

link: http://www.cobal.org/darkfox/cabdisco/newcabdisco.htm

Hail Eris!

 

A Zen Story

Dreaming

The great Taoist master Chuang Tzu once dreamt that he
was a butterfly fluttering here and there. In the dream he
had no awareness of his individuality as a person. He was
only a butterfly. Suddenly, he awoke and found himself laying
there, a person once again. But then he thought to himself,
"Was I before a man who dreamt about being a butterfly, or
am I now a butterfly who dreams about being a man?"

"I tell you: one must still have chaos in one,
to give birth to a dancing star." -Nietzsche

 

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"Is there a God? Who knows?
Is there an angry unicorn on the dark
side of the moon?" -Unknown

The Art of Discord

 

Fleertup the Happy Pig: A Discordian Fable

Fleertup the Happy Pig was walking home from the market.
"I have rasins, and carrots, and green beans, and black beans! I also have cleaning supplies, like ScotchBrite Pads, to make my pans shiny! Oh, I am a happy pig! I have ammonia, and benzene, and sulfuric acid, and plutonium and a NEW BOX of Crayons!"

He was truly a happy pig. So happy was he, that he decided that right after dinner, he would clean the WHOLE kitchen, and make everything neat and orderly.

"Order is good!", Fleertup thought happily. "With order I can find things, and nothing is sticky in the morning!"

Yes, Fleertup thought order was good, and he kept thinking it all the way home. This allowed him too make an instant evaluation of his home when he got there. His happy little orderly home had been ransacked by a mob searching for Elvis, and everything was very disorderly.

"BAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDD!" Wailed Fleertup. "OHMYOHMYOHMYOHMY!" Cried Fleertup. "What ever shall I do?" blubbered Fleertup. Just than a Beautiful woman appeared in front of Fleertup. She had most Beautiful eyes, a brilliant smile, and held an apple in her hand.

"Who are You???" Sobbed Fleertup, still thinking "ordergoodwreckedhousebad".

"Oh, just a passerby. I saw what the mob did to your home, and I am here to tell you, don't bother cleaning it up. Build a new house, over there a bit, and make it out of something stronger. Try wood."

"But my things, my pots and pans..." Fleertup complained.

"I'll help you get them over to your new place." The Beautiful woman said, and with that she threw the apple into the wrecked home. It bounced around wrecking more things, but kicking Fleertup's cookery and other kitchen goodies into a pile at his feet.

"MY! That's amazing!" Fleertup shook his head in wonder.

The Beautiful woman smiled at Fleertup. "Tell me something I don't already know. I must go now, I have a party to attend."

Fleertup waved happily at her as she faded from view, then went into the forest and gather wood, which he stacked and daubed mud on to make a fine home. It was late when he finished, so he built a fire and cooked his vegetables, and ate them, and then shined all his pots, and went to bed.

The next day, Fleertup went to the store again. Coming home he chattered excitedly about his new possesions, to no one in particular.

"I have some paper for my crayons, and some cleaning brushes, and some comix about a small grey aardvark! I am so happy! I like my new home! I wonder when that woman will appear again? When I get home I shall make my lunch, and then tidy up, because tidiness is neat!"

He continued to think "Neat tidiness, tidy neatness, Neat Neatness, tidy tidiness..."

When he got home, though, his state of mind was again phase reversed. Another mob had run over his home, on their way to the Elvis concert.

"DOUBLE-PLUS-NOT-NEAT!!!!" Screeched Fleertup the recently not so happy. "OHMYOHMYOHMY!" sobbed Fleertup. Two homes in two days. What would he ever do?

Just then, the Beautiful woman appeared again, in a spiffy tennis outfit. She was bouncing her apple on the racket. "Hello, again. I was passing by again, when I saw the wreck. Why don't you build a new house, over the other way a bit. Make it out of bricks and mortar. I'm off to the courts."

"Oh! O.K." Fleertup waved again as she faded, and then got to work. First he made some brick forms, and a huge fire to kiln the bricks in. When he had made enough of them, he dug into the earth until he found the calcium carbonate that he needed, along with more clay and sand. Kilning the calcium carbonate to make lime, he mixed them together to make cement. Then he built his new home, carefully lining up the bricks to make neat rows, staggering each subsequent row, because it looked nice. He finshed with the chimney.

He moved all of his things into the new house, made a meal, played with his crayons and paper, and read about the aardvark until he got sleepy, then went to bed.

The next day, Fleertup the happy Pig awoke from his nap to a thumping sound outside his nice new home. He looked out the double-paned insulated glass windows that he had made early that morning, to see thousands of drunken men in white suits with large collars, stumbling around, and occassionally running into the house. They bounced off.

"Oh, goody, no-one is wrecking my home and making it disorderly!"

Just then, there was a glow in his peripheral vision, and Fleertup turned to see that The Beautful woman had come back.

"Oh, hello, Beautiful Woman! No one has wrecked my nice new home, everything is nice and orderly!"

"No, no it's not." She smiled. She ran her finger across one of the table, picking up a few grains of dust. She showed it to Fleertup.

"Even when you clean and clean and clean, the dust will come back. Even when you clean up some dust, when you shake out the rags outside, the dust goes into the air and some goes onto your clothes, to be carried back inside. Even when you shine you pots, the dirt mixes with the water and cleanser to make something even more chaotic than before. Every act of putting things in order leaves a little trail of disorder behind it."

Her Eyes shined. "And it's all because of me!"

Fleertup, being the order seeking pig he was, couldn't take this anymore. His little mind snapped, and he ran to the kitchen to shine the pots. He shined and shined, until eventually, he wore the pots away to nothing. Then he started washing his hands...

Hail Eris!

 

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Zarathud's Enlightenment

Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and
took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his
followers.
One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and
there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She was contentedly
grazing.
"Tell me, you dumb beast." demanded the Priest in his
commanding voice, "why don't you do something worthwhile.
What is your Purpose in Life, anyway?"
Munching the tasty grass, The Sacred Chao replied "MU"*.
Upon hearing this, absolutely nobody was enlightened. Primarily
because nobody could understand Chinese.

*"MU" is the Chinese ideogram for NO-THING

"All statements are true in some sense, false in some
sense, meaningless in some sense, true and false in some sense,
true and meaningless in some sense, false and meaningless in
some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some sense.
-A public service clarification by the Sri Syadasti School
of Spiritual Wisdom, Wilmette."


May your week be filled with many blessings
from Eris. Hail Eris! All Hail Discordia!

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EvilPoet

 

this is cool

 

Avatar, join us

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