I had just written a poem for my English class dealing with current events and I wanted to see what other people have written.

Well, here it is, I didn't take much time on it, so it could definately be better.

Raining Death

Flying over the homes of the children
Eyes wide with wonder
Still with so much to live for
The eagles raining death
For home and country
Desicrating the homes of the innocent
Spreading "democracy" and "peace"
Through tyrranny and war.


Criticism would be much appreciated :D

1. Each line should not start with a capital letter.
2. Don't use words such as "wonder", "much", etc., i.e. show not tell
3. Your lines have no link between them, seems random and doesn't make a story

Here's a short intro version which you might not like, but may continue if wish.


The sky, it opens, steel eagles fly,
"F15" my father shrieked,
and that last sound to heavens reached,
while the broken body in my arms lay still.

Later that day as snow from the sky
small leaflets fell,
I reached for one and it told I'll die
for a cause that is neither holy or mine.

Our land is a bride to thousands of men,
but the eagles only want its' blood,
its' black, black blood

etc..[insert something about the goals of eagles, etc]