These two forum discussions, I HATE being his mom and I hate being a parent, about being parents verify that I made the best decision ever when I got a vasectomy 8 years ago before ever knocking a girl up. Man, I could not have stood the kind of things parenting puts on you at all.
I have also chosen to remain child-free. All I am missing is stress, agony, misery, and disappointment.
My wife has been told by most women when they find out that she and I don't want kids that we are better off because of how much of a PIA they are, whereas I have had reactions of horror when they found out that I didn't want kids and had myself permanently fixed.
My son is by far, the greatest thing that ever happened to me. He's now 6. Curious, smart, very well behaved... I Won The Lottery on Kids! This week, he has made me Beam with pride so many times, I was often mistaken for a halogen lamp. We play like I was his age quite often. Other times, I am the strict, mean daddy. Others, I must take on the role of mom and hug him as he cries. We're a little duo. Go everywhere together- he's like my second butt. Except I'm not dragging him by friday. Whenever I drop him off somewhere, I feel like the truck is suddenly empty. I look at the seat behind me and it's empty- no passing a toy back or pointing out something interesting on the drive... answering questions or just talking goofy. When I drop him off to visit his mom, I'm irritable and impatient until I get him back again. And once he's back- Everything's right with the world again. I remember life before he existed. Less responsibility, no worries about my language, could eat whatever whenever... Wasn't alive yet. I was just a kid myself. I can respect folks that don't want kids. I had never wanted any at all. I was scared shitless when I found out I was going to be a dad. Out of wedlock, finances in disarray... I didn't want it. Man, how I kick myself now for having ever thought such things. And look at me now... I have an apprentice. An astronomer. A plumber. A carpenter. A physicist... I have a lil mini me tagging along after me learning everything I can throw at him. He is such a happy kid- Always full of fun and laughter. He lifts me up no matter how stressed out I am. Yeah- I can respect that decision. But deep down inside... I'm sure glad that I made a decision that led me to what I have now- even when I thought I was choosing to not have kids.
No I am not. I had to convince the Urologist that I definitely did not want kids. He and his nurse were very reluctant to perform the procedure at the time. I was 29 when I had it done.
Mickmeister, you may have made a good decision for yourself. I have no way of knowing. And- the procedure is reversable, right? I'm not sure if it is or isn't... Either way, I cannot help but think you are seeing this topic from a very negative angle. Do you have any idea how much of a pain in the butt Science is? Astronomy? And So Expensive!! I love it.
man that's so sweet..Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! but i don't know if we'll all "win the lottery on kids"...
I dunno... are there any statistics on the topic of over-all happiness among parents that they had kids as opposed to those that spawned demon children?
quantify happiness and I'll get you the results ASAP As for children, I don't see the point either. If anyone wants a child, they should adopt one until the agency is empty. That is the humane thing. The economic thing depends on the country / the demographics / and whether there needs to be a larger workforce or not. And finally the nature voice in my blood, tells me to do all kinds of crazy things including having children - thankfully I don't listen to much of it. And so what is the rational thing to do but weigh the options, and for me there is no reason to have a kid.
Mick, how old were you at the time of vasectomy? Some companies advertise reconnection, just so you know. There is also a half-half option, You adopt a kid who is older. Then you miss out on the baby years/pains and still can have the pleasure of having a kid...
For me having kids was both the worst & best thing to happen.It doesnt have to either/or.Just like Marriage,there's both good and bad that comes with it.But really a person whom chooses not to have children and are happy,of course made the correct decision for themselves.If a parent is truly happy having kids,that doesn't mean they should go around and say to kidless adults,your missing out.Everyone is different.duh....
I don't have kids, but I have many friends and relatives with kids. Looking in from the outside, raising a kid appears horrible. Of course, they all keep saying how happy it makes them etc. - just like many people in this thread. I have always wondered whether parents were really as happy as they claimed, or if they were simply trying to convince themselves that they are happy because they are stuck in the situation. Although they will explicitly claim to be happy, they often don't appear to be happy. I never respond to their claims of happiness with "Really? Because you don't look happy. You look stressed and tired and miserable," but I'm usually thinking it. It's certainly possible that despite appearances they really are as happy as they claim, and it's simply not apparent to an outside observer like myself...but damn, do they ever appear to be trying to fool themselves. Also, here comes the science: http://www.newsweek.com/id/143792
I think it was Ann Landers who did a survey asking women if they would have kids again. I think it was something like 78% who said "no".
Oh Sandy you are missing much more than that.... the feeling when your child first calls you mummy, or starts to walk, or runs to you when you pick them up from nursery and gives you a big hug. You cannot buy that, the best feeling I have ever had. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Sure I've had the odd sleepless night, stress and worry, but who doesn't, we're not robots. Perhaps you need to meet the right man? My wife didn't ever want children, but now we have our little boy we wouldn't trade it for anything. Don't knock it till you try it.
