My girlfriend actually wants to put a bit of weight on! so people what food is gonna give her loads of calories? Any advance on advacardo's? there meant to be about 800 cal on average. :confused:

Bugles?

isn't it...avocados? :confused:

Otherwise, I'm not sure what food you're talking about. It really depends on her metabolism but I guess you could have her add Slim Fast to her current meals. I've seen people add Slim Fast to their usual diet instead of replacing their usual diet with Slim Fast, and it makes them gain pretty fast.

Bugles?

I'm sorry, what on earth are those? :confused:

isn't it...avocados? :confused:


oops, yup, there the things i mean. taste bloody horrible i think. At first they taste like shit... then you wish it was! :D

Hungry man's frozen breakfast meals......If that doesn't do the job, nothing will.

This is a very stupid idea. All of the fat will flow to her ass. You should seek the advice of a nutritionist or doctor.

But since you ask: make sure the food also contains protein. Fried chicken, meat lovers pizza, milkshakes with protein powder, eggs and sausage, etc.

Fat. 9 calories per gram.
Wash ii down with some beer wine or liquor: 7 calories per gram.

:m: Peace.

This is a very stupid idea.


yup, i agree. its more of an intrest thing to be honest, tho she has lost about 10 pounds during the last year, and as shes only 7 1/2 stone then, its quite a lot to lose. 7 1/2 stone is about 105 pounds by the way.
and yes she is going to the doc's.
but she was just wondering what would be the best foodstuff to help bulk up quickly if your not a fan of fast food.

Fat. 9 calories per gram.
Wash ii down with some beer wine or liquor: 7 calories per gram.

:m: Peace.

lol, thats why i took her to the pub tonight, beer, as Dennis Leary says in his act " Its a meal! " :D

oops, yup, there the things i mean. taste bloody horrible i think. At first they taste like shit... then you wish it was! :D

add salt ;)

Once you get the real taste of it, you may start adding more things to it like fried beans...and melted cheese..and tostadas (or flour tortillas).

If I were you, I would tell her semen. ;)

tell her to eat more instead of looking for fatty foods to eat.
Get her to add a extra meal a day.

man go to the beauty store and buy pure chlestrole (sp?) and she can eat that shit!

Better yet, eat a stick of butter!

Just eat more food, it is so simple, as healthy as the foods you eat can be, the more you eat, the more you will gain weight.

It is quite simple.

avacadoes taste good, what are you guys smoking?

lots of cheese should do the job

While clogging your Arteries at the same time.

What about this: brownies cake covered with dark chocolate cream with chocolate sprinkles and chocolate chips?

Keep the bitch horizontal (on a bed) and deliver her massive meals twice a day (1 around 2 in the afternoon and another at about 9 at night) and only let drink her milkshakes.

If all goes to plan eventually you should have the victim pinned to her bed under her own weight unable to move, she is then your own personal prisoner. Its the latest form of bondage. The feeder/feedee relationship is so hot right now.

Keep in mind intercourse is impossible at this stage and you'll need to find other ways to get off like shitting on her and watching her wriggle uncomfortably to get the shit off while you masturbate. I know you guys out there are probably rolling your eyes over the concept of giving up sex for this corny mushy stuff, but you'll find these kinds of love games really can be rewarding.
Also play games like leaving her on her bed for a couple of days without bringing her anything. You need to really instill the fact that she is completely reliant on you.
Make sure you plan well before committing to the feeder lifestyle. You can't just abandon a feedee when you get sick of it, especially if it's in your house or some such stupid thing.
You should plant her in a shed or something rather than an expensive house, chances are you will grow bored of her before she can move so you will probably need to remove the evidence of having kept her which means burning down the shelter she is contained in while she is in it.
Well developed feedees set on fire are known to explode before they even die from the flames so make sure you leave enough time to get away after you've lit the fire. Flying pig-sized hunks of feedee flesh have been known to knock feeders unconscious after they explode a feedee and unfortunate feeders have even died from smoke inhalation in these cases :( ... *father, son, holy ghost* :(
Also, you might think you hate the feedee by the time you are burning her alive but some feeders have reported growing so accustomed to comeing to the feedees aid that its just a habit and when they hear the shrieks from the frying feedee they run in and put the flames out. Which ofcourse is suicide because the feedee will eventually rat on you for trying to kill her. You want to be far away or wearing ear plugs so her screams can't convince you to help.
Good luck :)


Seeing as how you guys are the offendable humourless types I probably should mention this post is a joke.
Feeder/feedee relationships are very real though, I saw a documentary on the topic with real "couples" involved in it and its unbelievably disturbing and hilarious.
The getting bored with the feedee and incinerating it "advice" came from my own sick mind though, and I should recieve whatever derision that brings

I am also trying to gain weight. Am currently trying the slimfast/complan idea, alternatively see link

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/healthy_living/your_weight/reaching_gain.shtml

avacadoes...

lots of cheese should do the job

it's avocados señor, avocados...which is a stupid name to give them anyway, why can't people say aguacates ? You already bothered to say tortillas without finding a different word for them. Oh well :confused:

avacadoes taste good, what are you guys smoking?

I dunno what they're smoking, but it clearly gets in the way of their tastebuds and they can't get the real flavor of a good, salty aguacate

*hint* *hint* I know what you meant, I'm just picking on the punctuation of that sentence, nothing personal ;)

I am also trying to gain weight. Am currently trying the slimfast/complan idea, alternatively see link

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/healthy_living/your_weight/reaching_gain.shtml

It's pretty effective, I'll tell you that much. I was actually trying to lose weight once and I started taking Slim Fast and a couple meals a day without realizing Slim Fast was meant to substitute two meals a day and not one, thus I gained more weight.

Adding a meal is also effective, as is drinking beer on a regular basis, watch out for those brain cells though.

SlimFast is extremely high in fiber, and can cause digestion problems, especially in women.

High Protein Ensure is a better bet if you want to gain weight, instead of Slimfast. It has a higher fat content, and is higher in calories than SlimFast as well. Five Ensures a day in addition to regular meals is an added 2000 Calories. It will also help her add muscle instead of just adding fat, as the proteins are building blocks. Ensure is what Dr.'s prescribe to patients who need to gain weight in the hospital.

Keep the bitch horizontal (on a bed) and deliver her massive meals twice a day (1 around 2 in the afternoon and another at about 9 at night) and only let drink her milkshakes.

If all goes to plan eventually you should have the victim pinned to her bed under her own weight unable to move, she is then your own personal prisoner. Its the latest form of bondage. The feeder/feedee relationship is so hot right now.

Keep in mind intercourse is impossible at this stage and you'll need to find other ways to get off like shitting on her and watching her wriggle uncomfortably to get the shit off while you masturbate. I know you guys out there are probably rolling your eyes over the concept of giving up sex for this corny mushy stuff, but you'll find these kinds of love games really can be rewarding.
Also play games like leaving her on her bed for a couple of days without bringing her anything. You need to really instill the fact that she is completely reliant on you.
Make sure you plan well before committing to the feeder lifestyle. You can't just abandon a feedee when you get sick of it, especially if it's in your house or some such stupid thing.
You should plant her in a shed or something rather than an expensive house, chances are you will grow bored of her before she can move so you will probably need to remove the evidence of having kept her which means burning down the shelter she is contained in while she is in it.
Well developed feedees set on fire are known to explode before they even die from the flames so make sure you leave enough time to get away after you've lit the fire. Flying pig-sized hunks of feedee flesh have been known to knock feeders unconscious after they explode a feedee and unfortunate feeders have even died from smoke inhalation in these cases :( ... *father, son, holy ghost* :(
Also, you might think you hate the feedee by the time you are burning her alive but some feeders have reported growing so accustomed to comeing to the feedees aid that its just a habit and when they hear the shrieks from the frying feedee they run in and put the flames out. Which ofcourse is suicide because the feedee will eventually rat on you for trying to kill her. You want to be far away or wearing ear plugs so her screams can't convince you to help.
Good luck :)


Seeing as how you guys are the offendable humourless types I probably should mention this post is a joke.
Feeder/feedee relationships are very real though, I saw a documentary on the topic with real "couples" involved in it and its unbelievably disturbing and hilarious.
The getting bored with the feedee and incinerating it "advice" came from my own sick mind though, and I should recieve whatever derision that brings


Hmm,this of course will mean that i have to make an effort, bringing her meals etc. This would massively interupt on my own strict diet of alcohol, in that i must be in my bar for up to 12 hrs a day, and fat chicks just don't do it for me. But your right about the feeder thing, weird!

Another thing ---

Besides causing a gain of fat in undesirable places, this could also result in serious medical problems, ie diabetes, gall stones, even cancer of the stomach or intestines..

Pure fat has the most calories.
Well, rocket fuel probably has more, but you asked food with the most calories, so it's just fat.

My fav "high calorie meal" is chocolate ice cream from godiva, or Ben&Jerries Cherry Garcia with half&half mixed in. That's about 1000 calories a pint +some half&half cals.

Avocado actually comes from the indian word "testicle."

Xerxes– It's been shown that overweight inactive people have a lower overall mortality rate than underweight inactive people.
Translation? If you're going to live a sedentry lifestyle, you're more likely to die if you're skinny.

might sound kind of strange but eat lots of food with starch like potatoes and potpies, beans, and have plenty of proteint, believe it or not peanut butter has more proteint then a piece of steak.

Roman,

Xerxes– It's been shown that overweight inactive people have a lower overall mortality rate than underweight inactive people.
Translation? If you're going to live a sedentry lifestyle, you're more likely to die if you're skinny.

Link please? Whats the control?

Either way, thats such a gross generalization. It depends how over/underweight you are, and it no way justifies filling your system with cholestorol.

Xerxes,

It was actually a graph in the book Concepts of Fitness and Wellness A Comprehensive Lifestyle Approach by Corbin C. et al, edition 5, pg 279.

Skinnyness does not equal health. Fitness is more closely related to all-case mortality than being overweight. However, being obese and unfit appears slightly more beneficial in terms of all-case mortality than being lean and unfit.
The differences are slight enough (Less than 10%) to make me think it may be statistical error. I'd love to give you a link, but do not have one. I myself would like to see the study.

I'll search for it, and get back to you.

Alright, I found the study. Here it is.
Wei, M. et al. "Relationship Between Low Cardiorespiratory Fitness and Morbidity in Normal Weight, Overweight and Obese Men." Journal of the American Medical Association. 282(1999):1547-1553.

Try this link:

http://jama.ama-assn.org/cgi/content/abstract/282/16/1547

Avocado actually comes from the indian word "testicle."



I think its actually from the the greek (testicle) , it means to witness. thats why your balls are called testicles. They witness the sex act.
Along with stuff like testify, testimony etc. ;)

Interesting study.

In this analysis, low cardiorespiratory fitness was a strong and independent predictor of CVD and all-cause mortality and of comparable importance with that of diabetes mellitus and other CVD risk factors.

By skinny, I'm referring more to the 'lean' type, not skin & bones anorexic (that can have cholestorol problems too). You'll find a lot of fat but healthy people, simple because they stay active. Like up here- older pot-bellied hockey players have such a well developed cardiovascular system, they impress even me with their stamina. Then you have the people who appear to be in better condition... Even if she does gain a couple of pounds, eating all of this junk is only going to cause problems for her body.

Oh -- and somebody mentioned starch. Stay away from it...

Sorry, I meant the indian word for testicle.

If I were you, I would tell her semen. ;)

Well thats what i told her, 3000 cals a squirt. Thing is now i'm so drained the last lot i gave her was just salt! :D

I was involved in nutritional education/sports training for a while.
Why does she want to 'bulk up'"? The reason will offer the solution. Foods with the highest calorie count are irrelevant. 1# of body weight is approximately 3500 calories. Increasing comsumption by 500 calories a day will net a pound a week. Weight issues in women are generally more complex than in with men(western world). If she has no emotional issues, and this is for something sporting, foods that she likes to eat is the easiest to increase for the added calories.

When I was gaining to make fight weight I'd just eat an extra sandwich a day. (peanut butter/honey on multigrain) nuttela in your neck of the woods I'd imagine. Weight gain/loss is a common indicator of emotional/health issues. Also, rapid weight adjustment can be damaging to your health. 110#? what hieght? body type? and again the purpose?

I'm sorry, what on earth are those? :confused:


You don't want to know.

This is a very stupid idea. All of the fat will flow to her ass. You should seek the advice of a nutritionist or doctor.

But since you ask: make sure the food also contains protein. Fried chicken, meat lovers pizza, milkshakes with protein powder, eggs and sausage, etc.

You want the fat to go to her ass. Isn't that the point?

Just have here eat alot of peanut butter.

I prefer a firm ass to a fat, saggy one.

Ah well, to each his own...

I prefer a firm ass to a fat, saggy one.

Ah well, to each his own...

So do i , she is built for speed not comfort ;)

If I were you, I would tell her semen. ;)

Hehe I like this one a lot! :p

Hehe I like this one a lot! :p


{Says with tongue in cheek} You're my kind of girl. :o

LOL Nexus6 :p

You know what they say about big booty?
More cushion for the pushin.

I don't want her to get an ass like two badly parked Volkswagen Beetles :D

Well, you can always try marrying her -- that'll magically pack on the pounds.

Alternatively, try having nachos with loads of cheddar and olives (etc), possibly chili, and some guacamole on the side. And a couple of cans of Pepsi. While watching a movie. On your asses. Like, a few times a week.

If that doesn't fatten her up, I don't know what will. Worked for me -- I used to be a bone rack... And now... well, you can ask Demunlady what's happened to my ass after all that guac.

Alcohol is a great way to put on weight, too. It's essentially a hydrogen bond less than fat.

slotty,
Why is she trying to gain weight?

all nuts, apart from the people on sciforums thats what she should eat.

My guess of the food with the highest calorie count is honey, followed closely by sugar.

My guess of the food with the highest calorie count is honey, followed closely by sugar.

Wrong. Fat has more hydrogen bonds than sugar does, so it has many more calories.

slotty,
Why is she trying to gain weight?

Because she lost about 10 pounds very quickly, refuses to go to a doctors, and thinks she can just put it on by eating loads of calories. Total bollox of course. But i did make her see a doctor and shes having the tests to find out whats up. But this thread still has'nt come up with much in the way of something massive in calories that is'nt junk food :confused:

Will she eat my posted fav? Peanutbutter and honey on multigrain. Drink with a glass of milk 1 time a day + regular consumption, add 1 # a week. Easy, relatively healthy.

I hope you tell her how beautiful she is. Self image can be a delicate thing.

Of course, i'm an English gentleman! Well sometimes ;)

I will show her your recipe tomorrow.

Maybe she has tapeworms, that's why she lost all the weight.
Does her ass itch her a lot?

LOL :D thats what i tell her !
I'm afraid that as i'm a gentleman, i could'nt possibly discuss whether my lady has an itchy arse or not. Anyway, its my job to scratch it :D

Just make sure you use a water based lubricant.