From a friend........

Lesson In Political Science :


DEMOCRATIC
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICANISM
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot
one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on
the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an
announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized
and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of
beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred
miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per
year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you
really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's
private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find
alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy
weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to
milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's
Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best
accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out of state tell you which
one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.


Yaba Daba! :m:

:D Very nice.

Ah yes, the ever famous "two cows" jokes. Good stuff.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to
milk them.

HAHAHAHAHAH.... I don't get it :confused:

The cows represent money, possesions or habits in societies, businesses, political models or cultures.

Laugh; I did.

The cows represent money, possesions or habits in societies, businesses, political models or cultures.
I thought they represented cows. :confused:

Anyone care to take a stab at the anarchist cow?

Anarchism:

You have a duck ....

Anarchy:
You have a cow. Shoot anyone who tries to take your cow, and eat them and thier cow because there are no laws to stop you from doing so.

That's pretty simplistic, Hapsburg. In fact, perhaps you should understand what Anarchy and Anarchism are in the political contexts.

I might as well protest the capitalist version as inaccurate, replacing it as follows:

Capitalism, American style:

You have two cows,
Your neighbor has a bull.
You lie to the UN and tell them the bull is a terrorist.
You invade your neighbor, steal his bull, build a herd of cattle.
You kill anyone who thinks you're going about it wrong.

And even that's too sophisticated:

Capitalism, American style:

You have two cows,
Your neighbor has a bull.
You kill your neighbor,
Steal the bull,
Then sue to seize the property from your neighbor's children.

Or we could just do it ...

American style:

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has a bull.
You f@ck the cows, decide it is unsatisfactory.
You kill your neighbor, rape his daughter, sell the cows, invest in Microsoft, sue the daughter for slander when she files charges. Since you now own all the cows, you run the little bitch into bankruptcy, rape her again, then sue her again for not saying "Thank you."

Damn it, Hapsburg: no matter how hard I try, I can't be as stupid as your Anarchy post.

Ummm ...

Well, of course it's simplistic, ANARCHY IS SIMPLISTIC, and stupid, for that matter, so of course I'm going to be mocking it.

Communist:

The cows represent money, possesions or habits in societies, businesses, political models or cultures.

I know. But I don't understand what they are saying about Poland?


You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to
milk them.

Are they saying that Poland has no assets? Is this some sort of jest about coal mining?

Fair 'nuff, but I will go so far as to challenge one part: Anarchists themselves are simplistic in this modern era. Anarchy as a simple word is simplistic. Anarchism as a social structure, however, is much more complex than we tend to imagine.

I am, of course, still pleading nicotine fits. It will be a few days, at least.

Are they saying that Poland has no assets? Is this some sort of jest about coal mining?

Perhaps. Maybe it's attacking Health and Safety regs in Poland.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.


In what way? It seems to me that under communism everyone gets a cow.

Nah. Under communism, the government owns all the cows. They may give you the honor of taking care of the cows and doing all the hard work and in exchange they may give you a daily ration of milk.

Under communism, the government owns all the cows What government? The ideology of Marx's communism should lead to the abolishment of government because all inequity has been destroyed.

Communist:

I know. But I don't understand what they are saying about Poland?


Are they saying that Poland has no assets? Is this some sort of jest about coal mining?


i thought it was just a polock joke :bugeye:

What government? The ideology of Marx's communism should lead to the abolishment of government because all inequity has been destroyed.

Huh? No government? Where did you get that idea?

You should read up more on communist theory ...it is NOT based on the ideal of equality. How you got that idea is beyond me ...please explain.

Baron Max

Huh? No government? Where did you get that idea?

You should read up more on communist theory ...it is NOT based on the ideal of equality. How you got that idea is beyond me ...please explain.

Baron Max
Marx's theory is that the government would own all resources, and distribute them evenly to create a classless atmosphere, and that, over time, the government would become unessesary and 'wither away', thus creating an equal and truely classless society.
That was the THEORY. What actually happened was quite different.

From a friend........

Lesson In Political Science :
I jus thought of a new one :D :

WELSH CORPORATION:
You have two bulls.
You trade them in for two female sheep.
You make a herd of sheep people.

:p Crazy welshmen.

Plaid Cymru:
You have two cows who moo in welsh. Therefore you deduce that all cows must speak welsh, and all calves must be taught at secondary school the welsh language, even though it cannot help you get a job. To counter this you make everyone think it is useful so all secondary school pupils are stuck doing a language they dont like, where the teachers are bitchy and of courseit is useless. You wonder why everyone hates you and noone cares about the welsh assemply government, even though it is a quango.

That's pretty simplistic, Hapsburg. In fact, perhaps you should understand what Anarchy and Anarchism are in the political contexts.

I might as well protest the capitalist version as inaccurate, replacing it as follows:

Capitalism, American style:

You have two cows,
Your neighbor has a bull.
You lie to the UN and tell them the bull is a terrorist.
You invade your neighbor, steal his bull, build a herd of cattle.
You kill anyone who thinks you're going about it wrong.

And even that's too sophisticated:

Capitalism, American style:

You have two cows,
Your neighbor has a bull.
You kill your neighbor,
Steal the bull,
Then sue to seize the property from your neighbor's children.

Or we could just do it ...

American style:

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has a bull.
You f@ck the cows, decide it is unsatisfactory.
You kill your neighbor, rape his daughter, sell the cows, invest in Microsoft, sue the daughter for slander when she files charges. Since you now own all the cows, you run the little bitch into bankruptcy, rape her again, then sue her again for not saying "Thank you."

Damn it, Hapsburg: no matter how hard I try, I can't be as stupid as your Anarchy post.

Ummm ...
Hehehehehe...... :D

Fair 'nuff, but I will go so far as to challenge one part: Anarchists themselves are simplistic in this modern era. Anarchy as a simple word is simplistic. Anarchism as a social structure, however, is much more complex than we tend to imagine.
Well said :)
Most people have no idea about the requirements of anarchy.
Still, there are so many different definitions of anarchy those days...

On another note...

Politics are so dry...!
I wish only comedians were allowed to talk about politics... :p

a quango.
A WHAT? :p

Quango : A government organisation that gets lots of funding but doesn't actually do anything, just squanders money on decorating their offices, that kind of thing.

You should read up more on communist theory ...it is NOT based on the ideal of equality. How you got that idea is beyond me ...please explain. Communism refers to a theoretical system of social organization and a political movement based on common ownership of the means of production. As a political movement, communism seeks to establish a classless society. A major force in world politics since the early 20th century, modern communism is generally associated with The Communist Manifesto of Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels, according to which the capitalist profit-based system of private ownership is replaced by a communist society in which the means of production are communally owned. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Communism And from the Communist manifesto itself:In the earlier epochs of history, we find almost everywhere a complicated arrangement of society into various orders, a manifold gradation of social rank. In ancient Rome we have patricians, knights, plebians, slaves; in the Middle Ages, feudal lords, vassals, guild-masters, journeymen, apprentices, serfs; in almost all of these classes, again, subordinate gradations.

The modern bourgeois society that has sprouted from the ruins of feudal society has not done away with class antagonisms. It has but established new classes, new conditions of oppression, new forms of struggle in place of the old ones.
This indicates that communism seeks a classless society.

Classless does not necessarly mean equal. It can though.

Quango : A government organisation that gets lots of funding but doesn't actually do anything, just squanders money on decorating their offices, that kind of thing.

There're government organisations that don't do that? :bugeye:

Not all of these are political, but it seems there is an extended version (http://www.thecapitol.net/Recommended/twocows.htm). E.g:

CONSERVATIVISM: You have two cows. You freeze the milk and embalm the cows.

COMMUNISM -- CHINESE - MAO STYLE: You have two pigs. The government launches a campaign to convince you to donate them "voluntarily" to provide meat for workers in the city. The government then declares that people don't need pigs to make pork. Quoting the correct phrases from your little red book, you and your neighbors try to create pork from sheer willpower. Your local party leader reports that you have exceeded all expectations. Your neighbors starve.

DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. A vote is held, and the cows win.

PACIFISM: You have two cows. They stampede you.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

ZIMBABWE: You have two black-and-white cows. You decide that you don't like the white parts, so decide to hack them off with a knife. You then wonder why the cows seem to be dying. You blame the white cow in the next paddock for the whole thing.

Classless does not necessarly mean equal. It can though. In what way?

Quango : A government organisation that gets lots of funding but doesn't actually do anything, just squanders money on decorating their offices, that kind of thing.
Don't all govs do that?

Yes, I suppose all governments must have a few quangos.

A few?


On another note...
Why is China communist? What makes it communist? It seems pretty capitalist to me.... :confused: :eek:

Yaba Daba! :m: