I apologize for everthing nasty ive said about God. I just looked at everthing from his point of view he has it pretty rough.

He knows EVERYTHING that means hes just as much a prisoner of fate as we seem to be. And he has the further disadvantage of knowing what it will all be so there are no suprises. Here he hasthis universe and infinite power but nothing to do with it. And he has to deal with it for eternity. Can you imagine how boring that would be having infinite power and knowledge and be immortal too. No challenges, no suprises, and you cant even die when you get sick of it.

I suggest that we all get together and buy god a nice present to help cheer him up. If every member of sciforums chipped in a dollar im sure we could find something he'd like.

If you're interested e-mail your credit card number to me at lord_albatross@yahoo.com or send cash to Albatross City 3rd nest on the right.

If you have any gifth ideas post them here.

You're right being immortal and omnipotent would suck. Therefore we can conclude that any immortal, omnipotent, omniscient guy would limit his powers and knowledge. Therefore there can be no God. Please shut this forum down.

"You're right being immortal and omnipotent would suck."
So God sucks
So does Monica Lewinsky
Therefore, Monica L is God!

Q.E.D!

If you have any gifth ideas post them here.

How about Cat Bells. Then we'll always know where God is without always having to look for Him.


http://www.petsmart.com/images/product/large/inP008184.jpg

I thought Q was God?

(Sorry, nerdy joke)

I thought Q was God?

Nope. Just his evil twin brother.

I'm trying to get Beelzebub reinstated. He was simply misguided by the Q.

;)

Originally posted by Xev
"You're right being immortal and omnipotent would suck."
So God sucks
So does Monica Lewinsky
Therefore, Monica L is God!


So God has a fetish for cigars?
I would think that God would have a better dry-cleaner though.


I like the cat-bell idea... how about an "I'm with stupid" tee-shirt?

~Raithere

Well, if Monica L is God, then some dry-cleaners coupons would be a good gift!

What about an American Athiests t-shirt? :p

Q:
Nope. Just his evil twin brother.

You are way cuter than Yahweh, Q.

*The above post was brought to you by Xev and nine cups of coffee*

Hey, cant we just get him one of those cool old guayabera shirts. You know, the shirts from mexico with the four pockets and buttons...stylish.

I can just see him now...

Problem is, it's going to be hard to make it a surprise... I'm afraid he'll find out ahead of time. :(

What god really needs is others of his kind to chat with and have fun with for eternity. Polytheistic religions make more sense, it's more plausible that gods would not actually commit suicide if they at least have some entertaining fellow gods around. You'd think they'd still get bored with each other after a few billion years, but maybe gods have infinitely interesting personalities.

:eek:: Looking at skies waiting for lightining bolt to strike.

But so your not lonely when it does, we could sacrifice some Soy Bean Lamb substitute. And get him a Hackie Sack too.

I decided to follow this monica connection a bit farther here goes:

Monica gave clinton a blow job
Monica is God
God gave Clinton a blowjob

Does this make clinton the second comming?
Im Sure Hes at least a saint.

Either way lets name a cathedral after him I think St. Willy's has a nice ring to it everyone agree?

Mabey we could get a him a CD anyone know what kind of music he listens too?

Enya, I deffinetley feel he's into "New Age" music. Maybe we should ask Banshee for some ideas:D .

Oh yeah and some Raybans too, :cool: . Deffinetley. Omnipotent beings need there shades.

Neutrino_Albatross,

I honestly already though about what you are saying here. Yes, I already though He would be bored. But I changed my mind sometime ago... He wouldn't be bored... For those reasons:


He has too much work to be done here
He can create whatever He wishes
He has human friends
Some people, and many will be, evoluting to be like Him.


Love,
Nelson

Truthseeker,

Sorry but there are a couple of flaws in your arguement:

He has too much work to be done here

But with infinte power it can be done instntly with no effort and no challenge.

He can create whatever He wishes

I'd say the novelty of infinite power would wear off after a billion years or so.

He has human friends

Have you ever been frineds with a puppet? (after kindergarden that is)

Some people, and many will be, evoluting to be like Him.

Huh?

Neutrino_Albatross,

But with infinte power it can be done instntly with no effort and no challenge.

We have free will... we can destroy the world if we want...

I'd say the novelty of infinite power would wear off after a billion years or so.

Imagination is limited by knowledge. As He is omniscient, He can create things that you don't even imagine. If knowledge is infinite, imagination and ability to create are also infinite.

Have you ever been frineds with a puppet? (after kindergarden that is)

We have free will... free will means conscience. He knows our minds and Hearts but He can't control them. We do that...

Huh?

Read the Bible. Only the first chapters of the Genesis can already answer your question...

Love,
Nelson

Im afraid if he's omnicent thant he knows everything that is going to happen including what we will do. Very little room for free will then.

If god is all knowing and all powerful there is no challenge no suprise in anything. True he could create anything but what's the point when he already has infinite power? He controls everthing in the universe wwith no oposition that he himself didn't create for his own purposes. I think that god's existance would be alot like playing chess with yourself for eternity. (Try it some time and see if you get bored or not)

And the Devil? Where's the Devil in the story...?

Problem is, it's going to be hard to make it a surprise... I'm afraid he'll find out ahead of time.

So we don't have to wrap it? It also makes it really hard to do a re-gift.
Since he already knows what we are going to give him, why don't we ask him to tell us? Or would that create a kind of kill your grandfather paradox?

Does this make clinton the second comming?
Im Sure Hes at least a saint.

Yeah! All hail Clinton the Messiah! Hall-eh-lujah!

Nelson:

Good question! The Devil gets a stuffed Linux penguin, since we all know that M$ is evil!

Nahhhhh... better buy him sex toys...

Satan? You know I think he likes chocolate chip cookies. And think about it, cult members do bake a mean plate of chocolate chip cookies :D .

"Free Will" always makes me laugh...

I think the devil would like a nice baking cook book. Maybe he might want a set of Legos instead.

How about the "Black Beard's Gallion" he probably is into pirates and Jolley Rogering. Then we could get God Playmobil, just to be fair.

I think we should get God the sex toys since he's monica he'd get good use out of them.

I'm with Neutrino here.

Edit to add: Monica L must be the God of the Bible!

Checkidout!

David buys a wife with the foreskins of 200 Philestines. Joshua

Joshua 5:2
At that time the LORD said unto Joshua, Make thee sharp knives, and circumcise again the children of Israel the second time.

Circumcises the children of Isreal a second time.

And then names a hill after it:

Joshua 5:3
And Joshua made him sharp knives, and circumcised the children of Israel at the hill of the foreskins.

Damn, the Bible is one weird book!

And God almost slays somone or other (look, they don't teach this in Sunday School - I forgot who) for not circumsizing a son.

So, God is very interested in foreskins. Now, who but Monica L would have such an obsession?

QED!

I think I just proved the existance of God....:bugeye:

God doesn't want Lego...

I was talking about the Devil wanting Legos...not God.
The Devil is a Lego maniac...

You do realize the absurdity (in every sense of the word!) of discussing what to buy mythical figures? :p

That in mind, I propose that we buy the Devil a Hawaiiarific shirt!

Nothing at all wrong with Hawaiian shirts...

I GOT IT! An easy bake oven for one, Play Doh for the other.

Nonono, you've got it all wrong! God wants the legos. With infinite imagination I'm sure he could think of a million things to do with legos!

And Satan, instead of cookies, we should get satan one of those Austin Powers rotating beds like he had on his jumbo jet.

No, Satan needs a collection of Pacino movies.

I think we should get the Devil a gag gift (no reference to Monica intended). He's a mean SOB right?

How about ice skates... or a sweater.


More ideas for God's gift:

How about the proverbial "immovable object"(tm)?
or
"The rock so heavy even 'he' can't lift it"(tm)?

~Raithere

OH no! What if god actually made <b>us</b> out of legos?

And god has already seen all the Pacino movies, he's omnipotent.

Poor guy!!!!
No piont getting him a whore then is there!!
Teehee

Inka, I'm shocked! Go wash your mouth out with soap! :p

What(?!) Who's shocked - not you anyway!!!

Back to the piont> Iyou really wanna piss them both off;
Give Satan a copy of the bible and God a mirror with "Hail Mary" inscribed backwards on it.

What worse pressie could you get than a self praising book by your enemy almighty, and the ability to conjure up your worse nightmare!!

Failing that - my Dad gave me a dancing Santa for xmas thats sad enough to disturb even the most omipresent of deities!!

Love Ink xxx

Give god a CD of the Billy Ray Cyrus song Achey Breaky Heart, with a note saying "This is YOUR fault!"

Give the devil a note telling him about god's gift, I'm sure he'd get a chuckle out of it.

I propose that we buy the Devil a Hawaiiarific shirt!

Yes, Xev, yes!! I'd donate one of my own but at the moment I only have two:( A black one and a brownish one with fish on it. Fish are awsome even though they don't taste good.

Anyway I think we should get god a good internet connection (heaven must be really far away so DSL might work the best, maybe run it through the huble telescope). Then he could tell us what he wants. It's two gifts in....two!

God is very interested in foreskins
THATS IT!!!

If enough of the male members of sciforums were to donate their foreskins we could stitch them together to make God a pair of pants!!!!!!!

We know its something god likes. It costs nothing (which given the rate donations have been coming in that is a BIG plus) And they always say that a self made gift is better. (Although Im not sure exactly who "they" are except i bet they've never gotten a self made gift.)

I propose that we buy the Devil a Hawaiiarific shirt!
I'm not sure if this is a good idea we don't even know if he wears clothes.

I just realized another problem though. How exactly will we get this to god anyone know his adress? I have a couple ideas though:

1. Burn the gift - mabey inanimate objects go to heaven when they "die"

2. Kill a FedEx employe - that will get it to god in 24 hours but will be more expensive

3. Give it to Clinton - as the messiah im sure he knows gods adress.

Originally posted by Adam
Give god a CD of the Billy Ray Cyrus song Achey Breaky Heart, with a note saying "This is YOUR fault!"

Adam, if we gave God "Achey Breaky Heart" and he played it there would be two hells and no heaven.

In fact, that song is pretty good evidence of both God and the Devil. Because only the Devil could have inspired anything so vile and insipid and only a miracle of God kept me from seeking out Billy Ray and clubbing him over the head repeatedly.


BTW I started knitting God a sweater and I don't know what size he is? Do any of you?
I think this is going to take a very, very, very long time to finish.

~Raithere

If enough of the male members of sciforums were to donate their foreskins we could stitch them together to make God a pair of pants!!!!!!!

"Ummmmmmmmmm" is all I have to say.

Raithere:

I think we should get the Devil a gag gift (no reference to Monica intended). He's a mean SOB right?

How about ice skates... or a sweater.

Well, Monica seems to be fairly good at supressing that reflex....

But in Dante's hell, the innermost circle (Caina) is frozen.

And, unless Monica L really is God, God sounds really meaner, all that slaughtering of Philestines and babies...

Monica L is nice though - so maybe she isn't God. Besides, if Monica was God, she would not have required circumcision for reasons that must be obvious...(STOP THAT!)

Sorry. I think Pollux or Adam should help us find the Devil a Hawaiianariffic shirt.

As for God, we ought to get him somthing stylish - for kicks, an American Athiests necklace (http://www.evolvefish.com/fish/new.html)

Heeeehee.

http://www.evolvefish.com/fish/media/P-AANecklaceG.jpg

Oh, I got it. Rocky Horror Picture show for both. Also The Satanist's Bible for God and all the episodes of Martha Stewart Living for Satan.

P.S. Xev, you read the Inferno? One of the most incredible reads ever, I loved it.

Is there anyone, when they look at the AA symbol, who does not think of Atom Ant?
"No God, don't smite us: it says "a theist" not "atheist".

A "Kiss the Cook" apron would be kind of fitting, don't you think?

Maybe a crucifiction of whatever we get him would help. He might think that whatever we crucify is his son and that would really screw things up...

Hawaiineriffic shirts. Well I know a good hippy-ish place in town but none of you except cactus live here so that doesn't help a whole hellofa lot. We have to have a gathering 'at the northeastern tip of the country' and sacrifice a few lambs, a few virgins (keeping in mind that we'll have to save some of their blood for god himself). Sounds like a party to me. Maybe god'll join us!

I love my Hawaiian type shirts. They make me feel that the world isn't so bad after all. *sigh*

Okay, so they look stupid. I don't care. :p

My flatmates from Kentucky.
Whats revelant 'bout the NE tip of country??

KFC?

How about one of these (http://www.mcphee.com/bigindex/current/10746.html) for god, and one of these (http://www.mcphee.com/products/devils/10756.html) for the Devil. Or maybe he would prefer one of these (http://www.mcphee.com/bigindex/current/10698.html) for his "hell mobile" :D :D :D

That Jesus action figure sucks. It doesn't even have any guns. Maybe they could make one that Transforms into a heavily armoured bible-wagon. :p

Whats revelant 'bout the NE tip of country??

Look at a map of the US. Then you'll know what I'm talking about (I don't really live in Kentucky, I've never been there)

Okay, so they look stupid. I don't care

No they don't! I'm wearing one right now!!!

Sorry, I don't see anything particularly interesting there.

(growls)

Seriously, what am I supposed to be seeing there?

I say we go ask Ganesh what to get them both.:D :D :D

Did anyone else see the episode of Conan where he brought on the catholic toys? Those ones where Jesus is playing basketball, hockey, tae-kwon-do, soccer, skiing....

Now THAT was funny religion.

WEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not so sure. It would be good for the devil, but I think God would prefer "angel dust":D

We could just get him all the drugs we could name off from the top of our heads.

Followup to Adam-It's interesting because I LIVE THERE. Plus that machiavellian kid, andy, (oedipus knows what I'm talking about.). Today he said 'peace gets boring.'

If Monica L is god, then shouldn't we give cigars instead?;)

I don't think god needs drugs from everything he does it seems hes on a permenent high.

I think we should we should get him the computer game
Black & White Ive never played it but from what i hear i bet he'd like it. (you get to play god)

Didnt anyone read the news report?

God Diagnosed with Bipolar disorder

NEW HAVEN, CT—In a diagnosis that helps explain the confusing and contradictory aspects of the cosmos that have baffled philosophers, theologians, and other students of the human condition for millennia, God, creator of the universe and longtime deity to billions of followers, was found Monday to suffer from bipolar disorder.


check it out at:

http://www.theonion.com/onion3716/god_diagnosed_bipolar.html
:D

I just decided to take this moment to say that the donations for the Gift to God have reached a grand to total of $0. At this rate we will reach our goal in a infinite number of years.

Keep up the good work!

God dosen't exist, therefore, I am going to use Monopoly money to buy him a nonexistant Porshe!

Lesion:
Cigars! Yes! I think that is it.....and a lifetime supply of pineapple! ;)