From AOC Forums

Posted by "New Ager" at AOC forums.

It's great to read if you've ever played a time-sucking MMO.

As community members, we all enjoy trading ideas and swapping opinions about our favorite game. However, every now and then we all feel the need to serve a fine whine. So we head down to the intimate cellar of our cerebellum. Liberating the bottled libation of lament from the 'whine rack', we hastily jimmy the jeremiad. In doing so, any remote feelings of content we had left are vanquished by the vapors of vexation.


A well written post
Is a sight to behold
But there is nothing quite like
The great whines of old.

A Vintage Gripe squeezed, cannot be ignored
For some stupid reason
It’s repeatedly poured.
From repressed minds onto hapless keyboards.

What more can there be said?
Once your fears are public, and the trolls are fed
Ignorance beckons “Bring out your dead!”
Thus is born another whine thread




Below is a Whine List from your favorite forum vineyards. Squeezed from only the finest 'gripes'.


~ The Whine List ~



~Pinot vs. Pinot FFA Brut~


Sheer arrogance in a bottle. It’s good. And wants to prove it. To everyone, everywhere, every time. (The flavor is very similar to E-Peen Epenots) Goes down smooth with that chip on your shoulder.


~Solo Solutre~


This bottle is best stored alone, away from the others, lest it receives one too many guild invites. Ironically does not mind being stored with other Solos.


~Lore Monger Merlot~


Vacuum sealed self proclaimed protector of protohistory. Its pungent smell grabs you by the nostril hairs and won’t let go. Until you explain every ingame historical relevance in minutia. And if you can’t? God be with you.


~Class Balance de Blanc~


Best stored near a mirror. Even then it will still insist the bottle next to it is overpowered. (Sometimes mistaken for Nerf Bat de Blanc)


~Se Vu Ple DEV!1!1 Perignon~


This bottle is opened while in a kneeling position. With a sanguine gaze skyward. Make sure you have an extra glass for the DEV that never comes. Sugar is added late in the process to help disguise the taste of a needy childhood...


~Chateau Guild de Sucks~


An extremely bitter taste. It has no label, due to its being forcibly removed when the GL typed /kick. It has nothing better to do than speak ill of its roots.


~Quand es BETA? Bellet~


(Also known as Noob Hooch) This bottle has been used to christen the good ship “S.S.-F.A.Q” so many times; alcoholics are content to lick the bow of the boat.


~Goldfarm Putau Jiu~ (made in China)


Before uncorking you should cover your ears. The outcry of the exasperated is beyond deafening. But don’t worry; the constant clicking sound in your ear is just [Buy It Now!] bids on EBay. “I’m rich bee-AH-tch!”


~SWG Sauvignon Blanc~


There is no telling how many subscribers were butt-raped to bring you this heavenly body of fermented hostility. So drink it slow... remember the taste... and then puke back in the bottle. Now hand it to the person next to you.


~WoW Dry~


Just remember, to fill your glass to the rim. Then hold it in contempt. It somehow tastes like every other whine. It is the ‘chicken’ of the gripe world.


~Fini Game Bordeaux~


Liquefied end game blues. Flavor lacks any imagination or creative effort. This beverage is so bored it is compelled out of desperation to ask if you are as well. It is the generally accepted ‘gateway’ libation to Au Revoir Aste Spumante.


~Homme contre La Femme Spatlese~


It is thousands of years of gender wars captured in a blue and pink bottle. Peculiar buzz, like you were witness to a (he vs. her) spitball fight. The walls of your inner-being spackled with useless wet facts on masticated paper. Contains no alcohol. Often used in place of birth control pills.


~E-Peen Epenots~


(Similar in taste to Pinot vs. Pinot FFA) Has a beefy aftertaste of ‘jerk’. This bottle is shaped liked……Well; it is opened by stroking the neck till the cork pops off. Doesn’t care what hell you think. It’s done and needs a nap.



~Rant des Feministes Champagne~


This bottle will vehemently blow open by itself, once it realizes its voluptuous hour-glass shape is barely covered by a skimpy two piece label... (Best served on ice for perky nipple action) teehee XD


~Ile de Quit! Au Revoir Asti Spumante~


At first sip you cannot deny that its subtle sincerity is overpowered by a strong bouquet of ‘pathetic crybaby’. Served at farewell parties where everyone is invited yet no one shows up. (Usually preceded by Fini Game Bordeaux)


~LAGbrusco~


Made in the same vat as (Server la Bye Bye? ) Both use the same ‘gripe’ harvested way too early. Stomped on with dirty feet through a rusty strainer. And poured straight into a glass of “WTF!!” No bottle is needed due to the low ping rate and constant disconnects that prevent fermentation.


~Server la Bye Bye?~


The biggest bottle on the rack. It contains only vapors from the LAGbrusco vat. Replace the cork and open again ad nauseam. Till you find something inside. At least that is what people usually do.



~Ode de Greifer~


Very popular brand at funerals. When one traditionally mourns the loss of all ‘self respect’ with the very loud public eulogy of “I just got pwned!”



~Nerf Bat de Bianco~


A very dry beverage usually used as a chaser, cleansing the sour taste of Ode de Greifer from ones bruised ego. Intoxicating, it fills the consumer with a false sense of ‘the power of change’. Delusional visions of a ‘DEV persona’ persist for days.


~Nerf Bat de Blanc~


Occasionally masquerading as Class Balance de Blanc, once uncorked the air around you is permeated with the aroma of “Where is my ‘I WIN’ button?!?”


~Am Not!! Montagny~


Mainly used as a mouthwash. Rarely swallowed. It is a needless rebuttal liquor. Very weak. So swoosh* swoosh* swoosh* and spit!


~Grammar Nazi Mazis~


Brimming with pretentious color, this beverage has never won any awards. It tries to justify its anemic flavor with clever observation akin to an elementary school grading system. “No gold star for you!”


~Myopia Marsala~


The sweetest whine known to man. It has a beautiful perspective on any subject. Your own.

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and we would care for AOC forums, why exactly?

 

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Just giving credit.

 

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