Hoping to get some illuminating views on this. I for one think it is not possible.

Probably. I myself have a variety of close friends, to whom there isnt much sexual attraction, yet maybe a bit. Its like you make friends best with people who are half way close to being potential partners. So its kind of half and half.

Yes, it is possible but i found it to be quite hard. I have know some friends that i wish were more than friends.......

If you mean relationship as a Boyfriend/grilfriend thing then well i doubt that it is. I Guess long distance relationships count but then those aren't so successful. This question brings up another one.....Does sex come out to be the final savior of a relationship or is it just one of the many factors of a good one?

Do you mean girlfriend/ boyfriend relationship? If so, my response is no.

I hope you're talking about non-platonic relationships. Because, otherwise my answer is of course.

I don't think a relationship can last without sexual attraction. If there is none, what is the point. I'm not saying sex is the whole point of a relationship, but it is an important part for obvious reasons.

"Can you have a lasting, sustained relationship without sexual attraction?"

marriage

:D

Thanks to all that replied

Yea I mean a "Boyfriend/grilfriend" or boyfriend/boyfriend or girlfriend/girlfriend.

Dark:
I don't think a relationship can last without sexual attraction. If there is none, what is the point. I'm not saying sex is the whole point of a relationship, but it is an important part for obvious reasons.

Can't there be sex--even good sex without sexual attraction? I am sure some go through the motionswhen there is no sexual attraction, but can't ability/prowess make up for lack of sexual attraction?

Redoubtable:
Do you mean girlfriend/ boyfriend relationship? If so, my response is no.

why?

Sarge:
"This question brings up another one.....Does sex come out to be the final savior of a relationship or is it just one of the many factors of a good one?"
I think sex is fundamnetally the basis of all relationships-- gf/gf, bf/gf, bf/bf.


Swedish:
marriage
:D.

Marriage, I third that :D

thefountainhed

let me get this correct
2 people in a relationship
they are having a monogamist one I ASSUME
they have no sexual attraction toward each other
they are having sex with each other


questions of rellavance would be
do they have sexual attraction for other people?
or do they have no sexual attraction for anyone?
why are they having sex?

groove on :)

Originally posted by SwedishFish
"Can you have a lasting, sustained relationship without sexual attraction?"

marriage

:D Looks like the joys of marriage have come early for me. What did I do, Lord?:(

Can you have a lasting............without sexual attraction
Friendship, yes.
In the sack, no.

Ok. Okay. I'll put away the 'shallow' for this one. It depends on how low in the rung the unnactractive party is and how long they've worn on you.

But sex with a fugly.........what kind of fugly? face fugly or fat fugly? I'm trying in vain to be honest here, but I'm seriously imagining a fat fugly with scabs and what would I do ten years into our friendship if he wanted to sleep with me.

No. I couldn't do it. I'd lick his face and finger him though.

Ok. Never mind. No fingers. But I would kiss him........on the cheeck.

Originally posted by thefountainhed

Redoubtable:

why?


There's no point.

I'll take up the minority on this one and say yes, its possible.
However, the relationship then becomes something that we wouldn't normally see as a relationship.
It evolves into something..strange.

heyya all :)

maybe i could add a question to the nature of the thread

how many people HAVE HAD sex with someone they NOW FEEL they are not sexualy attracted to

sexual attraction = (?)
the desire to motivate the self to have sexual actions with another person

just because 2 people may feel that one if not both have no current sexual desire (marriage/longterm relationship) for the other does not mean they never had sexual attraction
such instances are more closely related to personal issues which
are not being addressed
so i suspect
soo
i think it is very interesting to contemplate the idea that a person could be mentally healthy and then have sex with someone they did not desire to sexualy interact with unles
such a thing is being done for other reasons
and that will skew the thread into a more realistic working scenario i suspect
:D

groove on all :)

However, the relationship then becomes something that we wouldn't normally see as a relationship.



More like fusing then? Something like symbiotic parasitism.

I'll grant you're half right then. That would be strange.


Edit: Ripple:
"how many people HAVE HAD sex with someone they NOW FEEL they are not sexualy attracted to"

Gasp. I'm trying to count here, but only got ten fingers and my shoes are on. Kidding. I don't think I'm the only here that's been too drunk some times to realize the groveling idiot on top is not that attractive am I?

Girls? I want to hear from you.

no.

Yes on the relationship, but on the lasting, sustained part not a chance.

Originally posted by ripleofdeath

how many people HAVE HAD sex with someone they NOW FEEL they are not sexualy attracted to


::raises both hands::

point taken

i was half joking about the marriage thing but just think about your parents. doesn't it make you happy to know they don't have sex anymore?

SwedishFish
thanks for the reply
i was not being sarcastic as allot of people think i am
but thats also a fashion of current thought process to communicate and try to define allot of communication as a basic frame of reverse psychology so to assume it
is often required but not always completely accurate

i was actualy interested in how many people no longer have sexual attraction for people they have had sex with
regarles of relationship status current or past

regarding the parents having sex thing
i would not want to be a fly on the wall or maybe on the other side of the wall but i think such things are more founded in other issues and it seems to me that diet and work practices and stress
drag the relationship into a hand to mouth level of only just coping so sex comes a long way down the ladder
at least good sex in regard to the circumstances

gendanken
quote
I don't think I'm the only here that's been too drunk some times to realize the groveling idiot on top is not that attractive am I
---
no your not the only one
my suspicion is that most people have had an experience like that
male or female

i find it interesting how many women talk of placing a large emphasis on other qualities before sexual atraction however i wonder how many women have already made that judgement call prior to assesing the other qualities but consider it socialy unacceptable to say such a thing.

guys are a little more basic in comparrison :/
most guys that is

SwedishFish
i like your joke about marriage :D

groove on :)

Originally posted by thefountainhed

I think sex is fundamnetally the basis of all relationships-- gf/gf, bf/gf, bf/bf.


Well should it be??. Does pleasure of a orgasm surpass all that is important in a relationship or does behavior like that takes us down to our simplest nature; to spread seed and reproduce in this complex world where it would seem a good relationship requires many fundamental factors but in reality only one matters..

Here's the answer:

As friends: yes as a couple: no

And it's for this reason. The IDEAL (notice ideal, not the strange idea some of you seem to have about what a marriage is) relationship whether it be Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Fiance', or marriage is one where you are your partner's best friend. Where you can hang out, enjoy things together, talk endlessly, and do all the things that best friends do. And the ONLY thing that separates a friendship from a relationship is.... *drumroll* sexual activity.

Love, sure, but let's be honest, it's sex that's it. So if you are the kind of person who can have sex with someone who is your best friend but you are not sexually attracted to, then you're in a relationship. If you're someone like me who can't, then you're just friends. Married or not, if you're not having some kind of kissing, cuddling, fooling around... you're not a couple, you're just friends, end of story.

i guess everyone has their own opinions and experiences but overall, it's dependable on the person.

really, i can't imagine having sex with someone whom i'm not sexually attracted to, unless of course there is a possible gain from it but that's morally up to the person. lol.

and yeah, you can be friends with someone without sexual attraction, it could also be one sided, the other person feels attraction but the other doesn't and that itself is very dangerous.
just be careful of that kind of relationship. because sometimes they will try every possible way to get you in the sack and then you feel tremendously grateful to them for their friendship and their loyalty, yet don't want anything to do with them that has to do with exchanging bodiy fluids. then that can end a relationship.
well, good luck.

Uh, very possible.

My parents hate each other enough to be turned off, yet they are so used to each other. My guess is that they're both too lazy to get divorced :D Surprisingly stable, too

Zero
why not talk to them about it
you have a rite to be a child of their marriage
to what point do you decide you have love for them
dont start a war but maybe you could ask yourself some rellavent questions and see where you might draw the line

groove on :)

Well should it be??. Does pleasure of a orgasm surpass all that is important in a relationship or does behavior like that takes us down to our simplest nature; to spread seed and reproduce in this complex world where it would seem a good relationship requires many fundamental factors but in reality only one matters..

It is so simply because otherwise you have a platonic relationship, think siblings. And yes I think it is in our nature; simplistic, I don't think so, for it is the nature of all living things we know of. It is not really a matter of orgasm as much as at the most basic level, attraction is predicated on the most compatible mate-- or a mate that can best produce good offspring. Fuck I'm high.

how many people HAVE HAD sex with someone they NOW FEEL they are not sexualy attracted to

I cannot give you a number as those memories have been rightly repressed. :D. Alcohol does wonders for one's sense of taste. Heck weed too.

Peace

thefountainhed
quote
Alcohol does wonders for one's sense of taste
Heck weed too
---
LOL :D
are you aware of any study that may try to correlate sex and or sex drive
(actions made to attempt to gain sex not in any violent of manipulative manner)

with descensatising drugs?
ahlcahol main nervouse system hence sex is down graded
short term memory and long term memory
so the act of sex is a muddled memory
could that have direct effect on the proportion of repeat bad sex
and or sexual attraction concept with those playing
horizontal-scrabble

hence a basic form of posative and mixed negative reinforcement is correlated to completely hide all motivators and
other identifiable self concepts

hhhhmmmm
lye down
relax
tell me about your mother
:D

most compatable mate?
humans are not born with the inherant value of cash
so please explain that when it comes to women choosing a mate
i.e where do you throw your hands up and say
well its nature
or
you actualy made a pre-determind value to judge males by
which is not related to the basic function level
if you think there is no difference then you could use that argument to explain the women that chase violent criminals and wish to be their wife and girlfriend
there would be no difference in psychology
just availibility

thoughts

groove on all :)

Originally posted by ripleofdeath
heyya all :)

maybe i could add a question to the nature of the thread

how many people HAVE HAD sex with someone they NOW FEEL they are not sexualy attracted to

sexual attraction = (?)
the desire to motivate the self to have sexual actions with another person

just because 2 people may feel that one if not both have no current sexual desire (marriage/longterm relationship) for the other does not mean they never had sexual attraction
such instances are more closely related to personal issues which
are not being addressed
so i suspect
soo
i think it is very interesting to contemplate the idea that a person could be mentally healthy and then have sex with someone they did not desire to sexualy interact with unles
such a thing is being done for other reasons
and that will skew the thread into a more realistic working scenario i suspect
:D

groove on all :)

^^^^this guy has good things to say and im not sarcastic

as a friend I believe you can,but in a relationship,I dont think so,because sex is kinda what makes a relationship a relationship.

are you aware of any study that may try to correlate sex and or sex drive
(actions made to attempt to gain sex not in any violent of manipulative manner)
with descensatising drugs?
1. Performance Anxiety: Alcohol Use and Abuse Can Have a Negative Effect on Your Sex Life. CPS Homepage.
I'm sure there are a bunch of studies.
...hence a basic form of posative and mixed negative reinforcement is correlated to completely hide all motivators and other identifiable self concepts hhhhmmmm lye down
relax tell me about your mother.
LMAO. Freudian wanker. Motivators: 1. What else I am gonna do as an irresponsible procrastinator? 2. To socialize with those who use alcohol to inhibit their judgements. 3. I like being drunk. 4. Damn you... damn you.... I hate what you are trying to insinuate! LMAO. Plus the favorite drug is weed :D, and from a variety of experimentation, I can assure you it does not factor negatively on one's sex life-- pleasure wise. Short term memory is however fucked up. Which means therefore that "the act of sex is a muddled memory could that have direct effect on the proportion of repeat bad sex and or sexual attraction concept with those playing." Damn you. damn you...

humans are not born with the inherant value of cash
so please explain that when it comes to women choosing a mate
Obviously social standing/importance also factors into determining the worthy candidate. A rich balding male is depending on social circumstances, a worthier mate than the strong virile male. Unlike most animals who determine their mates in a 'purely' natural fashion, we humans, by virtue of our many social constructs, determine our mates by how society views them, or their value to society. Simply, a woman from a poor background may value money more than say physical strength, intelligence, health, etc.

...violent criminals and wish to be their wife and girlfriend
My first instinct in trying to explain the women or men who behave this way is to look at the sociologicall-induced-psychological makeup of those individuals. I am however not sure if that is all that factors into the decision making. Compare those females to say rockstar groupies. Keith Richards, I presume, is not the most worthy of mates from a 'purely' natural viewpoint. Nevertheless the wanker gets a bunch of beautiful girls. Now is the attraction merely the determinant of social values or is there more? Take power for instance-- is that attraction merely social? I don't know mate.

There are six billion human beings on this planet, so there are bound to be quite a few who are six sigmas off the end of any normal curve measuring any characteristic that you can think of. Lots of people have asexual relationships and it works for them.

That's hardly the strangest thing that's ever happened on this planet!

But I've got one question for you before you set yourself up in one of these relationships. Do you have a healthy sex drive? Whatcha gonna do with it during all those long years when your life partner is right there but not doin' it with ya?

If you just are one of those people who doesn't have a strong sex drive, then terrific. You've probably found yourself a perfect mate.

But if you're a little closer to average in that regard, you should stop and think about it. Especially if you're male. (I lost the thread, sorry. I don't remember which gender started it.) Men tend to get testosterone-crazed and you'd swear that every female who walks by is giving you a come-on look and begging you for it. You know it's not true but it will eat at you. Eventually some woman will come along who really is coming on to you. Do you think you can accurately predict how you will react to that? Will you be able to resist this kind of temptation several times? For even the nerdiest among us, there are quite a few women out there who find us attractive.

If you do resist and stay "faithful" to your mate, it will eat away at you. If you don't resist, you'll feel guilty and that will eat away at you. Even worse, if you keep doing it with the same woman for very long your hormones will kick in and you'll find yourself involuntarily falling in love with her. That's just the way we guys are built. That will put a big cramp in your little celibate love nest.

If you are just planning on having a relationship where right off the bat you each reserve the right to go off and have sex with other people, well all I can say is welcome to a replay of 1968. It didn't work then and it won't work now. You'll both be spending more and more time with your outside partners until the relationship starts to look like a stupid game you thought up when you were under the stress of the Iraq war.

So think this through a little more thoroughly. Sure, the basic one-word answer to your question is yes. But in the long run, especially if one of you is a guy, that yes comes with a collossal pile of problems that most of us are not strong enough to handle.

Fraggle Rocker
you paint a picture of most men being of the cave man mentallity
by your last post
is that your opinion of the majority
and if so
do you think the human species has come to the end of their evolutionary ability?

groove on :)

Originally posted by ripleofdeath
You paint a picture of most men being of the cave man mentality by your last post. Is that your opinion of the majority and if so do you think the human species has come to the end of their evolutionary ability?I don't think it's a "mentality." It's just hormones. We've all learned to rise above the cave man inside us, but each is only capable of rising so far before reaching the limits of his own individual biology. This is a simple Venus/Mars thing. Most women have the ability to go for weeks, months, even years without thinking about sex if there's something else to command their attention. Most men don't. We have a physical buildup of semen in our prostates that elevates the level of prostaglandin in our bloodstream and is carried into our brains where it rather clumsily recalibrates our priorities. Even with an artificial release of that pressure, our testosterone still reacts differently with our brains than their estrogen does with theirs.

It's not that we're cave men, it's that we're men, period. And that, my friends, is the yang and the yin of it.

Fortunately, despite the average woman's ability to transcend, override, ignore, or suspend her sex drive when appropriate, most women don't seem to feel any pressing need to actually do so if there's a good man around who shows a lot of promise, and the rest of the world is also in an adequate state of repair. So no, I don't think this is the deal-breaker that's going to bring anything to an end. There's no insurmountable chasm between us and all those luscious females that we so desperately need.

If you want to talk about the end of human evolution, you need to talk about the triumph of compassion and medical science over natural selection. We're separating siamese twins, providing loving care for people with learning disabilities, making buildings wheelchair-accessible, building audio-translators for blind people's computers, and training service dogs to open refrigerators and bring beer to the disabled. Damn, even my dog can't do that! That's really cool.

My personal favorite is the government providing a free fertility clinic for poor people who can't have children. If they can't afford the doctor, how are they going to afford to raise the baby?

Hell, a great many of us are even reluctant to cull the herd of the people who deliberately lower the bar, the murderers who fill the ecological niche formerly occupied by various species of four-legged predators that now live in zoos. (I used to include rapists in my knee-jerk speech against capital punishment, but I've decided that I have my limits and they crossed my line. Perhaps it's the cave man in me being outraged that some other cave man is giving all of us a bad name.)

We've made the decision that our evolution is no longer going to be in a corporeal dimension. We're going to evolve in an intellectual and spiritual direction as a community, not as individuals. Part of that evolution is learning to live with our biological limitations such as our gender's never-ending horniness. And part of it is learning to care for the people that our Neolithic ancestors would have left outside overnight for the scavengers. Perhaps it's just to prove that we have bigger hearts, to give everyone a reassuring example to prove that we won't ever leave anyone behind no matter what.

So far that's gotten us Stephen Hawking. I think on the balance it's been a pretty good deal.

On another thread I gave three answers to the question, "What makes us human?" I stand by them and I hope any of you who are restless about that question go back and read my little essay. But tonight I offer a fourth reason. The fourth thing that makes us human is the strength we derive from the fact that we evolve as an organism that encompasses every individual, rather than as individuals.

Fraggle Rocker
quote
Fortunately, despite the average woman's ability to transcend, override, ignore, or suspend her sex drive when appropriate, most women don't seem to feel any pressing need to actually do so if there's a good man around who shows a lot of promise, and the rest of the world is also in an adequate state of repair. So no, I don't think this is the deal-breaker that's going to bring anything to an end. There's no insurmountable chasm between us and all those luscious females that we so desperately need.
---
with such a comment i will err on the side that you have already transcended the nurture nature equation to formulate at the required higher level?

and will render your comment to a point of personal opinion in part by desire after considering the facts

nurture is the key that i am refering to
as i would hope you would gather to some end
a child from a wealthy family taken at birth and raised in a destitute/slum area and poor family will not automaticly build an empire size business

and so we arrive at the construct of the nature of attraction and relationship

adding a small wheel to the large slow clumsy wheel will not make the big wheel spin faster
the little wheel will spin nice and fast and can be calobrated to spin well at the energy expense of the large wheel
but there is a limit to the time the driving force of the little (elite) wheel will be driven before it falls with the large one

the determining factor is the construct of the big wheel
the relationship is part of the basic foundation of that big wheel
if you want to be able to travel well fast or slow and be able to turn when desired you will need the rubber (punn intended) :D

for those who may be confused by this post
at NO point did i suggest that there is an "insurmountable chasm between" men and women

groove on all :)

Boy I got no idea at all what you just said. But I've got Edina and Patsy from Ab Fab doing their garage band version of their theme song "This Wheel's on Fire" in my head after all that stuff about wheels.

Groove on indeed.

No, I didn't explicitly accuse you of defining the "chasm." But you did seem to be worried about something dire happening if we've reached the end of our natural evolution, so I felt I had to say something reassuring.

Fraggle Rocker :)

i dont know that band :/

my point in the end of the evolutionary line thing is
to point out how people seem to consider the concepts of the theme in the books like
men are from mars and women are from venus
as an excuse to believe men and women have an inherant nature of inequality and i think the books pander to the conformist christian view of the male being superior to the female

it seems people are all too willing to look for a quick fix like a miracle drug answer to all their issues about relationships
it is just telling people to be lazzy and stop considering how they can advance their intellect and therefor accompanying relationship

and while books like that name a few biological differences
people seem all too willing to consider the information as an alternative view point that is the only option when they want to think outside the stereotypes
hence
to consider having a couple type relationship with someone you are not sexualy attracted to is an act of devaluing the person you are choosing to be with while suggesting such a thing should be considered normal or as a valid alternative to some other type of disfunctional relationship

if you truely considered the person and valued them why would you enter into a relationship with them when you do not like them in all the equal ways they like you (sexual attraction)
its conpletely retarded and borderline manipulative and distructive behaviour

and sets a bad example for others/children associated with the relationship

those who stand in the way of love forfeit thier intitilment to find or experience it
and are most often trying to down grade another persons happynes to justify their own loveles relationship

hope that makes sence

groove on :)