How to avoid get married with an APD person?

Hello
As the title of a knowed book says: Snakes in Suits, Antisocial Personality persons carefully 'creates' a character, as actors do, in order to capture their preys. All respond to their Predatory nature.
I guess sometimes there could not be a way to unmask the monster before marriage; depending on the fine skills, IQ, of the psico, innate and/or learned [i.e. a phd lawyer, a professional actor, a psychiatrist...], and in the other hand on the sharp sensitivity of his victim.

Exist any link between genius and Antisocial Personality Disorder?
There are well-knowed cases of high IQ APD persons?
All APD persons (3% of male population) are doomed to singleness? Any farmacologycal treatment could help them?

 

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Just whant to tell you that its ASPD not APD....
APD is Auditive Processive Disorder

Hence wen i saw your headline i thought...how come someone specificly would like to avoid an APD person as wife or husband....
and why would they need help in avoiding them....hence they would be pretty obvious...lol.

 

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By definition, if someone is antisocial they have a much less chance of finding someone to marry. But maybe you are thinking of sociopaths? They do have a personality disorder, but may not be antisocial. Either way, if you get close to one, you are going to be in a world of hurts before you get out of the relationship. I think everybody looking for a relationship should read a book or two about what to look for, before you get to deeply involved. A little knowledge can make a big difference to the rest of your life.

 

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My second husband was a sociopath. To say you will be in a world of hurt before you get out of the relationship is an understatement.

 

How far into the relationship were you, before you discovered you were married to a sociopath? The reason I ask, is if you are not aware of personality disorders it will usually take years before it sinks in that it not going to ever get better unless you get out.

 

I haven't hired anyone to shoot him, that's my official story and I am sticking to it. But he has met his match. I am not the first woman he got his clutches into and haven't been the last. But his most recent ex did the smart thing and contacted me and helped me retrieve my son who he had kidnapped to Pakistan. She is quite spunky for a Pakistani woman. She even smashed the windshield out of his car while he was in it. I don't know how effective it was in achieving any long term damage to him but I know it must have made her feel good and while American women may not see that as a huge accomplishment, for a woman in Pakistan to realistically be risking her life to stand up to him is freaking amazing and I will forever be in debt to her.

Other than that, I have made it terribly difficult for him to conduct business in Pakistan or to return the the USA. I am working on making it difficult for him to find his next victim, but finding ways to work within legal bounds is not easy. Not impossible either.

 

I had actually already separated from him before I learned about sociopathy. But I learned about it during our divorce hearing. However I was unsuccessful at convincing the judge to have him evaluated. Also failed to convince the judge that he was a flight risk if he got unsupervised visitation with our son. Now the judge has issued a formal apology to me for not listening to me and issued a warrant for his arrest. I have since moved to a state that allows parental rights to be revoked in cases of parental abduction. The state where our divorce was handled never revokes parental rights except in cases of child abuse or incarceration. While estrangement of a child from the other parent is considered abuse in that state, he didn't kidnap him until I moved to where I am now.

 

All these terms (and the related disorders) have been invented by a bunch of crooks, and have absolutely no objective or scientific basis. Actually, they don't even have clear, exact definitions.

Besides, you're using the terms in the wrong sense. Antisocial individuals, simply do not like people. Which has absolutely nothing to do with false characters, "snake in suites" and the like.

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Using that kind of logic, we could conclude that most business owners are sociopaths.

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The same would hold true for those who don't like high taxes.

 

No, even shrewd business men would not likely throw their own mother under a bus. They may not care much for most people they interact with but they don't lack the ability to empathize all together.

My ex-husband has several children all around the world. I know of one daughter in Sweden, my son here in USA, and 2 boys and 2 girls in Pakistan. he shows no concern for any of them but mine. The ones in Pakistan are nothing more than a burden to him. he even divorced his most recent wife because she became pregnant. He doesn't accuse her of cheating and acknowledges that the children are his but he does not want them and says she tricked him and forced the kids on him when he told her he didn't want any. But I remember his ways. He doesn't take no for an answer in regards to sex and he does know how babies are made. He doesn't care much for the Swedish daughter, he did pursue her for some time until our son was born. He only pursued his Swedish daughter because she held European citizenship and he wanted that. Once my son was born he was no longer interested in his Swedish daughter and focused on my son who, not only was American but male. Being the legal father to my son is the crux of his citizenship. He uses my son as justification to maintain his legal status in the USA. When he took our son to Pakistan he never spent any time with him. For a long time he just took him to Pakistan and dropped him off to his new wife while returning to USA himself to live.

So as you can see he has no empathy even for his own son or any of his other children. This is the difference between a sociopath and just your run of the mill unscrupulous business man.

He probably has children in UK, Australia, and UAE based on his travel habits. He has also targeted Canada.

 

I am some what knowlegdeable with In the basic ranges og psykology, and I'm 100% in agreement with your words.
The OP and the tale of the Pakistan man, and the sub answers to the topic are mixing a wide range of disorders together
And using them in a wrong understanding.

I'd say your talking about ppl who are borderline and psykopaths
And that with in a very loose definition of these diagnoses.

On the "child obduction" topic:
Thoug he has done something that goes beyond what western society considers "good"
This Dosnt classify him as having any form of disorder.
Rather is he doing what his cultural heritage and social norms consive as normal.
I understand and agree what he did is wrong, but that's be course of my social norms And culture that this
Is my belief. Had I lived in say Iran, I'd prolly be on his side.

 

His behavior isn't even socially acceptable in his own family. His brothers told me that he is crazy, stupid, selfish, etc. His sister describes him as "only caring for himself". They all dislike him and it was his own father that ultimately retrieved my son and returned him to me. The fbi suggested to me that they were going to investigate any of his relatives who were legally residing in the USA starting with his sister and if they so much as met him at the airport to say goodbye as he left the country they would get them for conspiracy to commit kidnapping. and that would lead to their entire family being deported. I warned my ex of this thinking maybe he cared for the welfare of his sister and would comply with returning my son but he said he didn't care, that I was never going to see my son again. I forwarded that email from him to his own father who was outraged that he would throw his own sister under the bus. Apparently no one in his family knew that I did not willfully give up my son.

Now ex's mother did come from a small village before she was married and exhibits symptoms of bipolar disorder as well as paranoid schizophrenia, she believed I had jinns attacking her and even saw one of the supposed jinns. My ex was always her favored child out of 6. It is possible that he already had the disposition to be a sociopath but since she treated him as if the world revolved around him she reinforced his biological instincts to survive at all costs. I imagine anyone can become a sociopath if our parents don't teach us to care about others. caring for others is learned to a certain degree but it must be learned at an early stage in life or you miss that window of opportunity.

 

You aren't the one that lived with that jerk, so I don't value what you say as much as what seagypsy says about him. I will admit that some societies make it much easier to be a sociopath and get away with bad treatment of their own family members, but I'm sorry a sociopath is a sociopath in any culture.

 

abandoning your children is not within the social norms of Pakistani culture. He abducted then immediately abandoned him in Pakistan. Not to mention all his other children that he has abandoned. Normally Pakistani fathers are very involved with their children and take a lot of pride in them. It is normal for divorced mothers there to abandon their kids and forget them because a divorced woman with children will never be able to remarry. Men don't take on step children there. It was against his cultural norm to marry me even. Because I had 3 children from a previous marriage. he even legally adopted them. That is not only against their norms but against their religion. Islam does not allow adopting of orphans to the degree that they lose name of their natural father. And that is exactly what he did, he changed their names and even had birth certificates made in Pakistan claiming that he was the natural father of them all. Because it suited his purpose. He did not tell the Pakistani officials that he adopted the children. He lied and told them that he was the natural father and that he had been with me in America all that time. When they asked about the discrepancy in wedding date verses the birth dates of the children he told them that we had a strictly Islamic wedding and that the American government did not recognize the wedding because we didn't register it. They accepted the lies because it is common for Muslims to get married outside the western system especially if they take more than one wife which is what would have been required for him to have been married to me before my kids were born.

 

From what you are saying here I see narcissism coming into the picture and unlike sociopathy, which you are born that way. Narcissism is more a learned behavior. When a sociopath picks up narcissistic values, things can really get much worse.

 

Very possible. In regards to the OP. I think the only way to avoid getting married to a sociopath is to check references. Find out what you can about a person's past before you marry them. If you are never able to communicate with past partners and find out their side of the story don't take your potential mate's claims for absolute truth. Examine how they interact with exes. Also pay attention to how they describe their exes. If they claim that everyone they have been with had some mental disorder or something it is likely they are trying to discredit that past partner just in case you ever meet them. In my case, he told me his first Pakistani marriage was arranged and forced on him and that the girl's family used witchcraft and that she was crazy. He said his Swedish ex wife was bipolar. He then told the judge that I too was bipolar and during hte course of our marriage even convinced me that I was. I was later told by my psychiatrist that I exhibit no signs bipolar disorder but that I was suffering from anxiety and depression, understandable after what I had been through with my ex. Now he tells me that his most recent ex was crazy as well, not knowing that I have already been in contact with her and that she helped me locate him.

Another way to be is to consider your own personal circumstances. Don't delude yourself into thinking you are such a great catch. Sociopaths do not target emotionally healthy well adjusted people when it comes to marriage. They seek out emotionally week, vulnerable, lonely desperate types. I was extremely lonely and had many circumstances in my life that would scare most normal men away. I was socially awkward because the first husband didn't really allow me to develop friendships outside the marriage. Not even with women. He also didn't allow me to interact with white people at all, he wouldn't even let me watch Drew Carry. I was out of touch with fashion, nearly anorexic, and was in such a state of depression that it is a miracle no one took my kids because I slept all day and then spent my waking hours chatting online with anyone that would tolerate me.

Then this man who seemed to come from a reasonably well to do middle class family, with the ability to travel, relatively good looking, college educated, saw me as a catch? That should have been my first warning sign. I had converted to Islam before meeting him and not a single Muslim man from any country in our local community saw me as a prize to be had. The only thing I had in my favor was US citizenship and a pending disability claim which he was aware of. That should have been a sign that he was preying on the weak. But I was too lonely to allow myself to see it.

If you are not emotionally well, and someone thinks you are a catch... don't fall for it. No one is a catch when they are an emotional mess. They are a liability before anything else.

 

No i aint the one who lived with him (think my wife would be rahter mad if i found a man...)

But the OP topic was ASPD
Your post (a very intresting one indeed!) has nothing to do with this....

The point with my answer was simply to say that the diagnosis your putting on your Ex, is faulty in some ways...
your interferring concepts with one another that arnt related into some that are.

Some of your husbands actions can be atributed to culture
some of your husbands actions seems like some sort of emotional disorder wich can be a wide range of things.
But that still dosnt make him a sociopath by default....

There are MANY diagnosis that can be consistent with that behaviour thats ALL im saying.

Your listing sympthoms not a diagnosis.

 

First it isn't killjoyklown's ex it is mine. And there are far more symptoms than the ones I listed here. I doubt that anyone wants a full life story of me or the ex. You cannot refute my claims that he is a sociopath. I did not attribute the term lightly nor based on any one example of his behavior. I clearly determined that he was a sociopath well before he abducted my son. The subtle clues to his sociopathy are countless in number and impossible for me to list on a forum. Considering I am the only person in this thread who knew my ex first hand I am the most qualified to make the determination if he is a sociopath. However I do know other people that know him personally that agree with my assessment, such as his Swedish exwife, his most recent ex wife and his first Pakistani wife. His first wife, btw, has a masters degree in psychology now.

My current husband, has indirectly observed his behavior, reading emails I have gotten from him, transcripts of msn conversations from years ago that I presented in court, and seeing remarks and websites he posts publicly online. He presents himself to be an altruistic person striving for the wellbeing of all of society, while in reallity he has never done a single thing to help anyone but himself. He even misled a gay man who had a crush on him into thinking he may be gay because the gay man he was misleading was giving him money. His last move was to accept 5000 swedish kroner from him then left the country to avoid paying it back.