BTW: I do not drink beer (I prefer wine).

Top 12 Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Religion

1. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop.

2. You can prove you have a Beer.

3. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.

4. You don't have to wait over 2000 years for a second Beer.

5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over their brand of Beer.

6. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.

7. They don't force Beer on minors that can't think for themselves.

8. Beer has never caused a major war.

9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.

10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.

11. You do not have to wake up early Sunday morning to enjoy beer. You can sleep in and still enjoy it.

12. You are not required to drink beer 5 times a day, but you can if you want to.

LOL! Then again, just about everything is better than religion.

I wouldn't be so sure about number eight.

Same with five. People die because of less. Never ask for a hotdog with ketchup in Chicago, for example.

#7 was oddly enough very insightful

Yeah, I really liked that one.

Thank God for the Samuel Adams winter classics sampler. Cranberry Lambic almost makes this weather tolerable.

I can hear it now...

"I sincerely hope that one day Lori will stop glorifying drugs."

Love you pookey.

God. I mean, Lori. I wish you would stop glorifying drugs (and alcohol). It's really starting to piss me off. :p

Thank God for the Samuel Adams winter classics sampler. Cranberry Lambic almost makes this weather tolerable.

I can hear it now...

"I sincerely hope that one day Lori will stop glorifying drugs."

Love you pookey.

sam adams cranberry lambic is your golden calf. may god strike you down.
i have to say when it comes to lambic its lindemanns cassis for me or nothin.

Golden calf...lol.

Um, would being set up by some nark on two counts of felony drug trafficking, and thrown in jail be considered "struck down"? Yea...yea, I think it does. But I still love Him more than cranberry lambic. Funny stuff. Well, I can laugh about it now...lol.

Lori, did you serve a lot of time in jail?

thats no such thing as beer, your having a laugh with me, next thing you'll be telling us is, theres a country called canada, yeh and pigs might fly.

My gods are better than your puny one, I worship Vodka and Whiskey, they are way more potent!

Lori, did you serve a lot of time in jail?


No, one night was quite enough for me. I'll never do that again.

No, one night was quite enough for me. I'll never do that again.

For two counts of felony drug trafficking? I take it there is more to this story.

A $5000 flat fee lawyer. Never been in trouble before. 3 years probation reduced down to 1 1/2 years. Lots of community service...can't remember exactly how much...but alot. Lost my license for a year, but had work priviledges. And God's real nice to me. It was just pot...2 quarter bags. I wasn't a dealer, but a user that was set up. I believe it's called entrapment. I'm too nice...naive it seems. Not any more.

Glad to hear it. Lucky, lucky. You could have been up for, what, 50 years? Did the entrapment side of it help you? Did you flirt with the judge a little too? :D

Its to bad the first beer tastes like shit... but atleast the second one usually tastes better... and by the third im liking the taste.. and by the 4th, ive become a believer... by the 6th i am devout... by the 7th im kneeling on the floor.. or laying..
by the 8th im ready to do some real crazy ritual stuff..
by the 9th.. i start to hear voices..
by the 10th.. im speaking in tounges...
by the 11th.. i understand what im saying.
by the 12th... i forgot all about what i was doing or talking about.

and the next day.. im an unbeliever again.. since my head hurts so much, and the first beer again taste like crap...

but thats only till the second and third.

thankfully, i have a better religion than beer... although i used to be a devout follower of budwieser and coors, and miller.. as well as the pagan gods of vodka and gin....

i stilll worship at the altar of gin... but it teaches temporance... and so its not a problem.

-MT

LOL. Me too. Though I hate even hearing about it when I've quit again.

Glad to hear it. Lucky, lucky. You could have been up for, what, 50 years? Did the entrapment side of it help you? Did you flirt with the judge a little too? :D

50 years! Not in this country. I plead out and did not argue entrapment. If I had, they would have thrown the book at me. The system doesn't like the word entrapment. They like to think they don't do anything wrong...shhhh. Um, yea, I wasn't looking all that hot after the lice shower and a night on a hard bunk in my prison jammies and flip flops with borrowed socks. Man that sucked.

They knew I wasn't a dealer. The cops who arrested me had a conversation about it in front of me on the way to the dea office where they tried like hell to scare me into going nark. They don't care...it's all about the money honey. It's all a big game. Funny, the first time I met my probation officer, he looked at me up and down and said, "What are you doing here?" Like there must have been some mistake on his paperwork...lol.

50 years! Not in this country.Aren't you in the U.S.? Maybe I'm thinking of something else, but I thought dealing was 25 years a pop. Maybe that's harder drugs. Um, yea, I wasn't looking all that hot after the lice shower and a night on a hard bunk in my prison jammies and flip flops with borrowed socks. Man that sucked.
Ah, I bet you looked pretty cute. I spent a night in jail once, in Maine. That hard little bunk does suck. Plus they put me in with the most unstable fucker in the block. We almost fought. They switched my room, but I still slept with a sharp pencil in my fist all night, when I did sleep.
They knew I wasn't a dealer. The cops who arrested me had a conversation about it in front of me on the way to the dea office where they tried like hell to scare me into going nark. They don't care...it's all about the money honey. It's all a big game.Yep. I agree.

Funny, the first time I met my probation officer, he looked at me up and down and said, "What are you doing here?" Like there must have been some mistake on his paperwork...lol.Cause you were so cute? :) My imagination is getting the better of me. When I met my probation officer for the first time, I cussed her out and stormed out because she told me I couldn't do something that was part of my plea bargain with the DA. She was acting like a total bitch, so I did what I did, left, went straight to the DA, got it straightened out and a year later, me and my probation officer were pretty good friends. Lucky, lucky, I was.

Um, would being set up by some nark on two counts of felony drug trafficking, and thrown in jail be considered "struck down"? Yea...yea, I think it does. But I still love Him more than cranberry lambic. Funny stuff. Well, I can laugh about it now...lol.

Are you a born-again Christian? That explains soooooooo much why you love Jesus as much as you do and everything else.

Continue with your changes for the better (?).

- N

Are you a born-again Christian? That explains soooooooo much why you love Jesus as much as you do and everything else.

Continue with your changes for the better (?).

- N

Yes, I am born again, and I love Jesus more than anything in this whole world. And yes, He continues to change me for the better. He's helped me so much, I can't even begin to explain. He was with me in jail that night. As much as it sucked being there, He made me feel His love there with me at the same time, and helped me tremendously...not to be afraid or alone. I was astounded at the love and the favor that I felt and experienced while I was there, and afterward, with my sentence and my community service. It was supposed to be a punishment, but the people that I was working for were so nice, it turned out to be a blessing. God shows up everywhere...in the strangest of places. It's cool.

Aren't you in the U.S.? Maybe I'm thinking of something else, but I thought dealing was 25 years a pop. Maybe that's harder drugs. Ah, I bet you looked pretty cute. I spent a night in jail once, in Maine. That hard little bunk does suck. Plus they put me in with the most unstable fucker in the block. We almost fought. They switched my room, but I still slept with a sharp pencil in my fist all night, when I did sleep.
Yep. I agree.

Cause you were so cute? :) My imagination is getting the better of me. When I met my probation officer for the first time, I cussed her out and stormed out because she told me I couldn't do something that was part of my plea bargain with the DA. She was acting like a total bitch, so I did what I did, left, went straight to the DA, got it straightened out and a year later, me and my probation officer were pretty good friends. Lucky, lucky, I was.

Yea, I'm in Ohio. It must be much harder drugs that you're thinking of. Shit, they don't give you that kind of sentence for murdering someone do they?

I looked like hell, man. I'm not cute...really. Even on a good day. Anyway...

It was weird because I was scared as hell to be there. I got in after hours of harrassment in the dea's office, and then hours of torture in a holding cell...the rock hard bench, freezing cold temp, handcuffs...couldn't lay down. Then the lice shower...cold and dirty...I was appauled....that this was supposed to be some sanitation requirement, and they couldn't even clean the damn shower stall out? Anyway, it was weird because I didn't think I'd be able to sleep, but when I finally got to the rock hard bunk with one itchy blanket, I said a little prayer. It was something like, "God, just knock me the hell out, cause I really don't want to be aware of my surroundings right now if I don't have to be." That's the last thing I remember until the lights came on a 5 am...time to clean the toilets. I slept like a rock...for three hours. The other girls in there, that I was so afraid of at first, were so nice to me...told me how to clean the toilets just so, and gave me socks and cigarettes, and told me how the legal proceedings would go and what to expect. I never expected them to be nice to me. There was this one little girl in there in particular...the one that gave me the socks to wear. She was so beautiful...18 years old I think...hooked on crack....no family to help her...a crack addict for a boyfriend. She told me that she was praying for God to help her get out of her situation, and I knew that He would. Later that afternoon, I broke down in my bunk after having to talk to my mom through the plastic window...I was so ashamed of what I was doing to her...having to see her daughter like that and deal with this shit. Some of the girls saw me and one came over and gave me a hug and invited me to their church service later that night. I was out before then, but I swear, I never needed a hug and an invitation more in my life. I was so appreciative. To them, and mostly to God...for being there for me.

I don't believe in luck CT. Or coincedence. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and that God is there for all of us, whether we know it or not.

Beer is religion for me, I like to drink it so much that I go to bar almost every day :-)

- As Atheism cures tithing, you’ll get an instant 10% raise in take-home pay.
- You’re inoculated against Christian suicide cults like People’s Temple or Heaven’s Gate.
- Those "voices in your head" claiming to be God can now be cured with a pill.
- Hell becomes as phony as the boogie man.
- The celestial “Peeping Tom” who watched as you wiped your a** ceases to exist.
- You realize there are no ghosts or goblins- really!
- There are not, nor ever have been, any “evil spirits” hiding under your bed at night.
- Masturbation now cures more anxiety than causes.
- Premarital sex no longer causes “guilt hangovers” the next morning.
- You can be honest and really hate those you hate- no more pretend Christian “love”.
- You can now sleep in on Sunday mornings.
- If born gay, you no longer have to lie to yourself.
- Money & hope are not wasted on faith healers.
- Families are no longer divided over petty religious squabbles.
- You no longer have to stay married to people you’ve grown to hate.
- Women don’t have to become “brood mares for Jesus” pumping out those kids.
- If Catholic, you can now use condoms to prevent infection & death if your spouse has aids.
- Girls can now abort pregnancies caused by drunken fathers or football teams.
- If Catholic, you can now intelligently plan your family size via birth control.
- If Mormon, you can now drink tea, coffee, and coke.
- If Mormon, you can now give & receive oral sex, and trash the goofy magic underwear.
- If you were a Fundy, you can now drink a toast with friends at weddings.
- If you were a Fundy, you’re now allowed to dance and see movies.
- If you were a Liberal, you can now be honest about your Atheism.
- When you hit your thumb with a hammer, you can now swear like a sailor.
- As science advances, you don't have to “circle the wagons” to defend Biblical cosmology.
- If mugged, rather than turn the other cheek, you’re now allowed to fight back.
- You can lust as nature intended you to without apologies or self-induced guilt.
- You can now be rightfully proud of your accomplishments- no more false humility.
- If you were a Fundy woman, you can use makeup & clothing to look stylish & sexy.
- You’ll never miss another NFL game due to long winded preachers.
- If you’re a Catholic priest, you can now have sex with people other than choir boys.
- If you’re a “nun” you can now get “some”.

What does that have to do with beer? Hey, why don't you post your "first time saga" here too? That doesn't have anything to do with beer either.

I don't believe in luck CT. Or coincedence. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and that God is there for all of us, whether we know it or not.
I know you believe Lori. I remember talking to you about it when I first got to this site. I don't however believe in God, or Jesus. In fact, my feelings are mixed on whether I think religion has any redeeming qualities whatsoever. I wish I could convert you back to atheism, but probably not, so I won't try.

I recognize all the feelings you had that night in jail, too. I had them too. Like you, I never want to go back, but it was surprising too. How normal most of the people were. A little off, like me, but pretty decent humans. Anyway, beer KILLS. :p

It kills a few brain cells, and a good boner.

*Disclaimer: Don't drink and drive.*

Wait a minute. How do you know about the boner thing?

Gee CT, how do you think?

Hey, does it affect women somehow in a similar fashion, just with respect to the old O?

lmao. Um, yea, when a dick goes limp cause of too much beer, it affects the old O. You're funny honey. ;)

OK, let's say a woman has been drinking and the guy hasn't. That's what I meant to convey. Does the alcohol affect the woman's ability to have the O? Please don't tell me this is another trade secret.

Oh, I was talking about the opposite scenario...tee hee. And I would say that yea, it probably has the same effect as far as I can tell. I mean, it dulls and numbs the senses regardless of what gender, so...I would contend that sex and beer don't mix. Cause life's too short to have cheap sex. So since I'm not havin' any, I think I'll have a Warsteiner.

Thanks, Lori. I wonder why I never asked that before, even of my ex.