Just curious..

I have done it, but it has always been the end. It felt good, but it was obviously disasterous for the relationship.

i think if you start swearing at you S/O then you have lost the arguement before it even started properly

I have done it, but it has always been the end. It felt good, but it was obviously disasterous for the relationship.

So the women have ended the relationship because you did that? Was it right away?

It was already ending, and was probably just an expression of hatred at the other's behavior. It certainly wasn't constructive (and it was mutual). Yes, it was an immediate severing of the connection. I think when it comes to that, it's an admission that there is no hope.

I am ashamed to admit I have done this and it always feels bad the minute it leaves my mouth. I feel the instant "I shouldn't have said that" feeling. She knows more words than me and can bear a grudge longer so I get as much back hehehehe. Doesn't happen often, especially not these days.

I am ashamed to admit I have done this and it always feels bad the minute it leaves my mouth. I feel the instant "I shouldn't have said that" feeling. She knows more words than me and can bear a grudge longer so I get as much back hehehehe. Doesn't happen often, especially not these days.

So, if you don't mind me asking, does it just kinda come out? Is it hard to control? Do you feel you shouldn't have said it because she'll get mad or because, given how you feel about, you never wanted to say something like that? And she talks to you like that, too?

does calling her a crazed neurotic harpie count as cursing?

Hmm...suppose not...though it is insulting haha..

Let me put it that way if one does curse at their supposevly significant other than they are really not that significant to them

Would you consider it verbal abuse? Like if it happens more than once would you consider that to be an abusive relationship?

Would you consider it verbal abuse? Like if it happens more than once would you consider that to be an abusive relationship?

no, i would consider the S/O to be an uptight idiot!

no, i would consider the S/O to be an uptight idiot!

So you would leave someone you spoke that way to you?

So you would leave someone you spoke that way to you?

not at all, in fact my now husband used to swear at me all the time, he doesn't anymore!

and we are better for it aswell

In America our generation made four-letter words part of daily language. So of course we use them when we fight. No big deal. In fact it's rather silly since we're both fairly articulate and sometimes make a living with our communication skills. To fall back on the English language's tiny and utterly pathetic set of cusswords is an admission that you're too emotionally worked up to think straight and you've already lost the fight. :)

What I would never do and would never tolerate having done to me, by my wife or anyone else, is a physical attack. Words are just words and vanish into the ether, but hitting is forever. Yeah sure, you might get wound up and give somebody a punch on the shoulder like in junior high school, or do a little shoving, and as long as these are rules you both agree on it's none of my business. But you shouldn't hit people. That's far more important than what you say.

In America our generation made four-letter words part of daily language. So of course we use them when we fight. No big deal. In fact it's rather silly since we're both fairly articulate and sometimes make a living with our communication skills. To fall back on the English language's tiny and utterly pathetic set of cusswords is an admission that you're too emotionally worked up to think straight and you've already lost the fight. :)

What I would never do and would never tolerate having done to me, by my wife or anyone else, is a physical attack. Words are just words and vanish into the ether, but hitting is forever. Yeah sure, you might get wound up and give somebody a punch on the shoulder like in junior high school, or do a little shoving, and as long as these are rules you both agree on it's none of my business. But you shouldn't hit people. That's far more important than what you say.


in my opinion you see thats not the case! verbal abuse hits to the core, when you hit someone you can get over it quicker because the scars are visible! (but physicle abuse is WRONG)

not at all, in fact my now husband used to swear at me all the time, he doesn't anymore!

and we are better for it aswell

What made him stop?

In America our generation made four-letter words part of daily language. So of course we use them when we fight. No big deal. In fact it's rather silly since we're both fairly articulate and sometimes make a living with our communication skills. To fall back on the English language's tiny and utterly pathetic set of cusswords is an admission that you're too emotionally worked up to think straight and you've already lost the fight. :)

What I would never do and would never tolerate having done to me, by my wife or anyone else, is a physical attack. Words are just words and vanish into the ether, but hitting is forever. Yeah sure, you might get wound up and give somebody a punch on the shoulder like in junior high school, or do a little shoving, and as long as these are rules you both agree on it's none of my business. But you shouldn't hit people. That's far more important than what you say.

Words do hurt, though. I think cursing is ok, if that's what must be resorted to like you said haha. But not at the person. It hurts an unimaginable amount to have that directed at you coming from your partner and best friend.

What made him stop?

the threat of me leaving him!

Words do hurt, though. I think cursing is ok, if that's what must be resorted to like you said haha. But not at the person. It hurts an unimaginable amount to have that directed at you coming from your partner and best friend.

There's a distinction between expressing exasperation and/or hurt by cursing and actually verbally assaulting and abusing the other person.

No, I agree. If my boyfriend says to me something like "I fucking hate fighting" I'm adult enough to not care. You get mad. It happens. But "Fuck you, you fucking bitch!" is quite another thing. Hurts horribly. Most intense emotional pain I've ever felt.

the threat of me leaving him!

Did it only take one threat?

in my opinion you see thats not the case! verbal abuse hits to the core, when you hit someone you can get over it quicker because the scars are visible!I guess it depends on your attitude. I've never hit anyone and no one's ever hit me, beyond being spanked or slapped when I was too little for effective verbal communication, and I could count the total number of times on one hand.

If my wife hit me once, after thirty years of putting up with me, I'd forgive her out of love but she would still have been wrong to do it. If anyone else hits me, I'll never associate with them again. If I notice they've been hitting a lot of people, I'll put considerable time and effort into getting their ass thrown in the slammer with the other uncivilized people.

We have a saying in the English language: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." A lot of us feel that way.(but physical abuse is WRONG)So where do you draw the line between "hitting someone who will get over it quicker because the scars are visible" and "physical abuse"???

As both a libertarian and an advocate of the advancement of civilization, I insist that it is NEVER acceptable for a human being to initiate the use of physical violence against another human being. It's something you are only allowed to do in self-defense, if the other person started the uncivilized behavior first. And even then you'd better have a very narrow definition and you'd better use the minimum violence possible, or else you end up starting a war in which everyone believes they get to kill everybody they can point a gun at in the name of "self defense."

If people want to call beating each other up a "sport" (boxing) then I suppose they have that right, although if you ask me it stretches the definition of civilized behavior and sets a bad example for children. But if private citizens beat each other up in their own home as a way of expressing anger, even if they agree to it, that's uncivilized and it's wrong. Violence is never the right way to resolve a disagreement. For individuals or for countries.

I've beaten up some guys for eveteasing.:o

I was much younger then though, late teens early twenties.

I'm slow to anger, but when I'm mad, watch out!!!

No, I agree. If my boyfriend says to me something like "I fucking hate fighting" I'm adult enough to not care. You get mad. It happens. But "Fuck you, you fucking bitch!" is quite another thing. Hurts horribly. Most intense emotional pain I've ever felt.

:( Still having problems? I was hoping things would get better for you. I don't think they fully understand how much it hurts. They just say things in anger without realizing the damage they are doing.

Actually, shorty, since that last time it's never happened again. And he's been absolutely amazing about trying and I can tell he really cares. I guess since it was more than once I'm having trouble making the hurt go away. I'm so happy with him, though. But when I think of that it all comes flooding back to me. I just wanted to know if I'm being dumb or if I'm not the only one who would feel this way.

Unrelated, you look beautiful in your avatar!

My husband swears a lot at work and he tries to watch it at home. Don't need the kids taking up the habit.
I've never been much of a swearer (I wasn't raised that way)
I think I said 'shit' once at my daughter. I also slapped her. She was 3 or 4 at the time.
If I swear at my husband he stops dead and knows to either pay attention or all hell has broken lose.

Actually, shorty, since that last time it's never happened again. And he's been absolutely amazing about trying and I can tell he really cares. I guess since it was more than once I'm having trouble making the hurt go away. I'm so happy with him, though. But when I think of that it all comes flooding back to me. I just wanted to know if I'm being dumb or if I'm not the only one who would feel this way.

Unrelated, you look beautiful in your avatar!

Thanks! :o

Good to hear things are going so well lately. If he is trying to control it I think you need to really try yourself to forget about it. We aren't all perfect.
Maybe he finally realizes how much you mean to him and how much his cursing at you hurts you. Give him the chance to prove he can do better the next time you have a disagreement. I don't think you are being dumb about it. I do however think it is time to let it go, forgive him for it considering he seems to have changed. If he was still going at it, even after you told him how much it hurts you. That would be a different story.

Well he was at first. I told him and it happened another 3 separate times after that. I guess I'm just scared this break in it is temporary since it didn't work for so long after I first told him...

Is everything else in the relationship good except for the swearing in arguments?

Mostly. We fight a bit more than we should but that goes on in phases...and is what leads to the cursing.

Well I don't have any great advice. I have been through similar myself. I guess when it comes down to it, you have to decide for yourself if it is something you can live with for the rest of your life. The chances of it TOTALLY stopping and never happening again are slim. So can you live with it, if it happens again. If it hurts you and bothers you that much that you think about it even when you are not fighting. Maybe it is something you can't overlook. Only you can figure out what the deal breakers are in a relationship for you.

Ughhhhhhhh but it'd be so much easier if someone just told me what my deal breakers are! :p;)

Ughhhhhhhh but it'd be so much easier if someone just told me what my deal breakers are! :p;)

Unfortunately you are the only one who can figure that one out.

Btw: Much improved avatar :)

Thanks!

Wait...what're you trying to say....you'd better not be saying anything bad about the double helix...:cool:

Why exactly was this cesspooled?