See, my girl wants me so baddly and we both want each other. She is flirting with me and telling me all kinds of things. I'm telling her the same thing. But, she is very very sharp tounged. So I got upset at her (God, I declare I am becoming a Drama Prince around these parts, no?)... And told her to stop her bs, because all she does is hurt my feelings. I decided not to put up with it but... We know that we both love each other, and I was just wondering why we must fight all the time, and if you think we can stop the constant teasing each other and eventually get marriedPlease Register or Log in to view the hidden image! [j/k, I don't know about Marrage but something close] Plz help.
If its her nature, you have to be prepared to accept the fact that she may never change. However, you could arrive at some acceptable compromise, e.g. if you feel she is being sharp you could have a code word that you use to indicate it [esp in company] and one of you could leave the scene to give both of you an opportunity to get over that moment. You should still talk about the issue which is under contention but understanding each other is necessary in a relationship to make it work.
She thinks she is so much better than me. And I think I am so much better than her (of course, she is a supermodel, and has a degree in literature, so she is very bright....). So we constantly nag at each other. When we're in public, we know our strong relationship for each other exists. But we're constantly competing. Our degree of understanding each other is slim due to my stoic nature at times. I wish there was a way for me to tell her how I felt. I think I will try doing some exercises or something. Thx Sam.
Thats a strange notion, why is it a competition? You're supposed to complement each other not vie with each other. The direct way is best. Just tell her how you feel. Maybe she is insecure about your affections, especially if you have a tendency to be critical.Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! You're welcome.Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Like I said she thinks she is the female version of Jean Paul SartrePlease Register or Log in to view the hidden image! I am a tricky little bastard, and get little rest because of her. Probably because I worry about her so much. I think I need to calm down, back away from the worry and get on with the realness. It's a hard notion to put into play but I feel for the girl greatly. I just want to see her quit hurting me. So I get upset at her all the time. I don't know what to do. Thank you again. I will try to make sense of this, not just for my sake for hers too. She doesn't need to date bad men....
This sounds like a terribly unhealthy relationship! Further more, I am getting a little tired of hearing about it. To hell with her! Unwind by getting drunk and going to the bar and having a one night stand. Top the night off by going down to the docks and strangling some homeless people!
I gather from information in your later posts that you're both in your mid-20s. People mature at different rates, but these days in the Western countries it's easy for people to finish school and start careers before they achieve what would have been considered the emotional level of adults 100 years ago. The kinds of behaviors you describe sound like high school (grades 9-12) to me, which indicates that you both have a lot of growing up to do. Responsible adults don't usually behave that way because other responsible adults simply don't tolerate it. There are much more important things in life to work on, but you can't get to them if you're distracting yourselves and each other by acting out the drama of a teenage courtship ritual. In America and probably throughout most of the West, it's actually women who almost invariably change as they get older, often more than once, and men who would be forever nineteen if they could get away with it. As the aphorism goes: "Both parties to a relationship are doomed to disappointment. He, because he hopes she will never change, and she, because she hopes he will." Indeed. It's inevitable that he will be superior to her in some ways, and vice versa. My wife has an MA in literature, and she can read everything from Euripedes to Conrad to García Márquez, while I get hopelessly lost in the first few pages. She's also the best cook in seven counties and can manage money better than professional investment counselors. I, on the other hand, am a good teacher, understand math and science, earned my stars in computer programming and am a successful technical writer and editor. We don't need to compete; we're each grateful that the other is there to complement our own skills and lead the family jointly to success. She may fantasize that but her actual image of herself is undoubtedly a bit closer to reality. If you both have the same education and work in the same profession, then I agree that competition can be a problem. This is why romances between entertainers so rarely endure, but it can also be difficult if both are stockbrokers, physicists or advertising executives. One of the sad things we all learn eventually is that love isn't always enough. It's possible for two people to be deeply and sincerely in love, yet be the worst possible mates for each other. Fortunately broken hearts always heal (if they're encouraged to do so), and life goes on. At this point Sam will jump in, extolling the advantages of arranged marriages. It is apparently much easier to fall in love with someone who is a good match for you, than to learn to get along with someone you happened to fall in love with. Since you clearly are not talking about physical abuse or Mafia-style intimidation, hurting is something that can only be done if the victim cooperates. You need to change the way you respond to the things she does that bother you, and that is the first step toward breaking the cycle. What I'm saying is that you can't control her behavior, at least not directly, but you CAN control your own. Break the pattern. Before you let your usual wounded wise-ass response pass through your lips and escalate a one-sided snit into a fight, stop yourself and say or do something completely different and unexpected. If her hurtful remarks tend to stick to a predictable pattern, then so much the better, because you can plan your response in advance, instead of having to think clever and original thoughts while under pressure. It's kind of you--and incidentally is an indicator of your level of maturity--to care about how this affects her even though you're hurting. But ultimately you can't do anything to help someone else until you help yourself first. Remember how the airliner safety instructions always admonish parents to administer the oxygen to themselves first, and then once they've ensured their own continued consciousness they can give some to the baby. You have to help yourself before you have the clarity to figure out what she needs. Many of us go through relationships that look so bad they make our friends gnash their teeth, yet we in fact get something out of it that they can't see from the outside. You have to give people the freedom to make their own mistakes because you can't be positive they're mistakes. Some relationships are meant to be temporary.
